Is this Love?
-
I'm a 21 yr-old average-looking geeky NSF. I've never fallen in love and was indifferent to girls I met while in secondary school and polytechnic; there was no chemistry or special feeling at all and I thought I am immune to love. But I couldn't care less about it until it came to National Day Parade 2000.
I was tasked to be a parade coordinator (aka marshaller) for one of the uniform group contingent. And then I met this girl (an officer) who was in charge of the contingent. There were also other officers around but they always move off with the contingent to the Padang for rehearsal, leaving me and the other girl behind at the holding area at Marina Promenade.
It wasn't love at first sight kind of thing and for the first 2 weeks, we did not talk to each other at all, nor did I pay much attention to her -- I was just interested in familiarising myself with all the procedures and getting my job done properly. By the 3rd week, she was the one who broke the ice and talked to me. Strangely enough, the shy, quiet and introverted guy that I am began talking effervescently with her, as if we were old friends and we talked everything under the sun, from afternoon to the night. This continued for several more weekends (from late-May till early August about 3 months) when there's rehearsals until NDP 2000. Sometimes I noticed that she'll tell me things that she would not even tell her fellow officers friends such as her emotion/feeling and view on certain issues. Even other parade coordinators noticed it and one of them whispered to me that she may be interested in me.
I don't know if she was just being friendly or is a bit interested in me. Each week, I looked forward the rehearsals as I could see her but at that point of time, I thought I could control myself and forget about her once NDP is over and I never see her again. I convinced myself that my liking (love, crush I couldn't differentiate) for her would fade away if I don't see her for a prolonged period of time.
On the actual day of NDP, which was supposed to be the last time I'll get to see her ever in my life, I was hoping to maintain some sort of contact with her after National Day, maybe her handphone number, home number, email, ICQ or whatever. It seems that I'm afraid of losing her and never get to see her once more. Sadly, I never plucked up the courage to ask her for it.
The worst torment came after the whole NDP 2000 ended and everything has settled down. 4 months after NDP and I'm still thinking of her. Desperate, I ended up searching for her on the Internet and I found her ICQ number and email address. Coincidentally enough, I found them on the eve of her birthday and I sent her an online greeting card and surprise, she also got online that night and we had a marathon ICQ messaging session that lasted 3 hours into the wee hours of the morning. She said she missed me and lamented that I lost contact with her after NDP and that I do not have her handphone number and her address. At certain point of our ICQ session, she coyly said I miss her. It was like "So you miss me loh". I'm unable to to tell if she said this half-in-jest or is trying to hint at something seriously.
For the past 2 weeks, I've not chatted with her as she wasn't online but she's still in contact with me through email and a few ICQ messages asking how my life went each week.
However, unlike someone who's lovelorn, I still manage to get my everyday job and duties done and I am able to concentrate on my training. But in my free time, my mind will start to wander and think of her and the time we spent together. It doesn't help that my section mates keeps singing "Hou Lai" by Rene Liu Ruoying and other love songs! And when I look at the Changi Airport control tower from Pulau Tekong, although just separated by a small stretch of sea, I feel the distance between she and I are poles apart and I'm losing her. And the weird thing is that I do not harbour any sexual thoughts about her and just thoughts of being with her is enough to make me feel happy. Isn't this abnormal for a male?
I'm now utterly confused and I don't know if this is love, a temporary crush on someone, or an unhealthy obsession that requires me to see a psychologist/psychiatrist.
How do I tell if she's also interested in me? Is it possible to tell or gauge her thinking based on details in my far-too-long story? And does she want to further our relationship? What's the success rate for this relationship, virtually nil? Should I let her know about this and when should I break the news to her? I fear she'll reject me for breaking the news too soon and should I get to know her better as a casual friend before telling her?
For the time being, I'm still looking forward each bookout and hoping to meet her online someday...
Any advice will help greatly. Thanks.
[This message has been edited by m.c.king (edited 26 November 2000).]
[This message has been edited by m.c.king (edited 26 November 2000).]
[This message has been edited by m.c.king (edited 26 November 2000).] -
MC King,
Can understand yr situation now. The feeling of having in love with some1 yet there's limited things u can do abt it, can feel quite helpless at times. Even the slightest things, like if shes online, will make yr day.
Actually, the chances u stand is not virtually nil, but getting to knoiw each other online only or contact through emails dun actually helps lor. I would encourage u to give her telephone calls or ask her out. Think these will be better ways to know her better. I know its hard, i know its difficult but u just have to pluck up yr courages and ask her out!!!
Give yrself more time to know her in PERSON. I dunnoe how serious she is in saying she miss u or stuff like that. She maybe teasing u or whatever, nobody knows. But then, i only got this to say. DON'T ever let yr chance slip by, if its gone, it may never come back again.
Whatever it is, all the best to you~! Keep us updated, waiting for yr good news. -
i totally agree wif atti...
in icq, email, sms and etc... u wun know whether the person is teasing u or serious in u... u cant hear the tone nor u hv any eye contact... so the best thing is to date her out.. or @ least chat over the phone lor... try to understand her more...
if u think u hv understand her enuff... y not pluck up ur courage and go after her... u nv know the answer if u nv try out...
gd luck!
------------------
If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hindred days of sorrow.
[This message has been edited by nastybol (edited 27 November 2000).] -
There comes a point when one's fear of not knowing exceeds the fear of going wrong ...
The question is : have you reached that point ?
Can you not know and still live with yourself ? -
On top of that I wud like to add...
Dun be blinded by love... U may say that u r able to bring urself to work... but it is a different thing when u r in contact wif her.. U will be blinded by her everything.... That is wat we meant by being blinded by love.. For instance, if she just ask u to do a little favour, u will oblige wifout any qns.. that is called being blinded by love.
Another instance is that from ur long story... Everything seems to be siding u... hence it is very difficult to tell if she is geniunely haf a liking for u.... If u r reading this story wif a rational mind.. u will think possible suggestions of the otherwise... This is a live example of wat we mean by blinded by love.
On such a short term friendship, I wun be surprise it's just another sudden interest to know abt the person. The fact that the girl actually tells u things that she dun tell her friends mite be becoz, u r a more of a stranger. Sometimes we do feel better toking to strangers coz they can't spread the news to other pple that we know. I wud suggest that u get to know her more first.. thru' fone, icq, sms, even outings... There is no fear of being rejected. coz even if so, it's just rejecting another casual outing.
Next thing is the hard part.. U haf to get to know her as a fren first... The reason y I say it's hard is becoz, u r in love wif her. u will not be able to bring urself down to a friendship level and get to know her from there... When both of u tok, in ur mind it will automatically be translated to lovey tunes...
Well... a consolation is that u really love her as in her character instead of any part of her physical self...and another thing is that u haf found someone to divert ur emotional attention too.. Congrats!!!!
------------------
Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
Maybe the sensation and warmth you interpret as love might merely be the beauty of friendship. If you were indifferent to girls before, it's time you got some exposure.....it doesn't have to mean love or sexual mojo!
Just take things as they come, keep your relationship as natural as possible and time will reveal all....these things have a way of working out! ;-) -
good point... 8-)
I understand something new againz.. thanx...
------------------
Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear