Discovered hubby playing around
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@Fugazzi, I don't get what you are saying but I guess one don't know the feeling like I feel now until ones go through it.
I have read about such unfaithfullnes of spouse in the news but never in my life imagine it will happen to me. We have a normal family and our sexual relationship is good
I had consulted a lawyer and she too agree that I should engage a private investigator. Have shown her their messages and she said that though the messages proved that they had illict relationship but cannot use it in court as the messages were not obtain "legally". They can claim that I stole his confidential info and enter his msn illegally like hacking. Best bet is to get a PI to gather solid evidences.
I have to make myself clear. I don't have any picture of them sleeping together but I copied the women's picture and those dirty pornographic materials/pictures she send to my hubby and their messages esp. those about their meeting up. The problem is that they knew each other are married. One of the messages even mentioned that while they msn each other, I was around and the other husband around too! I couldn't enter his msn now as I don't know his password .
If I can get enough info on her, should I informed her hubby about her affair? This is the first time I wrote to an internet forum bcos I cant talk to anyone except my one n only best friend She told me that from their messages, they were aware of their action and suggest that I email her and tell her to leave my husband alone if not threaten to expose their affair to her husband and post her pictures n messages on all forums in Singapore. But if I did that, my hubby will know and I would not be to get a PI to secretly gather info on him. For one thing I am sure, I will not trust him any more and take custody of my child if I have to. The child is all I have now. I feel betrayed...why do they have to do that...!!!!!
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It is apparent that you have decided to leave the marriage.
My suggestion is that your intentions to hire a PI and monitor his movements is workable. Just go about it without arousing any suspicions - this way, u may be able to prove in court his ''adulterous'' ways and when and if u do make a claim for maintenance or child custody - it is highly probable that they would assent to the claims. These sms messages and pixs or whatever u may have now is of no use in court. It is wasting energy when all it does is get u upset. As to you wanting or intending to inform on the other's spouse - is going to complicate matters.
PS - As to what u do not understand about my previous posting i cannot comment cos i do not know which are u referring to. However, it is alrite. I dont approve of what your spouse is being now. Having said i would add that he has every rite to be what he chooses to be. Rite or wrong is always a subjective thing. He is holding on to a ''dead'' marriage and instead of handling it and even if he cannot he should have communicated it to you. That is dignity!
The mistake he made is that of staying in the marriage and causing misery and nary a care for the well-being of others within the family.
What good is a family or a marriage when the one who is in it is no longer there but pretending to be. Sadly, what he is being now is dehumanizing and woefully lacking in love.
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
It is apparent that you have decided to leave the marriage.
My suggestion is that your intentions to hire a PI and monitor his movements is workable. Just go about it without arousing any suspicions - this way, u may be able to prove in court his ''adulterous'' ways and when and if u do make a claim for maintenance or child custody - it is highly probable that they would assent to the claims. These sms messages and pixs or whatever u may have now is of no use in court. It is wasting energy when all it does is get u upset. As to you wanting or intending to inform on the other's spouse - is going to complicate matters.
PS - As to what u do not understand about my previous posting i cannot comment cos i do not know which are u referring to. However, it is alrite. I dont approve of what your spouse is being now. Having said i would add that he has every rite to be what he chooses to be. Rite or wrong is always a subjective thing. He is holding on to a ''dead'' marriage and instead of handling it and even if he cannot he should have communicated it to you. That is dignity!
The mistake he made is that of staying in the marriage and causing misery and nary a care for the well-being of others within the family.
What good is a family or a marriage when the one who is in it is no longer there but pretending to be. Sadly, what he is being now is dehumanizing and woefully lacking in love.
Well, at first, I thought it's partly my fault n not a perfect wife like other but after gone counselling n thro it, I learn is not entirely my fault n discovered that I am ignorant of lot of things. My hubby is my first boyfriend n beleive whatever he said. Like his salary is twice mine but I contribute 80% of my salary to our joint account n he is always running out of money. What scare me the most now is sex. My counsellor n my friend suspect that my hubby might have sex disease before after I reveal that during query about our sex life.My hubby bring me to a doctor once saying that he had urine fungus infection n I too should see a doctor. This is when I complain painful when unrinating n white fluid. He insist i go see private doctor instead of women KK. Now I shudder when he wanted have sex with me.My friend told me to ask him to put on condom but I m the one on pills. What to do. Now when we had sex, I feel very uneasy. I'd gone for checkup n is clear by the doctor. Now I even more scare n determine to divorce him before I got HIV or other deadly disease.Just for info, my friend did emailed 2 of the women to tell them off but did not reveal much. She told me not to let the other off so easily.
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Originally posted by Revenge441:
Whether u ''let the other off easily'' or not - at the end of it all - it is for u to experience what is always inside u.There is no escape except unlearning what u have been told eg, what is a good family, what is a good wife, what is a good marriage etc etc (this is the neurosis of conditioning!) and reconcile to transforming the toxicity (eg, the hatred, the ill feeling, the victim consciousness) within u. Otherwise what is unreconciled will permeate other aspects of your living - now and in the future.Your spouse is being reckless - that is his choice. Instead of changing his ways or behaviour - change yourself, respect yourself and just be. U would feel better about yourself.
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please go further into detail leh
talking to ppl doesnt mean flirting
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Originally posted by Revenge441:
So angry that I wanna castrate then leave him.
this.
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Originally posted by Just_do_it_lah:
this.
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oh nos!
you got to chill, don't spam her all on the net as she can sue you in return, i think.
maybe you can send PI to make it offical and show it to him the pictures, when you think the time is right.
But on the other hand, you have 2 kids.Do you want your kids to be mad with you for dirovcing with your husband.No kids want to be brought up single handed.
Do sit down and talk to your close one more about it before anything bad just happens.
remember, no black and white means you got plainly nothing.
be strong, for your kids yeah?
your husband must be punished, as he just lost your trust. -
Originally posted by ^^renee^^:
Why bother to go through the same thing just to let him know how you feel ? It's no use. Too late already.And frankly, ... most men won't feel guilty. They will act as if it's their right to do it.
"Which cat doesn't eat fish" kind of syndrome.
I tell you la... men ought to have their penis chopped off so that they will feel the pain and without their prized jewels, ... no woman would want them.
yeah, then no more father's day.
guys are stupid enough to not cherish their wife.
all they do think is that 'we' womans are stupid to fall into their stinky butt trap when we're not. -
I am not a marraige expert to comment on this.
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Sorry that I did not update here as someone here seem to tip off my hubby as he did indirectly ask me if I ever use Sgforum. Seem my hubby n his firend been here quite often. Anyway, since then I received quite a lot of messages n I manage to sift some out n met them. They were just like me n or even worse. We resolve to take action, extreme if it required but nothing illegal. Six including my expert IT friends. Though I come up stronger n not worried about my future (as I had been maintaining 75%of my family expenditure though my hubby earned twice my pay), we managed to solve one of our friend's problem of her hubby affair. He denied it n tat's why she approach us n unofficially a group was formed. Thing like monitoring her hubby sms, email, msn....snooping should be the word. We managed to get hold of criminating evidences n the other party hanphone n locate her residence. Before confronting her hubby, she and a friend approached the other party family in the evenning knowing full well that the married women hubby will be in. We present to her n her hubby the sms lurid messages and their appointment. Told her hubby to check her whereabout during that day if he is not convinced. A big quarrel ensued between the women n her hubby. She accused us of breaking up her family! What a cheek to say! I show her that from the smses, she knew the man is married n with kid. Is she entitled to break up other family n not hers. We left with the printed sms for the husband.
Revenge? well, we did the other women's hubby a great favour. When my firend went back, her hubby had no idea a storm had started. Next day, her hubby never mentioned anything though his Hp ring non stop n he off it. He acts like nothing happened!
She now had a lawyer finalising the alimony n the custody n agreed that she had full custody n none of his family esp his parent knew about the affair. We tried to reconcile even thro family counselling but she cannot get over that her hubby cheat on her without batting an eyelid! period.
My case still pending n managed to get the other women's facebook. Why would a women break up another family when their family seem blissful? Gee! Her daughter even in a wellknown varsity with a dutiful husband! How I know? With her email, can get FB n from my hubby's HP n PC, can get sms, n tons of info even if he were delete it. Learn a lot from this group of friend. With combined effort n knowledge, nothing is impossible. As saying goes 'Cheat once, maybe..cheat twice, forget it!"
