" I can't forgive and forget "
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okay its like this....
i've been with my girlfriend for about a year.. and life has been rough and tough since she admitted her short fling with a man she's had a crush on... I forgave her out of love but I know deep down I will not forget the pain she's caused..... We've moved on but I can't stop thinking about what she did to me..... Here's my problem:I live in the past and I would often bring up the past when when we fight. She, in turn, would accuse me of not moving on with my life. I really want to but it's not as easy as it seems.
I hate to check on her but I go through her mail box, her voice mail...etc I want to stop but I can't & I want to break free but my love for her remains. I want to move on but I'm lost. What on earth am I supposed to do?
peace out
fX- -
Fusion, one has to learn to forgive and forget , though i know its not easy too, i myself is a person who can forgive easily but cannot forget.
However, think u should know well enough that whenever there's an arguement, u should not rake up the past. It will only spell trouble if u did ....... since u choose to carry on the relationship, learn to live with it. If not, forget it, i mean yr relationship ......
Regards -
If you really love her, you should not mind her past. Try talking to her, if you keep thinking of the past, it will only make you more miserable. Try to resolve the problem between both of you.
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Fusion:
The time will come when you know what to do.
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Yes¿ No¿ Maybe¿ -
Hmm ...i have a suggestion......since u can;t forget wht she has done to u....why don;t u leave her?
Only when she ;s no longer in your life, will u forget the bad things she has done to u
Then u will realise tht the bad thing she has done to u is no longer important. After tht u will knoe how much u actually love her more than hate her.....it's works..but hope she can accept u back then...
Life is a gamble...gotta take some risk... -
y live in the past? u haf to realise dat lingering in the past wont change it...so she has a fling with a man...so wat? it doesn't mean she's gonna do it to u again...at least im sure she's not frm wat u said abt her...she is sorry for wat she has done to u, but there's onli so much she can say! u haf to let her prove to u dat she is sorry, and u cant do dat if u cant trust her to b truthful to u...in fact, for any relationships, playing 007 and sifting through her mails wont really do ur relationship much good...it shows dat u dun trust her, and wat's a relationship good for if u cant trust each other?
one thing i cant stress enough is not to look back. like i said, no use dwelling in the past...trust me...there are lots more stressful stuff to concentrate on in the present and near future...y keep reminding urself of the past? all u can tink of is those stoopid embarrasing situations dat happened...and it'll juz make u feel bad...4get abt the past...hold ur gf's hand and walk together toward a brighter future...trust me, it'll be a lot less lonelier if u haf company...the road through a relationship is wrought with ditches and holes...which is y there is another person to pull u out...so treasure ur gf...u wouldn't want the both of u to fall in together...else who will help both of u up? me? i bz lah...
PS: u may sae dat the higher u place a trust in someone, the further u will fall...however, isn't the person u truly love the one who has the rite to break ur heart? so wouldn't it b worth it to take the risk in search of a better future??? -
FusionX take Pat's advice.Originally posted by patie:Hmm ...i have a suggestion......since u can;t forget wht she has done to u....why don;t u leave her?
Only when she ;s no longer in your life, will u forget the bad things she has done to u
Then u will realise tht the bad thing she has done to u is no longer important. After tht u will knoe how much u actually love her more than hate her.....it's works..but hope she can accept u back then...
Life is a gamble...gotta take some risk...
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Lifes a bitch~
No Pain No Gain~ -
I used to believe in "forgive and forget" and "move on".
But it does not solve the problem. In fact, the problem keeps coming back to haunt me every now and then. I dun like that feeling.
Now i believe in "forgive and accept". Only by truly accepting the reality then you can move on and not look back. When I mean "accept" i mean you have accepted the fact that this and this have happened and you have done the best you could and nothing much can be done anymore, so you are happy with it now and *not bothered* by it anymore and you are ready to move on.
I think if you carry on the way you are now .... checking on your gf and stuff ... both of you will end up breaking off sooner or later.
