A mom issue...
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Btw, I didn't declare war. She was already like this 20 years ago. Which is why I posted here. Because I'm confused.
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Originally posted by PedoBear:
TS is old enuf, at least 25but the issue is that we should not abandon our parents just because they go mental
she's rich. no need to worry about her -
anyway, you better run away. she's rich, can live til she 120.(with the money) in my option, she's just making use of you so that she can have money.
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don't even support her cause she bound to cause you every day emotional problems
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Originally posted by Jiani:
she's rich. no need to worry about herHaha
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
Btw, I didn't declare war. She was already like this 20 years ago. Which is why I posted here. Because I'm confused.
You feeling confused is totally understandable.
Unfortunately, if your mom had been a selfish, abusive and condescending person, what makes you think she will change ?
We all wish our parents are the kind of wholesome personality. Cool, loving, generous, kind .. sadly we are human and we all have flaws.. some more some less than others.
Ofcors we never expect our own parent to be selfish and dramatic, those things only happen in TV dramas right ?
But most dramas are based on some real life issues. That;s why they are so mesmerising sometimes. Because we can somehow relate to the stories, that's why we continue to follow it. That's why they can be so successful. Our dreams, fears, hope, etc.
If your mother is not a happy person, she will not be able to give you happiness. A person cannot give another what he/she does not have", - one of my friend told me this.
If you can simply wish her happiness for her life, you can go live yours.
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Course I do wish her happiness. =) Only natural I'd want that for her. Just the shit she gives everyone else. Geez. The maid, too. I mean NOBODY can live like this and think its actually okay.
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
Course I do wish her happiness. =) Only natural I'd want that for her. Just the shit she gives everyone else. Geez. The maid, too. I mean NOBODY can live like this and think its actually okay.
yes, anyone can live like this as long as they can justify it to themself.
Child rapist, serial murderers, maids abusers, they all have their own reason to do what they did. Parents who kill their young..etc..etc.. these are people who see no need to care about others.
Your mom is living a pathetic life. She only feels superior when she puts other people down. Her insecurity permeates her life. Can such a person truly be happy ? So what of her branded car, the branded clothings she wears to feel superior ? Those means nothing. When she step out of her vehicle, when she takes off her clothes, she is no different from the beggar on the streets. A human being, and when she dies, she dies no better and rot no prettier than the man who sweeps our street.
She is living a lie only she can believe in. If that makes her happy, so let her be.
Don't be angry at her.. feel sorry for her.
She can give you shit, dont' have to take it and feel sorry. You can choose to ignore and walkaway. You are not a baby or a young child anymore.
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take care, move on, live your life now.
You mom is anohter human and she has to choose her life. But be around when she needs you.
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you are a lot stronger than I am, i just took off. You need a a lot of patience and sanity to deal with a person like your mom. In her world only she is important, she really only cares about herself,
Save some money, move out/away to another country, let her find you via email or what not. not your home address, lie about where you live if you have to. You are old enough to make decisions that are right for you, you have to be selfish, give her "good" reasons for you leaving, so that she can spend time with her man, cos you are grown up and dun want to burden her etc....... you know "feel good" words. Flatter her, humble yourself that's what people like her like.
DO feel sorry for her as I feel sorry for my mom, they will never really know the meaning of love, joy and happiness. I dun really know why but I guess some peeps in this world are like that !!!!SO wrapped in their own misery that they dun even realise how miserable they are to those around them. How much hurt and pain they cause others, or maybe because they are hurting they want you to hurt too.......Don't dwell on it though, there is nothing you can do about that
Start your life now, you're wiser for it now. Love yourself and others. Don't be her...... be better than her, I know you already are.
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Originally posted by littlemissbonkers:
Suay sia....
And like what the other forumers said, your mom sounds mental.
Might be too stressed and lonely, tts y she's acting out.
Best if you can get her to undergo treatment.
But I think it'll be damn hard la, coz she probably thinks that she doesn't have a problem.
So hor, I think u take care of yourself first.
No point sticking it out and going mental too.
Try to get away for a while, clear your thoughts, then come back and tackle the problem.
Oh man, clearly I know where his mom got the mental disease from....YOU.
Miss Little Bonkers stop spreading yer SARS mental disease...you have many similar symptoms...ie, accusing other peolple, constantly targeting guys and obsess wif certain kind of guys.
King Kong, do not listen to this Miss Bonker crazy lady advice, she will do you in. Miss Bonker wuz a former IMH patient escapie, few month ago.
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
Hey guys. I'm sort of confused. A little bit of background before I begin, though. Mom is a corporate figure, meaning suit and car, everything. Dad was also but I was way closer to him than to mom. He died about 9 years ago. Since then apparently life is shit because now mom's spiraling out of control.
