Mental problems/Narcissism
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Yes it is better to see a doctor about your behaviour.
Go to IMH and get help from there.
If not, it will affect your life, work and studies and of course your friends.
Sorry to heard that your past life really affected you too much.
You need top let the past go in ordr to move forward.
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Hmm... perhaps you can go back, then tell them that you need help with your past diagnosed problems, mention the past diagnosis, then see what they say? Hopefully your doc can lead you on to help you from there...
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The mental doctor is called a psychiatrist. He can help with mental disorders like social anxiety (caused by your past) and ocpd.
If u're not too certain of what you want from a psychiatrist, speak to your school's counsellor first. The counsellor can assess your needs and maybe provide a referral to a good psychiatrist. The counsellor is also a good person to speak to regarding the issues you faced in work/school/life.
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ask Beta...he has the exact same symptoms as xiaobun bun.....for more information ask beta...he knows alot on these from meds and where to go and seek shelter.....so xiaobun bun has beta for a kaki.
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u can also ask gedankan for help...he is a psychiatrist and frequents commando thread in SAF thread in sgforum.
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ts ur a boy or girl huh? better go see a doctor and why did u let u out. as in not insultingly
its just a job as a waitress/waiter right? there are tons of them out there in the world.
are u still a student? or an adult alr.
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
But the main problem is...I wanted to go back to see a mental doctor and I dunno how to tell the doctor what I really want from them?
Many 'mental doctors' simply prescribe drugs to dull one's mind and senses, since they have no better solutions. As for whether those drugs are good or bad when taken long-term, feel free to find out more on your own.From your description, you actually know yourself quite well already, as you have a 'long history' of such behaviour. If given a choice today, how will you change yourself on your own to improve your life?
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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xxxx
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
Wah lar...I realised my narcissism/anxiety/ocpd problems caused a lot of my own downfall. But is it so wrong just to practice a bit...just a bit of it (especially narcissism)???
Also, I used to take the medicine, but it only calm my nerves down (as in I don't go too high) and yes, it dulls me abit and there was one time this particular medicine make my mouth move too awkwardly.
I don't know how to cure my narcissism/anxiety/ocpdness as I've always been this way. Only when I go out to work, I realised that my own perception of people and myself only narrow my even narrow viewpoint and this cause ppl to prey on my weaknesses so easily, it's crazy!!
And my anxiety problems is also not helping me. Causing me to become too anxious, too high/too low, acting too awkwardly...but then no one is perfect la.
Anyways, this part-time job cause me to go crazy for a while...it was terrible. Reminds me of sec 5 all over again.
Sometimes, if your not blessed with anything (looks, brains etc.) it's so difficult not to fall for any traps that people laid.
There are no quick shortcuts to solve your issues, and you'll need to put in great efforts.
Focus on healing yourself first. Forget about what others think or say about you. You always have a choice to not over-react to their comments, good or bad. You are not living your life to please others. On the other hand, you shouldn't cause harm to others by your words and actions. Most people have better things to do than "lay traps" for another person. Even if they are really nasty people, you have the power and choice to avoid over-reacting and bring more problems to yourself. You have to learn self-control.
You have a job to earn your living, not to beg for friends or earn compliments. If you make genuine friends at your workplace, well and good. If they are not genuine people, just keep the relationship to pure work-level friendliness. You can find genuine friends outside of work. Many workplaces are not conducive places for finding genuine friends.
It's positive to feel good about yourself, but living your life only thinking about yourself becomes a negative thing. In your case, learning to moderate your emotions and actions could be a good start to heal yourself, as you seem to swing between extremes.
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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You need therapy not meds.
Unfortunately, you need TONS of therapy and it's gonna be bloody ex.
Like what rainbow jigsaw said, you need to heal yourself from within. Look at it this way, your life is tangled up with problems, and each problem is knotted up with other problems, so you'll have to resolve them one by one.
Start with the easiest one and work your way up, as for which one is the easiest--> I dunno, coz I'm not you, what might seem easy to me might be really tough for you.
Fortunately, you seem to know what your general issues are. But you only know the general problems and not the details, so I'll suggest that you take some time everyday to think about how you can resolve them and what you can do to make your life easier/better.
