Mental problems/Narcissism
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
Hey rainbow jigsaw,
You talk about mixing with young people that I got the abuse but it's not true. I got the abuse from people with all sorts of age group. There are really mature young people and there are also really closeted 'mature' adults. I've seen everything here in my part time job and I got the abuse from people almost like me, trapped in their world or want 'affections' from others or else the people with vast maturity (doesnt matter what age) ignore me because I got a great big anxiety just by seeing them and even worse, I could not even take in any instructions properly. And the most crappiest of all, is that I got tons of abuse from a male colleague just because I showed 'girl' feelings (about anything else, it doesn't matter...maybe I was too pushy) But then loads of people also do not like him.
I didn't even know that a simple part time job is so difficult and I really got that they want 'robots'. My great big anxiety/ocpd/narcissism caused a lot of trouble in my performance. I didn't even know that a simple job like this is so fast paced.
That's the reason why I looked for a 'part-time' and not full-time because I know that I have really terrible adjustments. and to add salt to injury, when I first came here, I just finished my ITE exams and was worrying and waiting for results and also, I quitted tons of jobs and told myself this is the last F&B job that i'm working and I must stay for as long as I can.
My parents are the ones forcing me to find jobs and all..they kept blaming everything on me and I can't help but felt the weight of everything on my shoulders. And then all the torture and things begin here and I nearly committed suicide because of it.
Perhaps you are right too, I should find someone that is more accomodating to my situation. Maybe youths that are like the same as me? Or maybe a more mature person like you said. But the problem is that my english language and 'education' also caused me lots of trouble by letting me into fast paced environment and I once worked as a cleaner for a week and they kept telling me that I sound educated and should look for better jobs and telling me that such dirty jobs are not suitable for a young girl like me.
I wonder what is a 'simple' job? Maybe somewhere where I can do things at my own pace? But what can I learn from there? I honestly don't see myself climbing the corporate ranks because to do that, I really need all the lucks, attitude, charisma, intelligence in the world and I really don't have any of that, so I don't really bother.
I can honestly tell you that my parents especially my father is not doing me any good. Because of his forceful attitude, I developed the sense of rush and if not for jobs, I would not know that I have really vast attitude problems and a crappy set of home that teaches all the wrong values.
Yeah, I needed the money because i'm almost 23 and my parents are planning to get rid of me soon. My father kept complaning that he is old (58) and he is always saying that he is worried abt me and how am I going to survive out there. I don't know how to go about talking to him about this.He is stubborn and well, he is the only one working right now. My stepmum just recently lost her job again, and she also have great big attitude problems and kept venting her anger on me if she is in a bad mood. My father sides her and if I go against her, I will get beaten up.
I honestly think that my family environment is also really toxic and this carries on to my ex-school life, ex-work life and in return, all I get was back to square one.
If you can't stay long in a job, it makes no difference how much salary the job pays. You'll need much time to resolve all your inner issues, but you have to deal with them one at a time, not all at once.I strongly recommend that you find a job in a more caring environment, not a profit-oriented company. Seriously, you're not suited for a F&B job, for the time being. Why don't you find if there are job openings for your level of qualifications in those voluntary organisations? The pay is decent, the pace of work is not fast generally, the jobs are meaningful, and the people working in such places would have more heart, so are more likely to help you adjust, provided you do your best.
Only you can help yourself. Giving excuses for every weakness you have is not going to improve your situation. Start slow, and gain your confidence first.
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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xxxxxx
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
The thing is that I suffered so much ard people. I can't stand people that reminds me of my past or anything abt them that triggered my anxiety and my high/low brain moods.
It's not fair for them and neither it is for me but that's how my brain neurology works. And it doesn't help if someone also does not like me at first sight. All these can only push me down further (like what happened here and some of the previous jobs that I worked)
Almost everyone I met either doesn't like me for my appearance, attitude, disposition or anything else about me. In here, I suffered every crap and ppl keep calling me fat, ugly and most importantly, stupid.
