very sad
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can't desciribe how i feel now.. guilty? feeling bad? for the things i've done to hurt someone.. somehow in the process.. i've been hurting myself too.. we're both sad now.. something i didn't want to happen.. little did i know i'd confess my doings to him.. now all i feel is confusion.. can't say the whole story out.. all i can say is i am very sad.. disappointed in myself more than ever,, and he doesn't blame me.. he is acting as a gentleman.. believing that if i am he is too.. my decision is as much as his..
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...... It's just all part of life.... Walk through it... Live with it....?
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I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
Feel guilty, sad or disappointed with it as much as you want but remember to forget about the sorrows and be happy again. When its time to stop mourning, its over and done with. Cheers!Originally posted by keyi:can't desciribe how i feel now.. guilty? feeling bad? for the things i've done to hurt someone.. somehow in the process.. i've been hurting myself too.. we're both sad now.. something i didn't want to happen.. little did i know i'd confess my doings to him.. now all i feel is confusion.. can't say the whole story out.. all i can say is i am very sad.. disappointed in myself more than ever,, and he doesn't blame me.. he is acting as a gentleman.. believing that if i am he is too.. my decision is as much as his..
As I've said before, you're still young and life is a long and learning journey. You win some you lose some, but remember your winnings at times... However small they are.
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Keyi,u r not as sad as me.at least u can still be frds as he accepts & maintains as a gentleman. mine falls 4 another and is still going on. a 18 years of strong love been betrayed by just a few months of affair. He cant get out now as there always bound to last minute changes...new tears r better than old...wife is no longer impt as a mistress with kid...had been sad & down for 2 months now...I dont know what to do cos i missed him very much.. she is waiting for me to divorce him. never knew once a good frd & a perfect husband can turn to be so cruel. Love or Lust, they r too much... he rather make me suffer than to see her cry.. who is she & who am i?
[This message has been edited by yc (edited 05 September 2001).] -
i had no one to turn & talked to. no one in our families knew abt the change in him & we had actually moved out since i discovered abt the affair but he stayed away fm me to be with her & only to pick me up to work every morning. occassionally he stay for a nite with me out of 1 week or just go out for one day out of 1 or 2 weeks. he said he felt so guilty that he cant face me. that b..ch is gulty also but only for that first few weeks after the discovery. me very miserable & really dont know who to turn to as the person to turn to who had shared all good & bad is no longer had me in his heart & mind...i just need to let go cos i really need to ease my miseries..... sad.. very sad.....
[This message has been edited by yc (edited 05 September 2001).] -
What is your religious belief...? Do you have any child? Is the b*tch divorced, separated from husband or still married...? How long have you been married? How long have you or your husband know that lady..? How long have they been together...?Originally posted by yc:i had no one to turn & talked to. no one in our families knew abt the change in him & we had actually moved out to my sis since i discovered abt the affair but he stayed away fm me to be with her & only to pick me up to work every morning. occassionally he stay for a nite with me out of 1 week or just go out for one day out of 1 or 2 weeks. he said he felt so guilty that he cant face me. that b..ch is gulty also but only for that first few weeks after the discovery. thick skinned, she still stays in the same office, like ntg happen. she is 2 years senior than both of us, only our 3 directors knew cos 3 of us happens to be their left-right trusted hand in the company. very complicated huh? me very miserable & really dont know who to turn to as the person to turn to who had shared all good & bad is no longer had me in his heart & mind...i just need to let go cos i really need to ease my miseries..... sad.. very sad.....
If you need someone to talk to, I'll be at all ears.... If you need to shine a light to your situation.... Write to me.... Or you can even ask me out if you want to....?
[email protected] The CHOICE is YOURS.... Afterall, it's still YOUR life...?