And also I'll advice you to observe people. Look at how they interact with each other and learn from it. You'll be able to learn social skills and be able to interact better with others. Most people behave in predictable ways, once you know their "patterns", you'll know what to expect and also know how to react.
At the very least, you should aim to become somebody who is able to function normally in society. And social skills are really important. The reason why people do not like you is because you exhibit anti social traits. Not because you're a horrible person or whatever, but because you lack a really basic skill.
PS: I'm not asking you to be pretentious, 2-faced or hypocritical. Having good social skills doesn't mean that you have to be all that. Being able to establish good ties and r/s makes everybody's lives easier. Afterall human beings are social animals.
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xiaobunbun...pls remain cute and stop being an auntie
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xxxxx
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
Dear Missbonkers and Jigsaw,
The problem with me is that I am very inexperience in life matters itself. I was really naive, thinking that friends at work is possible. But luckily it's only a part time job and it's a very difficult part time job which reminds me of a previous japanese company that I've worked (and got fired). I've fell for every 'trap' here because I was too sensitive and my colleagues here looped me really badly. I actually poke my nose at every affair and it's stupid really.
I'm so glad that it's over and I asked the manager that hire me to help me to tender/terminate me.
You are right that self-hate/'love' has caused my own downfall. But then other colleagues also abused me and I have to take the fall :( But it happens at every entry level job that I does. The main point is that working life is just here to play with people and you get paid like 'nuts' for it.
I talked too much crap about myself. Notice all my message here : I,I,I...
The thing is...I only have myself to think of.
The thing is I try to please ppl too much...it's crazy. should not have done that.
-_-"That's why I'm telling you to go and think about your problems and try to find a way to solve it ma. You're the only one who knows yourself best. If you don't take the time to go and resolve all these issues, then you're gonna be the one suffering.
Like I said, you already know your problems, so go and think deeply and find a way to solve it. We cannot provide you with the specific solution because you'll have to find your own solutions. You'll have to find the solution that best fits your needs.
You know that you think and talk about yourself too much, then cut down la. You know that you shouldn't be too busybody and do things that irritate other people den dun do la.
It's tt simple, all you need is some self discipline and the ability to love yourself the right way.
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XiaoBunbun, lim peh ka li kong! Actually ah, you can be a likeable person. tong ko bo lan jai but did you see how many of us truly care about your tong ko in this blog site? In this world, there are many good and bad people. Don't blame your stepmum and others around you. It takes time to heal when you talk less hurting words with anyone. Nothing to talk about, just ignore them like invisible germ. If they ask you or scold you nastily, answer nicely but shortly. Some nasty people love to eat soft, not hard one. So, give them a soft one as a respect. God loves seeing patient people. When they treat you badly, retribution will come to them someday in future but it is not our business to enjoy their retribution - it is for God to enjoy. However leh, please pray for them even though they are bad. By doing so, God enjoys rewarding you for being among His favourite creations besides all prophets, saints and angels. What goes around must come around like a boomerang or yoyo. Next time ah, when anyone kiu kiu kio at you, just tell them to grow up and be nicer person in life. Period. Don't argue with them from now onwards. Whenever you have future emotional problems again, come here again online and we share with you to solve what are best for you.
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Remember to ask doctor to give you Vitamin B Complex for mental relaxation (take it with makan) but don't mix with other prescribed medicine. And don't think Mental Woodbridge Hospital are for gila people only. Gila doctors are there also to entertain you. One of my old friends went for mental treatment concerning fear for filthy things which caused him to wash hands for more than ten minutes and if he felt unclean, he would go bad to visit his tap again. He told me that his three doctors in the Mental Woodbridge Hospital whom he met threw biscuits on the floor and ate them up in front of him and queried him why dirty. He came back to say he was cured knowing there were more educated people more gila than he was. But he was cured by such an inspiration in the end. No wonder all his water bills were tua kee. Expensive man! Anyway, train your mental attitude and be a better person in life towards the good, the bad and the ugly societies but don'ch get into any trouble as their criminal partner. We have experienced long time ago in what you have experienced now. I am Bruce LeeTuaChek who once kena sai of many people who loved to play office-politics and family-politics!