How am I suppose to experience life when life (people) doesn't like me, of course I seemed very inexperience in matters like that and obviously got my great big anxiety and having no friends, and all I have is my parents who help me alot in physical stuff but not on emotional stuff.
It's not fair that a person that is not blessed in appearance, EQ or whatever to get all the crap. I don't have friends so it's obviously stupid of me to rely on a company to get 'friends' or 'emotional support' and this is how I gotten the sack and rumour spread around.
I live a really lonely existence. How can I not be concern with myself and of course people do not like me at all either by appearance itself or the way I present myself.
I wanted to commit suicide many times because I can't see a point in my almost useless existence. Losing jobs, failing school, having crappy 'parents' or 'relatives' that discourage my every movement.
All I have is a friend that is almost the same like me, but at least her parents are good enough. I tell almost everyone about my problems and they kept commenting that my life sounded so sad but the fact that, it is.
So I can't help if I see something new or whatever (like people, things or anything) in a workplace or anywhere. It's a culture shock you see.
Also, the reason why I gotten the sack here is because I gotten 'bullied' really badly and reached the lower end of the spectrum and also gotten too high at the beginning of the spectrum and obviously and naturally I got kicked out/fired.
I mean why am I getting called out for being fat, ugly or even stupid when it is only an entry level job? If I am soooo good, I would not be here in the first place. People abused me because they didn't like me at first sight or else I would get into a shock when I see certain people that triggered my anxiety attacks or else I would get really sad/insecure when I see certain ppl and one of the colleague here sense it and would abuse me really badly. I see other people with disgust too and well, when they see me with disgust, I would get the abuse instead. Especially so done with all the full timers and some of the part timers here and the higher management too....I don't understand why I was used as a punching bag? Probably because I failed so why can't they fire me instead?
Entry level jobs are so toxic, it's crazy. But I am not that good academically either so how? This is not about winning but I don't know how to survive out there in the world, honestly speaking.
Remember this.You cannot control pple's mouth.
If they want to call you names, go ahead.
I even also being call names too.
But I am still ok for I love what I am and I dont owe pples comments to live and eat and sleep.
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23 years old still very the young leh, just like that stupid angel7030 like that. lol
nabei, what is narcissism? very the chim leh. to me u are just a lost sheep that need a person to guided u only. too bad both your parent ish not able to guide u already.
prolly u need a mentor or a teacher.....hm....some more a long term one. pple like me might be able to guide u lor, but i notch free leh. sorry hor. lol
below are some info about the disorder that ts mantioned, but i think her problem is not the same case.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
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u feel lousy, u behave lousy, pple buay tahan say u lousy, u feel even more lousy, u behave more lousy, pple more buay tahan n say u really lousy u feel even even more lousy, so on n so forth. so first u mus stop feeling lousy! i think la, ur problems are 1. u r looking down on urself. u r convinced that u r not good in everything, n u hate to be reminded about it. but unfortunately the things they say about remind u of ur own insecurities. this is why u reacted negatively when people say bad stuffs abt u. 2. u are still affected by ur past. u need to know that what happened already happen liao, u must put it behind u. true, last time mebbe u kena bully or scold or treated badly. but if u refuse to let it go, u will be reminded of all ur sufferings whenever u encounter anything that resembles any of ur negative experiences. then u'll start acting like how u did when u were treated unfairly. in short u are still allowing yourself to be bullied by whoever bullied u before. pple from ur past might not be physically around to bully u anymore, but in ur mind they are always right behind u, ready to torture u again. i think if u wan to start, u can start by accepting ur past. realise that its alr over, last time pple bully u doesnt mean next time everyone will bully u. u'll have it alot easier if u dont feel very lousy whenever u r reminded of ur past. when u can do that, u'll find that people are not as mean as u used to see them. then maybe the words or actions they do, wont hurt u as much. and so ur negative emotions wont be triggered as often as last time. remember, dont let wad happened in the past 23 yrs affect the next 4-50 years of ur life.
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
Voluntary organizations? What do you mean? I used to work in customer service in a union and I got booted out.
