Friendships and Relationships
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Hi guys
, i have been noticing quite a lot of GBR problems with friends and lovers, so i decided to write my view on this.
Many times i heard my friends in poly saying "Relationships ruin friendships." Most people will agree with that statement. You may have even seen it in action or had it happen to you. You think about it and it makes sense. Therefore, you make yourself a rule "Never date a friend."
You vow to hold true to this new rule...you make it your most important rule of dating. This is cool ...you are going to save yourself a lot of pain now!
Does this sound like you?It sounds like me though. Haha.. i am 20 right now and i can be classified as the fine line between a good looking and ugly looking guy
Unfortunately, the establishment of this rule is probably the worst thing that you can do to yourself. In fact, you should be doing the exact opposite. "What are you thinking? Are you insane?"
Well, let's think. What are all the possible reasons for not being friends with someone?
1) You don't know them well enough to be their friend 2) You know them and you don't want to be their friend
Now, let's just use a little bit of common sense here. We'll look at each case individually. If there were a person you knew, and you really did not want to be their friend (for whatever reason), would you want to be in a relationship with them? Think about it. NO. You wouldn't. If there was something that kept you from being friends with someone, it would obviously be reason enough not to be into a closer relationship with them, since a relationship is closer than a friendship.
Ok, so what is the only other possibility? Well, that is that you don't know the person well enough to be their friend. Would you really want to enter a relationship with someone you didn't know well enough to know if you wanted to be their friend? NO. Of course not. If you don't know them well enough to be friends with them, you DEFINITELY don't know them well enough to be in a closer relationship with them.
It's that simple. There is a reason that people use the phrase "more than friends." A relationship is more than a friendship. Don't become more than friends until you are friends first. Ok, so the new rule will be "Be friends first." This means that when you really like someone, BECOME their friend before you even think about anything else.
Let's look at the benefits of this secret
1) If you meet someone new, and become friends with them first, you can get to know them on a personal level, and then decide if you really want a relationship with them. Sometimes you might really want a relationship with someone at first, and then you get to know them, and you realize that they aren't really right for you. In this case, you've avoided the pain of a failed relationship, and you've made yourself a wonderful friend in the process!
2) If you become friends with someone, and then build the relationship from that point, if the relationship does end, you can remain friends. Maybe that won't happen in every situation, but if you are not friends first, you can be sure that there is no way that you will be friends afterwards.
3) A friendship is built on so many of the same things that a relationship is. Those things include trust, caring, and a mental and emotional connection. In this sense, a relationship is a natural extension of a friendship. Looking at it this way, it would be downright absurd to try to make a relationship work without a friendship.
If there is anything more that I have to say, it's that when you do find yourself in a relationship, you should make sure to STAY FRIENDS, ALWAYS. That means DURING the relationship, and afterwards. Make sure that your boyfriend/girlfriend IS your best friend. If you keep it that way, you will save yourself so much unnecessary pain.
Cheers
P.S. Stay clear from those heartbreaks and remain a good friend like you always are -
Originally posted by Master -_-:
Hi guys, i have been noticing quite a lot of GBR problems with friends and lovers, so i decided to write my view on this.
Many times i heard my friends in poly saying "Relationships ruin friendships." Most people will agree with that statement. You may have even seen it in action or had it happen to you. You think about it and it makes sense. Therefore, you make yourself a rule [b]"Never date a friend."
You vow to hold true to this new rule...you make it your most important rule of dating. This is cool ...you are going to save yourself a lot of pain now!
Does this sound like you?It sounds like me though. Haha.. i am 20 right now and i can be classified as the fine line between a good looking and ugly looking guy Unfortunately, the establishment of this rule is probably the worst thing that you can do to yourself. In fact, you should be doing the exact opposite. "What are you thinking? Are you insane?"
Well, let's think. What are all the possible reasons for not being friends with someone? 1) You don't know them well enough to be their friend 2) You know them and you don't want to be their friend
Now, let's just use a little bit of common sense here. We'll look at each case individually. If there were a person you knew, and you really did not want to be their friend (for whatever reason), would you want to be in a relationship with them? Think about it. NO. You wouldn't. If there was something that kept you from being friends with someone, it would obviously be reason enough not to be into a closer relationship with them, since a relationship is closer than a friendship.
Ok, so what is the only other possibility? Well, that is that you don't know the person well enough to be their friend. Would you really want to enter a relationship with someone you didn't know well enough to know if you wanted to be their friend? NO. Of course not. If you don't know them well enough to be friends with them, you DEFINITELY don't know them well enough to be in a closer relationship with them.
