I still miss her very much...
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I do not know whether it's rht for me to express my utmost feelings in here but I know that watever I do is not going to help salvage anything at the moment.
My g/f and I finally broke up after my 2-yr return from oversea. We have been together for almost 3 yrs.I had studied and worked really hard to get my 1st class honours but all this came with a price. I never understand the agony and pain she is going thru alone in Singapore with her work. The period of separation weakens our bond and finally the 3rd party came in.
The 1st person I had always wanted to see was her but when I return to Singapore to share my joy with her, the world seem to changed. I was completely devastated to learn of the truth after a mth of agony. And I guess probably due to guilt, she finally made a painful decision - to leave both of us. I have never blame her at all and no matter how well I treated her, she can no longer bring herself to accept me again.
Since than, my life has been in a tormenting situation as I lead a double life..in the day pretty normal but at nite, I was suffering a lot frm emotional shocks. Although we have now promised to stay as very good friends and do keep in touch, we need time to heal the wounds. Till now I am still waiting for the rht time to rediscover the feelings some day.
I know life must move on and I am being very silly but I really can no longer function normally in life as yet. The thought of losing someone so important to you has partially killed you. We are both 24+ this year. Why mus the world be so cruel and I really wonder will she ever accept me again cos she knows deep down inside I love her very much..... -
Whaoz... very touching story there... Almost wanted to cry for u too... understand how u feel inside.. I know wat is meant by, trying ur best in ur studies, but sad to say, in the pursuit, u neglected her. I believe in ur mind u have the good intentions of giving her a better life, so u did well in ur studies... who doesn't want to treat his other half wif more luxury.
Well, first thing, care to tell us when u borke up wif ur gf?? Coz it may be just another case of being in confusion, that's y she doesn't accept u back. I mean if it has been recently, say last 1-5 mths, I believe she's also in the midst delimma and hence refuse both parties.. in these sort of cases, just give her time to sort her mind out, and be there when she needs someone. she just ended her 2 r/s in her life in such a short period of time, u can't possibly as her to get over it so soon rite?? trey to understand her.
For the other case, the seperation has been quite some time already, I have to say, unless she is afraid of wat had happened in the incident u have mentioned above, if not I may need more info from u, to know exactly wat kind of situation u r in. For instance the postition the both of u r in, and afew other stuff.. So maybe u can tell us more abt the time frame from that incident till now, and when she said she wanted to remain as friends??
Meanwhile, take care and we would like to hear from u shortly...
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
Thanks for replying...I appreciate ur intention...cos everyday different pple r toking sense out of me...but feelings are something which will cum involuntarily and I cannot control myself from turning bac to someone different at nite esp when I tink of the past and I couldn't let her go no matter what.
I can appear very sane and sensible in front of us..dat is thru SMS and on fone calls...but I do not know how long I can suppress myself b4 I gradually break down. I do not know when will I ever see her again cos it's best not to since the wound is still new. The idea of not being able to join her in her life for any activities hurts me as much...~
It's been almost 2 weeks since we have broken up but still keep in touch. She has specified that she wanted to be left alone and wun be in a stable condition to accept any other guys anymore.
I guess now is the time for a new beginning...and I will work hard for the little hope I kept in my heart....~It's difficult for us to accept any other person along our way....but in future..no one will knows....~ -
Yes....relationships r cruelly based on feelings...but till date, I am still pretty srubborn and refused to get on wif live normally. Some pple do not understand dat no matter how it is, the pain and love remains forever in ur heart.
Much as I wanted to get a life, I also wanted to win her bac someday. Life's a dilemma. I may be normal in the day but at nite when I am alone, the involuntary feelings and sweet memories come in again. This is the most difficult stage to overcome. U loses sleep and u loses apetitite but u no longer r wat u used to be.
Watever the outcome is..i wun know....but i hope to recover...with a bonus in future as well...~To be loved is a bliss...to love someone is painful but the most depressing stage is to miss and love that special someone when u know that he/she is long gone.