Sorry, I left out something in my previous post. It's not only F&B jobs that you should avoid. You should avoid all types of customer-facing jobs, until you have resolved most of your inner issues. You need to get used to working with a few colleagues first, for long periods of time, ie. stay in a job without being asked to go!Find jobs doing simple admin paper work, if possible. Jobs that have more or less fixed standard procedures, which you can easily do well and efficiently, once you get the hang of it. It's not exciting, but it will help you get your self confidence first. You can learn to work well with a few colleagues first, then when your interpersonal skills improve, then you can consider other forms of jobs, if you want.
But for now, seriously, the lesser number of people you need to work with on a daily basis, the better. Then you won't have so much stress, while you slowly adjust and learn to deal with people.
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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Originally posted by BotaHead:
23 years old still very the young leh, just like that stupid angel7030 like that. lol
nabei, what is narcissism? very the chim leh. to me u are just a lost sheep that need a person to guided u only. too bad both your parent ish not able to guide u already.
prolly u need a mentor or a teacher.....hm....some more a long term one. pple like me might be able to guide u lor, but i notch free leh. sorry hor. lol
below are some info about the disorder that ts mantioned, but i think her problem is not the same case.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Hello, botak ah pek, stupid is not siao hor,
what is nabei? u botak head also like to use chim word hor.
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It's true. I let ppl in the past affected my self-esteem. Thinking everyone is the same, this thing firmly etched in my brain until I got this part time job and realised how trapped in my own mind and past memories is. I ignore all the 'good' signs and let the 'bad' ones take over me. I let all my insecurities take over me.
Chocochips, you are right. I let ppl in the past take over me and let them seal my future and planted firmly inside my head. But I don't have the right family or right classmates so I really don't quite clearly understand what is the right and wrongs of social norms and what's more like I said, the more they do that to me, the more trapped in the world I am.
But not everyone is perfect la. Because going to work everyday or some days is also a pain. Don't even know what is the true purpose of doing that also. For me or for......???
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Originally posted by angel7030:
Hello, botak ah pek, stupid is not siao hor,
what is nabei? u botak head also like to use chim word hor.
i know ah, at first is stupid stupid then later become siao siao lor
nabei means due na seng u dont know meh, those cantonese old man at coffee shop always say due na seng, due na seng, lol
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Originally posted by BotaHead:
i know ah, at first is stupid stupid then later become siao siao lor
nabei means due na seng u dont know meh, those cantonese old man at coffee shop always say due na seng, due na seng, lol
wa cau! very chim leh...even ah due, ah seng also come out already. Dunno why, whenever playing golf, during tee off, i alway imagine the ball as a botahead, that motivate me to whack it so hard...WHammm! -
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
Hmmm, should I actually put this job into my resume? I actually did really crappily here. It's not the worse though since I finally got what is going on over here and I actually learnt a lot over here despite getting loads of unnecessary abuse and it also helps me to realised that some things in life is not all that matters like appearances, qualifications and the work itself. This job actually helped me to think wider. I have to partially thank this job even though my performance is one piece of garbage and I acted really stupidly over here. (But I can't help it because my emotional and anxiety part of the brain and all the crappy abuse and exam stress got over me and overwhelmed me too much that I got all crazy. I regretted not visiting the hospital and taking my anxiety pills)
This job also helped me to understand myself a bit better and also how to spot a lot of nonsensical people and most importantly, how a job is done.
I have a big 1 year gap if I left this part time job out.
I'm going to be very direct as usual. No offence meant, but you really need to put in efforts to help yourself, or your situation will only continue.
Do you realise almost every sentence that you wrote above in that short passage contains really negative words/phrases like "really crappily", "the worse", "loads of unnecessary abuse", "piece of garbage", "really stupidly", "can't help it", "anxiety part of the brain", "all the crappy abuse", "exam stress", "overwhelmed", "all crazy", "anxiety pills" and "lot of nonsensical people".
I believe everyday, throughout the day, your mind is constantly generating non-stop negativity, whether in your thoughts, emotions or speech. This will only worsen your problems, as this causes "darker and denser" energies to accumulate around you and in you, attracting even more negative people and situations into your life. I shall not explain more about your current energetic issues, as it's complex.
