I'm the 'suay'est guy in this world!!!
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My girlfriend and I recently had an argument and we decided to break off. She then said that she wanted to sue me. Basically, she wants to sue me because she claims that by lying about loving her and staying with her even though I didn't really loved her, I caused her severe distress, disrupted her ability to work and support her family, caused her to incur unnecessary bill, made her health condition worse, molested and took advantage of her and almost left her to die.
We met through an online friend finding service and started off by talking on the phone. I never had a girlfriend before for all my 21 years and thus, when she said that she loved me even without seeing me, I felt really flattered. I then decided to become her boyfriend and promised to love her for the rest of my life because I felt that she was very kind and caring. Most importantly, it was the first time in my life that a girl said she loved me. I decided to give this relationship a try. I must agree that ,during our time together, she really sacrificed a lot for me and she loved me a lot. But she always complained that I did nothing while she has sacrified so much and we had many heated arguments and disagreements. I then started to feel that I can't give her the whole-hearted love that she wanted and decided that it's best we broke up. I realised that it's not easy to be in a relationship and I would much prefer being single.
We have been together for about 2 months plus and we had many quarrels before and everytime when I wanted to break up, she'll threaten to sue me and do many things to make my life miserable. All those times, I got really scared about the implications that a court case might have so I had no choice but to lie to her about loving her and wanting to take care of her. I never wanted to drag along with the relationship but I'm really afraid about her threats to sue so I had to lie and try to 'love' her.
Part of the reason why I stayed with her was also because I was surprised that a girl could love me so much and sacrificed so much even though I had not been a good boyfriend. I think I'm the irresponsible, stubborn, egoistic slacker who doesn't want responsibility. In short, I think I'm still immature. But she sacrificed so much for me and I felt that it was unfair and 'not right' for me to leave her.
She has a complicated background. Her father separated from her mother several years ago and she started working after her O levels to support her mother and grandmother.
She is currently staying alone in a rented flat while her mother and grandmother are in Australia. She takes on a few jobs and what she earns monthly is barely enough for herself and sometimes she has to go without proper meals for days while surviving on bread. Her health condition is not that good. She has iron defiency and a low blood count which meant that she can't be subjected to too much stress. She also has frequent chest pains and headaches due to her condition and stress from work. She always says that by being nice to people, she was always taken advantage of by them. She said that all her life, almost all the people she met or known took adantage of her kindness, lied to her and cheated her. She also wonders why no one ever appreciates what she has done for them, why she is always being taken advantage of and why she was always so unlucky in life, friends, love, health and work. This is why I think she did so much for our relationship when I said I loved her. She really wanted someone to love and appreciate her. And she pinned all these hopes on me, saying that even after all she has done and sacrificed, why can't I love her and why I lied to her. I didn't lied to her. I did love her for the person that she was in the first place but after being with her for a while, I realised that I can't give her what she wanted and that I'm not ready for a relationship. I wanted to break off then but she threatened to sue me. That made me panic and I decided to lie and stayed with her to prevent a court case.
I know what I did was wrong but I really don't know what to do at that time. If she didn't threatened to sue me on the occasions that we wanted to break off, I believe things wouldn't have gotten so far. Unfortunately, things have really gotten so far and now, I'm at a loss of what to do. Should I lie to her about loving her to prevent a court case or should I go with my heart and break off with her even at the expense of a court case. Please advice. I'm really desperate and stressed at the moment and I need all the advice that I can get. Thank you for reading.
-troubled- -
haahaa...tell u wad.... show her yr....middle finger~
she need it~ haahaa
bo liao rite? sue u? for fcuk?
she think she is minister's daughter aR~
haahaa -
Relax.....Take it slowly....It could just be empty threats..furthermore, I do think that she's feeling very insecure. She might have thought that she's found u to protect her from harm, to cherish her and in return, love her!
Have u tried talking to her, know what is her innermost fear? Is she alone in Singapore??? What makes u think u're immature ???
Which adult likes responsibilities ??? U're just going through the growing up phrase.Take it easy... Try to go through what she going through now....U might just get a clearer picture....
Take care
Xavier
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Let all riders live to ride another day -
In life we all look for that special someone and usually, when in the 1st relation comes along, we all have different expectations of what a relation is supposed to be based on what we know from our life so far. Therefore, one whould tend to think that the 1st relation will always work the way they think it will be... which more often then not will not be. It's easier to accept a person if it's one's 1st relation as one won't have any bad experiences, like the saying goes, once bitten twice shy.Originally posted by edm:... I never had a girlfriend before for all my 21 years and thus, when she said that she loved me even without seeing me, I felt really flattered. I then decided to become her boyfriend and promised to love her for the rest of my life because...
