ppp, sss, qqq
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i frequent this forum a lot.....
i often read the threads of people regarding BGR and i often relate theirs to mine...
i always tell myself not to have the urge to post my problem...fearing someone famililar to me here in this forums will read my threads, thus, spread around...now i just have to release liao...
i come from a very closely knitted friendship... i meet the same few people and we could be very close closest pals of friends...
my gang has been in very close contact since we were in the same class in sec 1, till now, which i would be going to NS. that makes our friendship bond almost 8 years....
we can meet like 3-4 times a week!!!
we literally grow up together... anyway, not impt...
not too recently ago, a girl was introduced to our group....
seems that she captured the heart of 2 guys in our group...
me and my another friend....
haaai....i also dunno how to phrase it...lets not make this one-sided.... lemme.....
lemme put myself into the shoes of this 3 people...
i dun want to think of my own feelings and say it just in my side of view...
and i am being very very frank with myself
ppp is me
sss is my friend
qqq is the girl both of us love
bbb is our friends
ppp
i like this girl a lot....when we first meet, i keep telling myself not to be involve in this kind of love games...
but haaai...i still fell inside this deep hole...
i have few female friends, thus i talk to her often in the past, hence, making myself believing that me and her have a chance too....
i did many many things to "touch" her heart....things that i spend weeks diong, and just to show her...
only to get a simple unappreciated thanks.... but its ok...since i do liao...i am perpared for her reaction...
cards, sms, letters, e-mails, presents u name it...i did it...
all our friends know i like her.....
i know my standing in this group of friends..... i see myself quite popular and influential to them...
most of my friends tried to help me in courting this girl too....
i need to thank them...(though sometimes they make fun of me too lah...haha)
so much encouragement and consolance from them....
friend often comapre me with sss, they always say i am better....
i am a more shy kind of person...i wait for pple to talk to me, rather do u see me flirt with other pple...
my true personality is quiet.
when seeing the qqq, i tend to be more quiet...because i dun want to give her the impression that i am just full of bullsh|t.
i dun flirt openly with qqq.
i dun really like sss, i see him everytime not because i like him, but we share such a same knitted group of friendship liao...
but we still do many things together, sss is still ranked my 5th or 6th best buddy that i had....in my group of 10+ friends...
due to some of our commitments in schoolwork...i also get to see sss everyday....when in secondary, same class, when in poly, same course...sometimes even same part time job..
i talk to him, i communicated with him, i joke with him, i play with him, i concern for him...
sometimes i try to put myself in his shoes, i want to let him surrender the qqq to me, then why i treat him real good, not to backstab him, sometimes showing that i am better than him, thus, let him feel that i should deserve qqq.
ever since the day i declare to qqq that i like her,
i feel that she distance herself from me liao.... i am losing her....i am really really losing her liao.....
sss
(this is what i think he feels only) maybe true, maybe half true, maybe all wrong)
i know qqq longer than ppp, thus, i like qqq longer than ppp....
ppp only came to the picture like 7 months ago....
i am very talkative, i am full of bullsh|t.....i like talking crap.... people regard me as a joker in the group...
though i am talkative and outspoken, deep inside, i am very shy too... i like qqq too.... but i dare not say it out...
qqq likes to joke around too...thats why sometimes i think me and qqq hit off really well...
i keep things to myself....cause i know i am not as influential as ppp... i got NO support from my friends....
sometimes i know i cannot win ppp in terms of abilities and characters....
thats why i also show that i dun like qqq... but i always take the initialive to flirt with qqq....
ppp doesnt flirt with qqq, cos i think maybe he is too shy lah...
but i am afraid of losing both....qqq and my friends including ppp
lose qqq, cause i see the way qqq treats ppp...i set that as an example...i dun want to follow the footsteps of ppp, thus losing her...
lose friends, including ppp, i have no support, ppp being the planner and organizer of group outings will hate me like hell, thus alienating me...
i have begin to notice ppp and qqq begin to drift apart....should i now strike when the iron is hot?
i know qqq's character...i know i may also have no chance too....
i think qqq is more spontaneous and friendly to me than ppp.....
i chat with ppp everything.....but qqq seems to be a taboo of subject between us....
he does it his way, i do it my way...
qqq
(this is what i think she feels only) maybe true, maybe half true, maybe all wrong)
i am only introduced to this group not long ago.... i became very close to this group of good friends too...
i dun like getting to relationships.....i just dun like getting to relationships.... its not my nature...
i get hurt very easily and i am very very sensitive...thats why....
sometime i wonder why this 2 guys like me, when i never even to anything to them....
i know ppp likes me, i dunno whether sss still likes me...
ppp admits, sss denies...
ppp shys away, sss talks daringly...
ppp treats me good, sss treats me good too....
i treat ppp as my pursuer, thats why nowadays i try to distance him
i treat sss as my good buddy, thats why i talk to him more.....
i can see that ppp is very sincere, he does things that could really melt a girl's heart, but not my iron heart.
sometimes, when he see me and sss together, chatting or doing stuffs together, i sometimes can see that although he says nothing, right deep in his heart, it hurts.... but aiyah...no need care him lah...
perhaps ppp is too serious with me, he care for me...(though i dun really need his concern)
perhaps sss is too casual with me, he jokes and makes me laugh...
i know this 2 lads are trying to play gentleman, not backstabbing each other....
but haaaaai....how to show that i dun like them!
bbb
wah...actually we all not bad leh! everytime go out can see this love triangle going among us....
actually its true that ppp like qqq loh....
but as for qqq.....we dun really know loh.... he gives mixed reactions....
actually we think ppp and qqq more compatible lah....
being best friends with ppp and sss for so long liao....we think ppp has a better character....
ppp is more polite whereas sss is more fouled mouth loh...
we know ppp got put in effort, whereas sss din....
ppp is using his heart to win her heart.....
sss is using his mouth to win her heart....
at first we all think ppp got chance, now we think the chance are arrowing towards sss liao....
by the way qqq treats this 2 guys differently...
sometimes can see ppp really looks sad and quite "peh che" loh...
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so how....?
forget her is hard.....we meet everytime....
so how....?
if i dun deserve qqq, i also dun think sss deserve her too...(yeah..maybe that jeolousy..but isnt it human nature?)
how hurting is it to play this love triangle game....
ai yah....my view are my views....
whereas for qqq, sss and bbb, i am just making presumptions... -
.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............. -
is my post too lengthy?
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/nodsOriginally posted by pinkish purple papayas:is my post too lengthy?
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Hm... well i guess if u do like that wonderful ger in ur heart..
i suggest u do sth abt it.
If u found e one u seriously cant forget and truely like.. go for her..
Dun in e future den come to regret that u din not cherish it at e moment..
Greatest regret in life are those that u din not even try...
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thats the problem.....Originally posted by [ X ] & [ L ]:Hm... well i guess if u do like that wonderful ger in ur heart..
i suggest u do sth abt it.
If u found e one u seriously cant forget and truely like.. go for her..
Dun in e future den come to regret that u din not cherish it at e moment..
Greatest regret in life are those that u din not even try...
Greatest regret in life are those that u din not even try...
i tried, thus making her distance herself from me 
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yes... dun they teach u summary in school?Originally posted by pinkish purple papayas:is my post too lengthy?
oops
Can u shorten it? pls
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sports sgboy2004 -
ok ok short version....Originally posted by sgboy2004:yes... dun they teach u summary in school?
oops
Can u shorten it? pls
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sports sgboy2004
2 guys, 1 girl
both guys use different methods of courting her....
girl both also dun like...
2 guys both playing a war between each other in their hearts... -
me was trying to analysis my problem mah...
try to put myself into 4 shoes....
thats why this post quite lenghty...
ppp, qqq, sss and bbb...
hope i am not confusing u guys... -
i c... aiyo...guys after a while will tone down and ok liao...give them just some time.Originally posted by pinkish purple papayas:ok ok short version....
2 guys, 1 girl
both guys use different methods of courting her....
girl both also dun like...
2 guys both playing a war between each other in their hearts...
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Baby sgboy2004 -
ppp is scared of sss's advances to qqq....Originally posted by sgboy2004:i c... aiyo...guys after a while will tone down and ok liao...give them just some time.
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Baby sgboy2004
yet ppp cant forget qqq...
ppp really dunno whether sss likes qqq or not....
ppp thinks that qqq may be falling for sss too....
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is there anyone reading my story?
or is my problem too hard to solve?
or did i phrase my problem till too lenghty and confusing liao? -
Hi pinkish purple papayas,
I read your story.. But i guess i wont touch much on the rest.. cos its only you assumptions.. dunno issit true or not... so well i guess based on you i think is good enough.. anyway you only need a listening ear and lending hand to help you thru..
As for you, you said you din want to get involved in the love game.. But eventually you fell into it.. It's the feelings you had.. and its rather hard to control your feelings towards someone who appears to be special to you..
You like her alot doesn't mean you have to do everything jus to please her.. This will even make her more uncomfortable.. As she knows that you are openly courting her.. though you don't say it out like sss but your actions show... Actions speak louder than words!!
Liking someone and wanting that someone doesn't have to spend much money on her.. Materialistic is not what she wants... She wants someone who she can talk openly, freely and be comfortable with.. Take for example sss... You did so much things for her.. and sss did nothing jus to joke talk around with all the stupid ideals he had in mind.. He likes qqq too.. But he doesn't show it out.. He wants to make the group to be fun-loving and keeps everyone goin in the conversation...
Your character and personality may win over sss but one mistake you've done.. Is to let qqq know that you like her.. And worse of all.. Almost all your friends know about it.. They even helped you to chase her.. I'm not saying your friends are bad... they're rather good.. But in a wrong way.......
A girl who has joined not long in your group.. then out of sudden.. 2 guys like her... Suddenly treat her so good.. Cards, gifts, sms... blah blah... so on... Somehow she will feel abit awkward.. and of cos.. she will sense something fishy in here.. Woman's intuition sometimes are very accurate.. But not most of the time.. If she thinks that she's right in guessing that both guys like her.. And then your friends who know about it.. Will tease you, sss and her together.. Maybe jokingly.. But then she will know it...
You are already someone who is an introvert, shy, quiet, don't much kind of person.. and when with qqq you tend to be even more quiet.. Cos why? You don't want her to think you are bu||sh|ting around.. But right here.. aren't you acting so abnormal.. You don't have to act another you!! YOu is you!! Be more of yourself.. Even you are quiet.. when comes to certain things that you have to speak up go ahead.. Don't have to hide yourself in a shell.. Like so scare ppl will laugh at you whatever you say!! Why get so tense up when you see her?? Relax abit.. Yes you like her, so what.. NO big deal right?? Noone can force you do anythin you doesn;t like...
Funniest thing is that you don't like sss.. But you can be with him all time together with your group of friends.. and you care for him.. talk to him, joke and play with him.. and you can rank him as 5th - 6th "best buddy" out of 10+ ppl?? If you really considered that.. i don't see a point why you dun like him... Do you really dun like him?? Or jus be cos of qqq's apearance and both of you jus so conincidental happen to like her at the same time?? Issit your selfish taken over your control.. that you cant get her.. means no others can get her too..??
It's a fair match with you and sss.. Whether who will get qqq it's her decision... Maybe both she also wont choose... Many of your friends say you got a better stand in chasing qqq.. Yes you do!! Since your everything is far more better than sss (as what you have stated) but however.. you runied all the happiness you suppose to have.. yourself.. literally!!! Maybe with really good planning you may have already be together with her..