But seriously, you need to start doing little things to make yourself feel happy first. If you enjoy going out to the beach, or park, then try to do it regularly. Do some regular exercise, like jogging or swimming with your good friend or alone. If you enjoy watching anime, cartoons or read comics, then do it. If you like art and craft, or handicraft, then do it. Do little things that you feel happy doing. If you like animals, frequent pet shops to watch them (but please don't buy any pets now as you have to be able to take good care of yourself first!) or volunteer at SPCA.
Join voluntary groups to help the elderly, disabled or less fortunate. You'll get to know genuinely caring people, and you won't feel anymore like the whole world is against you or only wants to abuse you.
If you feel uncomfortable with too many people around, then avoid shopping centres or crowded places when you can. Apply for simple admin jobs, which doesn't need you to work with too many people. If you are not too choosy (and you cannot afford to be choosy now!), ok with low pay to start with, you should be able to get a job relatively soon.
When you start feeling better about yourself, and find that it's possible to be happy in your life, then things will naturally improve for you. How you think, feel and speak often has a great impact on what happens in your life...
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
It's true. I let ppl in the past affected my self-esteem. Thinking everyone is the same, this thing firmly etched in my brain until I got this part time job and realised how trapped in my own mind and past memories is. I ignore all the 'good' signs and let the 'bad' ones take over me. I let all my insecurities take over me.
Chocochips, you are right. I let ppl in the past take over me and let them seal my future and planted firmly inside my head. But I don't have the right family or right classmates so I really don't quite clearly understand what is the right and wrongs of social norms and what's more like I said, the more they do that to me, the more trapped in the world I am.
But not everyone is perfect la. Because going to work everyday or some days is also a pain. Don't even know what is the true purpose of doing that also. For me or for......???
We are all born crying, no one is born smiling, cos we do not want to come here, but since we are here, might as well enjoy it, why worry about this and that, friends or no friends, trap or no trap,..just get on with it, free time come my pub, have a chat and a few drinks, paid for it, you happy, i happy. Also can teach you a few trick on bartending, maybe you are good at it. -
serious problem. write so much about yourself.....
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ya, those write less also got problem, i guess
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Some 1 never change. Dog mouth cannot grow Ivory. Ah back to our TS
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u should change ur nick to siaobunbun. there are two types of siao, one is screaming type, the other is very quiet time, but kill if thing dun get her way. For me, i am those guai guai, eat full shake legs type. Learn to like me ya
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
May I know any examples of voluntary organizations or whatever? Btw, shld I put this job into my resume? Like I said, I would have a year's gap if I don't and also, even though I c*ock up everything, like doing all the crazy stupid things here, showing girly feelings towards my male colleagues (eeww), can't filter out whatever instructions it is, took in all the abuse/praises and thinking they are real and even showed jealousy/fear towards some female/male colleagues...until the last min, I figure out what is over here...a lot of teamworks, psychology, probably some IQ work is going on here. My god, one of my colleague here is so experience and smart, it's crazy. I learnt alot here and like I said, some part of me also changed while I am here and realised a lot of things are not what it seemed to be.
I mean....whoever got this job is really, really lucky. I also partially thank this job for making me open up my eyes to how exactly a job is done.
The only thing I regretted over here is how the way I screamed and yelled like a mad woman at my colleagues.
You may want to visit NCSS (National Council of Social Services):
for general stuff:
for career services:
http://www.ncss.org.sg/Career/Career%20in%20NCSS.asp
Or try Community Development Council (http://www.cdc.org.sg/)
employment services, eg.:
http://www.northeastcdc.org.sg/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=17&Itemid=161
You just need to build up your self-confidence first, as you had negative experiences. Since you are aware that you were largely responsible for much of those experiences, so you just have to learn from your past mistakes, and not repeat those mistakes, and do better in your future job.
You should just list down all your jobs that you have worked in your resume, else the employment gap will give you problems in finding another job. If a potential employer needs references, you can list down other people who know you well besides your previous employers, if they don't specifically request for it. Generally, if you are applying for a very basic entry-level job, I believe employers won't bother to spend too much time/effort in finding out past job histories.