.... I realised that it's not easy to be in a relationship and I would much prefer being single....
We have been together for about 2 months plus and we had many quarrels before and everytime when I wanted to break up, she'll threaten to sue me and do many things to make my life miserable.
...She always says that by being nice to people, she was always taken advantage of by them. She said that all her life, almost all the people she met or known took adantage of her kindness, lied to her and cheated her. She also wonders why no one ever appreciates what she has done for them, why she is always being taken advantage of and why she was always so unlucky in life, friends, love, health and work....
... I did love her for the person that she was in the first place but after being with her for a while, I realised that I can't give her what she wanted and that I'm not ready for a relationship. I wanted to break off then but she threatened to sue me....
-troubled-
Being in a relation involves a lot of time, effort, commitment and patience, especially if it's the 1st time for one of the other party. Never just simply jump into a relation before really understanding what the other person is really like. Therefore you should get to know the other for a period of time before agreeing to commit.
When the both of you are together, it's be to lay the foundation of what are your expectation of each other, the boundaries and most importantly being able to communicate and trust each other.
She might be feeling insecure because of many bad past experiences and the way she grew up has a lot to play in her character development.
When she did all the nice things for you and you responded, her confidence in you grew and she felt that she could 'relate' to you in a different way from what the others did to her.
However, when you found out that you couldn't live up to her expectation and suddenly felt that the commitment became a 'chore'. She saw the change in you and then 'worried' that when you wanted to break off the relation, all her security and efforts have gone to waste. The threat about taking you to court might be a form of her saying that i loved you and did all these things for you, don't leave me.
You have to be clear on what you want. If you think that there is still hope in working the relation out, then speak to her about all the ground issues of the relation. If you feel that you want quits, then don't drag on, things will just get worst. When you decided to break off, make it clean or else there will be many unresolved issues which will continue to 'haunt' you.
Good luck. -
seriously.....ally mcbeal is a SHOW.....
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Hi,
The way she expressed her love should not be that way. Threatening is not the way to keep the r/s together.
u are afraid tat she noes all ur secret and uses tat as a weapon to sue u. There's nothing to be frighten off if u do not do anything wrong. To my best understanding, she has nothing to sue u unless u have done something terribly wrong.
Stand up like a man and face the music of any wrongdoings u done or u be locked into a loveless cage, wasting ur youth away if u do not wan to continue the r/s.
Do try to work things out properly and tell her tat the difficulties u face during the r/s. However, if u take love as a toy, then u r juz askin for trouble.
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"A relationship is like a rose,
How long it lasts, no one knows;
Love can erase an awful past,
Love can be yours, you'll see at last;
To feel that love, it makes you sigh,
To have it leave, you'd rather die;
You hope you've found that special rose,
'Cause you love and care for the one you chose." -
er....just wanna point out sth la......it's actually not to her advantage oso.........basically, not much facts about law i can tell u, but there's one thing i'm pretty sure abt, tt is, if she din actually resist u when u touched her, or the fact tt u din actually have to touch her by force, den u din molest her at all lo. i mean, even if u did so called "molest" her, it was har own accordance wat, since she din resist u....Originally posted by edm:My girlfriend and I recently had an argument and we decided to break off. She then said that she wanted to sue me. Basically, she wants to sue me because she claims that by lying about loving her and staying with her even though I didn't really loved her, I caused her severe distress, disrupted her ability to work and support her family, caused her to incur unnecessary bill, made her health condition worse, molested and took advantage of her and almost left her to die.
funny y i'd stand on urside n not hers, c-ing tt i'm a ger...hee~ but me is bang li bu bang qin....she's being rather unreasonable i shud say.......but it's just in my opinion la...u dun hafta bother with me. =) -
Originally posted by edm:
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My girlfriend and I recently had an argument and we decided to break off. She then said that she wanted to sue me. Basically, she wants to sue me because she claims that by lying about loving her and staying with her even though I didn't really loved her, I caused her severe distress, disrupted her ability to work and support her family, caused her to incur unnecessary bill, made her health condition worse, molested and took advantage of her and almost left her to die.
Chances of her to sue you is below 1%. She don't have the $ to start off with, moreover you mentioned that she's taking multi-jobs... She won't have the TIME... And chances are she would LOSE the case even if they decided to take the case, causing her to incur more losses. Find a case under which she can sue you in the 1st place?
We met through an online friend finding service and started off by talking on the phone. I never had a girlfriend before for all my 21 years and thus, when she said that she loved me even without seeing me, I felt really flattered. I then decided to become her boyfriend and promised to love her for the rest of my life because I felt that she was very kind and caring. Most importantly, it was the first time in my life that a girl said she loved me. I decided to give this relationship a try. I must agree that ,during our time together, she really sacrificed a lot for me and she loved me a lot. But she always complained that I did nothing while she has sacrified so much and we had many heated arguments and disagreements. I then started to feel that I can't give her the whole-hearted love that she wanted and decided that it's best we broke up. I realised that it's not easy to be in a relationship and I would much prefer being single.
