A story about me..
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anson your life more happening than mine leh
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Old feeling rekindle?
Good luck my friend...
All the best...
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haha.. how come leh ? you got kopisoh mah !Originally posted by kopiosatu:anson your life more happening than mine leh
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jia you!!
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ko li buey si lahOriginally posted by kohanson:haha.. how come leh ? you got kopisoh mah ! -
Originally posted by kopiosatu:ko li buey si lah
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You were too possessive and she left you. SO have you finally learn that being possessive is actually killing this relationship? So you did learn... do you even plan of doing anything about it? Possessiveness is a flaw in relationship characteristic and unknown to many people - it actually snuff out life from relationship on subconscious basis.Originally posted by kohanson:1) we left each other because at that time, i was too possesive, and she left me. She was my first gf btw.. and my best friend told me that she saw her hugging another guy. I didn't dare to ask her up till now..
2) After i broke off with her, i've never gone into another relationship in fear that something like this will happen again.. I was crying in my toilet just now
, thinking of the past.. haiz.
3) I really don't know what she has changed, the way she replied my icq were the same as 3 years ago, yup, yoz, it's all the same. Only her dressing and appearance changed.. her attitude towards me were the same..
Ok well, you din't enter any other relationship, well, it serve as a good reason to re-chase her back. However, if you do try to chase her back and get her - trust me, there will be some aspects of her that will be different. 3 years is a long period of time and people are moulded through life experiences.
You could have gotten her - but are you sure you ain't going to be the immature previous you?
Btw: you can't really see someone through Icq message, etc. You will only know when you have spoke to them deeply. The feeling of regret derive from your fault 3 years ago - that was the girl you like 3 years back - but the girl now? I suggest taking it slow - too hasty and you WILL be making another potential mistake. Afterall, you don't really have a choice do you?
Cheers (You will be fine~) -
Hmm... Sounds like a rationale choice to me...?Originally posted by kohanson:1. Yup, i have intentions of being back with her.. She's the one who shared with me my joy, my pain and everything.. we were very happy together before we were together.. but things seems to go wrong after we were together as she still have feelings for her ex bf..
2. i guess from the start, i'm already possesive of her as she also contacts her ex bf once in a while.. which she sometimes hide from me.. that makes me more n more possesive.. and emm, she hugged her ex-bf during our relationship ..
3. I will be happy to get to know and understand her better again before i go any further..
Nobody can really tell the future... It's what ya do today which would decide what would happen tomorrow...? -
Firstly, wat is the reason u 2 broke up 3 years ago? Watever it is this reason is important as u haf to overcome it if u want to et back together with her.Originally posted by kohanson:A story to share with you all and need some comments or help from you people. Ok, just yesterday, I went out with my ex gf.. I met her at around 6pm at city hall mrt station, before that I smsed her and asked her where she was and she said that her train was reaching kallang a, den I replied back telling her I was at kallang already, what a coincidence. Then after boarding the train, I chose a seat and sit down, playing with my hp.
When I reached city hall, I called her to ask where is she, then she say she reached liao. At that time, I were getting nervous already. I didn’t know what she look like now as I haven’t seen her for 3 years +. Then I looked around.. no sign of her. Den she said “ I’m on your right”.. so I turned right, then left, still can’t see, so she said “I think I saw you”. Then my heart beat faster, and faster and I saw her walking towards me. Omg, “she look gorgeous” I told myself, her hair is straight, with highlights and she wore a square dangling earing on her right and a chain like earing on her left and she’s still as cute as she was in sec 3 that time.. she is the type of girl I like..
. I started the conversation with “eh, I thought you on the same train with me, how come you are over there”. I was quite nervous, so I also dunno what the hell I’m asking. Then we continue our conversation while we were walking together, we don’t know where we are walking to, but just walked on... we walked from citylink to suntec city to buy the movie tickets for DreamCatcher.. after buying the tickets, I suggested walking to marina square.. then she said she’s hungry, so I asked her what she would like to eat, and she suggested ‘simply thai’, so we walked back to citylink and we saw a queue over there, then I suggested “sakae sushi” then she look at me and give me the kind of angry face that says ‘I want to kill u for asking me to walk so far and walk back again’ then I was giggling and showed her my tongue.. But I enjoyed walking here and there doing nothing, chatting with her .. den when we reached suntec city, she say “Why not we go marche and eat?” den I agreed..