It's that simple. There is a reason that people use the phrase "more than friends." A relationship is more than a friendship. Don't become more than friends until you are friends first. Ok, so the new rule will be "Be friends first." This means that when you really like someone, BECOME their friend before you even think about anything else.
Let's look at the benefits of this secret
1) If you meet someone new, and become friends with them first, you can get to know them on a personal level, and then decide if you really want a relationship with them. Sometimes you might really want a relationship with someone at first, and then you get to know them, and you realize that they aren't really right for you. In this case, you've avoided the pain of a failed relationship, and you've made yourself a wonderful friend in the process!
2) If you become friends with someone, and then build the relationship from that point, if the relationship does end, you can remain friends. Maybe that won't happen in every situation, but if you are not friends first, you can be sure that there is no way that you will be friends afterwards.
3) A friendship is built on so many of the same things that a relationship is. Those things include trust, caring, and a mental and emotional connection. In this sense, a relationship is a natural extension of a friendship. Looking at it this way, it would be downright absurd to try to make a relationship work without a friendship.
If there is anything more that I have to say, it's that when you do find yourself in a relationship, you should make sure to STAY FRIENDS, ALWAYS. That means DURING the relationship, and afterwards. Make sure that your boyfriend/girlfriend IS your best friend. If you keep it that way, you will save yourself so much unnecessary pain.
Cheers
P.S. Stay clear from those heartbreaks and remain a good friend like you always are
[/b]
Stick to my own rule...
Never date a friend
and
If me friend happens to fall for the same guy, give it to her!
I learnt, heartbreaks can be gotten over easily, compare to broken friendships
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Dear En,Originally posted by En':
Stick to my own rule...
Never date a friend
and
If me friend happens to fall for the same guy, give it to her!
I learnt, heartbreaks can be gotten over easily, compare to broken friendships
In a relationship you have certain standards that have to be met, you have to look good for your significant other, buy them things, and be intimate. There is a lot of pressure in a relationship. Now take a friendship for instance, you talk on the phone usually, you see each other when you can, you may buy something the odd time but it has a different value than if you were dating, there is no pressure to do anything you don't want to, you're free to see other people, and intimacy is not a necessity, it's an option depending on how close you are, not all friends are intimate most probably aren't.
In a friendship you choose to spend time together, and when. Now don't get me wrong you do this if your involved with someone also, but it is expected then. I think spur of the moment plans work well in both situations.
It doesn't mean a broken friendship means no heartbreaks and vice versa. What is important is that you prioritise how much attention you give to such.
Cheers -
Dear Aunt Andy,Originally posted by Master -_-:Dear En,
In a relationship you have certain standards that have to be met, you have to look good for your significant other, buy them things, and be intimate. There is a lot of pressure in a relationship. Now take a friendship for instance, you talk on the phone usually, you see each other when you can, you may buy something the odd time but it has a different value than if you were dating, there is no pressure to do anything you don't want to, you're free to see other people, and intimacy is not a necessity, it's an option depending on how close you are, not all friends are intimate most probably aren't.
In a friendship you choose to spend time together, and when. Now don't get me wrong you do this if your involved with someone also, but it is expected then. I think spur of the moment plans work well in both situations.
It doesn't mean a broken friendship means no heartbreaks and vice versa. What is important is that you prioritise how much attention you give to such.
Cheers
Congratulations on your new column, work hard
/me go heal myself now...
BounCe~
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Originally posted by En':Dear Aunt Andy,
Congratulations on your new column, work hard
/me go heal myself now...
BounCe~ -
hahhaaOriginally posted by En':Dear Aunt Andy,
Congratulations on your new column, work hard
/me go heal myself now...
BounCe~ 
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*point at reason no. 2 above*Originally posted by Master -_-:Well, let's think. What are all the possible reasons for not being friends with someone? 1) You don't know them well enough to be their friend 2) You know them and you don't want to be their friend
Is that the reason why many guys don't keep in contact with the ex gfs?
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Originally posted by Honeybunz:*point at reason no. 2 above*
Is that the reason why many guys don't keep in contact with the ex gfs? Sometimes it feels strange... -
sigh... sad.Originally posted by Parka: Sometimes it feels strange...
Sometimes, after break off, the girl genuinely wants the friendship, but the guy dun wan.
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why? care to share?Originally posted by Honeybunz:sigh... sad.
Sometimes, after break off, the girl genuinely wants the friendship, but the guy dun wan. -
simple lor. ex bf dun want to talk to me.Originally posted by Master -_-:why? care to share? -
ex what... why must he talk to you?Originally posted by Honeybunz:simple lor. ex bf dun want to talk to me.