A recurring broken heart
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Originally posted by Naive Bayes:
I was on the brink of obsession when I called the friendship off. It was a difficult decision, but I wanted to retain my sanity, honest but true. I don't want to destroy the friendship like a crazy addict and I dun want to destroy my own goals and career over this excuse. So yes, I was extremely inflexible and uptight and I wouldn't blame anyone for my own follies. Friendship is pretty out of the question now, unless a miracle happens.
In retrospective, I was probably obsessed more about a self centered high from this experience rather than the lady herself. To the point that I have treated it as an addiction rather than a true relationship that I would have liked to have.
I have not fully recovered from this whole saga, in fact when i saw a glimpse of her today, I feel sick in my stomach and my chest hurts really badly. But I do know the importance of letting go and moving on, just that it's not an easy journey from there.
I had to fight the temptation to call her or message her. Doing that would be taking a major step back. Just that fighting this alone is tiring...
I wish I can forget. But it is human nature to remember. I wish I was stronger.
Wait until u find out she is actually wif some other guy. The pain is even more painful. Bro, get use to it. The more you experience tis, at the end it feel nothing to u.
It is only pain n pride not physical pain. Learn to face emotional pain upfront. Face her, give her the poker face. Who care? At the end, life is short, enjoy.
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ya, visit me, all your pain will be kill
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Originally posted by coffeebreak:
TS, i will like to share a true story with you. its a long story so please bear with me:
once upon a time, there was a guy who was good friends with this gal... they started out as friends and click well together and became close buddies, but nothing else. it was not a bf-gf relationship...
they have a lot of good times together as causal friends.. go makan, go shop, laugh and chat...
one day, the boy started to have other thoughts about this relationship... he felt that everything was so right about this relationship that they should maybe become more serious bf-gf... the boy started to fall in love with her... everything about her seem right... her laughter, her smile, her personality, their common interests... it seems so logical to the boy that they should be together
but unfortunately for the boy... when he tried to get serious, the gal started to feel more and more uncomfortable... it was obvious that the gal got the hints.. but it also became obvious to the boy that the gal was acting blur to the hints and refusing to go beyond their existing friendship
of course with one party pushing and theother party resisting, their friendship start to suffer and start to fall apart.... the boy realise that their times together were no longer the same... the endless conversation they use to have was now replaced with long moments of silence... the laughters were hardly there at all... there were less and less smiles... instead he noticed the pain and sadness in her eyes
the boy was also sad and filled with sorrow... he started to feel sorry for himself.... and in fact in his mind and in his heart, he started to blame the gal for not accepting him
then suddenly one day... the boy had a "nirvana" moment... he was all by himself in the same cafe that both he and gal used to hang out. Then he noticed another couple seated in the table next to his... there was laughter from that table and he saw the smiles and joy from the boy and gal next to him... he started to visualise the couple's faces as his face and theother gal's face, and the many happy moments they have in the past..... it was at that moment that he realise what the problem was
during their time together, he has grown more and more to love her laughter and her smiles.... but the laughter and smile is no longer there now... and he realise that the laughter and smile was not because of him.. he was not the reason for her happiness! her happiness was through the life she has then, which was with her family and friends... friends like him....
the boy knew then what he had to do... in order to keep the smile that he has grown to love, he has to let it go... because the more if he were to try to keep it.. the more the smile will disappear...
Naive Bayes... do you understand what this story means? i hope you do and i hope that one day, you will find the smile that is truely yours to keep
Dear Sir,
Thanks for relating this story to me. Yes, my story is very similar to yours. And I would like it to end like yours...except that the "nirvana" moment comes through this story and the replies preceeding it.
Thanks for showing me a purpose let go...I will remember your story with all my heart.
Haha..wished I have done this earlier..
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Originally posted by angel7030:
ya, visit me, all your pain will be kill
Pain will be even more worst ! The alcohol and smoke will cause all the arteries to block leading to congenital heart disease, enlarge liver and risk to stroke. -
Originally posted by Julian.khor:
Pain will be even more worst ! The alcohol and smoke will cause all the arteries to block leading to congenital heart disease, enlarge liver and risk to stroke.
No lah, we got halal beer, which non alcholic and blissful room for all to enjoy, we also got oxygen masks for emergency...no smoking at the premise -
Originally posted by Naive Bayes:
I was on the brink of obsession when I called the friendship off. It was a difficult decision, but I wanted to retain my sanity, honest but true. I don't want to destroy the friendship like a crazy addict and I dun want to destroy my own goals and career over this excuse. So yes, I was extremely inflexible and uptight and I wouldn't blame anyone for my own follies. Friendship is pretty out of the question now, unless a miracle happens.
In retrospective, I was probably obsessed more about a self centered high from this experience rather than the lady herself. To the point that I have treated it as an addiction rather than a true relationship that I would have liked to have.
I have not fully recovered from this whole saga, in fact when i saw a glimpse of her today, I feel sick in my stomach and my chest hurts really badly. But I do know the importance of letting go and moving on, just that it's not an easy journey from there.
I had to fight the temptation to call her or message her. Doing that would be taking a major step back. Just that fighting this alone is tiring...
I wish I can forget. But it is human nature to remember. I wish I was stronger.
First love is the most difficult to get over....possibly impossible to forget....be brave and live a life without remorse! Be happy ! You deserve someone better!
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Dont worry about it.....slowly you will get better....
It is also a good learning experience in how to confess....or whether to confess or not....this is experience for next time.
As to now.....focus your attention on your career and your self-improvement.....I guess that should take off your mind from it.
Goodluck...
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Thanks veggie and Demon...i will treat this experience as a positive learning experience.
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huh! after all my effort, never thanks me...haiz, no wonder you born loser.
Anyway, me doing a thankless job
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Originally posted by Naive Bayes:
I have been lurking around for some time here, and I have an issue that has been bugging me for almost a year. I do not have anybody close enough that I can relate to, so I guess this is the next best place to voice my emotions.
I killed a friendship I had with a lady a year back. This lady was really somebody I truely treasured, but I killed the friendship because I had unwittingly fell in love with her and said things that should have been left unspoken. As a result, she wasn't too pleased with me, and I have been avoided ever since.
I know that the correct thing for me to do is to move on. I have tried to convince myself that all I am feeling, was just an obsession and not true love. I have tried to push my thoughts away by focusing on my work and trying to participate in activities with other friends. When I am busy, I would not reminiscence about the past and I would try to keep to a cheerful facade. But sometimes, at night, when I am lying down in my bed, these thoughts would come creeping towards me and I would be burdened by regrets of the things I did in the past.
I believe in freewill, that I have no control about what other people feel about me. I can't force a person to come back to me nor can I control anyone's action. I also believe that there is no point crying about spilt milk. But despite all the rules and safe guards I have placed in my life, I turned myself into a victim of my own emotions. Here I am, crying about spilt milk that has probably turned sour by now.
I have thought that time heals all wounds. Sometimes it does, but sometimes the wound seems to reopen again. For a period of time, I felt great. But suddenly, my mind is bleeding again.
I am not asking for any help, probably just a listening ear. I have enough I keeping this to myself, and I am trying to let this post be an avenue to purge out this negative emotions.
Thanks for reading.
It would be easier on your emotion if you could learn to release yourself from the positioning your decision with morality - namely, a 'good' or 'bad' move. Logically, you tried to reason out with yourself as you figured that it wasn't the outcome you envisioned and tried to adopt a philosophy that best adapt to this outcome. I am not saying that this is bad coping (we all have different ways to cope with negative outcome), just that the cause of why old wounds are reopening again is because you attended to your wounds superficially by pasting plasters all over your injuries, while your real core festers insidiously within.
What's rotting inside cuts and split the flesh apart, reeking emotional tunes of your wistful past.
You have not reached to an acceptance stage, although you experienced a shift in momentum; this is akin to you standing at the same position, merely turning your direction from east to west. Yes you get to see new things, but you are in the same spot - all the time actually. You turn from west to north; same stuff.
Perhaps a good question you might want to ask yourself "what could you do to help you move towards the stage of acceptance?"
Cheers
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: It would be easier on your emotion if
you could learn to release yourself from the positioning your
decision with morality - namely, a 'good' or 'bad' move. Logically,
you tried to reason out with yourself as you figured that it wasn't
the outcome you envisioned and tried to adopt a philosophy that
best adapt to this outcome. I am not saying that this is bad coping
(we all have different ways to cope with negative outcome), just
that the cause of why old wounds are reopening again is because you
attended to your wounds superficially by pasting plasters all over
your injuries, while your real core festers insidiously
within.