Somehow I feel all is not totally lost yet cos somehow I felt she still has feelings for me. We keep in touch but not seeing each other for the moment lest it jeopardise our r/s now as gd frens. But I hope it's not out of sympathy and guilt which she tried to show care and concern to me becos for thw rong she commited. If I know it's this case... our frenship will jolly well be over. I hope I am not being naive.....I love her very much...someday I hope miracles will happen and we r bac together again..~ -
You got to be smart about this. Don't grovel & beg for her to come back. It makes you look weak & women hate weak men. Don't be naive!
If you want her back you've got to be cool. Instead of you constantly calling & pestering her ... just bo chup her. Stop calling & SMS ... in other words ... stop being a "Lost Puppy". Constantly being in her face will greatly reduce your chances ... furthermore she also said she wanted to be left alone.
So from today ... totally ignore her, no matter how much it hurts inside. Go out & do stuff & meet new people. In order to understand my advice ... you must understand "chick logic". Girls don't think like guys. You may think that your actions will touch her but trust me they don't. How can you ex-gf miss you when you're constantly in her face! In order to get her back ... you've got to make her miss you & think about you.
So here's the play. Ignore her totally ... & I mean totally. Don't even be friends! Be a MAN! & don't wimp out. If she has any feelings left for you she'll start wondering why you don't call anymore. She'l start missing you. If she calls ... just be cool & say something like "I love you but I'm not interested in just being friends!"
The logic for my advice is simple! By the way you act ... your ex-gf has no fear of losing you ie. you're constantly acting like a lost puppy begging to be loved. In other words ... You're Constantly Available! Put yourself in her shoes ... will you fear losing someone who is constantly in your face! Eg. If you wanted to buy a Ferari ... you either pay the full price or get lost. There is no discounting ... this adds to the snob appeal & desirability of a Ferari. However, if wanted to buy a Lada/Ugo/Kia you're probably bombarded with a barrage of deals & discounts. Hence, Ladas/Ugos/Kias have absolutely no snob appeal or pride of ownership whatsoever. So what type of impression would you prefer to give your ex-gf ... Would you prefer to be a Ferari or Lada? -
I appreciate u pple for replying to my post...giving me advices and making me see things in a different light. True I may look like a puppy or so...but actually, it's not totally true. No matter what I do..i know I can never win her bac becos this is not the moment.
It is jus that at times, I felt she do need someone to tok to her and it may be more of of concern and care now that sometimes I felt the need to chat wif her once in a while....not totally disappearing frm earth. She needs help and attention and she is suffering from work stress....
I am trying to figure out a way to tell her things she like to hear about...making her comfortable and not feeling so uptight in work itself. I felt that she has a prob organizing her own time becos of her hectic job nature. I cannot jus ignore everything....and there's a promise...we will always be in touch and keeping contact wif each other...~ -
For a moment of happiness and joy of being love by a lady whom you loved dearly. All of this thoughts are shattered by a same lady whom she once loved you madly. I believe this girl have took your heart away. All of this happens to sudden and you are not prepared for this to come as it was not part of the journey. Frankly to say, let time to heal the wounds. And the scars left behind are the wonderful unforgetable moments you both spend together. It's difficult to let go everything for the r/s.
However, being friends right now is good, Never mention the "L" word in front of her, as my bet is she rite nw very fructured and confused over this word. But through the converisation with her, you can show your care, concern and importantly attention whether she talk about her personnel stuff. In doing so, it may help to make up the absence of the 2 years period. Do be patient and dun let your emotions for her get in the way. Good luck and take care.
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"A relationship is like a rose,
How long it lasts, no one knows;
Love can erase an awful past,
Love can be yours, you'll see at last;
To feel that love, it makes you sigh,
To have it leave, you'd rather die;
You hope you've found that special rose,
'Cause you love and care for the one you chose." -
tubby:
Ur different approach to the problem is really interesting, makes me look things from a diferent angle.
However, I think girls prefer to see the sincerity when guys approach them. In ur way, if she thinks that u dun want to patch back she will not be bothered abt u lioaz.. then in the end u will portray the wrong intention and msg to her. and in the end will not gain the girl back...
