I'm So So Confused....
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hi pple...i've got a prob and hope dat u pple can help...
Yesterday, i went out with my ex bf and his frens to old changi hospital.He was my 1st bf but dat was very long ago lar...during sec 2 time and after we broke off we still remain as frens.
Anyway,when we reached there i was really scared man...the whole building was so old and dark....as i knew him the best among the pple there so i juz held on to his arm lor(in case i got lost!)we juz walked ard in the building then duno how we juz held each other's hand...so all through the exploration that was how we were...
When we left the building, we were still holding hands...i oso didnt notice...it juz felt so natural...then he suddenly let go my hand to take his hp and everything was back to normal...when he let go my hand..i felt funny...oso duno how to explain...like, he was juz trying to find a way to let go...when we reached the kopitiam i realli dun dare to look directly at him...i juz play ard with my drink...in the end i decided to leave first,i dun want myself to have anymore confusion...
I realli duno y i felt like dat...we had known each other for so long and our relationship had been so long ago...although my bf and i are still having some probs,i havent think of lovin someone else...and i think my ex still loved his ex gf very much...everything is juz so confusing...help!!
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As LoNg As I SHaLL LiVe
I'LL HoLd U dEaR
AnD I wILL rEMiNiScE
Of OuR LoVe ALL ThRoUgH
ThE YeArS.... -
[/B][/QUOTE]
oh bOy,u reali got a prob man. .but if i m yr ex,the 1st though tat will come to my mind is tat we still hav achance back 2gether. .i mean,if he noe u n yr Bf QuArrEl and u allow him to hold yr hand throughout,sori to say so but u oredi gave him the wrong signals. . .like wat my frds oways say,u give any cat a FiSh,tell mi which CaT wUn eAt. . .tink u should tellhim n xplain to him wat happen tat day wasnt wat he tink it is. . . -
Dear ApPlE_PiE,
First thing I wonder is how old are you girl?
Secondly, I am confused with what you are saying here:
"although my bf and i are still having some probs,i havent think of lovin someone else...and i think my ex still loved his ex gf very much..." -> I assume you currently have a BF who is a different guy and can I also assume the ex-gf you refer to here is you?
Lastly I shall give you my opinion on this matter:
Girl... when you get into a relationship with someone whom you really like, it's often difficult to remove your feelings for that someone especially if you get closer physically later (after the breakup).
You needed to feel safe that night and you held his hand and maybe for that moment, it seemed real good. Warm, cosy, definitely comfortable.
However, consider now why you guys broke up in the first place. Consider also if you still really love him and still have deep feelings or if this is just a reminisence (fond memory) of the past.
Also, it does take 2 to clap hands. Both you and the guy must mutually have feelings and love each other for who you are in character.
My advise is that you continue to remain friends with him. Don't jump into anything just because you felt good holding his hands. Any girl/guy will feel good holding hands. Heh!
PS: Just remember to be careful with so much holding hands... cause holding hands become roaming hands and roaming hands never roam to the right places.
Do let me know more details to the matter and I will definitely give you more advise on this. I sense however that my advise here is not complete and not well founded because I feel I might be reading your situation a little wrongly.
In closing, should you need someone to talk to over this, let me know as well, I shall disclose my contact number if need be.
I hope you will get out of your confusion. It is a many blessed thing to have peace of mind.
Bless You,
Daniel -
--------------------------------------------Originally posted by mission:Dear ApPlE_PiE,
First thing I wonder is how old are you girl?
Secondly, I am confused with what you are saying here:
"although my bf and i are still having some probs,i havent think of lovin someone else...and i think my ex still loved his ex gf very much..." -> I assume you currently have a BF who is a different guy and can I also assume the ex-gf you refer to here is you?
Lastly I shall give you my opinion on this matter:
Girl... when you get into a relationship with someone whom you really like, it's often difficult to remove your feelings for that someone especially if you get closer physically later (after the breakup).
You needed to feel safe that night and you held his hand and maybe for that moment, it seemed real good. Warm, cosy, definitely comfortable.
However, consider now why you guys broke up in the first place. Consider also if you still really love him and still have deep feelings or if this is just a reminisence (fond memory) of the past.
Also, it does take 2 to clap hands. Both you and the guy must mutually have feelings and love each other for who you are in character.
My advise is that you continue to remain friends with him. Don't jump into anything just because you felt good holding his hands. Any girl/guy will feel good holding hands. Heh!
PS: Just remember to be careful with so much holding hands... cause holding hands become roaming hands and roaming hands never roam to the right places.
