Cornetto,
Saw another post of yrs in another thread from heavyarm. U mention that u dun feel like living. Well 1st allow me to come to this comment of yrs. Don't ever feel like giving up hope in life, cos u never died, or almost died b4, u dunnoe how good it is to stay alive. Theres so much things to look forward in life, of cos, other than the trouble u r facing now. And its definitely not worth giving up a life for a guy, who isn't even yr hubby yet. Also, judging from yr post, well can roughly tell that u r still young, below 20? Pardon me if i am wrong. Pls, still so young and feel this way already? oh dear, then i must say u r still not mature enuff to handle serious relation yet. It's normal to get upset or even angry over a relationship, i mean, it happen to me b4 also

, but, die is never a solution, u will only upset more pple ard u. So, pls, get this idea out of yr head soon.
Okie, again, think this gonna be a long post so pls bear wif it. Frankly speaking from what u say, even if u patch batch with yr ex-bf, i dun think the 2 of u gonna last also, judging from yr history of breaking up with him. I know, and understand that gers are more softhearted, esp to those they love, so its very natural of you to give in to him when he pleads. But guess for once, u should try to stand yr ground. Try to live a life without him for a few mnths and see how life gets on. Its also a good oppotunities for you to observe him now, see how he is when he's without u, will he turn bad? or will he become a much better person. Who knows rite, maybe u will find out a lot more than when u r blind by love during this period. Its just not advisable for u to go back to him now, seriously speaking, or at least thats what i think. U may end up getting upset/hurt a couple of times more than now.
Its also natural for u to think of him now. I mean, it just happened. Try to indulge yrself into other stuffs, and like i mention in another post (from heavy arm), do something u wish to do for a long time but haven't have the chance to. It may not help much it will definitely make u feel better that tiny whinney bit. I also agreed that its what the 2 of u went through that made a relationship strong, and what you do for him that counts. But MISS, i am sure when you 1st went into the relationship, you know that such things are never fair, NEVER! As long as you feel that its 'zhi de' to do something for him, go ahead, even if it doesn't pay off, at least you wun live in regret, which i am sure u didn't now cos from what u type, can see that you really put in a lot of effort in this relationship. Now that it didn't pay off, the more theres no reason to blame yrself. You tried yr best already, its him who went stray again and again.
Try to get over this soon, yup it takes time but u just got to try. You suffered enuff mentally already, so try not to torture yrself further. I know, all i say may sound like crap but thats how i feel, and hopefully u can understand my command of english as its always been that bad

Take Care!
Regards
Recommend you a song - 'Meng Fei Chuan - BU ZHI DE'.

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nOthiNg iS ImpOsSibLE In tHiS wOrLd
EvEn tHe wOrD ImPoSsiBLe SaYs "i'M pOsSiBLe"