An advise to those cheated wife out there. Insist your hubby put on condom. Even if you plan to have baby, put it on hold if you knew ur hubby cheating nn U but dont want to alert him till U got enough evidence. It's a reality check. Contracted disease may confirmed your hubby's affair but it not worth it!
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hey Divorce is a super EXPENSIVE. TIME TAKING AND INVOLVED ALOT OF CRAP.
Revenge441 : just want to tell u. HDB got to sell off or return to HDB. meaning no place for u to live.
gonna pay for contesting. meaning it will be contestable. for flat splitting when sold, for kids.
Separation Deeds. 3 years of separation if he agree. else 4 years. then you still got to go through alot of Shit like going to court , hiring lawyers.
Going through that is not the painful part. the finger pointing by friends. people saying bad about you. your family, his family. yes your mother will blame you regardless, not now, not tomorrow, but SURE, for SHAMING HER. she will hate you in her heart, not telling you, not telling anyone, but SURE.
when your kids grow up they will HATE YOU. for making their life miserable. why people got good family and they don't have. they will not tell u, but sure they will hate you.
GUYS. ALL MANS. ALL HUMAN, LADY OR MAN. sure got problem. this is just a problem. can be solve. just need to STOP your naughty flirty husband for doing that . he might think it is very "SHOICK" to go through that and very happy. but when he know he is wrong he will got to stop.
Until he is hopless then you consider DIVORCE.
The other people say divorce here because 1) they have no idea what divorce is
2) they just say say using their mouth without care, they think this is just a topic so share their idea.
3) Divorce? you going to divorce him after 10 years and got 2 children already just like that, never bother to chat with him and tell him u know about the cheating he've been doing and just secretly divorce? and posting here asking a group of people who don't know what is divorce that you want to divorce?
well. you can go to http://www.singaporebrides.com , there is a colum inside :Matters Of The Heart . read inside and see how's the proccess of divorcing and people talking inside. it's better not to divorce then divorce unless really got no choice.
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...if you wanna divorce him, you don't have to 'aim' her. making matters worse -
Your husband wants to get caught.
After 10 years of marriage.. I'm sure the romance is down the pots.
If he wanted a serious relationship with another woman, he won't be seeking thrills from another married woman.
Men like your hubby wants negative attention. It's pathetic I know, but that's their way of getting back at you for neglecting him.
If you want to get a PI , then go get a PI. After you have evidence.. you can confront him. Divorce or not, you can decide after the confrontation.
If you confront him without any evidence he will deny all wrong doing. By doing so, you are enabling to keep pushing your anger button.
Divorce is your personal choice. At this point (10yer marriage), divorce is just a formality. Wat difference does it make for the both of you ?
FYI: Divorce will not make you a happier person. Although legally he is no longer a financial/legal burden.
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Originally posted by Revenge441:
@Fugazzi, I don't get what you are saying but I guess one don't know the feeling like I feel now until ones go through it.
I have read about such unfaithfullnes of spouse in the news but never in my life imagine it will happen to me. We have a normal family and our sexual relationship is good
I had consulted a lawyer and she too agree that I should engage a private investigator. Have shown her their messages and she said that though the messages proved that they had illict relationship but cannot use it in court as the messages were not obtain "legally". They can claim that I stole his confidential info and enter his msn illegally like hacking. Best bet is to get a PI to gather solid evidences.
I have to make myself clear. I don't have any picture of them sleeping together but I copied the women's picture and those dirty pornographic materials/pictures she send to my hubby and their messages esp. those about their meeting up. The problem is that they knew each other are married. One of the messages even mentioned that while they msn each other, I was around and the other husband around too! I couldn't enter his msn now as I don't know his password .
If I can get enough info on her, should I informed her hubby about her affair? This is the first time I wrote to an internet forum bcos I cant talk to anyone except my one n only best friend She told me that from their messages, they were aware of their action and suggest that I email her and tell her to leave my husband alone if not threaten to expose their affair to her husband and post her pictures n messages on all forums in Singapore. But if I did that, my hubby will know and I would not be to get a PI to secretly gather info on him. For one thing I am sure, I will not trust him any more and take custody of my child if I have to. The child is all I have now. I feel betrayed...why do they have to do that...!!!!!