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I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
we been together for 18 years, ROM in 1995. somehow he fell for her after she starts to relate her background to him... she found a shoulder to cry on.... my hub is really a good man & everyone likes him & he had never set eyes on anyone since schooldays when we started courtship.I knew somethg was wrng when he starts to lie, go out late nights, one phone call & dissappear next min, & so... me as a wife who knows him for so long does hv six sense but never would any1 believe is a affair happening under the nose & it happens to be her, a frd. For mths things were so normal like ntg happen. but when comes nite, he give excuses to go out & starts saying i contolled him, bored to be with me for 24hrs daily & choke him to not giving him break of freedom. in fact i did not control his movement & we had always had no secrets to hide. Just only when we steps onto sgp soil, he starts to behave strangely. I did not do anythg wrng as i m doing my duties as a wife, cooks & cares for him etc... we had no quarrels, i do my thgs he do his.he dominates my life & i sacrifices lots of freedom just to hold our marriage strong till now. he betrayed my love for him. environment changes a person cos here in sgp, he knows i can take care of myself. i knew she had been deprived of love & when he happens to come by, if u r that b***h, will u let go? u know heart broken m i when i had been robbed of all my priviledge & everythg? he never do that b4 , only the last 5 months...she apologised & felt guity towards me but she still clinging on to him. she even show her face whenever he talks, sms or calls or come back to me... who is she? she knows that he will b with her whenever she say she needs him for u know what, she not feeling well etc etc... i had a life-illness since 1989, m on medication for life & yet he concerns for her more now. i goes to checkup alone. he accompany her even she got a tiny flu. sigh... i dont know what m i talking.. no end to my woes... really dont know how to tell details at one time....she knew how i feel cos she had that same experience but yet she still wants to carry on to hurt me just to satisfy her needs & desires.. both living in their fanatasy now. she even asked if my hub will sacrifice everythg, money, family ... everythg just to be with her & he may do it just for her... selfish... both of them... isnt it? i still believe his old self is still there somewhere waiting to be picked up agn cos he still cares for me. he is in a very difficult position now just that he is escaping fm reality now... dont know how to help him to stand up cos everytime he is abt to turn back, thgs happened(she faint or sick or calls him to babysit....)& fate changes. she is so thickskin...dont know how to spell or understand the word 'shame'.she hd indeed controlled his emotion & mind.. its really sad... very sad.....
[This message has been edited by yc (edited 05 September 2001).] -
cant hv kid due to my medical background. we loves children & everyones in our families likes both of us.we did planned for adoption but plans gone since he changed of heart. he found 'buy one get one free' deal now...we r suppose to plan for our grand wedding dinner this year or next, plan to renovate our apartment.. etc.. full of plans for our future back home in sgp but not? he is planning how to settle her for a good life away fm her complicated home... we hv no religion.. but god is really unfair to me...
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anyway, thks devil for listen & offer ur help. i just joined this froum chat cos my hub recommend this forum page to me so whenever m free, he encorage me to surf net more.. i guess this firum page had more youngster than people my age.. i m in early 30s & really dont know if anyone will understand my situation. i just need someone to listen to my woes... so i started icq-ing as well... just to talk to someone i dont know.....kind of relief too.... no on will understand anyway with my situation now...
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I don't quite understand your problem, but think the only advice I can giv u is just don't repeat the same mistake again since he had already forgiven u. U shd really find ways to liven your life, frm your problems, I felt tat u r really very pessimistic, open up to frdz more and u b happier, don't keep things to yourself, ok?Originally posted by keyi:can't desciribe how i feel now.. guilty? feeling bad? for the things i've done to hurt someone.. somehow in the process.. i've been hurting myself too.. we're both sad now.. something i didn't want to happen.. little did i know i'd confess my doings to him.. now all i feel is confusion.. can't say the whole story out.. all i can say is i am very sad.. disappointed in myself more than ever,, and he doesn't blame me.. he is acting as a gentleman.. believing that if i am he is too.. my decision is as much as his..
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
YC my Friend,
I... Do not know exactly what's your situation, but I can assure you that you'll have my full support for now....
In order for me to make further more meaningful analysis, please supply me with. Age, star sign and blood group of the below mentioned, to your possible knowledge. Yours, your hubby, the lady and also IDEALLY if possible, of the lady's EX husband... Would help alot if you can provide for the above, thanks...
Also, please update me with information on: How long have you know your hubby; how long have both of you been married; how long both of you know her; how long have it been since you noticed that your hubby's relationship with her deepens; how long have she know that guy before she had his child (if you can...); any other relationship(s) she had after she found out that the guy is married.... I know some of the information above would be difficult to obtain, but all the above would really help in the BATTLE if you desire victory, thanks... Try to give me the YEAR (if better still, the month if not EARLY, MID or END year), if not the period or duration will do. Try to be clear and definitive in the information you give. I know you'll feel a temptation to obtain information from your husband. But if it would arouse the suspect of your husband, DON'T. If you want your information confidential e-mail me as addressed in my previous POST above.
Your BATTLE LINE DRAWN would be to have your husband back on YOUR SIDE. Most technique recommended would be 'Throwing Light' or let him see/understand the situation himself. A non forceful nor resentful method. If the 'battle' is won, the lady would have pretty much NOTHING to fight about. <- Unless she prepares to put up an EXTREME fight (remind me to warn you on this later?)
