older sister borrowed money never repay
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You already made up your mind.
1) No more loan
2) You make a big mistake loaning to your sister
3) Your dad was abusive, you don't want to help
So what is the point of this posting?
We don't know how the karma system works. But your father has had his karma, we don't know if it would go to you. If you let go and forgive, you would feel a world of free...be merciful. Even if you don't want to cover the medical..don't let the reason for not helping be because of the past...let the reason be becuase of other reasons. Only forgiveness can set you free...
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Originally posted by starz119:
Hi all, my older sister borrowed 8k from me to help her husband's failed biz. She promised to repay me back but she didn't. She pretended nothing has happened. Her husband never apologise to me & my hubby. I found out they borrowed from the rest of my siblings including my mother. Over some trivia matters, she stopped talking to me and refused to acknowledge me when we have family gatherings. I am angry and hurt so I avoided attending any gatherings if she is there. She is nice to my other siblings. Recently, my estranged father was hospitalised and my mother asked me to help contribute to the expensive medical bills. I am not working and have 2 young kids to feed and my bills to pay. My mother said my older sister is broke so no need to contribute. I feel really angry cos' my mother never for once reproach my older sister for not repaying the money owed to me & other siblings. I told my mother I have no money left to help my estranged father's medical bills and my mother sounds unhappy. What should I do? Thanks!
You don't have to help your father if you are genuinely broke anyway.
Can't squeeze blood outa a turnip.
Your first priority is to your immediate family-Your husband and your children.
Your parents are irresponsible people. They have to face the problem they created themselves.
As their children and family members.. you can love them.. but should never allow them to EXPLOIT and/or ABUSE you.
Your father is abusive.. yet your mother never protect you against his abuse.
Your brother sees your father abuse you.. so he thinks it's OK for him to abuse you too.If he is married.. he most likely is also a wife beater or a child abuser himself. The vicious cycle will continue unless he is able end it.
Your mom is trying to guilt you into paying for your father's irresponsible choices in his life. Stand tall.. and just tell your mom.. sorry you can't afford it. I'm sure this is not the first time she sent you on a guilt trip. That's how a lot of mothers manipulate their own children.
If it worked once.. she'll use it again and again until she gets her way.
These are TOXIC family members . It's ok to cut them out of your life.
Your sister has decided to cut off ties with you over money.
Your mother and father may also decide to cut off ties with you because of money.
If that's truly what you are worth.. a ATM machine.. then what's the point of trying so hard hanging onto this type of relationship.
Family relationship works both ways... you may want them.. they may not want you.. so just go with the flow.. relinguish when you have to.
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Originally posted by Cassey1215:
I see a lot of bitterness. Yes your dad was abusive but today you turned up ok, married wif two kids. Had your dad been so nasty until he threw out in the street to fend for urself? Some dads physically beat up their kids, did ur dad do that?
If no, then there shouldn't be any reason why u shld not help. In life there is karma, if u not help ur father, maybe one day, when u old old, lie down in hospital n need ur kids grown up and u need them to pay your bills but your kids don't want to pay because both argue with each other over payment dispute, leave u there n doctors unable to operate on u bcause the bill still unsettled - then only u know how it feels like....Karma.
There is NO excuse or justification for any form of ABUSE.
SIBLING ABUSE IS NOT OK.
PARENT ABUSE IS NOT OK
RELATIVE ABUSE IS NOT OK
NO ABUSE IS EVER OK.
OK ? Good.
KARMA is when you abuse your children.. then left to die broke and alone at the hospital.
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These are TOXIC family members . It's ok to cut them out of your life.
Up for this! 
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Well, my mother favours my brother even till now. When he was abusing me, she just said to me,"must be u made your brother angry ....Is it u talk back to your brother?" always. But she still treats him well. Becos' of his beatings (he pumped iron alot and he only used fists but that was enuf). I would be ironing clothes and then he walked past and he would say I blocked his way. I can't even say much before he started punching me. I have some health problems due to these beatings which will follow me for the rest of my life. Not juz emotional scars but physical ones. I was probably depressed most of my young adulthood. I think I only snap out of this depression when I was in late 20s.
Yes, my mother often says things to make me feel guilty and many times I did feel that way.I used to have low self esteem cos' she will frequently use my cousins as examples to make comparisons such as my cousins graduated from top uni, earn big bucks,have big houses etc etc I could go on and on. Even till now, she still does particularly to me and my younger sis. I think at the back of my mind before posting, I already made up my mind. But I wouldn't say it's pointless to still post this here. My situation can serve as one of many examples of mistakes made, family irrresponsility, abusive family and lastly a ray of hope. I truly appreciate all the comments posted here. Thank u all.