Thing is, I wasn't close to her before. She accused my dad of loving me more than her since I was little. Sometimes she tells him she wished she had married a richer man. Really horrid things like this. Dad and I never liked her side of the family, but frankly I think we were accommodating when they show up just like that in the house, random days where they just come over for God knows what reason. (Apparently she made each of them a key so they can let themselves in.) Shit only hit the fan after dad passed away.
Mom went around telling everyone I abuse her, but she has no bruises. The most violent I've gotten was using two fingers to push her away from blocking my door, and she fell to the ground herself and started shouting to the maid "look she's pushing me!" So that sparked the entire "emotional and physical abuse" saga, which her side of the family spared no expense at declaring what a complete dumb shit I am. Then came Asiaworks, she joined this group, I'm sure some have heard of this course. It's meant to make you see your flaws or something like that, but apparently it just gave her more arsenal to use against me. That she's "brave enough to take me on". Now she's in New Creation.
Thing is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with all her associations, but people don't normally turn out quite so strange when they join courses that are meant to make them see where they went wrong in their lives. And she has done way more harm to me than anyone out there. Why I'm typing this is because the sting in my heart when I see anything horrid happen to her, no longer exists. I'm afraid I'm beginning to finally become numb to what she says or does. This morning, in fact, I pulled out of a one-night family trip very last minute. It's with her and her side of the family. I just couldn't do it anymore. I could put up with CNY gatherings, things like that. But I absolutely cannot bring myself to stay with these guys. I'm alright with my cousins, there are a handful that are really sweet people. But it's her that really turns me off now. I don't want to end up a mom-deserter though. But at the rate she's going, and what she's saying about me to others is starting to take a very huge toll on how I react towards her. It's been what, 25 years of this? And it escalates every time. Am I a jerk, honestly, for feeling like this?
king kong,
If she is like tis at home, she is also like tis when she is working. I bet she is very bossy at work. U n yer maid r not the only long sufferers, her staff oso suffering from mental abuse.
Wait until she retire, then she loss all sense of power n influence. Retirement will change a person.
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Hey man, Sorry to hear about the situation that you have been in for the last 20 years. As a lawyer, you might be interested in some information on wills especially in relation to your case. From what you have said, it sounds like the will has already entered probate, so the contents of the will cannot be challenged. However, I am under the impression that your mother is the trustee/executor and executors of a will have duties to execute the will in accordance with what is contained. If there is a provision in the will that states that you are entitled to something, but you have not recieved it, then you are entitled to sue the executor to force them to hand it over to you. So it really depends on the contents of the will, in saying that, you are entitled to sue the executor if they do not comply the will.e.g. if you are entitled to $50000 under the will, but the executor has not given it to you even if you are of qualifying age, then you can commence proceedings to claim it.
However, it is worth to bear in mind that lawyers can be expensive ... so if it is an insignificant amount, it may not be worth the while and you should read over the will again.
Personally, I think you should at least contact a lawyer initally to brief him on your situation. I know some people who decided not to contest a will but then regretted it later in in life. My father was in a similar situation when he only recieved 1% of my grandmothers estate and I can see how the regret and dissapointment is affecting him till today. So, contacting a lawyer may also bring some peace of mind I suppose.
All the best!
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Originally posted by KonkeyDong:
Hey guys. I'm sort of confused. A little bit of background before I begin, though. Mom is a corporate figure, meaning suit and car, everything. Dad was also but I was way closer to him than to mom. He died about 9 years ago. Since then apparently life is shit because now mom's spiraling out of control.
Thing is, I wasn't close to her before. She accused my dad of loving me more than her since I was little. Sometimes she tells him she wished she had married a richer man. Really horrid things like this. Dad and I never liked her side of the family, but frankly I think we were accommodating when they show up just like that in the house, random days where they just come over for God knows what reason. (Apparently she made each of them a key so they can let themselves in.) Shit only hit the fan after dad passed away.
Mom went around telling everyone I abuse her, but she has no bruises. The most violent I've gotten was using two fingers to push her away from blocking my door, and she fell to the ground herself and started shouting to the maid "look she's pushing me!" So that sparked the entire "emotional and physical abuse" saga, which her side of the family spared no expense at declaring what a complete dumb shit I am. Then came Asiaworks, she joined this group, I'm sure some have heard of this course. It's meant to make you see your flaws or something like that, but apparently it just gave her more arsenal to use against me. That she's "brave enough to take me on". Now she's in New Creation.
Thing is, there's absolutely nothing wrong with all her associations, but people don't normally turn out quite so strange when they join courses that are meant to make them see where they went wrong in their lives. And she has done way more harm to me than anyone out there. Why I'm typing this is because the sting in my heart when I see anything horrid happen to her, no longer exists. I'm afraid I'm beginning to finally become numb to what she says or does. This morning, in fact, I pulled out of a one-night family trip very last minute. It's with her and her side of the family. I just couldn't do it anymore. I could put up with CNY gatherings, things like that. But I absolutely cannot bring myself to stay with these guys. I'm alright with my cousins, there are a handful that are really sweet people. But it's her that really turns me off now. I don't want to end up a mom-deserter though. But at the rate she's going, and what she's saying about me to others is starting to take a very huge toll on how I react towards her. It's been what, 25 years of this? And it escalates every time. Am I a jerk, honestly, for feeling like this?
