Does a Big Age Difference Doom a Relationship?
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He Said/She Said
By dating editors Diana Vilibert and Abraham Lloyd for Marie Claire Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images Updated: Mar 31, 2010
He Said
Through my experience, age does matter in relationships. Age is the vehicle by which we experience common milestones in life. These milestones give us the ability to relate to one another -- experiencing a first kiss, first partner, marriage, home, career, child, divorce, etc. If you're at the end of this list, what on Earth could you have in common with someone near the beginning? There is a reason that most couples today do not have a significant age difference. Consider that over the last 100 years, the average age difference between married couples is 3.5 years. Coincidence? No. Call it what it is -- a trend.More Dating Articles From Marie Claire:
When my divorce was final, I went out of my way to date women of different ages ranging anywhere from 22 to 53 years old. I found that with younger women, I felt attracted but bored. With older women it was just the opposite -- I was interested but did not feel attracted to them. With each woman I dated, things ended as quickly as they began. Their age should have been a warning to me that we may have nothing in common.This experience taught me two things. The first is that age is not just a number. It is a fairly accurate measurement that describes where you have been and what is left in front of you. It tells you what you may have in common with someone. The second is to know what you are attracted to, understand what you want in a partner and a relationship, and confirm that these things are in agreement before you choose to spend time with someone. Now I stay away from age extremes, and in those rare moments when I meet someone extremely younger or older who I'm into, I look for common interests before committing to a date. This works for me because I recognize that age matters. It is simply naive to think otherwise.She Said
I'll be honest here -- I like them older. Save for my first boyfriend, who was just two years older than me, the men I've dated and clicked with have generally been anywhere from six to 20 years my senior. Now, a 20-year age difference may not be the norm or "average," but I hardly think it's a strong predictor for the success of a relationship. After all, nearly half of those couples with the "ideal" age difference between them get divorced. It amuses me how shocked people continue to be about an age discrepancy.Age itself isn't a factor in compatibility. It's elements like maturity and life experience, which tend to correlate with age, that can make or break a relationship's long-term potential. But so can future goals, background, culture, family, career, personality, and physical chemistry. I think that the combination of those factors (maturity and life experience included) takes precedence over whether or not your significant other gets your clever "Beverly Hillbillies" reference. And while we're at it, can we retire lingo like "cougar" and "cradle-robber." It condescends to both parties and is on par with sticking a cutesy label on someone who dates outside their own race or background.Date and let date. Unless you're currently involved in a triad relationship with the May-December couple you're commenting on, leave it to them to form opinions on how their age gap works for them. Age and maturity often go hand in hand, but you can certainly have one without the other.I do have one (admittedly hypocritical) rule when it comes to dating much older men. To weed out the creeps, I always ask if they generally date women as young as me. If they make a habit of looking for women at the local college campus, I move on. I want to be the exception, not the rule.Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
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no dooming but won't even think of starting one with a 3 years elder gap.
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is age really an issue? cross cultural marriage last time was a problem, but now seems like no problem.
read in newspaper article that a female writer in her early 30s married a 20 years old NSF and even have a kid with him. so what is the issue here?
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what is important in a relationship is suitability, give and take, companionship, friendship and compatibility. if you meet the right person, but age gap is say 5-7 years, so what.
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Originally posted by Rooney9:
is age really an issue? cross cultural marriage last time was a problem, but now seems like no problem.
read in newspaper article that a female writer in her early 30s married a 20 years old NSF and even have a kid with him. so what is the issue here?
you have stated exceptions..
there are a lot of issues...not everyone are "exceptions" or rather exceptional
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Girls prefer older men, aka more mature.
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got a bit of age gap is ok to me i think
usually 4-5 yrs is ok.
but then i dont think i'll let this issue come between us la if i rly rly like her.
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aiyoh these kinds of questions... it all depends on how much is made out of the relationship lah. if two naive idiots with a 30 year age difference get into a relationship without thinking about the future, of course it will cause problems later on and is doomed to fail. it's never the tennis racket, but the player.
this kind of thing is common sensed leh...
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no. It's about compatibility, communication, chemistry and feelings.
age is just age.. im open to all ages, from 1, to 8, 10, 12, 15.... etc as long as i like and we can click can liao. But then thats because im more interested in older ladies. But dun throw me a 60 yrs old woman la cuz i also see looks.
who doesnt right.Currently got this woman whos 18yrs older than me wanna 'court' me and is damn hiong but i think i really dun feel that way towards her although shes very caring so yea. not about the age but it's like theres no chemistry lor. but then can place her in the sugar mom list la, hahaha! since she always offer to pay. see how first.
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Originally posted by Lorry`:
no. It's about compatibility, communication, chemistry and feelings.
age is just age.. im open to all ages, from 1, to 8, 10, 12, 15.... etc as long as i like and we can click can liao. But then thats because im more interested in older ladies. But dun throw me a 60 yrs old woman la cuz i also see looks.
who doesnt right.Currently got this woman whos 18yrs older than me wanna 'court' me and is damn hiong but i think i really dun feel that way towards her although shes very caring so yea. not about the age but it's like theres no chemistry lor. but then can place her in the sugar mom list la, hahaha! since she always offer to pay. see how first.
wah.. 18yrs older??? then is wat? young cow eat old grass?? make her pay when u go geylang lo.. see if she still tat damn hiong?? maybe she also demands to join in the orgy...