Today is one of the most meaningful day yet in my life. Just a few moment ago, I quietly went out of the apartment and I found myself and knew what are some of my problems.
As I stroll down the park of Yishun, I realised that half of the time I was thinking too much - a lot of times, take for example, I mentioned previously that I was a pathetic child who was treated badly but the truth was most of the time I was the cause of the problems. I treat my Mom badly I scream at her, I yell at her, I even said that she is a despicable bitch who only bother about money, all this while I reasoned that such hurtful came out of my mouth was due to she gave me a bad childhood.
But one thing I did not consider was that those bad childhood memories was caused by me, myself. I lied to my classmates, I was selfish and a very self centered person. by nature no one will love to communicate with such a person. There is absolutely no reason why I should be so spiteful to my mom. She has been a incredible lady, eventhough I hurt her so much with my spiteful attitude, she stills care about me, she bothered to wash my clothes etc. Clearly, she is a very noble lady.
I was the one being selfish, being rude.
From today onwards, I must be a kind, treat her nicely. Then only will I not feel guilty and she will then be nicer to me and only then will I find myself in a warm loving family. Something I had been dreaming of is actually so easy to achieve when I decide to open myself up.
During the walk I found myself thinking, of one advice my form teacher said 'XX, you have been thinking too much. Sometimes things may not be what you are expecting of but because deep in your mind you know you did something bad or unpleasant that you felt guilty of it and when you notice your friends saying something and you are not in the group, you will think that they are badmouthing you but in actual fact, they may be talking or conversing about something else.'
How true. Most of the time I was too worried about myself, too worried about my image in the class, thinking too much. It made me realise that sometimes things are so easy to handle but sometimes we think too much as a result, we tend to complicate things, soon we find ourself in a stuck situation and gave up, blaming ourselves. Losing our self esteem. Losing our confidence level.
At the age of 15, I am handling too much things. I have this strong interest in tech news especially in mobile phones and portable devices like itouch etc. Hence I read a lot of details about them and I always knew the lastest gadget like Samsung Galaxy Tab etc. But it is pointless, eventhough I may knew a lot about them but what could I do? I can't purchase them I am still only a 15 years old high school kid. So why the hell did I fantasise about having, owning them? Playing with them?
It had severely affected my grades. I am a triple pure science student, but yet unlikely most of my classmates who spent their time studying for the end of year final examination, I am too obsessed with tech news that I didn't even study for this entire 1 week holiday break.
I am thinking too much, worrying too much, fantasising too much. And yet I have important commitments that I didn't fulfil like my academic.
And as I reflect my actions during the little quiet walk 3am in the morning I realised that there is a limit in what we can do. And because I worry too much, a little bit of passion here and there hence my academic is suffering. Some of my weaker subject, English with only 59%.
I want to do well in studies. Hence I know and I must sacrifice. I will stop thinking too much, I will focus on my studies, I will stop myself from all the funny funny tech news. I must remember that whatever my actions now, will directly determine my future.
I want my future to be bright, something that I am proud of, hence from today I will be a nicer person to my mom, be more caring, be happier and most importantly I will throw away all the unnecessary worries that has been lingering inside me stopping me from being a successful person.
Hopefully, I will remember my post this morning and apply them, really apply all of them and 10 years later when I look back at this post, I will be happy and proud to announce 'I am a successful person.'
.........................have u ever tried masturbating???it helps u cool down and u will actually find yerself thoroughly.
zctually yer mom cries inside her each time u treat her with disrespect......why would you wnna know ipod and blue or blakberry???u should be programming them instead n not waste $$$$ on stuff like those.....channel all your anger and fire to building a blackberry or tech stuff instead.it works.dun believe it...try it then in yourfree time.now with the internet u can even learn how to assemble and program them from pirated software and perhapsthats how most people start out as.i learnt programming thru pirated software.....original cost too much!!.i also once fantascied about a nintendo game station back in 1980s...i even bought it.....then i found the games too costly and i ended up selling it away in the straits time classified ads.of course i werked and saved up for many many years......stupid isnt it.....buyin stuff that would be obsolete in a year or so.
yer anger and emotions ist like a windmill..it actually turns but if u were to add some mechanism into it......u can make windmill do werk and make u rich.it depend on where u channel your strength to>>>by scolding people which u wont get much of anything or by channeling it into useful werk....which u will reap the harvest.harness yer anger and build technological advanced devices your darkest mind can think off!
i have never scolded parents like u do......but i do know how to tell them gently if they are over stretching me without much help from them.