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Whether u like it or not, your parent borne you and brought you up, to be abusive by sibling or parents should be taken as a lesson you achieved and no other one achieved, there are many kinds of peoples with different kinds of characters and attitude, sometime, we hv to learn to accomdate it and consider ourselve unlucky, but as you grew up, such events hardened the way you look at life, better than someone like me who never get abused, want to get abused also do not have, so end up a spoil girl at the jokes of most uncles here.
Just be bless with what you have, you got to compare with the hunger people in africa, maybe then, you feel much luckier. What you have learn in life is a journey, people tends to be abusive when they are abused in the past, your mother could had been abusived by her in laws or biological parents, so, she take it as natural to abuse her son or daughter, which in the eyes of the laws and public, is wrong, but you, as the sufferer of it, should not practice it and in fact, teach parents and others on the bad effects of abusive siblings and parents.
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Originally posted by starz119:
Well, my mother favours my brother even till now. When he was abusing me, she just said to me,"must be u made your brother angry ....Is it u talk back to your brother?" always. But she still treats him well. Becos' of his beatings (he pumped iron alot and he only used fists but that was enuf). I would be ironing clothes and then he walked past and he would say I blocked his way. I can't even say much before he started punching me. I have some health problems due to these beatings which will follow me for the rest of my life. Not juz emotional scars but physical ones. I was probably depressed most of my young adulthood. I think I only snap out of this depression when I was in late 20s.
Yes, my mother often says things to make me feel guilty and many times I did feel that way.I used to have low self esteem cos' she will frequently use my cousins as examples to make comparisons such as my cousins graduated from top uni, earn big bucks,have big houses etc etc I could go on and on. Even till now, she still does particularly to me and my younger sis. I think at the back of my mind before posting, I already made up my mind. But I wouldn't say it's pointless to still post this here. My situation can serve as one of many examples of mistakes made, family irrresponsility, abusive family and lastly a ray of hope. I truly appreciate all the comments posted here. Thank u all.
What your mother did was enabling your brother and father to continue their abuse in the household. Your parents are reaping what they sow.
To burden this guilt is unfair and unjust.
Some atrocities done to our life cannot be forgiven.. only to be forgotten, and only time can help you transgress beyond this pain and anger within.
If the relationship with your younger sister is still intact, I hope you will cherish her for she may the only blood you can seek solace in knowing a family still cares.
Good luck and be strong.
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
There is NO excuse or justification for any form of ABUSE.
SIBLING ABUSE IS NOT OK.
PARENT ABUSE IS NOT OK
RELATIVE ABUSE IS NOT OK
NO ABUSE IS EVER OK.
OK ? Good.
KARMA is when you abuse your children.. then left to die broke and alone at the hospital.
We are only hearing her side of the story. We don't really know for sure.
If it is true, yes the father receive his karma. However, if she can learn to forgive then it would help her clear a wide path for her in future.
Forgiveness is the key. Put things behind and forget it. Don't let the reason for not helping with medical bills be because the father was abusive. Let other better reasons prevail such as children welfare come first or insufficient finances.
I recall when South Africa was united under Nelson Mandela, the whites and Boers were afraid that the Blacks who were suppressed after years of white oppression, would take revenge and lower the white people status such as what Mugabe did by consficating land from the white farmers in Zimbabwae.
However, Nelson Mandela whom himself was jailed for half his life by white supremacist, decided to pardon the whites as he knew they were crucial to helping South Africa in their new economy. Today, South Africa hosted the Rugby world championship and won the world cup, as pictured in the movie Invictus.
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It's true that forgiveness is the key. But I must say not everybody can achieve it. It's easy to say it but it takes lots of courage. Time is also a factor. I believe there are many people in this world who never forgive others who done wrong to them. There are also others who did it. To forgive but not forget...
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It is absurd to command forgiveness from anyone.
Forgiveness must be from a willing heart.
Forgiving the unforgivable is for the well being of the forgiver not the forgiven.
No one wants to carry hatred in our heart forever. When we tire of hatred and anger.. we will eventually let it go.
Just as love cannot be forced, forgiveness cannot be rushed.
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Originally posted by Cassey1215:
We are only hearing her side of the story. We don't really know for sure.
If it is true, yes the father receive his karma. However, if she can learn to forgive then it would help her clear a wide path for her in future.