Just learn from your past, and look forward to your better future. Just focus on not over-reacting to people around you, and you should find it easier to work with people.
All the best! :)
Rainbow Jigsaw of Life
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I feel bad about your past, but in order to get rid of those mental probs, in my opinion, i guess regardless how good/superior that psychiatrist may be, it all lies within you whether you want to make a pause to your sufferings and change over to a Calm and Steady, Confident young man which is well-liked by peers / let the sufferings continues.
Reflect on yourself, especially your bad habits, don't find excuses for your bad habits but change it. It might be painful on the start but bear this in mind, No PAIN no GAIN .
Nothing is impossible in this world and i have faith in you! Xiaobunbun. :)
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Your right...I should look for a job in a more caring environment. But I hope they can take my temperaments well because I can blow up in certain times (especially during stress/periods) and that's how I lost my part time job here. I had no one to vent on.
Also, I hope they can take my certain views on the way I look at people well. I'm feel sorry for them but I can't help that subconcious part of my brain. Also, i'm a bit partially deaf when i'm high in anxiety and needs quite abit of soothing.
Hmmm....I surf that ncss web but I can't find anything useful? So how? I want to apply for charity organizations that pays decently and not too harsh on my condition. Or maybe some companies that could take my social retardedness well enough.
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
Your right...I should look for a job in a more caring environment. But I hope they can take my temperaments well because I can blow up in certain times (especially during stress/periods) and that's how I lost my part time job here. I had no one to vent on.
Also, I hope they can take my certain views on the way I look at people well. I'm feel sorry for them but I can't help that subconcious part of my brain. Also, i'm a bit partially deaf when i'm high in anxiety and needs quite abit of soothing.
Hmmm....I surf that ncss web but I can't find anything useful? So how? I want to apply for charity organizations that pays decently and not too harsh on my condition. Or maybe some companies that could take my social retardedness well enough.
You have to first acknowledge that you have inner issues with your emotions and your social skills, then be willing to learn and improve yourself, from your new work and personal experiences. You are going to find a job, not enrol in a childcare centre. You need to be realistic and understand that no one at a workplace is going to soothe you when you are anxious. But in a less stressful place, with more caring colleagues, people may be more patient with you, but you need to put in great effort to control yourself, and improve your behaviour.
Frankly, as your current condition has been with you for so many years, you will need time to learn and improve. That means you will still encounter problems at your next job (everyone who works will encounter problems at work), but you must learn to cope better. You should also register with CDCs (I've already given you their website) to apply for jobs, as they do help people find jobs. Just stay away from jobs that need to deal with customers. Try to find admin jobs, which I'm sure there are out there, if you look hard enough.
If you don't have the willpower and determination to control your emotions and improve your behaviour towards people, your problems will follow you wherever you go.
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Originally posted by XiaoBunbun:
Your right...I should look for a job in a more caring environment. But I hope they can take my temperaments well because I can blow up in certain times (especially during stress/periods) and that's how I lost my part time job here. I had no one to vent on.
Also, I hope they can take my certain views on the way I look at people well. I'm feel sorry for them but I can't help that subconcious part of my brain. Also, i'm a bit partially deaf when i'm high in anxiety and needs quite abit of soothing.
Hmmm....I surf that ncss web but I can't find anything useful? So how? I want to apply for charity organizations that pays decently and not too harsh on my condition. Or maybe some companies that could take my social retardedness well enough.
y must they tolerate u leh?
u r acting like its oni natural for people to tolerate u hor.
u draw salary pple oso draw salary, y mus do extra stuff like having to kena scold, shouted at by u n still muz put up a smiling face?
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But there is a limit to being shout or scold at, if you are reasonable and yet get scolded and shouted by someone who just want to take or vent anger at you, you become the victim of an unreasonable person, for that, shout back at them, show them your backside and color, tho, we want to make a living, but we must still have bones in us, if someone scolded your mother and father, you still smile, i think you must be a block of wood or tree. Money is one thing, but dignity and integrity must maintain ya.
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