Whether sss deserve qqq is not up to you or anyone else to decide or predict on.. If qqq likes those guys like sss then that's fate and your destiny!! You see here.. you delcare your love to her.. But now she distanced herself from you.. Reasons maybe.. She only treat you as a friend.. And doesn't want this friendship to end... She doesn't like you and wants you to stop having those feelings... sss may have the chance to chase her.. but that's another issue..
Maybe you should try to talk to her.. About why is she backing off from you.. Issit that she fear of hurting you or fear that you will do somemore things for her.. If not.. I suggest you to be yourself in the group with her around.. Don't show any jealousy when sss is talking or joking with qqq... Don't let her feel pressure and stress with your presence.. Make her rather comfortable.. Dun put too much attention on her... Is not only her in the group there are the rest of them.. Divert your attention to them.. ok?
After that you know that she feels more comfortable with you.. Slowly talk to her.. Tell her.. since you already told her about your liking towards her.. and if she really feels nothing for you.. Tell her you guys still can really good friends.. Maybe its better to be this way.. then goin together.. Tell her that liking one person.. doesn't mean must have her.. Seeing her happy and having someone who she loves and vice versa is the happiest moment in your life..
Don't worry too much.. you're not losing her.. You have jus learned a neww lesson in your life.. You ought to thank her.. If not the next relationship or the next girl who come along.. you gonna make the same mistake again.. Pls remember that if happen sss and qqq really are together.. Its the chemistry they had for each other.. and their karmic relation.. Don't blame yourself.. or anyone.. You can find someone else better than her...
Cheers! -
For some reasons, I missed out this post - perhaps it was during my busy week bah.
Ok, this is a long post - but I would like to comment on one thing: never assume view point from different people and post it in such a way - because it is based on your preception is is likely to be mis-judged by possible bias views, etc.
All is fair in love and war:'sometimes i try to put myself in his shoes, i want to let him surrender the qqq to me, then why i treat him real good, not to backstab him, sometimes showing that i am better than him, thus, let him feel that i should deserve qqq.'
What you are mentioning here is totally unnecessary and it simply shows your inferiority when it comes to chasing her. Afraid of? Afraid of Competitions - you said that you are better than him in all aspect, except the part of about the joker thing. So you finally understand all that doesn't really matter?
When it comes to Love war - understand your focus well, so that you will not lose concentration. What's the use of turning it to him as well, you ruining your own chance. Furthermore, he if were to be a jerk - he could tell her about your possible intentions and motives if you were to subconsciously reveal/hint it to him - causing you to fall from your original positions in her heart.
You declare that you like her - so what's her respond? Avoiding and no answer? Well, it simply means she doesn't like you the way you like her isn't it? You 'did' alot of things for her - she doesn't appreciate - another powerful hint to add on to my conclusions isn't it?
Get an answer from her - be it whether negative or the words you wished to hear - at least you could make proper decision, etc from there. If your shyness were to overpower you then - then do something about it. Talk to her - if possible, sort the misunderstanding and vow to remain as good friends (if it is applicable) - remember to use pressure tactics - you would only push sss to her.
P.S: Finding someone who appreciate your actions and doings is VERY important. You can't count on a relation with someone you love than someone who appreciate you.
Cheers -
Kill your rival in love
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dear papayas *man do i feel weird calling u that*,
Even if u made me waste 10 minutes of my life reading ur story, i try to help u k? I just feel that in ur perspectives, u were being self centered and u were not weighing out neutral feelings.
I try to give advices for the three of you so that you have a rough idea how each person is dealing. Starting with
PPP i.e. you
If she already knows and is still leaving her options for other relationships, you have to accept that she probably doesn't feel the same way. Then you have to decide what to do,do you want to keep being her friend and come to terms with that's all there is? Or is that hurting you too much and you need to leave the relationship totally?
