Recently, I knew a guy.
He was very interested in me upon meeting me and proceeded to fix our first date the following week. I was rather impressed by the degree of interest he has shown in me.
He is rather good-looking and I thought he was interested and genuinely keen to know me better. During out first date, he asked if he has any chance to be with me and whether I am willing to be his gf. He claimed to like me and find that we could click and I'm suitable for him.
I was taken aback by his pro-activeness. I told him we have only met once and its too fast for me to decide if we could be together. Nonethless, i told him that im keen to hang out with him as friends and know him better. He agreed. We held hands though. It was strange that after I have turned down his proposal to be his gf, he appeared distanced, quiet,bored,withdrawn and cold in our dates. I made many attempts to know him better and talk to him, but he gave one-line replies. He did not ask me any questions to know me better. It was like he was there physically but his heart was elsewhere. I couldnt deduce from his weird behaviour during our dates.
He will sms me to send his regards like every alternate day. However his sms were extremely short.I tried to initiate a conversation over sms but was unable to do so. Over time, i began to suspect whether he was geninuely interested in me and likes me. I confronted him, and he asserted that he really likes me.
After our third date, I began to develop real feelings for him. But i was confused over his blatantly nonchalance attitude during our dates. No eye -contact, no conversation, appearing sianz and even I caught him beoing girls right infront of me. I decided to tell him about my feelings. To my surprise, he told me that we should give each other opportunities to know others better. He asked me to participate in more social activities, and that I should try to know other guys who are better than him.
Im very sad about his rejection, I told him we could still get to know each other better but he turned me away.
Hence I have two questions on my mind which I would need to ask male forumites here
:
(1) Why did he reject me and turn me away when I confessed to him? (even to the extend of asking me to know other guys and not wanting to know each other better as friends?)
(2) What are his true intentions and attitude towards me? If he likes me, why rejects me, and if he doesnt like me from the start, why lead me on?
he thought he was gd looking enough to make u accept his proposal during the 1st date.
Sad 2 say,he failed and maybe ur initial rejection has hurt his ego or self confidence. Now he wanna act cool to earn some pride back and make u look as if u r desperate for him. such guys r fck up. a person who really like u wun do such stuff.
He's still a teenager am i right? lol
last time old folks they dun even know their partners or go long dates or partor. some even parents decide on marriage who to marry. but excuse lah that time most not highly educated no education. now life better most peple receive education. felt in love so fast say love til die. but break up also fast. worse sex offten. worse offsprings bastard whore prone to be.
maybe he wanna get revenge on u after ur first rejection??some ppl are just strange..anw forget him tis kind of guy:D
When I read this I smiled to myself. Because I have exactly the same case as you, except that I am the guy, and and I behaved in exactly the same way as what you have described.
When you tell a guy you only wanted to be a friend, it is not so much that he is turned off by you, but really he thinks you do not want to be serious (for reasons such as yours), and so naturally he does not want to put in so much effort / hope into you anymore. I know I did when I confessed and got a "I'd rather we be just friends" reply.
So I did not give her as much attention as I did before. We would still go out though, but in groups (so that she would not feel so awkward, and I wanted to continue to see her). After a while, when things continue like this, the man just doesnt feel he can go on much further with the gal, so since he looks around elsewhere. I know I am in the process of doing that. Thereafter I didnt ask her out with my other friends anymore. Funny thing is that other people think she is my girlfrfiend! How I wish that was true!
I am obviously not up to the stage where the girl confesses back and says she liked me after the rejection, but as a man, I would really be skeptical about it. Why did you change your mind?
Not pointing fingers of course, but perhaps both parties just did not communicate properly?
I would really like to know how a woman would think. Maybe we can learn from one another!
Now... aren't you cheap?You say you hardly know him and he as described by you since not to care about your questions and etcs after the rejection and you still can fall for him? You do not know him wor... and he did not make the effort for you to know him wor... so ain't you cheap? You only want him because he do not care/ give a damn.
ever thought of breast implants?
.....guaranteed he will look at u all the time.
what if, everything that people tell you here is NOT what it is ?
Forget about him.
There are many many good guys around you.
He act like that, let him be.
Move further away from him.
In case he ask you for sex.
Originally posted by bigthumbfoot:Recently, I knew a guy.
He was very interested in me upon meeting me and proceeded to fix our first date the following week. I was rather impressed by the degree of interest he has shown in me.
He is rather good-looking and I thought he was interested and genuinely keen to know me better. During out first date, he asked if he has any chance to be with me and whether I am willing to be his gf. He claimed to like me and find that we could click and I'm suitable for him.
I was taken aback by his pro-activeness. I told him we have only met once and its too fast for me to decide if we could be together. Nonethless, i told him that im keen to hang out with him as friends and know him better. He agreed. We held hands though. It was strange that after I have turned down his proposal to be his gf, he appeared distanced, quiet,bored,withdrawn and cold in our dates. I made many attempts to know him better and talk to him, but he gave one-line replies. He did not ask me any questions to know me better. It was like he was there physically but his heart was elsewhere. I couldnt deduce from his weird behaviour during our dates.