What's rotting inside cuts and split the flesh apart, reeking emotional tunes of your wistful past.
You have not reached to an acceptance stage, although you experienced a shift in momentum; this is akin to you standing at the same position, merely turning your direction from east to west. Yes you get to see new things, but you are in the same spot - all the time actually. You turn from west to north; same stuff.
Perhaps a good question you might want to ask yourself "what could you do to help you move towards the stage of acceptance?"Cheers
What you say does make sense..I am gaining perspectives, but I am still kind of stucked in that position. Though I understand that only I can really heal the emotional wounds inside, I am not very sure of the methodologies to cope with it. Perhaps, you could elaborate or give some suggestions on how I can deal with the internal festering wounds?
Sometimes I feel that it is more of gaining acceptence of myself and trying to forgive myself, rather than to get the person to forgive me. There were also times where I was afraid that there is an underlying latent issue at the back of my head that is much more serious.Sometimes, it could just be a case in which I simply think too much.
So have I created an illusion that has been fooling my own emotions all this while? If that is the case, how can I get my own subconcience to accept it all.
I would like to break out of this, and share my experience with everyone else. There are many people like me, who couldn't let go and I would hope that my analysis of myself through here could give pointers to the rest of the world out there.
To angel: Thanks to you too. Your sense of humour does raise my spirits indirectly.
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Originally posted by Naive Bayes:
Well, she was aware I liked her. But she prefered me to be in the friend zone. But at that point of time, I was quite affected by the unreciprocated feelings and my work was getting badly affected. So, I made the decision to tell her that I can't be her friend as long as I had feelings for her; I would expect something in return from her which would eventually result in bad blood between us. She didn't take it too well and we went out of touch for months. I managed to focus on my job, and I pushed the whole saga off from my head for awhile. But the pain backfired on me very slowly.
That's the demon that has been haunting me every night. I would really love to move on, I know I am already not a part of world already. But when I catch a glimpse of her face again, the pain rush back like a venom.
So, maybe I am not emotionally mature in this respect. There were lessons learnt, albeit a very painful and draining one.
I can understand how you feel, because I went through something similar like you before.
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Originally posted by Naive Bayes:
What you say does make sense..I am gaining perspectives, but I am still kind of stucked in that position. Though I understand that only I can really heal the emotional wounds inside, I am not very sure of the methodologies to cope with it. Perhaps, you could elaborate or give some suggestions on how I can deal with the internal festering wounds?
Sometimes I feel that it is more of gaining acceptence of myself and trying to forgive myself, rather than to get the person to forgive me. There were also times where I was afraid that there is an underlying latent issue at the back of my head that is much more serious.Sometimes, it could just be a case in which I simply think too much.
So have I created an illusion that has been fooling my own emotions all this while? If that is the case, how can I get my own subconcience to accept it all.
I would like to break out of this, and share my experience with everyone else. There are many people like me, who couldn't let go and I would hope that my analysis of myself through here could give pointers to the rest of the world out there.
To angel: Thanks to you too. Your sense of humour does raise my spirits indirectly.
Recently, I have a number of cases who asked me the same question - it is all good when we give ourselves rational reasons why we should/need to move on. It's all good really; just that the problem arises only when our emotions fail to move as fast as our mind and creates a discrepancy within that revealed a huge distance gap that caused this inconsistency.Think about your emotion as the speed of driving a truck and your mind as a sports car. Sometimes, the more we push our mind to 'get over and done with it' - it resulted in a severe backlash and we relapse constantly because both entities are basically travelling at two extreme speed and there is minimum effort in reconciling. Ultimately, both entities belong to one body, so like it or not, you got to deal with it.
Humans are ritualistic creatures - meaning, we sometimes seek to exhibit irrational actions or behaviours in enabling us for a closure or putting an end to a particular chapter in our life. It is quite evitable that you have yet to come in terms with the way the circumstances has turn out for you, thus understanding what it takes to bring you to your eventual destination is pretty much critical for you to move along.