Originally posted by BillaMax:Today is one of the most meaningful day yet in my life. Just a few moment ago, I quietly went out of the apartment and I found myself and knew what are some of my problems.
As I stroll down the park of Yishun, I realised that half of the time I was thinking too much - a lot of times, take for example, I mentioned previously that I was a pathetic child who was treated badly but the truth was most of the time I was the cause of the problems. I treat my Mom badly I scream at her, I yell at her, I even said that she is a despicable bitch who only bother about money, all this while I reasoned that such hurtful came out of my mouth was due to she gave me a bad childhood.
But one thing I did not consider was that those bad childhood memories was caused by me, myself. I lied to my classmates, I was selfish and a very self centered person. by nature no one will love to communicate with such a person. There is absolutely no reason why I should be so spiteful to my mom. She has been a incredible lady, eventhough I hurt her so much with my spiteful attitude, she stills care about me, she bothered to wash my clothes etc. Clearly, she is a very noble lady.
I was the one being selfish, being rude.
From today onwards, I must be a kind, treat her nicely. Then only will I not feel guilty and she will then be nicer to me and only then will I find myself in a warm loving family. Something I had been dreaming of is actually so easy to achieve when I decide to open myself up.
During the walk I found myself thinking, of one advice my form teacher said 'XX, you have been thinking too much. Sometimes things may not be what you are expecting of but because deep in your mind you know you did something bad or unpleasant that you felt guilty of it and when you notice your friends saying something and you are not in the group, you will think that they are badmouthing you but in actual fact, they may be talking or conversing about something else.'
How true. Most of the time I was too worried about myself, too worried about my image in the class, thinking too much. It made me realise that sometimes things are so easy to handle but sometimes we think too much as a result, we tend to complicate things, soon we find ourself in a stuck situation and gave up, blaming ourselves. Losing our self esteem. Losing our confidence level.
At the age of 15, I am handling too much things. I have this strong interest in tech news especially in mobile phones and portable devices like itouch etc. Hence I read a lot of details about them and I always knew the lastest gadget like Samsung Galaxy Tab etc. But it is pointless, eventhough I may knew a lot about them but what could I do? I can't purchase them I am still only a 15 years old high school kid. So why the hell did I fantasise about having, owning them? Playing with them?
It had severely affected my grades. I am a triple pure science student, but yet unlikely most of my classmates who spent their time studying for the end of year final examination, I am too obsessed with tech news that I didn't even study for this entire 1 week holiday break.
I am thinking too much, worrying too much, fantasising too much. And yet I have important commitments that I didn't fulfil like my academic.
And as I reflect my actions during the little quiet walk 3am in the morning I realised that there is a limit in what we can do. And because I worry too much, a little bit of passion here and there hence my academic is suffering. Some of my weaker subject, English with only 59%.
I want to do well in studies. Hence I know and I must sacrifice. I will stop thinking too much, I will focus on my studies, I will stop myself from all the funny funny tech news. I must remember that whatever my actions now, will directly determine my future.
I want my future to be bright, something that I am proud of, hence from today I will be a nicer person to my mom, be more caring, be happier and most importantly I will throw away all the unnecessary worries that has been lingering inside me stopping me from being a successful person.
Hopefully, I will remember my post this morning and apply them, really apply all of them and 10 years later when I look back at this post, I will be happy and proud to announce 'I am a successful person.'What do you think of my reflection?
Congrats on beginning to overcome your Self Ego, ie. physical mind or what you termed as "thinking". When people think only with their physical mind, and not feel with their heart, all sorts of negativity result.
Life is really about learning to overcome all forms of negativity in us, in order for us to grow as a person. The first step to do that is to overcome self-denial that we have problems within us, and need to improve ourselves. You've just done that.
