Should i confess about my past ?
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Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough.
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Originally posted by Arapahoe:
i think most of you who think the solution is to "tell all" must understand she will continue to have remorse after the next person and the next and the next.
The key is how to get over the remorse and guilt within herself.
If she can't get over her past her own relationship she won't get past any man that comes into her life.
just find that i am dirty and not worthwhile for him. Although he ain't perfect as mentioned by some of you too. But at least he is very truthful to me, he has shown me his lifestyle not in talk but in true life. He brought me to those pubs he went and the worst one ktv where he will visit with his only best friend (guy) according to the two gentlemen they actually visit KTV but sometime they didn't call for any girls.
I am not sure if i am naive, but i don't see him as hidding anythings from me..
he keep emphasing that he want to be truthful and not hidding anything even if i am only a friend. That's made me very guilty.He did ask indirectly about my past relationship with the MBA, but i told him
i really do not wish to rake the past, let my past be my past. And he actually does told me, he will not force me if i chose not to tell. He is really ok..
i am feeling very bad within.. one one hand i wanna tell him, but the other hand i am so afraid he might not under what i am going thru.I do not deny, in the past previous relationship becoz of my mis-handling of this issues lead to my broke off with my ex bf. and i really do not wish the same to happen.
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Originally posted by pokka77:i am puzzle and vex for i am not sure if i should confess my past relationship to my boyfriend-to-be. (Meaning we could be together anytime)i am worry sick of disclosing my past relationship to him as i am worry he might think otherwise.
I am involve with a married man years ago (got into this shit cause i was pretty young then and didn't know he was married after knowing and talk things out as he wasn't able to get a divorce so we actually broke off but keeping each other as companion all these years (6yrs).
I am not sure if i should tell him. He has been telling me not all man can take the truth but he would prefer his gf to tell him rather then him find out bits by bits.
For me i am pressured, coz in my previous relationship i met with the same issue. and confession till us to quarrel, jealousy and broke off. My Ex BF could handle the stress of my past.
What should i do ? Humhh
The processing of your guilt does not diminish even with the act of
confessing to your current beau about your past. The act of forgiveness
and embracement of your past starts with yourself and it is not
something that somebody can give to you.What I am hearing is that your decision of keeping each other as a companion is probably akin to lead a non-committed relationship for six years. This unwise decision, although you have probably rationalized that you are free to date whoever you want, in reality, has actually shackle you in some sense. It is indeed a paradox when it appears that you seem to have freedom, but subconsciously, you are still somewhat tied on a deeper spiritual sense (likely a Saturn-influence relationship fueling a karmic relationship), therefore, how you brand this relationship is not exactly important (companion, best friend, FB, etc).
Perhaps you are tired in your arrangement with this married man - merely drifting, with no exact destination to land. Your experience has taught you that revealing your past will likely to bring about adverse consequence to your current relationship with minimal benefits. Hence, I do not see a point for you to go about relating what has happened in the past when you ought to be focusing on building a new future with your new beau.
The reason why you failed in your previous relationship is not so much about you having to share your past with your ex-bf; but rather, it's about your unnecessary inclusion of him into the picture of your not-so-glorious past, where there is nothing you or he could do to alter them. Failing to invest in the present and look forward will inevitably force you to turn your shoulder over and quarrel about an illusionary past that produce illusionary premises for quarrels. And when the false premises are regarded as real, the death of the relationship will also real - even if it could be the most promising relationship ever.
You can't have the best of both worlds. If you want to walk about from your past, you have to sever bonds with that married man (something which you ought to have done six years ago). If you feel that you need a companionship to serve as a backup, then you will always run into the problem of being haunted by issues of the past.
Start afresh comes with determination and wisdom to steer in the right direction. To drive faster in the wrong direction will only make you crash faster... in more fatal manner.
Cheers
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Originally posted by pokka77:
just find that i am dirty and not worthwhile for him. Although he ain't perfect as mentioned by some of you too. But at least he is very truthful to me, he has shown me his lifestyle not in talk but in true life. He brought me to those pubs he went and the worst one ktv where he will visit with his only best friend (guy) according to the two gentlemen they actually visit KTV but sometime they didn't call for any girls.
I am not sure if i am naive, but i don't see him as hidding anythings from me..
he keep emphasing that he want to be truthful and not hidding anything even if i am only a friend. That's made me very guilty.He did ask indirectly about my past relationship with the MBA, but i told him
i really do not wish to rake the past, let my past be my past. And he actually does told me, he will not force me if i chose not to tell. He is really ok..
i am feeling very bad within.. one one hand i wanna tell him, but the other hand i am so afraid he might not under what i am going thru.I do not deny, in the past previous relationship becoz of my mis-handling of this issues lead to my broke off with my ex bf. and i really do not wish the same to happen.
Well the "mother" has spoken she is a smart lady listen to her.
I still think that you might want to slow down with the rebound guy. The last thing you want to do is to get yourself in another mess.
I do share the same reaction with the moderator that you sound like you have not drop your past "Married man"
He just want to have sex and you want to have relationship thats all you got mixed up GRIL. He cheated your emotion. and He cheated his wife and children. I think you give him too much credit.
Think for yourself Girl don't sell yourself short.
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sooner or later still need say 1 wat
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My personal point of view is that there is not a need to tell your present bf unless you guys talk about it openly and share your own experiences or if your current bf is the kind of guy who are magnanimous and understanding. Some guys can be quite a**l and petty when it comes to relationship, even if it's already your past. And when quarrels happen, they might use this against you and put you down.
But you gota do your part too even if your bf is the understanding kind. Please do not contact the married man anymore because he gives me the impression that he is manipulating you or you are easily manipulated (either ways). There are really many nice men out there who might just be your partner for life, you just gotta cast your net out there.
Love yourself and be fair to your bf. And ultimately, YOU are the one who knows who you love. If it's the married man, please, it is a forbidden one and you are better off with that. I was in your shoes b4 in my teens and I always believe in karma what comes around goes around. If you ever find someone at later that you really love, you wouldn't want the same scenario happening to you. Bless you girl.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
Don't be foolish.
Your past is the past. There is no need to let him know too much detail.
All he needs to know is that you were in a on- and- off relationship with another partner.And you are no longer in contact with the past.
Your past partner is married or not, it is not an issue and he shouldn't make it one.
Everyone has a past, his ain't that perfect either. And what good will digging the past do for anyone ? None so far.
Unless you have medical issues like past infection with STDs or you are recently exposed to high risk sex. These are information you must divulge.
Save yourself some headache. Being honest doesn't means you have to go into unecessary details.
Hmm.... in this matter I'll agree with Jojo (I think quite rare).
Everyone has his/her secrets and it is not a neccessity to reveal it to partner.
Whatever relationship you start is a new chapter and if he judges you on your past it is him who has the problem and he should learn to let go of the past. Which wasn't his concern to begin with since you did not know him. Vice versa.
Kind Regards
Genie
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It makes no difference whether u confess or not cos; it is anguish and guilt that is unsettling u now. It is self-created by you and till u reconcile to it will never go away and moreover it is going to color/cloud your present .... be it a relationship be it relating. Your so-called boyfriend does not have to know, it is none of his business. however, u seem to want to have someone to ''vomit' on and at the same time feel absolved for this moral conundrum that is so very emotionally delibitating and hence ur vacillating stance.
Resolve to transcend and let-go of the past - if not even if it is unspoken it is still there. It will surface!