how do i tell her?
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guys i'm in a real dillema and i've been losing sleep over this so help will be greatly appreciated.
i've been with my gf for almost 2 yrs now and things are going fine. we do not quarrel much or anything and she is simply a wonderful gf. and i do my best to be the best bf i can be.
but over the past few months, i've realized that i no longer love her. i still care for her and do not want her to be hurt in anyway. however, i feel that what i'm doing now is simply to be the good bf alongside her good gf. i am now just being a good bf to her cos she really loves me and is simply extremly nice to me.
it is not that i never had feelings for her. the relationship won;t last 2 yrs then. i did love her. i did feel that perhaps, she is the one i want to marry in the future. but the feeling is just not there anymore...
i have broken up with other girls b4 but my current gf is different. she is the 1st one i loved... and she is the 1st one to really love me wholeheartedly...
another complication is that she did ask for a break up b4 quite a while back and i refused..eventually i won back her heart. but if i break up with her now it is really very unfair to her cos i'm the one who asked for a 2nd chance and now that i got it, i throw it away.
i want a breakup. but yet i wish to minimize the hurt that it would cause her... i know i am being a total jerk by putting up a facade, pretending that everything is fine in front of her...but i am really troubled and confused...how can i break it to her while not causing so much pain? pls gimme ur advice... -
My ADVICE? Be REALISTIC.... How can you expect to be doing such a thing without causing her ANY PAIN...? ~Sigh...~
MAKE SURE you DON'T regret this AGAIN and ask her back...? Or I'll HANTAM you man...
PROPOSED METHOD:
INDULGE in your PERSONAL INTEREST and FRIENDS.... SLOWLY neglect her and eventually turn cold to her.... The IDEA outcome is to have her leave you by herself because she feel that you're no longer loving her (or loving her as much as before...) If she wants you PERHAPS you can still think TWICE about your DECISION...?
NEVER MIND, I ADVISE you to THINK over this CAREFULLY as ONCE you're SET to go, don't turn back or you'll only hurt her even MORE.....
This is a GENERAL PROPOSE, I can give you a MORE 'DETAILED' method IF you really wanna minimise the pain for her (Or issit for your own guilt?)..... Oh well.... GOOD LUCK....? ~Sigh...~
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In LIGHT I shall FEAR NOT. FOR what I AM is CUT so DEEP inside of ME.
I LIVE my FLESH and SOUL ONLY to BLEED for the OTHERS.
FEAR ME NOT. FOR I AM YOUR 'MASTER'. GIVE YOU STRENGTH. FOR YOU ARE MY 'ENEMY'.
DEVIL PHRASE I
I have no 'friends' nor 'family'.
I hold no past and see not future...
These are just samples of illusions....
I don't exist, but I shall live ETERNITY..... DEVIL PHRASE II
ße COOL, NOT s¢rr¥.... -
yup, i agree with wat u said dat u r a TOTAL JERK.
guys are alwaz like dat...hai~ anyway if im the gf,i would rather u tell me trufully than to get the cold shoulder treatment...although both methods will hurt, the cold shoulder method will hurt more... and it'll leave a deeper wound...how can u be so cruel??
Watever ur decision is,juz make sure dat u dun drag...the more u drag the more she'll love u,and the more hurt she'll be when u told her dat u wana break up...
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As LoNg As I SHaLL LiVe
I'LL HoLd U dEaR
AnD I wILL rEMiNiScE
Of OuR LoVe ALL ThRoUgH
ThE YeArS.... -
maybe you can just.. 'disappear'?
but very hurtful loh. LJTJ ah this kinda stuff. but if u're a LJL then ok loh.
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vroom...tingtingtingtingti...vroom~ -
iz_diz_rite:
Well, from your actions, I too feel that u are a young man ignorant of the harsh facts of reality. U are also incapable of maintaining persistence on activities.
U are the one who made the decision to win her back. And now u are the one who wants to terminate the relationship just because u want to enjoy the freedom of singlehood.
My advice:
There's no way u can minimize the hurt. U have to break it to her gently, telling her that you have no more feelings for her. It's a harsh approach, but if she is sensible enough, she would understand the fact that if either one party has lost the interest, there's no point carrying on.