Forgiveness is the key. Put things behind and forget it. Don't let the reason for not helping with medical bills be because the father was abusive. Let other better reasons prevail such as children welfare come first or insufficient finances.
I recall when South Africa was united under Nelson Mandela, the whites and Boers were afraid that the Blacks who were suppressed after years of white oppression, would take revenge and lower the white people status such as what Mugabe did by consficating land from the white farmers in Zimbabwae.
However, Nelson Mandela whom himself was jailed for half his life by white supremacist, decided to pardon the whites as he knew they were crucial to helping South Africa in their new economy. Today, South Africa hosted the Rugby world championship and won the world cup, as pictured in the movie Invictus.
yes we are hearing one side of the story which is her story... but at the same time we are also not feeling the pain that she has gone through and the prediacament that she is in. Abuse is in all sense wrong and telling ppl to forgive is easy when the things done is not on us but for TS, forgive might not even be an option
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What is so absurb about forgiveness? Forgiving is a very powerful word. Which is why it is not easy thing to do. It is one of the hardest thing to ever do. To forgive an enemy is a very hard thing to do. To put the past behind and look to the future is also very hard to do. The best things to do in life are never easy to come by.
Abuse is wrong. However, forgiveness is the word that would reign over all wrong. A person who forgives is a brave person who wants to put everything behind. Yes forgiveness also involve never to forget. Meaning to say, if you were conned your money by your sister, you won't want to borrow her again knowing very well that she is like that. Forgiveness does not mean you are a pushover or you allowed yourself to be abused. You can stand up for yourself. A strong act of forgiveness is having the guts to go to the hospital and visit your father and tell him what you think of all the wrongs he did to you.
When you forgive you are not doing it for your father, you are doing it for yourself and your family. You suddenly feel a big burden lifted from your back and all of the sudden you feel more freedom.
It is absurb to say that forgiveness is from a willing heart, meaning to say, never to forgive because heart is unwilling. Life is about choices. The choices you make is what makes you. Life is short - very short. If we can live to old age, if we are lucky we only live to 80. So, what is that? Yes, it was painful, yes it was horrible abuse but life is so short, eventually we all die and go back to the earth. Maybe millions of years later, somebody would unearth our bones and see us like we are something of a past.
Remember to forgive, does not mean to let others continue to do it to you. You got to stand up for yourself. Confront your father. Confront your brother. It is part of the process. Move on..take the bitterness away. Because your children can see your bitterness, and children can so easily absorb the wrong teachings. Don't teach your kids bitterness. Bitterness = miserable life. Set yourself free by forgiving.
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The last question is... how old are you?
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Originally posted by Cassey1215:
We are only hearing her side of the story. We don't really know for sure.
If it is true, yes the father receive his karma. However, if she can learn to forgive then it would help her clear a wide path for her in future.
Forgiveness is the key. Put things behind and forget it. Don't let the reason for not helping with medical bills be because the father was abusive. Let other better reasons prevail such as children welfare come first or insufficient finances.
I recall when South Africa was united under Nelson Mandela, the whites and Boers were afraid that the Blacks who were suppressed after years of white oppression, would take revenge and lower the white people status such as what Mugabe did by consficating land from the white farmers in Zimbabwae.
However, Nelson Mandela whom himself was jailed for half his life by white supremacist, decided to pardon the whites as he knew they were crucial to helping South Africa in their new economy. Today, South Africa hosted the Rugby world championship and won the world cup, as pictured in the movie Invictus.
Don't talk about others, talk about yourself. Are you as good as Nelson Mandela?
How about this: Let all of us here beat you up everyday for the next few years and then say you forgive us after that.
If you can't walk the talk, then don't talk so big.
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Originally posted by Cassey1215:
What is so absurb about forgiveness? Forgiving is a very powerful word. Which is why it is not easy thing to do. It is one of the hardest thing to ever do. To forgive an enemy is a very hard thing to do. To put the past behind and look to the future is also very hard to do. The best things to do in life are never easy to come by.
Abuse is wrong. However, forgiveness is the word that would reign over all wrong. A person who forgives is a brave person who wants to put everything behind. Yes forgiveness also involve never to forget. Meaning to say, if you were conned your money by your sister, you won't want to borrow her again knowing very well that she is like that. Forgiveness does not mean you are a pushover or you allowed yourself to be abused. You can stand up for yourself. A strong act of forgiveness is having the guts to go to the hospital and visit your father and tell him what you think of all the wrongs he did to you.
When you forgive you are not doing it for your father, you are doing it for yourself and your family. You suddenly feel a big burden lifted from your back and all of the sudden you feel more freedom.