Do let me know more details to the matter and I will definitely give you more advise on this. I sense however that my advise here is not complete and not well founded because I feel I might be reading your situation a little wrongly.
In closing, should you need someone to talk to over this, let me know as well, I shall disclose my contact number if need be.
I hope you will get out of your confusion. It is a many blessed thing to have peace of mind.
Bless You,
Daniel
The ex gf is not me...its his recent gf whom had broke up with him...and i do have a bf now...
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dat nite we held hands was becoz i was realli scared...nothing else...i knew him the longest among all the pple there if i dun hold on to him, then who i hold on to?
it was onli after we left the building and we were still holding hands then he abruptly let go then i felt weird...abt the roaming thingy, i think it is realli out of the point coz i had never thought of dat...
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As LoNg As I SHaLL LiVe
I'LL HoLd U dEaR
AnD I wILL rEMiNiScE
Of OuR LoVe ALL ThRoUgH
ThE YeArS.... -
Dear ApPlE_PiE,
I assumed partially correct then. Keep it going with your current boyfriend. I wish you both all the best in life.
if you only held his hands because you were scared, i don't understand why you'd post something about being confused with him leaving your hands and such. seems odd only.
the roaming hands thingy is not meant for you, girl. it is just a piece of advise i decided to type in case anyone else read it. sometimes it pays to give advise before people want it.
like i mentioned in my previous reply. i sensed in my heart that I really did not understand the situation well and I continue to stand by that and ask you to weigh any of my comments by your personal judgement. i guess your confusion is solved now since you seem ok with everything that's past.
how old are you by the way? in closing, i apologise for any wrong opinions i have had and i also do wish you and your current boyfriend a long relationship.
stay in love!
Daniel -
It's NATURAL... Nothing's wrong with that... When you needed a hand to hold on to, you just did the thing ya have to.... But when it's time for you to let go, you should just let it go...?
Life goes on Apple... Learn to let go...?
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In LIGHT I shall FEAR NOT. FOR what I AM is CUT so DEEP inside of ME.
I LIVE my FLESH and SOUL ONLY to BLEED for the OTHERS.
FEAR ME NOT. FOR I AM YOUR 'MASTER'. GIVE YOU STRENGTH. FOR YOU ARE MY 'ENEMY'.
DEVIL PHRASE I
I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
yar...i have to realli learn to let go...but saying is alwaz easier...Originally posted by Devil1976:It's NATURAL... Nothing's wrong with that... When you needed a hand to hold on to, you just did the thing ya have to.... But when it's time for you to let go, you should just let it go...? Life goes on Apple... Learn to let go...? anyway,thanx devil...u alwaz gave realli gd advice,i do appreciate them a lot..thanx!!
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As LoNg As I SHaLL LiVe
I'LL HoLd U dEaR
AnD I wILL rEMiNiScE
Of OuR LoVe ALL ThRoUgH
ThE YeArS.... -
Holding hands is a small matter, but what u really feels inside your heart is really serious lor, ask yourself, r u feeling something for your ex already? Since u said your ex loved his present gf very much now, u will b a third party. U also said u r experiencing some problems with your current bf, so how serious is this problem, mayb if u resolv it asap and tell your current bf abt this, he might understd, provided he's not those super-possessive type of guy.Originally posted by ApPlE_PiE:hi pple...i've got a prob and hope dat u pple can help...
Yesterday, i went out with my ex bf and his frens to old changi hospital.He was my 1st bf but dat was very long ago lar...during sec 2 time and after we broke off we still remain as frens.
Anyway,when we reached there i was really scared man...the whole building was so old and dark....as i knew him the best among the pple there so i juz held on to his arm lor(in case i got lost!)we juz walked ard in the building then duno how we juz held each other's hand...so all through the exploration that was how we were...
When we left the building, we were still holding hands...i oso didnt notice...it juz felt so natural...then he suddenly let go my hand to take his hp and everything was back to normal...when he let go my hand..i felt funny...oso duno how to explain...like, he was juz trying to find a way to let go...when we reached the kopitiam i realli dun dare to look directly at him...i juz play ard with my drink...in the end i decided to leave first,i dun want myself to have anymore confusion...
I realli duno y i felt like dat...we had known each other for so long and our relationship had been so long ago...although my bf and i are still having some probs,i havent think of lovin someone else...and i think my ex still loved his ex gf very much...everything is juz so confusing...help!!
This feeling u experienced may not be actually that u wanna to get back together with your ex, but juz tt your relationship is too close in the past lor, mayb u shd ask the guy if it's ok to hold his hand so tightly that day lor..