After we found our seats, we sat down awhile as she said that the queues were quite long and why not sit down and chat. After chatting for about 5 mins, I suggested we go and choose our food. While I was looking around, she pull my arm with her delicate fingers for a while.. I suddenly felt closer to her, just like last time.. my heart sank and i followed her willingly. We went around looking for what to eat, and I left her alone there at the fish stall while I went over to the steak stall.. during dinner, I looked into her eyes while I was talking to her, but I looked away a few times as I was feeling abit shy. We chatted about our secondary school classmates.. I was hoping that the time will slow down and we could sit there for the next few hours.. but, fat hope. After dinner, we did sat down for awhile and chatted as the movie starts at 9.15 and itÂ’s only 8 at that time..
few minutes later, we continued our journey. I was quiet for some time as I could not think of anything to say. So again, we walked with no directions in our mind. We went to several hp shops as she said she wanted to buy a new phone for herself.. Then I saw a model shop and decided to go in and look at car models, I noticed that she like cute cars and vintage cars.. but not for me, I still prefer the Evo 7s. and later, we went to Harvey Norman, or some electrical store, walked around, looking at softwares, tv, handphones, cameras, blah blah blah ..
then, itÂ’s about time to go to the cinema as the show is going to start.. When we reached the cinema, we sat down and we were silent for 10 minutes.. During that time, I was thinking about the times when we were together at bishan, watching movie together last time. Feeling abit sad also ..
During the show, there was some part which were scarry and she used her hand to cover her eyes, and I was beside her looking and laughing at her. Opps, then she turn around and hit me on my arm to shut me up.. After the show, I send her home on the cab, I didnÂ’t bare to leave her.. but I donÂ’t know how to tell her, her mum called her during the show and asked her what time sheÂ’s going one, and she said soon.
After she left the cab, I was all alone by myself, feeling happy, as IÂ’ve just seen her since 3 years ago and sad while thinking of the times we were together when I was in sec 4.
IÂ’m really lost now, I donÂ’t know whether I should go back to her or I should leave her alone. SheÂ’s not attached at the moment. I feel sad when I think of the times when we were happily together, going to the library and study, went to the library at orchard, sit down together and reading together, we also took a train frm I think kallang to boon lay for no reason, and gone back to city hall if I didnÂ’t remembered wrongly.. Help! What should I do?
Secondly, find out if she stil love u... ad if u still love her truely... Afterall, u 2 did left each other once. So confirm this feelings before u make any decision. If u love her and she love u, u shld noe wat to do. If its a one party thing, sad to say, pls let it be...
Since she is not attached... and if things turn our tight for the above 2 cases... GO FOR IT!!! -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
yup, i have really learnt my lesson.. what should i do to stop this possesiveness mind of mine? argh. I think I should be mixing around with more friends and going out more often with my friends rather than always looking for her..
You were too possessive and she left you. SO have you finally learn that being possessive is actually killing this relationship? So you did learn... do you even plan of doing anything about it? Possessiveness is a flaw in relationship characteristic and unknown to many people - it actually snuff out life from relationship on subconscious basis.
Ok well, you din't enter any other relationship, well, it serve as a good reason to re-chase her back. However, if you do try to chase her back and get her - trust me, there will be some aspects of her that will be different. 3 years is a long period of time and people are moulded through life experiences.
You could have gotten her - but [b]are you sure you ain't going to be the immature previous you?
Btw: you can't really see someone through Icq message, etc. You will only know when you have spoke to them deeply. The feeling of regret derive from your fault 3 years ago - that was the girl you like 3 years back - but the girl now? I suggest taking it slow - too hasty and you WILL be making another potential mistake. Afterall, you don't really have a choice do you?
Cheers (You will be fine~)
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Yah, i know that .. 3 years is really very long. it's actually 3 years and 4 months.. she could have changed over this period of time when we didn't see each other..