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Originally posted by SinglishSpeaker:
One of my old friends went for mental treatment concerning fear for filthy things which caused him to wash hands for more than ten minutes and if he felt unclean, he would go bad to visit his tap again. He told me that his three doctors in the Mental Woodbridge Hospital whom he met threw biscuits on the floor and ate them up in front of him and queried him why dirty. He came back to say he was cured knowing there were more educated people more gila than he was. But he was cured by such an inspiration in the end. No wonder all his water bills were tua kee. Expensive man!
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See a psychiatrist, maybe you need to take a trip down to polyclinics to get a doc's letter and the docs will tell you where to go and also will be cheaper cos seeing psychiatrist is very expensive.
You need to act asap and not dragging the problems wil you forever as I can see that it will affected your daily chores and lifes and friends around you. Do it now if you want to save yourselfs being self distruction.
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Ts,
Muse over this and though it appears to be about love - it is expansive. It is an eg to expand and move inwards.
The question u need to ask yourself is whether there is any place u can stand in yourself and look at all that's happening around without freaking out, where u can be quiet enough to hear your predicament, and can begin to find ways of acting that are at least not contributing to further destabilization.
The centre and the circumference of a circle is one, one who is centred within oneself responds, one trapped on the circumference - always , always reacts. Response - the locus of control is within u, reaction - the locus of control is outer.
This is the predicament of today's so-called love in ...... the parable below is expansive!
One celebrates love or suffers love? The parable of Narcissus: he had fallen in love with himself. Looking into a silent pool of water, he fell in love with his own reflection.
The difference is this: one who loves himself does not love his reflection, he simply loves himself. No mirror is needed; he knows himself from inwards. Don’t you know yourself, that you are? Do you need a proof that you are? Do you need a mirror to prove that you exist? If there were no mirror, would you become suspicious of your existence?
Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection - not with himself. That is not true self-love. He fell in love with the reflection; the reflection is the other. He had become two, he was split. Narcissus was split. He was in a kind of schizophrenia. He had become two - the lover and the loved. He had become his own object of love - and that’s what happens to so many people who think they are in love n loving another.
This is narcissism not love. The man becomes the silent pool and reflects the woman, and the woman becomes the silent pool and reflects the man; in fact not only reflects the truth, but decorates it with praises and flattery, in a thousand and one ways makes it look more and more beautiful. This is what people call love. This is not love - this is mutual ego-satisfaction. Real love know nothing of the ego. Real love starts first as self-love. Naturally, you have this body, this being, you are rooted in it. And there is no question of pride or ego because you are not comparing yourself with anybody. Ego comes only with comparison. Self-love knows no comparison - you are you, that’s all that matters. You don't say that somebody else is inferior to you; in fact, u dont compare at all. Whenever comparison comes, know well it is not love; but a subtle creeping in of the ego. So, whenever there is comparison, it is egoistic love . It is narcissism. Whenever there is no comparison, remember, it is love, whether of oneself or the other. In real love there is no division. Two lovers melt into each other. In egoistical love there is great split, the division of the lover and the loved. In real love there is no relationship. In real love there is no relationship, because there are not two persons to be related to. In real love there is only love, a melting, a merging of two. Only in egoistic love are there two persons, the lover and the loved. And whenever there is the lover and the loved, love disappears. Whenever there is love, the lover and the other, both disappear into love.
Love - one who loves out of duty. obligation and responsiblity - is on an ego trip.
Real love shares and shares what is inner, the rest is immaterial.
Many marriages suffer cos - it is lack of love and lack of friendship.
From a conventional perspective - it would seem u are a' failure', but dont forget - at the end of the day when all is said and done - u are u , and u are here to be u, not a replica or a shadow of someone or some fixed ideas that has been imparted to by so-called do-gooders.
PS - my own experience is this - those who profess , proclaim love - are not only loving and kind towards their own (eg, spouse, children ...) but to all and sundry. That is real love, cos he/she she is so rich on the inside - he/she is able to share. How to know if one really loves you? One who purports to love ... is telling of his/her love for ... when one can see how this person who proclaims love treats strangers, animals or ... If he/she is different to others eg, hostile, unfriendly, rude or self-righteous - that is the real person. The love that is given to only one is a mutual benefit scheme - hence the quickness to possess, to own, to make it a relationship. Behind this facade, fear lurks, the fear of loss - not of the other but the loss of one being fulfilled thru another's being .. or doing ....!
Real love gives and whether it comes back or not is unimportant - when one expects to be rewarded or has expectations - then its a bargain, beggarly love is a curse, love that is rich - a benediction.
Lest it is forgotten comparison is utterly self-defeating - it is disrespecting oneself and it being the case - by habit one is inclined to compare others - is it not disrespecting others?
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wonder why peoples are giving advices to a mental patient, leave it to the doctor ya
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Originally posted by angel7030:
wonder why peoples are giving advices to a mental patient, leave it to the doctor ya
Sorry, but I have to disagree. TS is not a mental patient. She is just going through more difficult life experiences than a typical person has to go through. Not everyone is equally "blessed" with easy life experiences. Learning to cope with behavioural and emotional issues does not come easy or naturally for everyone.
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
The thing is that I suffered so much ard people. I can't stand people that reminds me of my past or anything abt them that triggered my anxiety and my high/low brain moods.
It's not fair for them and neither it is for me but that's how my brain neurology works. And it doesn't help if someone also does not like me at first sight. All these can only push me down further (like what happened here and some of the previous jobs that I worked)
Almost everyone I met either doesn't like me for my appearance, attitude, disposition or anything else about me. In here, I suffered every crap and ppl keep calling me fat, ugly and most importantly, stupid.
How am I suppose to experience life when life (people) doesn't like me, of course I seemed very inexperience in matters like that and obviously got my great big anxiety and having no friends, and all I have is my parents who help me alot in physical stuff but not on emotional stuff.
It's not fair that a person that is not blessed in appearance, EQ or whatever to get all the crap. I don't have friends so it's obviously stupid of me to rely on a company to get 'friends' or 'emotional support' and this is how I gotten the sack and rumour spread around.
I live a really lonely existence. How can I not be concern with myself and of course people do not like me at all either by appearance itself or the way I present myself.
I wanted to commit suicide many times because I can't see a point in my almost useless existence. Losing jobs, failing school, having crappy 'parents' or 'relatives' that discourage my every movement.
All I have is a friend that is almost the same like me, but at least her parents are good enough. I tell almost everyone about my problems and they kept commenting that my life sounded so sad but the fact that, it is.
So I can't help if I see something new or whatever (like people, things or anything) in a workplace or anywhere. It's a culture shock you see.
Also, the reason why I gotten the sack here is because I gotten 'bullied' really badly and reached the lower end of the spectrum and also gotten too high at the beginning of the spectrum and obviously and naturally I got kicked out/fired.
I mean why am I getting called out for being fat, ugly or even stupid when it is only an entry level job? If I am soooo good, I would not be here in the first place. People abused me because they didn't like me at first sight or else I would get into a shock when I see certain people that triggered my anxiety attacks or else I would get really sad/insecure when I see certain ppl and one of the colleague here sense it and would abuse me really badly. I see other people with disgust too and well, when they see me with disgust, I would get the abuse instead. Especially so done with all the full timers and some of the part timers here and the higher management too....I don't understand why I was used as a punching bag? Probably because I failed so why can't they fire me instead?
Entry level jobs are so toxic, it's crazy. But I am not that good academically either so how? This is not about winning but I don't know how to survive out there in the world, honestly speaking.
Is money an issue for you, as in you need an X amount of monthly salary to survive? If not, why not consider working in a non-profit organisation? The pay would naturally be lower than typical companies, but generally, the people working there are easier to work with, as there is less stress on profits and customers. The pace would be slower, so you can gradually grow more assured of yourself.
Find organisations with more uncles and aunties if you can, as they may be more accommodating to your situation. Not all youths and young adults around your age are matured enough or have enough life experiences to accommodate your current emotional state, if you work along-side them as colleagues. Of course, you have to do your part as well. If you feel you offend people whenever you speak, then talk less, listen more, smile more. :)
Focus on being capable enough to handle simple jobs first. When you find your confidence growing, things will naturally improve in your life. Finding more genuine friends other than the one you currently have is of lower priority. Build up your self-confidence first ya. You can do it, but you must want to help yourself.
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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