Well maybe my idea is kind of old fashion.
cloud:
I think in ur case, she's just too tired to think abt her r/s at the moment. Like wat u siad, it's only 2 ks...I think she needs time to ink and settle her mind first before committing herself into another r/s.
Just be there for her... she will know u presense and will come back.. But meanwhile just dun tok abt the r/s thing coz it's a sensitive topic in her heart at the moment. To think u, she has suffered quite a bit for the past few weeks.
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Barely Bearing Berry Belly Bear -
Love is a strange thing...where feelings live within...~First it is love which gave me the best moments of my lifetime...now it is love oso that crippled me big time. To think now that..it is still love which helps me overcome the tragedy and maintaining our frenship becos I love her much more to wanna see her hurt herself.
True...I listen to different pple like u guyz and my closed frens everyday. But it's still bac to square 1. I am very sane and sensible oredy...on my way soon to entering working life....in the end, it's still me myself that need to overcome the barrier..and yes....with her to help me...we will overcome this barrier cos I cannot do this alone.....
Bear....Tubby....Sad soul...u r pple that see this situations or having experience it urselves eh....care to intro a bit...~ -
hallo everyone ......
just happen to read this thread ..
its terrible rite to experience love then to lose it...
count urself lucky for knowing the difference...most pple only know a mundane life.
think u are being controlled by ur feelings now better work it out asap otherwise it might lead to depression.
think the gal is quite smart to impose a cool off period to think. maybe u shld do this also then consider the next step.
gd luck! -
Cloud:
I've been caught in a similar situation before & I did exactly what you did ... Trust Me! ... such an approach does not work!
You must understand how girls think. Your ex-gf has already told you that she wants to be left alone! Her interest level in you has fallen ... & making yourself constantly available to her will further reduce it. You've got to disappear ... your constant need to keep in touch will make you look needy & desperate. Sure she may indulge you by taking your calls etc ... but is it becos of love or pity?
Here's another eg. When we go into a store to shop ... we are often bothered by salesmen. In most cases we automatically "siam" them tho we may be genuinely interested in buying something. The salesmen may also be genuinely interested in helping us ... but we don't see them that way. Basically, most salesmen come on too strong & that scares us off. Good salesmen let the shopper get comfortable first ... he only steps in when the shopper looks interested or has some questions. I hope you get the point!
Bear:
I'm sure you've heard the saying "Women love bastards!" I'm sure you seen your fair share of girls who attached to bastards. More often than not ... these girls are beautiful & good-hearted ... yet they get attached to total assholes that don't give shit about them! So my question to you is ... Do you think SINCERITY matters?
I too was once sincere ... I'll let you guess where that got me! Forget all that lovey dovey movie crap we've been brought up on. I too was once a nice guy ... I'll let you guess where that got me!
Am I a bastard now? Well ... Yes & No! I would say I act like a bastard. Let me give you another eg. When you go for a job interview ... chances are, you'll wear the nicest clothes you have. Tho the clothes you wear has absolutely no corelation to your ability to do the job ... do you thing you'll get the job if you dressed very badly. You may be the most sincere & most qualified applicant ... but you'll still be writen-off if you appeared in your pyjamas.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't be sincere. However, no point being sincere if it doesn't get the girl or if she doesn't appreciate it. For me I believe in getting the girl first ... than showing her my sincerity. They're more appreciative that way. -
tubby:
I understand watcha mean. I am adopting a positive attitude towards my own life as well. I din possess her but I know actually she is always ard within my heart. Set her free...she has her own dream and I hope somehow...my little hope can be based upon the dream she see......let time do his job now..~ -
I guess she's gone....~
and i am left all alone to lick my wounds... -
Well, since she's gone, she's gone. It's time to move on. Why hold yourself back to ponder when you are told to "buzz off"??
Don't get me wrong. I do understand this thing called affection and love and these things would force yourself to keep your mind on her. But I believe u should force your own logical mind to take the better side of u. You should know what I mean.