You good lor, got a mom, I lost my mom since born, only Dad around, but he is a good and almost perfect Dad.
Anyway, your mom might had reached a menopause period, so kind of more hormone changed will happen to her, we gals do study on this. This is a difficult period, my suggestion is, shit with all these lawyers stuff, it only bring more bad laundry to the public, why not bring or ask you mom to my pub, have a drink, and me as a gal can talk it over with her, as a jovious and nice person, i can calm and cool her down, who knows, she may take me as her god daughter, then we can become one good family again...what you say.
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1) Your father died, 9 years ago.
2) The ineheritance was disposed off, probably at least 7 years ago.
3) You are 25 years old.
4) Your mother is old enough for menopause, depression and whatever mental thingy she is going thru.
Move out, live and earn your livelihood already. Your inheritance might be gone. Your mother might have spent it or going to give to her family members or the occult when she dies.
Forget about inheriting. Lots of us are not expecting to inherit anything but debts when our elders go. You can too. So start preparing for your 'bleak' future now.
If there is monies that comes to you eventually. Treat it as a bonus.
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Just because she is your mother doesn't necessarily mean that you are obligated to be with her, be there for her all the time. This statement is particularly true if its one sided, as with your case.
You no longer owe her anything. Personally I'll just take off. But everyone's conscience is different - I'll say do what you feel comfortable with.
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Forget about the inheritance. When my dad passed away, I was about 20, I signed away my claim to make it easier for my mother to acquire all the property. Quite a lot of property, two houses in Singapore and two in JB.
When she passed away a few years ago, she passed everything to my youngest brother by means of joint tenancy. The rest of us siblings got nothing. Didn't make a difference to my life. Only I wouldn't mind if I got extra money. Never mind really.
Your mother's problem is the lifestyle she want to maintain. She want to maintain it at all cost. She looks at you, and others (the maid) by her own standards. She lives a corporate culture, remember. Frankly you do not meet her expectations, thats why she is overyly critical of you. Don't worry about that. You keep your own values and outlook in life.
You cannot do anything to change her. She will not listen to you preach to her. Hopefully some guru would come along and miraculously change. But that is only a remote possibility. You must not let her wear you down.
You have a few options, leave her, leave her but maintain contact, remain with her.
Decide what you want to do, bearing in mind that to you, you are more important. Your well being is important, because your future is ahead of you. Yourself, your own family, your mother all depend on what you decide now.
I hope this does not compound you problem to greater heights. Seriously think what is important to you, and then decide what to do from there.
There is no perfect solution. Just action, and learn from there.
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... This is what I can classified as an "Energy Vampire".
Very sad case for your loving father. He really gave everything to the woman he loves...
TS, I suggest you read the following link, it has really good advise. Your case quite common in Singapore, you are not the only one suffering from "parent abuse".
http://www.rainbowjigsaw.com/2010/10/sad-to-see-people-choose-negative-paths.html
My advise, you do not need to leave your mother.
Just take care of yourself and you will be fine.With love and joy.
SoulDivine
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Originally posted by mancha:
Forget about the inheritance. When my dad passed away, I was about 20, I signed away my claim to make it easier for my mother to acquire all the property. Quite a lot of property, two houses in Singapore and two in JB.
When she passed away a few years ago, she passed everything to my youngest brother by means of joint tenancy. The rest of us siblings got nothing. Didn't make a difference to my life. Only I wouldn't mind if I got extra money. Never mind really.
Your mother's problem is the lifestyle she want to maintain. She want to maintain it at all cost. She looks at you, and others (the maid) by her own standards. She lives a corporate culture, remember. Frankly you do not meet her expectations, thats why she is overyly critical of you. Don't worry about that. You keep your own values and outlook in life.
You cannot do anything to change her. She will not listen to you preach to her. Hopefully some guru would come along and miraculously change. But that is only a remote possibility. You must not let her wear you down.
You have a few options, leave her, leave her but maintain contact, remain with her.
Decide what you want to do, bearing in mind that to you, you are more important. Your well being is important, because your future is ahead of you. Yourself, your own family, your mother all depend on what you decide now.
I hope this does not compound you problem to greater heights. Seriously think what is important to you, and then decide what to do from there.
There is no perfect solution. Just action, and learn from there.
Wha! u very good hor, 4 houses give to your younger brother....and you choose value in life than asset and money..good, eh...u want to have coffee together with me?