PS: And I believe a lot of people won't like to see u going after her again. U are wasting her time, much less of yours. -
wat is LJTJ and LJL?Originally posted by kof-guy:maybe you can just.. 'disappear'?
but very hurtful loh. LJTJ ah this kinda stuff. but if u're a LJL then ok loh. -
LJTJ - lan jiao tai jeeOriginally posted by audlenelee:wat is LJTJ and LJL?
LJL - lan jiao lang
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keeping the truth from her will onli make her hurt more....
if u come up wif a stupid excuse or reason...and over time she got over u...one fine day when she learnt the truth behind ur story...she'll be hurt once again...and even more. Cos the person she loved most LIED. Be it a white lie or not...she deserves the right to know the truth. -
thanks snowball...Originally posted by snowball72:LJTJ - lan jiao tai jee
LJL - lan jiao lang
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Originally posted by snowball72:
*sayang* snowball72
keeping the truth from her will onli make her hurt more....
if u come up wif a stupid excuse or reason...and over time she got over u...one fine day when she learnt the truth behind ur story...she'll be hurt once again...and even more. Cos the person she loved most [b]LIED. Be it a white lie or not...she deserves the right to know the truth.[/B] -
1) Put everthin' u have written above in a letter.Originally posted by iz_diz_rite:guys i'm in a real dillema and i've been losing sleep over this so help will be greatly appreciated.
...
...
i want a breakup. but yet i wish to minimize the hurt that it would cause her... i know i am being a total jerk by putting up a facade, pretending that everything is fine in front of her...but i am really troubled and confused...how can i break it to her while not causing so much pain? pls gimme ur advice...
2) Give letter to her.
3) Get slapped.
4) Problem solved. Just make sure she dun jump off some building later. -
Wah, this solution really psycho wor.Originally posted by Psycho V:1) Put everthin' u have written above in a letter.
2) Give letter to her.
3) Get slapped.
4) Problem solved. Just make sure she dun jump off some building later.
I can't help much, cuz I dun haf any experience. Wat I think is juz sit down and tok. Good luck.
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Thomas Edison definition of genius :
"1% inspiration, 99% perspiration" -
ever heard of a knife dat pierce without pain? no rite?Originally posted by iz_diz_rite:guys i'm in a real dillema and i've been losing sleep over this so help will be greatly appreciated.
i've been with my gf for almost 2 yrs now and things are going fine. we do not quarrel much or anything and she is simply a wonderful gf. and i do my best to be the best bf i can be.
but over the past few months, i've realized that i no longer love her. i still care for her and do not want her to be hurt in anyway. however, i feel that what i'm doing now is simply to be the good bf alongside her good gf. i am now just being a good bf to her cos she really loves me and is simply extremly nice to me.
it is not that i never had feelings for her. the relationship won;t last 2 yrs then. i did love her. i did feel that perhaps, she is the one i want to marry in the future. but the feeling is just not there anymore...
i have broken up with other girls b4 but my current gf is different. she is the 1st one i loved... and she is the 1st one to really love me wholeheartedly...
another complication is that she did ask for a break up b4 quite a while back and i refused..eventually i won back her heart. but if i break up with her now it is really very unfair to her cos i'm the one who asked for a 2nd chance and now that i got it, i throw it away.
i want a breakup. but yet i wish to minimize the hurt that it would cause her... i know i am being a total jerk by putting up a facade, pretending that everything is fine in front of her...but i am really troubled and confused...how can i break it to her while not causing so much pain? pls gimme ur advice...
b r u sure dat is wat u realli wan? if its so den break up wit her *not dat i am supporting u or wat but juz follow ur heart...once the fire is gone...it's gone ya knoe wat i mean?
tell her the truth...it'll hurt but at least u didn't lied to her...perharps its the only consolation for her...... -
After u lose her, you will regret again... and want to win her back. But this time, she will never return...
_______________________________________________________ www.delphi.com/sg_frenz -
Simply go to somewhere quiet, take a deep breadth and tell her straight/ By being a good guy, DO NOT waste her time with you no longer loving her.