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
I got one simply advise, short and sweet
What past is past.
You can still be the best of friends, and holding hands is natural for good friends.
So don't ponder on it too much.
My ex and me are still good friends. -
wats roaming hands?Originally posted by mission:the roaming hands thingy is not meant for you, girl. it is just a piece of advise i decided to type in case anyone else read it. sometimes it pays to give advise before people want it.
stay in love!
Daniel
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Joanne,
You're frightfully innocent and that's gotta be good. As a counsellor, I've been hearing endless boy-girl relationship problems, especially on the topic of "sexual immorality".
I've helped girls who have been used by guys to fulfill their physical desires and it's interesting to note that most guys use the "slow and steady wins the race" method.
First they HOLD hands and then it becomes ROAMING hands where the hands suddenly touch your back or any other part of your body and then the ROAMING hands never roam to the right places because (it put it bluntly), it usually ends up under your skirt.
I was addressing a typical teen issue of petting and all. (If you know what that means)
That's why I posted and said "holding hands becomes roaming hands and roaming hands never roam to the right places".
Just my 5 cents worth dear.
Stay funky!
Daniel -
Yes, the slow and steady method usually wins the day, You will be suprised how many teenage gals are innocent. Some honeyed words can already go a long way.Originally posted by mission:I've helped girls who have been used by guys to fulfill their physical desires and it's interesting to note that most guys use the "slow and steady wins the race" method.
First they HOLD hands and then it becomes ROAMING hands where the hands suddenly touch your back or any other part of your body and then the ROAMING hands never roam to the right places because (it put it bluntly), it usually ends up under your skirt.
Usually the method stated goes like this,
Ten simple ways to success:
1) Touch lightly on hands or arms
2) Arm around waist
3) Kissing on cheeks or stroking of hair
4) Hands on thighs when sittng down
5) Arms around waist, but this this time higher towards the chest.
6) Kissing on the lips or touching of butt
7) French kissing
Arms around chest
9) Hands on chest but hands this time inside blouse
10) Hands under skirt
Think about it, hope I am not too graphical. I am a guy, so I am telling you innocent gals how guys get to use the slow but steady method to get into you panties. Beware...
[This message has been edited by lanxx (edited 10 November 2001).] -
lanxx, that's right. what girls sometimes don't realise is that most guys have found out the universal law - guys are physical, girls are emotional!
after counselling girls who are young (15-19) and it's just so painful sometimes to see how their "boyfriends" are treating them by physically using them as an "experiment machine", i usually ask the girls how come they are ok with the guys doing physical things. most girls just say it's in the heat of things; however, some honest girls who traced things back did realise that the guys did tell them sweet things.
bottom line for the girls and a personal advise from me is this: if a guy REALLY says he loves you, then he should respect you AND your body! he'll be patient and also (again, i say this bluntly) he'll not want to jump right into bed with you.
real love is about putting others needs above your own. so many BGR cases start off with nice dates only to end up with sexual immorality. even if it's just petting. here's another note: when you start to do this in a relationship, you make way for more quarelling. i can't explain here how this works, but i thought about this some time ago and i've found it is a theory that is quite true in many many cases.
in essence, holding hands is good. it's nice to know that someone is there to support you should you need it. in a proper love relationship, there should be mutual accountability and support. BUT girls also need to be fully aware that the "nice" guy they've just met, might just also be addicted to pornography and wanting to just get into her slow and steady. what this makes for in the end, are broken relationships, painful breakups. worst of all, it ends up in affecting the inner life of the individual. if only teens can understand the severity of this. i've seen girls hide such things even unto marriage and their marriage isn't strong - not because they don't love their husbands but because of the violated trust she had put in men before.
in closing, if a guy says "everybody's doing it", tell him "then it shouldn't be hard for you to find someone else!". if a guy says "this is how i show my love to you", tell him "he needs to start showing his love to his mother too!".
what we need today are people with integrity, not willing to compromise and follow what the world thinks is normal.
sorry for this long post.
Daniel -
Mission,
To side-track a bit...I got a question to ask. Then how does a female know whether a guy is serious towards her? Is it by feelings or sixth sense?
What happens if a guy is serious and loves the female and she doesn't really feel the same way... then should she accept the good guy if there's no more such good guys around her? (I mean if all the other guys that like her may not be that sincere)
And are most guys just like what you posted above? Just using the females to satisfy themselves? -
All I can say is that they are teenagers and they are curious about everything and wanting to experiment everything. Just like smoking. They might think that having sex is cool, esp for guys, something to boast about to their guy friends, so that they sound more matured and more knowledged. This is the age for curiosity and experimenting.Originally posted by mission:in closing, if a guy says "everybody's doing it", tell him "then it shouldn't be hard for you to find someone else!". if a guy says "this is how i show my love to you", tell him "he needs to start showing his love to his mother too!".