But the future ahead is not as easy as you think at the moment. Realising what you must do, and being able to do it, are totally different things. You need to put in great efforts and be determined to be truly happy and proud of yourself in future, proud of the good person that you've grown into, not proud of the material, external and temporary successes. If you define yourself only on external successes, you'll not be able to hold on to that happiness for long.
All the best for your future ahead! :)
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
i think it's gd. i need to reflect too. i think i'm like you. self-centered, worry excessively, fantasize alot too. all the best to you.
Wah not bad
U're able to think in such a mature way at such a young age.
Good luck!
PS: I hope u remember ur midnight ramblings lol
after 2 weeks u will revert back
i bet with ya
Originally posted by gigabyte14:after 2 weeks u will revert back
i bet with ya
eh baka dun 泼冷水 can?
At least ppl can think like tt lei
Not bad liaoz
Originally posted by gigabyte14:after 2 weeks u will revert back
i bet with ya
Actually this is probably true
BUT now that you have taken the first step towards learning how to self rationalise
It means every time this frustration, confusion, the cycle of obsessive thinking comes back again...
... it will get easier and easier for you to snap your fingers in front of your eyes and tell yourself "SNAP OUT OF IT"
It's really sort of like exercising a mental or emotional muscle :) congrats on getting stronger!
I cant help but agree with gigabyte lah. How can the mind ever resolve finding oneself. It is the right hand fighting with the left hand. It is the tree fighting with its branches. It cannot be reconciled. At the most one is pruning the leaves of a tree, which is in actuality giving it more strength. However if one were to cut the roots, the self dies and a new ''self' blossoms.
Self here is that which has no divisions, no comparison.
However, without going into nitty gritty of the mind I would venture a guess that if one were to have a POROUS ego - there is a possibility of bein able to find one ''self'. Self in quotes cos as long there is consciousness of Self - the latter is a barrier. Mind is divisive and in most cases the mind uses one as opposed to one using the mind.
Mind is utilitarion - good for business, work , study and ... in market place.
However, it is woefully a bad master when dealing with what IS on the inside.
The heart is the seat of one's being - when one makes a proclamation that one has found himself/herself - it is the heart's yearning to be.
Of course, the heart knows no rules, no laws and it intuits. It is a risky venture hence the human mind which is calculative, rationale and accustomed to certainty - the mind would rationalize, eclipse what one''s heart intuits.
Assuming TS is in his/her teens it is alrite lah, but it would stand one in good stead to understand that as long as the self (my meaning is that of what one thinks of oneself is not one is, what one is not is what one is.) is there it is going to be a chase, divisive and conflicting.
Holding a book does not and cannot be equated as reading it. The real actual reading is the process, the flow!
a good piece of english composition - mindless of a few slips...
Goals and mindset do change. But well a first step out is good
Originally posted by gigabyte14:after 2 weeks u will revert back
i bet with ya
Totally true. We human beings will tend to go back to our previous behaviour despite knowing that it is bad, it is wrong. It is really due to our bad habits.
I realised that our habits determine our future.
Successful people have sucessful habits, they wake up early, never miss any appointment good things like that, they have this habit deep rooted inside them such that they did it unconsiously, without any reminders from others. This is something that all of us want isn't it?
but the problem is, these successful habits are hard to cultivate this explains why there isn't many very successful people in the world of 7 billions for example MM Lee, Steve Jobs.
Yes, true, in 1 week chances are I will go back to my previous state of poor behaviour so to try to prevent that from happening, I will try my best to kick those poor habits rooted in me and start developing successful habits to get to the JC I want and ultimately achieving my goals in life.
So what do you guys think?
writing a reflection is easy but by putting words into actions is another story. Boy oh boy , u are delusional do you know that . For fark sake , go tell mama that you are sorry and u wana be a good boy from now on.
Be a man, go to your mum and say that you are sorry for your past ways and will try to change.
Talk is cheap but the action is more important.
If you really feel that you want to change act on it.
Saying sorry is tough but it shows that you are trying to change and you must follow up with actions.
Come back to us only if you can maintain the change, cos no point reflecting so much and just do nothing about it.