I think when you said that she has been distancing away from you, i have a gut feeling that she doesn't like you and is putting a "NO PPP" sign. It may not happen to you but it happened to alot of people before. If the girl doesn't like you the way you like her back, then you should just accept it. There's probably nothing you can do to make her change her mind, she's just gonna have to change her mind herself. Just be good friends with her and things will work your way. Maybe not tomorrow but something will work out in the end.
Well, you lose friends,you make friends. Just be happy with the ones you have. Friends will come and go so you should just be cool with the ones you have now because they might not always be there. If you get tossed to other tables, make some friends while you're at the other table. It could be a good thing if only you let it. There's nothing wrong with making friends at other table.
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back they are yours to keep, if they do not it was never ment to be"
Let that be your motto in love as u have shown urself as a possessive and monopolising guy.
And about your friend, SSS,the most important thing is to to remember to handle your friend's feeling with care. No matter how upset you are with him over the love triangle,he's a persontoo and needs to be treated nicely even if he hasn't been as nice in the past. Don't leave him without an explanation. Be sure he knows the reasons that you're taking the action you are.
Advice for QQQ
First of all, it sounds like PPP may be a little cowardly when it comes to girls. Alot of shy guys will be totally open when the girl is around but cloistered when their friends are there, so they don't look "stupid"around their buddies.I would suggest that you wait for HIM to make his move because he's probably trying to get his courage up to do so. In the meantime, try to encourage him to take action. Make yourself open to him and not at all intimidating. The more comfortable he feels, the easier it will be for him to initiate anything.
It seems that PPP and SSS are showing a lot of interest in you but you do not dare to take action. What kind of girl are you? Stop thinking that two guys are chasing after you makes ur head swell thinking that you are very hot and pretty and such. Wake up girl. Make a decision and a wise one.You say that the guys send clear messages that they just see you as a good friend. That may be true, but it may not be. You have to realise that a lot of guys feel under a great deal of pressure in starting a relationship. There is still an expectation that we will normally initiate such and so we risk most of the rejection. That can mean that we don't always let the girl know how we feel and we may actively try to act like we don't care when we would really jump at the chance to go out with them.
Obviously the guys who are married or have girlfriends aren't available. But if you see an unattached guy who you like,don't be afraid to let him know it!!!!! To start with, just suggest you do things like go and see a movie together. That gives him the opportunity to take things further if he is interested as well, and he doesn't have to worry as much about rejection so he's more likely to show his true feelings.
Please remember that you this is no win-win situation. This is a win-lose situation meaning that if u choose either PPP or SSS, one will feel hurt and their friendship is affected. Please choose wisely girl.
For SSS
Why didn't u tell her that u like her.Your friend, PPP, already professed his liking. Why dun u do the same? You're worrying too much about stuff you have no reason to worry about. Just let things happen naturally, things will happen as they should when it comes to these kind of stuff. If you actually have some foundation to relationship, you'll see that finding stuff to do actually wouldn't be that hard because you two are already comfortable with each other and know what you two can do or can't do. I would worry about just getting the girl to notice you first.
and about ur friend with PPP, I would usually say that no woman should break up two friends but on the other hand, no friend should break up two people that are meant for each other. If you really think that PPP feels more deserving to have QQQ, be a gentleman and let your friend have a go.And if u think you wanna have a go with QQQ, try explaining to him how much you like this girl and how you can't stand being with out him but that she is your guiding light and you can't imagine being without her. It would be easy if hedidn't like her but you need to stay sensitive to your friend. If things come down to an ultimatum, I think the best idea would to let your friend have her.I salute you brudder. Friends are forever... girls are just there to fill in the gaps.
Cheers Papaya...
i sincerely hope it helps and its not long -
After reading this, i think i die and gone to hell
So complex and long, man, you need professional help ( especially in short reality writing ).
Anyway thank for sharing, you need lots of luck.