We have been together for about 2 months plus and we had many quarrels before and everytime when I wanted to break up, she'll threaten to sue me and do many things to make my life miserable. All those times, I got really scared about the implications that a court case might have so I had no choice but to lie to her about loving her and wanting to take care of her. I never wanted to drag along with the relationship but I'm really afraid about her threats to sue so I had to lie and try to 'love' her.
Part of the reason why I stayed with her was also because I was surprised that a girl could love me so much and sacrificed so much even though I had not been a good boyfriend. I think I'm the irresponsible, stubborn, egoistic slacker who doesn't want responsibility. In short, I think I'm still immature. But she sacrificed so much for me and I felt that it was unfair and 'not right' for me to leave her.
She has a complicated background. Her father separated from her mother several years ago and she started working after her O levels to support her mother and grandmother.
She is currently staying alone in a rented flat while her mother and grandmother are in Australia. She takes on a few jobs and what she earns monthly is barely enough for herself and sometimes she has to go without proper meals for days while surviving on bread. Her health condition is not that good. She has iron defiency and a low blood count which meant that she can't be subjected to too much stress. She also has frequent chest pains and headaches due to her condition and stress from work. She always says that by being nice to people, she was always taken advantage of by them. She said that all her life, almost all the people she met or known took adantage of her kindness, lied to her and cheated her. She also wonders why no one ever appreciates what she has done for them, why she is always being taken advantage of and why she was always so unlucky in life, friends, love, health and work. This is why I think she did so much for our relationship when I said I loved her. She really wanted someone to love and appreciate her. And she pinned all these hopes on me, saying that even after all she has done and sacrificed, why can't I love her and why I lied to her. I didn't lied to her. I did love her for the person that she was in the first place but after being with her for a while, I realised that I can't give her what she wanted and that I'm not ready for a relationship. I wanted to break off then but she threatened to sue me. That made me panic and I decided to lie and stayed with her to prevent a court case.
How did you learn about her health conditions? Did she told you that? Have you actually seen ANY of her medical reports or heard from the doctors' mouth about her condition?
I think this girl have been HURT real BAD before. Now she needs someone to heal her. But there is another problem. She seems 'distorted'. In other words, she seems to have 'hallucination' or a high tendency to be VERY NEGATIVE in her thinking. She could also be VERY POSSESSIVE (either as her nature or before of her backgrounds.) PERSONALLY, I think what this girl really NEEDS is a PSYCHIST and not just a bf to love her. From the description of yourself and your attitudes towards her I THINK you DON'T FIT her. The fact that you're a '1st timer' make it WORSE. Believe me she's not someone you can handle. Even if you wanna look for LOVE, you should know YOUR LIMITS.
My PERSONAL ADVICE for you:
If you still LOVE her, (don't have to lie to yourself, we don't even know WHO you are SINCE you bother to get a NEW NICK for this post) get her to see a psychist and help/guide her along the way GIVING her your FULL SUPPORT.
If you DON'T or you decided that you want to leave her. You can go ahead and leave her, I reckon she can't do much to you UNLESS it's something more to the EXTREME or DRASTIC? But have a kind soul. At least explain the situation to her and let her know what's going (if she is CALM, REASONABLE and SENSIBLE enough to listen). Try to get her a 'support' meaning someone who knows of the siuation to 'look after' her.
I know what I did was wrong but I really don't know what to do at that time. If she didn't threatened to sue me on the occasions that we wanted to break off, I believe things wouldn't have gotten so far. Unfortunately, things have really gotten so far and now, I'm at a loss of what to do. Should I lie to her about loving her to prevent a court case or should I go with my heart and break off with her even at the expense of a court case. Please advice. I'm really desperate and stressed at the moment and I need all the advice that I can get. Thank you for reading.
-troubled-
NEXT TIME, please let YOUR MIND do the 'thinking' 1st? Things might not be the same the next time round....?
I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
A big THANK YOU to all those who replied. thank you all for the advice and thank you all for your time. i really appreciate it.
i broke up with her yesterday and she seemed pretty calm about it. that's so unlike her and i'm a bit worried actually. but whatever it is, i still feel very guilty. i've made the biggest mistake of my life and i've made another person suffer as a result...i am still feeling very miserable right now....and i really hope that i can turn back the time.......but......... hiaz...love really hurts...........
i just hope it was the right decision and i sincerely hope that she will meet a guy who really loves her someday. may god please bless her.
thank you all again for your advice. thank you.