How to maintain gd relationship??????
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can anyone tell me how to maintain gd relationship?
my one and a half yr bf just told me tat i've change alot..... he told me tat i'm not the gal tat he used to noe before.... he told me tat the distance between us has drifted..... he said tat he's always the one who give in to me... and i admit tat i always take him for granted.... than he ask me to find a solution to close the up the distance.... i didn't noe wat to do... everyday i go to skool, but i can't forcus, and i'm having my 'O' level this yr... can anyone tell me wat to do.... i dun wish to hav a break up....
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...i admit tat i always take him for granted...Originally posted by huijun_takeshi: can anyone tell me how to maintain gd relationship?
my one and a half yr bf just told me tat i've change alot..... he told me tat i'm not the gal tat he used to noe before.... he told me tat the distance between us has drifted..... he said tat he's always the one who give in to me... and i admit tat i always take him for granted.... than he ask me to find a solution to close the up the distance.... i didn't noe wat to do... everyday i go to skool, but i can't forcus, and i'm having my 'O' level this yr... can anyone tell me wat to do.... i dun wish to hav a break up....
One thing about people is that he KNOW that certain characteristic is killing the relationship, but they CHOOSE not to do anything about it. Its like when you are sick, you refuse to seek medical help. In the end, when things gets fatal and everyone regrets.
At least you boyfriends talks about this to you and seek for a mutual solution. Well, you don't see guys doing that generally do you? You wish to maintain this relation and let me tell you the only way to is effort and appreciation - both of them work hand in hand.
You know that you are taking him for granted - improve on this aspect. Don't request yourself to change, because changing habit, characteristic is a slow moving model that starts from improving one self. Don't take him for granted - show your appreciation. Start with small things like encouragement, write little cards, don't show negative words/statement every now and then, etc. When you show you appreciate his doings, or him basically - things will improve.
When things happen, calm down and thinking rationally as soon as possible. Then take initiative to seek for solution and problem solve together. Problems, crisis, etc solved by the effort of two parties are legendary traits shared by all successful couples.
Watch your studies. You have studied 10 years for this O level and don't waste it because of relations.
Cheers -
Huijun,Originally posted by huijun_takeshi: can anyone tell me how to maintain gd relationship?
my one and a half yr bf just told me tat i've change alot..... he told me tat i'm not the gal tat he used to noe before.... he told me tat the distance between us has drifted..... he said tat he's always the one who give in to me... and i admit tat i always take him for granted.... than he ask me to find a solution to close the up the distance.... i didn't noe wat to do... everyday i go to skool, but i can't forcus, and i'm having my 'O' level this yr... can anyone tell me wat to do.... i dun wish to hav a break up....
I think you should ask him to fly kite. How can he be a boyfriend if he is so weak-willed and expect you to do all the work??? What kind of substance is he made out of ??
I think to have a good relationship. Both sides must be willing to put in an effort. If he expects you to come up with a solution while he lies back and expect to be pampered then.... WHAT?
What to do? Like YunHaier sais - CONCENTRATE on your school work for now. Relationship should never affect your pursuit of a good education. It should enhance but NOT drag you down. Anyway, when you get to Junior College or Polytechnic - there will be more better guys around. So don't think that this is the end.....
Above all.... Cheer up!! Put things in perspective. Ask him to stand up for himself once in a while because you are not his
mummy.... -
Dear Hui Jun,
Don't be sad~~ to maintain a relationship is not as easy as abc~~ firstly communication is one of the thing to consider~~, not only u have to tok to each other, how to take the first approach to tok thing out is also a point u need to think of~~
Second, committment~ ur bf said that you have changed a lot~~ I dun think so~~ but yet cos he is beginning to find out more of you and that's not what he expected of you to be~~~ and he just couldn't accept who you are tat you are supposed to be~~
next he asked you to find solutions ~~ what about him? is he going to stare and wait until the day for you to solve everything~~ it's not this way~~ he has his part to make up also~~
Alright you said that you had always taken him for granted, since you loved him so much~ then try to control urself and learn not only to take but to give at the same time~~
U are having your O levels soon~~ so dun give up~~ study hard~~ and you are still young there is still a long road ahead of you~~
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Yar... heed advice from these expurts here...Originally posted by huijun_takeshi: can anyone tell me how to maintain gd relationship?
my one and a half yr bf just told me tat i've change alot..... he told me tat i'm not the gal tat he used to noe before.... he told me tat the distance between us has drifted..... he said tat he's always the one who give in to me... and i admit tat i always take him for granted.... than he ask me to find a solution to close the up the distance.... i didn't noe wat to do... everyday i go to skool, but i can't forcus, and i'm having my 'O' level this yr... can anyone tell me wat to do.... i dun wish to hav a break up.... 
I cannot advice U on anything related to BGR... BUT I can give U some pointers on LIFE.
U r still young... taking O lvls some more... U may be stressed out by it... furthermore yr BF said U changed coz U maturing mah... now in yr teens leh... teens go thru extreme emotional changes... I've been there so I noe...