But the bottom line is that guys have DOUBLE STANDARDS. Meaning that they can have sex with other gals, but their girlfriends must be pure and be a virgin. The more innocent they are, the merrier.
Ever heard the phrase:" Once broken, considered sold"? Think about it. -
This question can be quite subjective. You have to judge for yourself. If you do not love the guy, you can either try to understand him better, if he is a nice guy, you can slowly learn to like him based on his good points. If you cannot really accept him then don't, no point hurting him and yourself later. there are plenty of nice guys out there, you just need to be patient to look around.Originally posted by autumn:Mission,
To side-track a bit...I got a question to ask. Then how does a female know whether a guy is serious towards her? Is it by feelings or sixth sense?
What happens if a guy is serious and loves the female and she doesn't really feel the same way... then should she accept the good guy if there's no more such good guys around her? (I mean if all the other guys that like her may not be that sincere)
And are most guys just like what you posted above? Just using the females to satisfy themselves?
Sadly, it is true, as mission as stated. Most guys, not all, use gals to satisfy themselves. A guy that truly loves a gal will not demand too much sexual stuff from her. Cheers -
deleted
[This message has been edited by autumn (edited 10 November 2001).] -
i thot i was posting a prob abt my ex n me so y and how does it end up with the petting and things like dat??
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As LoNg As I SHaLL LiVe
I'LL HoLd U dEaR
AnD I wILL rEMiNiScE
Of OuR LoVe ALL ThRoUgH
ThE YeArS.... -
getting out of topic, huh? think it start from Lanxx, right?Originally posted by ApPlE_PiE:i thot i was posting a prob abt my ex n me so y and how does it end up with the petting and things like dat??
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Hope to b your frd forever, Mike signing off -
a friend told me: "when you're having problems, the grass always looks greener on the other side." could it be because of that?
don't think too much about it. try to keep it separate from your current problems. it's not good confusing yourself as to whether you like your ex when you're having problems with the current one. solve what problems you have with your current one first.
whatever the case, if the problems can't be solved, don't end it thinking that maybe you can go back to your ex, because it'll be a rebound thing.
just my 2 cents... -
Daniel!
You must help me. What happens if this girl whom i like very much throw herself at me? I would very much to... you know but... i also cannot bring myself to... you know.
Controlling is getting more difficult and I'm losing sleep... very tired most times and i find my work performance slipping just a little. OK, basically i'm quite well-balanced but i need a second opinion. If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
Cheers,
seb -
To Apple_Pie :
You did what you naturally would do. There's no wrong in your actions. However, to avoid misunderstanding, i strongly suggest that you should clarify that with your ex ASAP. Just to make sure he didn't get the wrong idea(And also to set your mind at ease). There shouldn't be any more problem after this.
To Klactovak (sorry if i spelled your name wrongly) :-
First of all. Ask yourself. Do you really love her ? Does she really love you ? How did you get into a situation like this ? Does she do this to every other guy she meets ?
And if you still haven't convinced yourself. How old is she and how old are you ? Do you think you'll be doing the right thing by going to bed with her ?
I know your self-control is waning. That's normal for anyone. But if you really want to stop her from ... trying to seduce you, tell her straight to the face.
I hope that helps.
- Aaron -
Hahahaha... thanks. I'm much older and she's slightly older, just that it's all a matter of principles and perhaps guilt. Self-control waning? Maybe, but i think will pull through.Originally posted by aaron84z:To Klactovak (sorry if i spelled your name wrongly) :-
First of all. Ask yourself. Do you really love her ? Does she really love you ? How did you get into a situation like this ? Does she do this to every other guy she meets ?
And if you still haven't convinced yourself. How old is she and how old are you ? Do you think you'll be doing the right thing by going to bed with her ?
I know your self-control is waning. That's normal for anyone. But if you really want to stop her from ... trying to seduce you, tell her straight to the face.
I hope that helps.
- Aaron
Does she do this to every other guy? Don't think so and absolutely hope not. I think she's a wonderful person and beautiful too... arrrrghhh... kinda confusing. When you're in it, one cannot see clearly. Guess, i just go with the flow and see what happens. Something pleasant might happen otherwise i should be able to live with the consequences just like when my pet bird flew away... :p