ROUGH PROJECTION without information guidance:
Your husband could be:
(1) Drifted because of a weak heart or weak mind for the relationship.
(2) Lured in by a LONELY SOUL
(3) Lured in by a REVENGEFUL OUL
(4) Lured in by someone looking for a dependent
DEFENCE POSITIONs you should hold for now:
(1) DO NOT blame your husband for now. He could be as lost. IF YOU CAN, try to see things from his point of view. Let him understand that you just want to share with him. Don't suggest anything to him for now.
(2) DO NOT condemn the lady 1st. Understands her position 1st.
(3) DO NOT make harsh moves.
(4) DO NOT turn out with your husband. He's your best chance to the solution, your objection and YOUR HUSBAND. If you want him back, DO NOT DESTROY him.
I would HOLD my words for now. Realised that it's not much point giving 'surface deduction'.... Could be MISLEADING too....
Till we meet again?
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I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥....
[This message has been edited by Devil1976 (edited 30 July 2001).] -
wah...really sad n complicated case... i think i am still too young to understand wat u are going thru but surely i can sense ur sorrows... at this moment, i really dunno wat to say to u except that do not ever do anything silly...it's never worth it.. moreover, the b**ch will be happier if something unpleasant to u.. well, brace urself, i am sure there will be frens n family around u to support u.. although i dunno u in person, but i give u my moral support 100%! one day, ur husband will realise who is the best to him... 18years or relationship is far too long, i dun think he can just forget abt everything.. one day when he has straighten out his thoughts n is no longer in a confused state of mind, he will come back to u... if he doesn't let him go, cos that means he should never meant to be urs...
love somebody, let him go. if he comes back to u, he is yours. if he never returns, he will never be yours. -
Hope you're coping alright too..? Good luck......Originally posted by keyi:can't desciribe how i feel now.. guilty? feeling bad? for the things i've done to hurt someone.. somehow in the process.. i've been hurting myself too.. we're both sad now.. something i didn't want to happen.. little did i know i'd confess my doings to him.. now all i feel is confusion.. can't say the whole story out.. all i can say is i am very sad.. disappointed in myself more than ever,, and he doesn't blame me.. he is acting as a gentleman.. believing that if i am he is too.. my decision is as much as his.. -
try to relax...if not i offer my services as a clown
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Dear Joanne, Thanks for your support. I will not do any silly thing but i know that b**ch will. I think she would hv done it if not for my hub stopped her... few times, she cried & made herself lost in the street like a zombie, waiting for my husband to worry for her & pick her up which the trick works... not for me cos my hub thinks i am acting & she is for real... I dont know whether she is acting or for real but i know she is very boney & she is afraid to see doctors, very stubborn....
I read Devil's points & needless to say, had already all taken into account for. Been miserable since 1st June when i found out the affair myself by accident..
Till now i m still holding on & i really at lost most of the time.. dont know what m i doing either...in chinese,wo shi zai ai ta? bang ta or hai ta ne??
Devil, do u icq? -
THANKS... I can use a little 'fooling around'...??? Waahahaha....Originally posted by yolanda_tan:try to relax...if not i offer my services as a clown
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I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥....
[This message has been edited by Devil1976 (edited 31 July 2001).] -
I SENSED... You have to act FAST.... Something's NOT RIGHT.....Originally posted by yc:Dear Joanne, Thanks for your support. I will not do any silly thing but i know that b**ch will. I think she would hv done it if not for my hub stopped her... few times, she cried & made herself lost in the street like a zombie, waiting for my husband to worry for her & pick her up which the trick works... not for me cos my hub thinks i am acting & she is for real... I dont know whether she is acting or for real but i know she is very boney & she is afraid to see doctors, very stubborn....
I read Devil's points & needless to say, had already all taken into account for. Been miserable since 1st June when i found out the affair myself by accident..
Till now i m still holding on & i really at lost most of the time.. dont know what m i doing either...in chinese,wo shi zai ai ta? bang ta or hai ta ne??
Devil, do u icq?