Yes I am sure i'm not going to be the previous me.. I've made mistakes and have learnt from my mistakes over this 3 years..
Yah, i won't be rushing now.. it's just a mater of time.. we'll meet up more often so that i can know her better .. i don't wish to make another mistake again..
thanks brother.. -
the only one thing i know is that whenever there si a r/s that break and patch..it wont go far...as the resentment is still there...no way to release it some more after 3 years....but worth a try....u live oni once right?
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What you are feeling now is only temporary. You may feel good seeing your ex. now no matter what the reason is behind the break-off. But be rational and don't make mistake again.
I relate this to an analogy....
Lover is just like a book. Before you start reading it, you feel like you are in some kind of suspense and hope to read it through. The cruel fact is that once you have come to the last chapter, you most probably going to leave that book alone on your shelf again because you have known the story. Very seldom would you read it again. But imagine if you were to read it again after a long time, perhaps you have forgotten the story and like to read it again to fill up the blanks in your mind regarding the story that you vaguely remember, the feeling is like when you first read this book.
The analogy is the same here when you meet her. It's natural to feel close to her now and the more so, that you have not seen her for long, cos that was what attracted you to her in the first place. But, be rational and think what went so wrong that you have to break? If that is so serious... do you think if you are to get back together, the feeling (maybe the rocky relationship) that you have would not repeat but only the close chemisty feeling will?
Think about it carefully.
Of course, i'm not saying that once finished reading a book, everyone would find it not interesting anymore. What I'm saying in fact is, whether you remember what attracted you to read that book and even you have come to the last chapter, how much have you understood from the story? And do you feel as attracted to that book as before though finished reading.
I can tell you my book is a colourful one and never will I get tired even though I have come to the last chapter. I just enjoy reading it again and again.
What about you...? -
Mixing more with friends than with her is not possessiveness - its being 'sticky'. Of course most possessive people are 'sticky', but not all.Originally posted by kohanson:yup, i have really learnt my lesson.. what should i do to stop this possesiveness mind of mine? argh. I think I should be mixing around with more friends and going out more often with my friends rather than always looking for her..
Yah, i know that .. 3 years is really very long. it's actually 3 years and 4 months.. she could have changed over this period of time when we didn't see each other..
Yes I am sure i'm not going to be the previous me.. I've made mistakes and have learnt from my mistakes over this 3 years..
Yah, i won't be rushing now.. it's just a mater of time.. we'll meet up more often so that i can know her better .. i don't wish to make another mistake again..
thanks brother..
Here are the common attributes that possessive guys would impose as a rule (written or unwritten) and some of them are 'that' bad.
I) Disallow her to speak with other guys - on phone, real life (if possible and whenever possible), etc - common classic
II) Cannot use IRC related chat - another common classic
III) Cannot wear too revealing (in his preception)
IV) Whenever possible, if the guy not with her, best she stays at home.
V) Checks her SMS, ICQ history, Log files, etc. - Common classic
VI) Delete guy's number from her HP - rare, but I seen it happening.
VII) Killer stare at whoever that gaze upon his gf, snarling like a rattling snake.
VIII) Always put his hands around her whenever possible (Body language, Insecurity, psychological factors)
IX) Have this preception woman-is-the-stay-at-home and man is to support her.
X) Cannot go clubbing - Classic!
XI) Gf's social circle gradually turning small - due to bf's possessive character.
XII) Must ask about gf's past.
XIII) Would request to throw away past bf's stuff.
And the overall result? Lots of arguements, quarreling, etc and most of the time - relationship will fall. Avoid those pointers above whenever possible - because you need trust in whatever relation you enter. Possessive people LACKS trust and replace it with this characteristic - its like replacing oxygen with carbon monoxide - eventually you will die isn't it?