If you really think that her fling with that man *bothers* you, why not consider a break from your gf ? This break may mean a permananet one or just a short one. Sometimes, it is good to give each other some space to cool down and *think*
No matter what it is, all the best to you ! -
FusionX:
if u cannot forgive her...n still keep bringin up the past in your fights...u dun love her enough...
Since u dun love her enough to trust her...please make ur decision now...to stay n trust her if not then leave her...
Chang tong bu ru duan tong...
Please dun ruin ur future...n hers...
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The measure of love is when you love without measure. -
i totally agree with LittleMan...FORGIVE AND ACCEPT! i mean seriously, everybody search ur hearts and souls, who can really really forget??!! its really not possible...forgiving yes, but forgetting...difficult...the best is to accept..only with acceptance, then can u accept the person again, and trust really plays a very impt role here...fusionx, i think u have not really trust ur gf yet, that's why u find urself doing all that "despicable" stuff...think abt it.for myself, i am still learning to trust...and i find that i love my bf more and more with each level of trust that i build up in him...
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tHe BeSt aNd MosT bEaUtiFuL tHinGs iN tHe wOrLd cAnnOt bE sEEn oR tOuChEd. tHeY mUsT bE fELt wItH tHe hEaRt...
[This message has been edited by k|ttY_kAt (edited 30 March 2000).] -
Fus, u r doing great. Don't worry abt it. For being prepared to forgive n go on is already a great step. I know of guys who cannot even though they luv their gf very much. A lot to do with MAN PRIDE.
Forget is definitely a second phase. It takes time to heal. Don't be too impatient abt it. Nobody achieve this overnight. Keep going n in a year time, things will be much better.
*** Smile *** -
forgive and forget...
it's hard...i personally don't think there is such thing...if you are hurt once, the wound will always be there...even when he wound is heal..there will be a scar...it's up to you on wheter or not you will let that effect you..
I forgive all the time..but forgetting is not something i can do..
giving trust to your gf will make your life a lot easier than to suspect her...trust her when she tells you it all ended...trust her when she tells you she loves you...trust her until she betray your trust again...
we all all human...we all deserve a second chance at things...imagine you are in her shoes...will you wnat her to treat you the way you treated her?
if you really can't trust her...talk abt it! it'll be worst when she finds out you have never trusted her at all...that is what hurt the girl the most...
good luck
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Float like a butterfly...Sting like a bee...
[This message has been edited by NaiveGirl (edited 31 March 2000).] -
Fusion...i cant give any advice... coz i am juz like u ....
U trusted her... and she broke ur trust... i noe how it feels....
I can only wish u all the best.... and hope u make the right path....
I got this from the net... maybe it will help....
"If you really love her, set her free"
different pple interpret this sentence differently.... lets see how u do it....
All the Best!! -
dear ZincBear, pls pray that safpu will NEVER see this reply... coz once i said that sentence in one of those topics, and i kena shoot by him/her for dunno how long ok.. siao one leh that person... can die sia... sigh...Originally posted by ZincBear:Fusion...i cant give any advice... coz i am juz like u ....
U trusted her... and she broke ur trust... i noe how it feels....
I can only wish u all the best.... and hope u make the right path....
I got this from the net... maybe it will help....
"If you really love her, set her free"
different pple interpret this sentence differently.... lets see how u do it....
All the Best!! -
To hang on to the past is of no use, but I also understand that sometimes, things just kept coming into your mind even if you do not wish to think about it. But why not try to spend more time thinking into the future rather then hanging on to the past.
To move on or to remain stuck forever, it is just a thin line of difference and the decision lies within your hand and control. To love a person is not easy and to live with her for the rest of your life will not be easy also, you can't even let go of this, let alone to live your life with her.
But remember, fate is always control by us and the final results would always be the consequences of our action. Be decisive and don't ever regret in what you do. -
You can't forget because
a)She had a fling with a guy while being with you
b)Not fair she had a fling why can't I
c)Will she cheat on me again?
Well you have to accept that she had been with a guy. Treat it as her ex. If you can't accept that she had an ex b4 then you would not be able to find another gf I presume -
Easy ... very easy.... problems solved.