That is why some guys are bastards, don't love the gal, still stick with her, giving her false hopes, then few years down the road, then tell her. You are wasting her youth and there might be some better guys out there better then you and if you really love her, you don't want to do that to her right?
To lessen the pain and hurt, tell her as early as possible, imagine you drag this on for another few months, it only makes it harder for you to break up with her and also the extra months of love she puts into you only makes her pain even more.
Good luck to you
Hope this helps -
why u sayang me?? anyhow touch here touch there....wait i roll over u and crash u ah!!Originally posted by audlenelee:*sayang* snowball72
hehe -
*dead*Originally posted by snowball72:why u sayang me?? anyhow touch here touch there....wait i roll over u and crash u ah!!
hehe -
Don't drag the r/s any longer. U are causing her more hurt and pain by the minute!! What are u tryin to do? You tink r making her happier by not breaking up with her? U r NOT, stop deceiving urself and most impt-HER!
Think abt it ... Execute ur decision quickly.
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*** Nothing Lasts Forever *** -
Why are there guys like you??!! Do you know because of pple like u, the entire guy species gets a bloody bad name.
Anyway like wat everyone said, if you don't love her anymore, it's best you tell her straight and make a CLEAN BREAK. Don't give her the hope that there is still a posibility of patching up later.
Think about it, don't u think it's very unfair to her??!! Have you ever thought how u will feel if u were her??!! of coz, u will feel damn hurt... because the person u love wholeheartedlly doesn't love you anymore....
It's better to hurt her now then to continue playing this game with her!! -
*joot joot* Retrac, cool down man...Originally posted by Retrac:Why are there guys like you??!! Do you know because of pple like u, the entire guy species gets a bloody bad name.
Anyway like wat everyone said, if you don't love her anymore, it's best you tell her straight and make a CLEAN BREAK. Don't give her the hope that there is still a posibility of patching up later.
Think about it, don't u think it's very unfair to her??!! Have you ever thought how u will feel if u were her??!! of coz, u will feel damn hurt... because the person u love wholeheartedlly doesn't love you anymore....
It's better to hurt her now then to continue playing this game with her!! -
well...there is a proverb that goes like this: " A sad thing in life is when u meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go " But do be happy that at least your paths cross. Choose ur path & just don't regret. =)
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didn't expect to see so many replies... thanx guys for the advice/scoldings... even those who basically ripped me into shreds for following my heart.
anyone here who had gfs/bfs b4? was ur breakup purely due to reasons like ur partner being unfaithful to you or cos he/she has to migrate? most likely, the answer is no. feelings do change. mine did. but pls do not stereotype me as a 100% jerk who plays games with a girl's heart. or a young 13 yr old who is just following his hormones. what i typed is real. the feelings are real. there is no need for me to lie on the internet under the cover of iz_diz_rite.
but yes, your scoldings did wake me up... i've decided to break it to her. still not sure how to do it though. i'll most probably just ask her to my house and tell her the truth... even if the truth hurts for us both (you can flame me for being a hypocrite or bastard i won't care cos i'm saying the truth)...the proverb mentioned by girrafe really does explain how i feel now. and rest assured i am thankful that me and her paths crossed...
thanx again to you peeps for trying to understand my situation and actually giving me constructive advice... i was really expecting more of a flame fest then a counselling post =)...
hmm betta go still got a GP paper tommorrow... -
but y u wanna bring her to ur place then tell her? later the whole neighborhood noe how? i dun think it's a very good idea leh...
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hey hey...it is really not a good idea to get her to your house to talk things out... either u guys meet outside at a quiet place to talk, or u go her house. ah bo, u finish your talk wif her liao, she sad/angry den she go home alone mah? confirm she won't allow u to send her liao mah..dangerous & more hurt u will be...
anyway I do have a break-up wif my partner cos I got no more feeling. Really..we have been together for 3 years...but really lor, no more feeling for him...=) But still I tell him honestly instead of letting it drag & we both suffer. Well, I use the method of over the phone.
Hope to hear that it is a smooth talk for you.... =) -
got! my ex zao sai me n broke off! but think u are diff from him lah.. he's a big big bastard!~