Cheers -
x 10!Originally posted by Xiao Long Nu:feelings are back.........no harm to try ? gd l;uck.. v -
Hey! How r u doing? Actually they're all quite rite. And you seemed to have sort things out within yourself these few years as well. Being possessive is not really a veri bad thing, afterall u loved her. But being over-possesive is a diff story. Too bad u din have a good tok wif her about her hugging her ex thingie. Now, history is well, history. During the years while u guys are apart, she prob. have experienced things that have changed her personality and expectations in life and I assumed you have too. It'd be good to really understand how she feels now and what she has become...afterall trust is a very impt. foundation in a relationship tat works....u noe my 1st bf din trust me one bit and is always very insecure, in the end, he decided to wait for me to grow older and then start a relationship again. But it doesn't work tat way for me. If he had trusted me, things will be a diff story. So u see, u have to see and weigh if you can ever step into the relationship wif her (if things work out well) wif trust again. Perhaps spend more time with her as a fren, let her also understand you as the person u have grown into. Let her feel that she can communicate all things wif you. Then perhaps when u guys do get tog., she can also learn to respect tat u will rather she be honest wif u then destroy trust by lying. Cheers!Originally posted by kohanson:1. Yup, i have intentions of being back with her.. She's the one who shared with me my joy, my pain and everything.. we were very happy together before we were together.. but things seems to go wrong after we were together as she still have feelings for her ex bf..
2. i guess from the start, i'm already possesive of her as she also contacts her ex bf once in a while.. which she sometimes hide from me.. that makes me more n more possesive.. and emm, she hugged her ex-bf during our relationship ..
3. I will be happy to get to know and understand her better again before i go any further.. -
Ask her out again.. be her friend and maybe it'll just grow to something even stronger than before?
Who knows?
It is wonderful when feelings so strong, it makes you go into a daze and take the wrong train
Love is elusive... sometimes, you gotta go out and grab it.
Hope this is, and if she's the one for you, you are a lucky man.
So, go Anson! mayhap she's the one for you! -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
i. Actually i don't like to chat with her ex bf on the fone, that is why i 1 day can call her a few times to check out what she is doing at home, and at that time, everyone is using pager ..
Mixing more with friends than with her is not possessiveness - its being 'sticky'. Of course most possessive people are 'sticky', but not all.
Here are the common attributes that possessive guys would impose as a rule (written or unwritten) and some of them are 'that' bad.
I) Disallow her to speak with other guys - on phone, real life (if possible and whenever possible), etc - common classic
II) Cannot use IRC related chat - another common classic
III) Cannot wear too revealing (in his preception)
IV) Whenever possible, if the guy not with her, best she stays at home.
V) Checks her SMS, ICQ history, Log files, etc. - Common classic
VI) Delete guy's number from her HP - rare, but I seen it happening.
VII) Killer stare at whoever that gaze upon his gf, snarling like a rattling snake.
VIII) Always put his hands around her whenever possible (Body language, Insecurity, psychological factors)
IX) Have this preception woman-is-the-stay-at-home and man is to support her.
X) Cannot go clubbing - Classic!
XI) Gf's social circle gradually turning small - due to bf's possessive character.
XII) Must ask about gf's past.
XIII) Would request to throw away past bf's stuff.
And the overall result? Lots of arguements, quarreling, etc and most of the time - relationship will fall. Avoid those pointers above whenever possible - because you [b]need trust in whatever relation you enter. Possessive people LACKS trust and replace it with this characteristic - its like replacing oxygen with carbon monoxide - eventually you will die isn't it?
Cheers
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Viii. maybe this is also part of it .. she sometimes doesn't wants to hold my hand and i just grabbed it .. can see that she is kind of angry..
Xi. not really, she always have lots of friends !
and for the rest.. not very true.. btw, thanks everyone for all your great help, replies and comments, i really appreciate it.. -
YOU ARE ON THE SAFE SIDE MY DEAR. Don't worry, you ain't possessive, perhaps just a little 'sticky'. Sure the past lesson did made you grow and mature isn't it? You will be fine!Originally posted by kohanson:i. Actually i don't like to chat with her ex bf on the fone, that is why i 1 day can call her a few times to check out what she is doing at home, and at that time, everyone is using pager ..
Viii. maybe this is also part of it .. she sometimes doesn't wants to hold my hand and i just grabbed it .. can see that she is kind of angry..
Xi. not really, she always have lots of friends !
and for the rest.. not very true.. btw, thanks everyone for all your great help, replies and comments, i really appreciate it..