Tell U wat ... go and fuck or fling wit few ger and tell ur gf wat u did.
By doing all this ... u r moving on wit ur life and u have great fun too. Infact u can share ur experiance wit ur gf.
Just tell her to forgive u and if ever u argue about it .. she got bigger excuse to fuck u up for it... that shows she luvs u too.
So go to a club or pub now ... and get some ger .... well u r better then ur gf coz u dont have crush on the ger U shagged.
Just tell ur gf .. all this iz for LUST and just to feel the different touch.
Nothing Personal......... just pleasure. -
It is possible to forgive, but yes, you will never forget. So stop trying to forget.
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Just get out of it... Since you can't forgive nor forget, this love has no meaning anymore! Nevertheless, give yourself some time to heal or the next gal that comes along is going to suffer
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wow... Going through her stuff....*fire* and if you play with fire you get burnt. My advice is for you to move on... and like some other person said... it is the only way to forget about the things that have happened.
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In your service,
Dragonlance -
Leave her if you can't forgive and forget.
Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong. Sometimes it's letting go makes u strong. This is what i call unrequited love & is the equivalent to
banging your head against a wall that isn't there.
Whatever treasure & wealth u accumulate, they will disperse one day. Whatever high status we struggle for, it will be lost one day. Whoever we love,they will leave us one day.
Think back. There was a time in your life when you didn't love this person. In fact, there was a time in your life when u didn't even know this person. And u were just fine without them! Loving someone is a learned reaction, through times u have spent together, special moments, etc. Just as you "learned" to love this person, you can learn to unlove them.
The true fact of the matter is...time does heal. And why does time heal? Because over time u naturally stop thinking of them. This may be due to the fact that u won't be in physical contact with them anymore, u may meet someone new and your thoughts turn to that new person; whatever the case, this is a true statement. so, why not speed things up? believe me, thinking of them, wishing for them, & pining away for them, will not bring them back. And speaking from experience, all it will get u is a new set of wrinkles! And, if they should come crawling back in the days ahead, with their pathetic tail between their legs...u will be in a much better frame of mind to deal with them a second time around if you have put them out of your thoughts.
Men like to get & forget.
Women like to give & forgive. -
forgive and forget man.. there are other gals out there....
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i am a hardcore Metallic! No pain no Glory!!!!! -
As you wishOriginally posted by FuSionX:peace out
fX- -
Hey,
What does love mean to you?
It's based on experiences and it's love when u know it's hard to manage when u don't have it. and it's not love in the general sense, it's love from a specific person. and that's when u know u don't bother about the general idea, you bother that the love comes from the person u love in return.
So do you love her, or do you own her?
That's the main thing, you realise?
Firstly, in my honest humble opinion, the fact that she admitted to you she had a fling means two things
1) She betrayed your trust, she feels guilty about it, and she wants to earn it back, and she went about it the best and worse way. Giving you honesty. She could have easily decided quietly to herself that she'd forget it and be completely faithful to you. But she chose to tell you about it. She CHOSE it when she didn't have to. That speaks a lot about her genuine adoration and mutual respect for you.
2) It also suggests that resisting temptation isn't part of her strong implementations. Sure, she's sorry about it, but it doesn't totally get her off the hook. She could easily meet another charming guy, have a fling, and regret it later. The slate isn't exactly completely cleared.
When you think of her, recall a few things
Judas Iscariot, the man who betrayed Jesus Christ...he sold Jesus to the crucifix. He regretted it later and committed suicide. Did people really forgive him though he asked for forgiveness and was repentful?
Some do some don't
Ask yourself again, why you loved her in the first place. Never threaten to leave her because of this. If you wish to break up with her or forsake the relationship, remember the old times when complete trust existed, and ask yourslef can you honestly honestly be happy in the future knowing what she did?
My personal opinion. It's hard and virtually impossible. There will always be a lingering daunting dread involved here. But if love consumes the disdain, then worry not. She's yours to keep. If it doesn't, then worry not as well. Sell away the past, embrace a future with someone else who you can completely trust.
That's my advice anyway.
Yours,
Darren
[email protected]