Shd i break up?
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My bf and I had been tgt for 1 year plus now. He betrayed my trust when we were in 2 mths of the relationship. I had gave him alot of chances afterwhich but all he did was to betray the trust again and again. Now I had gave him the last chance but I'm being very suspicious everyday, wondering when he will do it again. In addition, I'm heading to USA and will be there for 2 weeks. I cant trust him when I'm there. Is there anyway to salvage the relationship and rebuild the trust or shd i step out of this relationship?
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since u oredi like tt say, then i think it's bye bye liao loh.
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Get out of this r/s asap.....
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It depends how much you can re-trust him again. Is the love still there to overlook the mistakes ? How is he treating you now ? those are the questions you need to ask yourself
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Answering to your Q I cant trust him again but i really do want to trust him again and it's hard. Everyday, Im preparing myself for breakup in case he make mistake again which im not going to give him any more chances. All these explain my coldness towards him. Yes, I still love him and i've overlook those mistakes. It's just the matter on trust that is killing me. Lastly, he is treating me very gd now. That's why i dunnoe what i shd do now.
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What about his betrayal ? Is everything settled on that side ? Did he cut off contacts and such ? Once again depends how much you love him. If you really want to continue this relationship, give him and yourself one last chance and trust him. No point half half and make yourself miserable.
If things turn out bad for the third time, leave him for good.
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He promised to cut contacts but he didnt. This last chance I had gaven him, he promised the same thing and say time will prove. So this have to wait and see. Another problem is that he gets over-friendly with girls. By action or talk, this is one thing that i don't know whether can he draw the line and know his limit.
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haizzzit a R/S where there is no trust, how will it work?
Trust & heart are very similar. You can give it to someone, it
can be given to you, & it can be broken. The only difference is when
your heart is broken, it's harder to fix. -
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Look at the weapons hanging on the wall....
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Seems like problem quite jia lat... If you cant tolerate his behaviour with girls, will have quarrels every now and then... Plus he dint even cut contact or anything, gives me the impression that his not really sorry and truely wanting to change.
Overall conclusion: Leave him.
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Broken hearted me - Anne murray ....
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2mths and you lost faith and trust in him. but yet you can be with him together for a year plus. then again after such a long time trust is still not place. So i think instead of dragging it, why not break free from it? lols.
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TS
Going to the USA might be Good for you to think thru....seperate to see if you have more energy cause if it is than the relationship is dragging you down.
Sound like it takes a lot out of you to police this relationship. U have to answer to yourself what do you get out of this relationship? Anything u learned ? any spiritual grow ?
maybe you start growing up when you are emotionally not black mail by him......
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Noted! U guys helped alot, thanks!!!
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Originally posted by SL~:
Noted! U guys helped alot, thanks!!!
I guess there are a lot of people here who will advise on you breaking up.
Think about it and decide on it, remember at the end of the day, its your choice, its your life.
Take care.
Simple Bear
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Originally posted by SL~:
My bf and I had been tgt for 1 year plus now. He betrayed my trust when we were in 2 mths of the relationship. I had gave him alot of chances afterwhich but all he did was to betray the trust again and again. Now I had gave him the last chance but I’m being very suspicious everyday, wondering when he will do it again. In addition, I’m heading to USA and will be there for 2 weeks. I cant trust him when I’m there. Is there anyway to salvage the relationship and rebuild the trust or shd i step out of this relationship?
no trust=game over.
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Originally posted by SL~:
My bf and I had been tgt for 1 year plus now. He betrayed my trust when we were in 2 mths of the relationship. I had gave him alot of chances afterwhich but all he did was to betray the trust again and again. Now I had gave him the last chance but I’m being very suspicious everyday, wondering when he will do it again. In addition, I’m heading to USA and will be there for 2 weeks. I cant trust him when I’m there. Is there anyway to salvage the relationship and rebuild the trust or shd i step out of this relationship?
Please do not hurt yourself anymore.
Take this 2 weeks in the States as a chance to think through.
This kind of guy is far from ready to be a relationship, and with his continuous flirting (and whatever else he does), he is only going to hurt you even deeper.
What 1 forummer said might not be right. But if an entire thread of forummers said similar things, you should really give it due consideration.
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it is still one side of the story....and the relationship is not that long too...
what is the definition of betrayal? over frenly with other gals and cannot make a single mistake again....
let review your own feelings at the same time....sometimes one just want to justify onself to leave another becos a decision is made on another course ....is i really that u have done your best yourself? have u given yourself and the other sufficient time to understand each other?
only u yourself knows better...sometimes one decides and acts on the shadow of guilt without knowing and attempts to get reaffirmation from the "majority" to justify your decision which has already been made to leave him...
as in some cases of crimes...the majority may be deceived based on one sided perspectives.....
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TS,
It is his business and his choice to be what he is. Rite/wrong is subjective. your business is to self-honestly know whether are u with him cos you love him or cos u need him or he fulfils .... Love is nice lah, it is not the wrong person or the right person. It is the people who are in it who profess love but on closer scrutiny are neurotic and do things and say things causing misery to oneself n the other(s) . As to whether he loves you, my intuition tells me he does not, ie. he has misintrepted the ''something else'' as loving you. The something else could be expectation, needs, .... only he knows and would only know if he is being self-honest. I feel that he is merely a victim of his own neurosis. It won't go away till he is reconciled to the demons'' within himself! There is nothing anyone can do about it and better to accept him and walk away gracefully. Making him wrong is unwise. Being wise is allowing the other to be, which does not mean you have to be a part of it. That is dignity.
Leave if u cannot cope, leave if u cannot help wonder and be left suspecting - cos the past will certainly encroach onto the future , though it has yet to come.
Trusting another is accidental, trusting oneself is fine, it is the essence of living n even if things work out or dont work - one is always a winner. '
PS - No expectations = no hurt, no frustration and that is the key that unlocks the doors to the undefinable phenomenon called love lah.