Tell him wat probs U faced... major minor.. anything... as many expurts said here... COMMUNICATE. -
Originally posted by huijun_takeshi: can anyone tell me how to maintain gd relationship?
my one and a half yr bf just told me tat i've change alot..... he told me tat i'm not the gal tat he used to noe before.... he told me tat the distance between us has drifted..... he said tat he's always the one who give in to me... and i admit tat i always take him for granted.... than he ask me to find a solution to close the up the distance.... i didn't noe wat to do... everyday i go to skool, but i can't forcus, and i'm having my 'O' level this yr... can anyone tell me wat to do.... i dun wish to hav a break up.... 
when he says u change a lot..... he has change oso..... he is veri selfish..... but he can oso be tired of being taken granted for...... when he felt tat the distance has drifted he should have a nice chat with you n try to solved the problem together...... maybe you dun wish to hear tis but i will still say tat he doesnt make any effort to salvage tis r/s..... in a r/s.... it takes two hands to clap.... think abt tis..... "if u keep pulling a buffalo, n it doesnt wan to move, will u be able to move him? its takes both sides to moved on...... so tat the gap can be closed up" ......u hv 2 approach him n discuss together wat can be done to salvage tis r/s..... everybody will change due to the different environment/factors/experiences u encounter along ur "growing-up" phrase..... dun ever try to change urself for him...... cos then u r nt urself..... u r in his shadow...... instead c wat causes a stir in ur r/s...... find solutions to problems together...... dun let tis affect ur studies cos its nt worth it..... trust mi..... i've been goin thru a lot since my 7+yrs wif mi husband..... ups n dwns do nt necessary caused a broken r/s..... if u find a prob .... mend it..... instead of ruined r/s u will hv a more stable 1 aft encountering many probs..... last but nt least... be urself..... if he can accept u.... then he truly loves u..... if he cannot accept wat u r...... then he will nt accept u in future too...... 
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Hey ... dun wanna say anything bad abt ur bf but ....
well .... the way u put it, it seems like an excuse 4 him to break up wif u ...
aniwae since u so young my onli advice for u is:
Smile, and tomorrow's another day !
U never noe wat's going to happen tomolo -
hi..
relationships go through times of changes.. but it's not a bad thing..
but the situation is made bad becos it's distracting you from your O's.. which should be your priority at this moment..
i think what you need to do is to concentrate on your exams first..
then, think objectively if he's statement is indeed true.. maybe it isn't you that has changed.. maybe it's becos thru time, he has seen certain aspects of you that he cannot accept..
in anyway, maintaining a relationship should be mutual.. both must communicate.. both must trust.. both must make decisions with each other in mind.. -
dear fren,
its impossible to expect a person not to change
we live in a chaotic society
changes are taking place everyday
u need not blame urself because changes are part of life.
look at seeds.. if seeds were to remain the way they are
there would be no trees
look at apple flowers.. if they remain the way they are, beautiful,
then there would not be any sweet wholesome apples
i believe the changes he sees in u is called maturity
u may have been growing up and gain some independancy
tell him its jus the way it is
the thing about u taking him for granted...
well.. do something about it
guys like to hear the "i love u" as much as gals do
thank yous are good ways to show appreciation when he does something nice
its not easy to start a relationship, and its hell to maintain
and that is why there must be love in it.
love changes too... but in a strong relationship, it deepens as it grows
embrace changes,
remember that the only constant thing in life
is changes
wish u happiness always
white -
I feel that you should be concentrating on your studies and not relationship at this point of time and for your age. Nothing will really last at your age group.
lavender_scent -
thanks for all ur advice...... actually i've tried to comunicate wif him... but its like i'm the type who can't hold my emotion, and before we can tok long... i will cry, and its like all most everytime we tried to tok, i'll cry even if it has not reach the point tat i wan to say... my mum and sis noes tat i've been crying almost everynight, but no one ask me wat happen... i think they should noe wat happen but does not want to say... and its like he does not like me to mix wif my friends who r guys... and sometimes i think he is over possessive... he sometimes does not like it tat i went out wif my best friends.... hai... really dun noe wat to do wif this relationship... but i don't wan t to break wif him... do u think i need time to cool down... but i'm the kind who tok little... sometimes i got things to say to him but dare not....
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Five big Cs in a relationship...
Communication communication is important in using it to convey your feelings and your thoughts to achieve a better understanding of each other...
Compromise couples should never always give in to each other, nor insist on having their own ways. Hence, compromise.
Commitment
Consideration i.e. always be considerate towards your partner
Care [i]showing care for your partner tells him/her that you still love her... etc.etc. -
Originally posted by MooKu:
Y not change it to concensus?
Five big [b]Cs in a relationship...
Communication communication is important in using it to convey your feelings and your thoughts to achieve a better understanding of each other...
Compromise couples should never always give in to each other, nor insist on having their own ways. Hence, compromise.
Commitment
Consideration i.e. always be considerate towards your partner
Care [i]showing care for your partner tells him/her that you still love her... etc.etc. [/b] -
O lvl more imp right?? mayb u all can revise together so wun neglect studies.. N him