/me slap a pat on Kohanson
Cheers -
haiz...sigh the affairs of the heart...
juz go for it man from wat i gathered u knew wat u wanna do all along...think u juz need that extra boost!!!
juz a word of caution, if u r tinking of getting back juz be'cos u miss the old feelings...
...then be warned that the feelings will never be the same again....
best of luck
wat u waiting for
ask her out now 
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Nevermind, go ahead. Over my side I also help u to cry. Only thing is that I not sure if my tears ducts are still working anot.. Too long never use it liao.Originally posted by kohanson:after reading all your replies, i feel like crying.. i go back home liao.. see you all tonight. -
dear kohanson,
just want to type something after reading..u didnt describe how your managed to meet up after 3 yrs? but anyway it doesnt really matter.. can see that u still very like her after so long & breaking up..for me, if i happened to meet my ex, usually they would come back for one last LAST fling..it would be just that..fast and easy..nowadays we dont talk love..u know?
but for your case can see u really serious..advice is dont think so much. usually things in real life dont turn out to be what u dreamt and wanted it 2be. furthermore she's your 1st..yes, u can try winning her back.. but how & where u want the relationship to go depends on your mindset..dont contend for another heartbreak this time round..
nowadays we dont talk love..u know? -
First love is always the most difficult to get over. I still have a bit of a tingle now n then when I see my 1st gf
Anyway, u mention that u dont have any releationship after her, isit becos u cant forget her or is it becos of other reason(eg. studies, dnt wan commitment, u r damn ugly ) If its the 1st reason, mai tu liao.. go! If 2nd reason then consider again, see if they still apply now... -
Okie .. over these 3 years, we didn't really call each other, even if i call, we only chatted for about half an hour. Maybe is because we still couldn't get over this thing.. then just last month, i chatted with her using SMS and i i just asked her when she's free and whether she want to go out for a dinner or not. And she said "ok, i'll see you next saturday".Originally posted by Mr Double Standard:dear kohanson,
just want to type something after reading..u didnt describe how your managed to meet up after 3 yrs? but anyway it doesnt really matter.. can see that u still very like her after so long & breaking up..for me, if i happened to meet my ex, usually they would come back for one last LAST fling..it would be just that..fast and easy..nowadays we dont talk love..u know?
but for your case can see u really serious..advice is dont think so much. usually things in real life dont turn out to be what u dreamt and wanted it 2be. furthermore she's your 1st..yes, u can try winning her back.. but how & where u want the relationship to go depends on your mindset..dont contend for another heartbreak this time round..
nowadays we dont talk love..u know?
When that saturday was reaching, she told me that she couldn't make it as she need to go back to school and i was thinking whether she was trying to avoid me or what.. so i said "It's ok, call me when you are free"
so after about a week later, she icq me and ask whether I'm free on Good Friday or not and i said yes, and actually we were meeting each other at 3pm, then in the end, we met up at 6pm as she wants to watch the replay telecast of the charity show..
btw, i found out that she hasn't had any bf over these 3 years.. i was kind of surprised. Because during secondary school days, alot of guys are after her.. hmm. ok go to work liao. see ya guys. -
Treasure her before she's gone before your very own eyes
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So are you going to do something to win her back?Originally posted by kohanson:Okie .. over these 3 years, we didn't really call each other, even if i call, we only chatted for about half an hour. Maybe is because we still couldn't get over this thing.. then just last month, i chatted with her using SMS and i i just asked her when she's free and whether she want to go out for a dinner or not. And she said "ok, i'll see you next saturday".
When that saturday was reaching, she told me that she couldn't make it as she need to go back to school and i was thinking whether she was trying to avoid me or what.. so i said "It's ok, call me when you are free"
so after about a week later, she icq me and ask whether I'm free on Good Friday or not and i said yes, and actually we were meeting each other at 3pm, then in the end, we met up at 6pm as she wants to watch the replay telecast of the charity show..
btw, i found out that she hasn't had any bf over these 3 years.. i was kind of surprised. Because during secondary school days, alot of guys are after her.. hmm. ok go to work liao. see ya guys.
If you are, all the best to you! You have all our moral support