Now I know where I have heard of the saying "keep your friends near but keep your enemies closer".
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Originally posted by Fire Cracker:
hey Divorce is a super EXPENSIVE. TIME TAKING AND INVOLVED ALOT OF CRAP.
yep...had considered all that..that's why gonna get evidence of adultery for the divorce. My kids may not understand fully now but got to lay the fact to them about divorce. Been tossing many nites over this n to face reality is better than tolerates his infidelity. How would you know unless your spouse been going around with other guys or gals. To discovered that not only one but a bew other women involved! Worse is that one of the married woman seem to be very persistent n her lewd sms shows some women complete disregard to other family.
So learn the hard way n from our group, we gonna gave back the same medicine to that woman. We even got her handphone nos. Any idea how to get her address from her handphone number? Why? well let her feel how I feel when her family know about her affair n her blissful family broke up. Yes, seen her Facebook n she got a varsity-going daughter! even photograph their sms msges. Wonder how if her daughter come to get hold of her mother's lewd n adulterous msges with other man? yep, guess i grown up...even a guy pm me regarding his wife's affair. At the moment our group don't wanna have or rather have guys in our group.....
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Originally posted by Fire Cracker:
hey Divorce is a super EXPENSIVE. TIME TAKING AND INVOLVED ALOT OF CRAP.
Revenge441 : just want to tell u. HDB got to sell off or return to HDB. meaning no place for u to live.
gonna pay for contesting. meaning it will be contestable. for flat splitting when sold, for kids.
Separation Deeds. 3 years of separation if he agree. else 4 years. then you still got to go through alot of Shit like going to court , hiring lawyers.
Going through that is not the painful part. the finger pointing by friends. people saying bad about you. your family, his family. yes your mother will blame you regardless, not now, not tomorrow, but SURE, for SHAMING HER. she will hate you in her heart, not telling you, not telling anyone, but SURE.
when your kids grow up they will HATE YOU. for making their life miserable. why people got good family and they don't have. they will not tell u, but sure they will hate you.
GUYS. ALL MANS. ALL HUMAN, LADY OR MAN. sure got problem. this is just a problem. can be solve. just need to STOP your naughty flirty husband for doing that . he might think it is very "SHOICK" to go through that and very happy. but when he know he is wrong he will got to stop.
Until he is hopless then you consider DIVORCE.
The other people say divorce here because 1) they have no idea what divorce is
2) they just say say using their mouth without care, they think this is just a topic so share their idea.
3) Divorce? you going to divorce him after 10 years and got 2 children already just like that, never bother to chat with him and tell him u know about the cheating he've been doing and just secretly divorce? and posting here asking a group of people who don't know what is divorce that you want to divorce?
well. you can go to http://www.singaporebrides.com , there is a colum inside :Matters Of The Heart . read inside and see how's the proccess of divorcing and people talking inside. it's better not to divorce then divorce unless really got no choice.
Ang Moh culture is normal to divorce. Many of my ang moh friends remarry, that is why they say life starts at 40. And they start a new family with kids.
But Asian culture, they stigmatise divorcees. And it is very hard especially for Asian women divorcees to remarry because of the Asian men preference. Always Asian women divorcees go marry Ang mohs because Ang mohs can tolerate.
But you have one advantage - you can ask for alimony so your husband got to support you and your child, you do not need to struggle to find job. And then as ex wife, you can get half your husband's assets. Talk about equal revenge. He will cringe at the loss of his properties.
But remember, the stigma and your child will grow fatherless.
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Hmm well. For now, gather evidence first. Then confront him on that, and see whats his reactions. Judge for yourself if there is need to divorce or perhaps a second chance ? I advice no violence to the 3rd party.
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it's all about trying to catch hubby's adulterous act and get his $$$...it's all about $$$....
So there's no true love after all...
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Originally posted by kengkia:
it's all about trying to catch hubby's adulterous act and get his $$$...it's all about $$$....
So there's no true love after all...
When in love, no one talks about $$$.
Adultery happens after love is no more.
So what is left , is only $$$.
You want $$$ or adultery ?
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Is hard battling with ur emotion and be logical at the same time. if ever ur husband ask for your forgiveness, please consider forgiving him. sometime we woman just have to close one eye and open the other.
all the best to you