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I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
I cant do anythg now. whatever he choose, someone will get hurt. I may be in the losing end now cos he chose to be with her cos he said he had done me wrng & was guilty to face me. basically he dare not face the reality to learn fm mistake & pick himself up.. he had changed. he is not a coward before but he seems to be now, he dare not admit the mistake & amend it... now seems hes getting deeper into the shit... we had been problem free when we were husband & wife n now? he hv to solve that b**ch family problem, personal problem, financial problem.. etc... looking for trouble himself... stupid of him rite? i really dont know whats with him... bewitched by the charm of women???
think he rather want me to get hurt let her.. -
Hi yc,
Everyone have some advice sometime or other... here are mine.
How long have this been going on? My point here is to take a look at yourself. How you look, How you carry yourself? Have you changed? Take out the photos of yourself when you have just married, or began dating. Compare yourself now with the you then.
Sometimes, "Men" (doh! As if I'm not one... :p) needs something fresh. Reinvent yourself, open your social circle enjoy yourself instead of moping around. Coz... how many married man can face a sad and sour face everyday they return home?
Put it simply... assess yourself, reinvent yourself and before you know it your husband will find you more attractive and will be much much happier. Unless.... he got this need for pain and heartache. Then... let him learn his lesson the hard way.
That's all.
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i do agree with all ur view & points. maybe we had indeed been together for 2 long a period of time & thgs do changes over the years. that r 2 much to talk abt how we had maintained our relationship. She was a beautician once & she does knows how to wince to get attention. man do like to take tofu but not my hub as long as i knew him. we do hv our own privacy & do not control one another's time or whatever...when we retn to sgp, we had to readjust to the life here agn & somehow...well... environment do changes a person....somehow... i m not a cry baby.. only when i m really really sad & hurt, i'll break down.. i tred to cool myself which i think thats what i had to do now & re assess of what cld hv gone wrng... i hv to be strong.. rite?Originally posted by Klactovak:Hi yc,
Everyone have some advice sometime or other... here are mine.
How long have this been going on? My point here is to take a look at yourself. How you look, How you carry yourself? Have you changed? Take out the photos of yourself when you have just married, or began dating. Compare yourself now with the you then.
Sometimes, "Men" (doh! As if I'm not one... :p) needs something fresh. Reinvent yourself, open your social circle enjoy yourself instead of moping around. Coz... how many married man can face a sad and sour face everyday they return home?
Put it simply... assess yourself, reinvent yourself and before you know it your husband will find you more attractive and will be much much happier. Unless.... he got this need for pain and heartache. Then... let him learn his lesson the hard way.
That's all.
[This message has been edited by yc (edited 05 September 2001).] -
Being STRONG is ONE THING... It might be able to keep you there... But for how long it's really up to individuals....Originally posted by yc:i do agree with all ur view & points. maybe we had indeed been together for 2 long a period of time & thgs do changes over the years. that r 2 much to talk abt how we had maintained our relationship. we only get to know our HQ staffs upon our return last Aug. She was a beautician once & she does knows how to wince to get attention. man do like to take tofu but not my hub as long as i knew him. we do hv our own privacy & do not control one another's time or whatever...when we retn to sgp, we had to readjust to the life here agn & somehow...well... environment do changes a person....somehow... i m not a cry baby.. only when i m really really sad & hurt, i'll break down.. i tred to cool myself which i think thats what i had to do now & re assess of what cld hv gone wrng... i hv to be strong.. rite?
And pardon me for this, but from what I see BEING STRONG would not keep you 'moving' on the situation.... It's more like a 'style' you'll have to adapt after things are over with...?
I FEEL.... You're taking the AVOIDANCE STYLE.... If you're really going for THAT... My ADVICE would be... It's NOT GONNA WORK (97% chance..) for your situation....
If you really need help, still can ask again...?
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I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
eh mei mei.... wad happened?? that time tt one ar? relac lah... woa piang oei...anytihing... sms me lah... juz come bk from penang so juz see onli.. :p
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hmm... yc.. how are u? just wanna noe abt how's u recently... really hope that u are fine n still being strong... may God Bless U n carry u throughout this hard time!
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M OK.... whatever.... i m sad & hurt still which may takes some time to heal.Originally posted by joanne:hmm... yc.. how are u? just wanna noe abt how's u recently... really hope that u are fine n still being strong... may God Bless U n carry u throughout this hard time!
My hub still listening & helping as well as staying with her now. he's back in town but not back to me but to her...sigh....
anyway, i m better compared to last 2 months as glad i hv u guys for enlighten & encouragements.Thanks forumites...
[This message has been edited by yc (edited 05 September 2001).] -
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All are invited to 18-19/8 movie at 7.30pm, movie "life is a miracle" starring Nadia Chan from HK'
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