He will sms me to send his regards like every alternate day. However his sms were extremely short.I tried to initiate a conversation over sms but was unable to do so. Over time, i began to suspect whether he was geninuely interested in me and likes me. I confronted him, and he asserted that he really likes me.
After our third date, I began to develop real feelings for him. But i was confused over his blatantly nonchalance attitude during our dates. No eye -contact, no conversation, appearing sianz and even I caught him beoing girls right infront of me. I decided to tell him about my feelings. To my surprise, he told me that we should give each other opportunities to know others better. He asked me to participate in more social activities, and that I should try to know other guys who are better than him.
Im very sad about his rejection, I told him we could still get to know each other better but he turned me away.
Hence I have two questions on my mind which I would need to ask male forumites here
:
(1) Why did he reject me and turn me away when I confessed to him? (even to the extend of asking me to know other guys and not wanting to know each other better as friends?)
(2) What are his true intentions and attitude towards me? If he likes me, why rejects me, and if he doesnt like me from the start, why lead me on?
Hi bigthumbfoot,
I cannot tell for sure, since I am not a guy. But I suspect that it is just as what Jason has thoughtfully pointed out - It is an ego thing.
From the time you rejected him, his ego was already hurt to the point where he starts to dislike you, and thus he tries not to talk much to you, and gave you short replies instead. This point will likely be true if the dates are initiated by you.
Since he has already ask for you to look for other better guys, you should take up that offer and forget about him. He is certainly not ready for a proper relationship yet.
Cheers.
I think he just momentarily interested in you when he first met you and then maybe at that moment he had some fantasies about you and therefore wanna you to be his gf so that he can take advantage of you physically. Cause i think its a great turn on for guys if you manage to get the girl to be your gf at the first meeting. In short, he might just be interested in having sex with you...
On the other hand, i dont understand why you also can be so "cheap". Even though you rejected him, you still held hands with him. I mean you are not related to him and you know him just recently and met him for the first time. So seriously, you might want to also ask yourself what the hell are you actually doing by holding hands with a "Stranger". If you think this is fine, then why dont you hold the hands of all the forumers here...
My dear , words are just words , action will be actions. Let your eyes and mind lead you to the truth.. Its so obvious to everyone here what you mean to him :) it means nothing ..
bigthumbfoot - that guy clearly have a problem - he either have a big ego or possible just interested in a quick relationship.
Frankly what wrong with taking it slow, it is not like shopping for clothes. Anyway what he expect - 2 date you become his gf ... and 5th date let go to bed ? Well frankly by 10th date - you get dumped !!! ?
Think a guy who rush into these things are not sincere. He just playing around. Already
No hurry to get a boyfriend now I think...Wait for someone better. ;)
he just want sex
Yes. You have hurt his ego and pride.
Yes. You have given him no hope of taking the relationship further.
And Yes, he is probably no longer interested in you and may have moved on.
You are wasting your time with a guy like him. A guy that fickle-minded is not worth your time at all. Then again, I don't know how you rejected him so I cannot judge if it is your fault too. If you rejected him by saying something like "Let's remain as friends for now...", then you may have given him the signal to back off. "Let's get to know each other first" is also an ambiguous statement of putting him off. How do I know? I know some guys who behave like that too and are not that broad-minded.
In conclusion, this guy is just trying to see if he can get you with as minimum effort as possible. If not, he would move on. Harsh reality, don't you think?
z
bigthumbfoot,
That guy is just interested in what's inside your panty.
Treating you cold is his way of punishing you for the rejection.
The level of pettiness in him is appalling.
There are many good looking guys around. This one is not worth a dime.
When you go back begging for him to take you back, all you doing is fuel his big distorted male ego.
A game many perverts like to play.
The best thing to do is trash his contacts and leave him alone.
halo,
normally when somethings goes wrong. human will tend to paint a picture that they are the victims. this happens to me too. when i finally realized that what the meaning of "reap what you sow".
first of all, i agree that you did a great choice to reject that guy when he approach you so fast.
but when you say you hold hands even when you rejected him. what does it meant to him? i guess he is confused by you. whats is in your heart? ... i guess he doesn't trust you anymore at the point of time. when what you say is not what you mean?
maybe he was confused, inside in his mind. what type of person are you...???
maybe he's a jerk also... we do not know.
i guess he turned cold to you, could meant 2 things.
1) either he's a jerk to take revenge.
2) or he has made up his mind that he can't trust you anymore....
but i could see he's still "a nice guy". he did not take advantage of you even you say you like him. eg: having sex with you and then dumped you...in revenge.
i am not siding with this guy, i just read your story and it feels this "might" be it.
thanks
I believe the reason is already laid out by someone with similar experience...
(loudmonkey)
I think so too......
It's not a question of "ego"
When you "declined" by saying "let's be friends first to know each other better"
It set off a series of thought process.....
So the guy became disinterested and demotivated....
Im not saying whether this is right or wrong, or whether what you did is right or wrong....
Maybe learn from this experience.......