There is a reason why I coin this as a 'ritual' because ritual are purely human construct to symbolize certain experience. For example, we perform funeral rites for people who are dead - it acts as a form of closure. Obviously from a scientific point of view, when a person's biological body fails to function, the person is already dead. The funeral, from a pure scientific view, is a redundant act because the 'end' has already ended.
Hence, what sort of 'ritual' do you need to perform before the chapter can begin to close gradually? You said self forgiveness - so what needs to happen before self forgiveness can take place? If it means doing 'seeming' stupid things like 'needing to say what you need to say to her' - contrary to popular belief, I would say just do it if you know it brings about this effect, which is closer to your goal of achieving self closure.
Take it easy when you approach the subject of recovery because the pace of healing is truly relative. It's normal to falter randomly during recovery period - after all, these experiences are there to let us learn something about love, so that we can grow as a person.
Cheers
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love is blind.
ps. i like to write more but its just BS coz you have oridi decided wat you wanted before u started the topic
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Originally posted by Yunhaier: Recently, I have a number of cases who
asked me the same question - it is all good when
we give ourselves rational reasons why we
should/need to move on. It's all good really; just that
the problem arises only when our emotions fail
to move as fast as our mind and creates a discrepancy within
that revealed a huge distance gap that caused this
inconsistency.
Think about your emotion as the speed of driving a truck and your mind as a sports car. Sometimes, the more we push our mind to 'get over and done with it' - it resulted in a severe backlash and we relapse constantly because both entities are basically travelling at two extreme speed and there is minimum effort in reconciling. Ultimately, both entities belong to one body, so like it or not, you got to deal with it.
Humans are ritualistic creatures - meaning, we sometimes seek to exhibit irrational actions or behaviours in enabling us for a closure or putting an end to a particular chapter in our life. It is quite evitable that you have yet to come in terms with the way the circumstances has turn out for you, thus understanding what it takes to bring you to your eventual destination is pretty much critical for you to move along.
There is a reason why I coin this as a 'ritual' because ritual are purely human construct to symbolize certain experience. For example, we perform funeral rites for people who are dead - it acts as a form of closure. Obviously from a scientific point of view, when a person's biological body fails to function, the person is already dead. The funeral, from a pure scientific view, is a redundant act because the 'end' has already ended.
Hence, what sort of 'ritual' do you need to perform before the chapter can begin to close gradually? You said self forgiveness - so what needs to happen before self forgiveness can take place? If it means doing 'seeming' stupid things like 'needing to say what you need to say to her' - contrary to popular belief, I would say just do it if you know it brings about this effect, which is closer to your goal of achieving self closure.
Take it easy when you approach the subject of recovery because the pace of healing is truly relative. It's normal to falter randomly during recovery period - after all, these experiences are there to let us learn something about love, so that we can grow as a person.
Cheers
Thanks! I will try that! Nothing to lose either..hope I gain self closure from there.
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Originally posted by FBFIce:
love is blind.
ps. i like to write more but its just BS coz you have oridi decided wat you wanted before u started the topic
Well I don't think it's bs. I would like to see how different people cope with their past and move on with life. So do share your story!
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Originally posted by Naive Bayes:
Well I don't think it's bs. I would like to see how different people cope with their past and move on with life. So do share your story!
past?? past is suppose to be a learning journey, not for you to cope, in each phase of our life, we learned and move on, if you are to linger and still trying to cope with what had gone, no one can help you, not even An Angel like me, nor God, if there is one. -
Originally posted by angel7030:
past?? past is suppose to be a learning journey, not for you to cope, in each phase of our life, we learned and move on, if you are to linger and still trying to cope with what had gone, no one can help you, not even An Angel like me, nor God, if there is one.
Have u ever try falling in love? i wonder? -
Originally posted by angel7030:
past?? past is suppose to be a learning journey, not for you to cope, in each phase of our life, we learned and move on, if you are to linger and still trying to cope with what had gone, no one can help you, not even An Angel like me, nor God, if there is one.Ma'am, when we say we are coping with things in life, arn't we in effect trying to move on? My defination of coping would be to learn from past mistakes and make sure it doesn't get repeated and do things that does not cement me to the point of time that I want to put away. So perhaps we are on the same direction but different defination?