It is absurb to say that forgiveness is from a willing heart, meaning to say, never to forgive because heart is unwilling. Life is about choices. The choices you make is what makes you. Life is short - very short. If we can live to old age, if we are lucky we only live to 80. So, what is that? Yes, it was painful, yes it was horrible abuse but life is so short, eventually we all die and go back to the earth. Maybe millions of years later, somebody would unearth our bones and see us like we are something of a past.
Remember to forgive, does not mean to let others continue to do it to you. You got to stand up for yourself. Confront your father. Confront your brother. It is part of the process. Move on..take the bitterness away. Because your children can see your bitterness, and children can so easily absorb the wrong teachings. Don't teach your kids bitterness. Bitterness = miserable life. Set yourself free by forgiving.
Full of words and hot air and nothing else.
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Originally posted by MasterMoogle:
Don't talk about others, talk about yourself. Are you as good as Nelson Mandela?
How about this: Let all of us here beat you up everyday for the next few years and then say you forgive us after that.
If you can't walk the talk, then don't talk so big.
Aiya, that wan is different - The father was abusive because he was wrong to use wrong methods to run the family. That wan is you do it deliberately. I talk big as I like. You got problem wif that? Chui lah.I am not as good as Nelson Mandela but I have every right to give TS the word of life: forgiveness. I never said to TS that it was easy thing to do.
When TS post here means TS is allowing all opinions to flow thru, mine included. So you cannot stop me.
Did I say it was easy? No. TS is here to ask for advice so I give mine. Fair enough? All I can say forgiveness is a very strong word. It can set TS free. Whether TS want to do or not, it is up to TS.
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Originally posted by starz119:
Hi all, my older sister borrowed 8k from me to help her husband's failed biz. She promised to repay me back but she didn't. She pretended nothing has happened. Her husband never apologise to me & my hubby. I found out they borrowed from the rest of my siblings including my mother. Over some trivia matters, she stopped talking to me and refused to acknowledge me when we have family gatherings. I am angry and hurt so I avoided attending any gatherings if she is there. She is nice to my other siblings. Recently, my estranged father was hospitalised and my mother asked me to help contribute to the expensive medical bills. I am not working and have 2 young kids to feed and my bills to pay. My mother said my older sister is broke so no need to contribute. I feel really angry cos' my mother never for once reproach my older sister for not repaying the money owed to me & other siblings. I told my mother I have no money left to help my estranged father's medical bills and my mother sounds unhappy. What should I do? Thanks!
Don't feel guilty if you have no money to pay for your father's bills, it is not possible to make money come out of thin air.
Borrowing is very dangerous as well, especially when you do not even have the money to pay it back in the first place.
Ask your mum to get your dad to use CPF, seek MP help, or something else: If you really no money, just tell her no money. If she looks unhappy then so be it, no money means no money.
To add on, you know what I think? I think you have been the one who pay for this and that all the time, that is why your mom ask you to pay $$. If this is not the case, why not she ask your other siblings? Cause she see you help pay this and that all the time, she think you very rich, so ask you to pay.
The reason why I think like this is because my family is bankrupt, but my mom is too nice and always pay for most of the bill during family gathering. So my grandma think my mom damm rich, and thus ask her to pay this and that.
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Originally posted by MasterMoogle:
Full of words and hot air and nothing else.
At least I come out with idea. Not like you, only see people idea and flame them. Who is the hot air? Must be you.I offer the key to solving TS problem. U offer wat? Hot air.
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Originally posted by Cassey1215:
Aiya, that wan is different - The father was abusive because he was wrong to use wrong methods to run the family. That wan is you do it deliberately. I talk big as I like. You got problem wif that? Chui lah.I am not as good as Nelson Mandela but I have every right to give TS the word of life: forgiveness. I never said to TS that it was easy thing to do.
When TS post here means TS is allowing all opinions to flow thru, mine included. So you cannot stop me.
Did I say it was easy? No. TS is here to ask for advice so I give mine. Fair enough? All I can say forgiveness is a very strong word. It can set TS free. Whether TS want to do or not, it is up to TS.
Go ahead and give your advice.
All of us here are free to criticise you as well, so don't complain.
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Originally posted by Cassey1215:
At least I come out with idea. Not like you, only see people idea and flame them. Who is the hot air? Must be you.I offer the key to solving TS problem. U offer wat? Hot air.
Solution: Don't pay if you cannot afford and don't feel bad about it. Don't take all the problems to be your own problem.
Must be you cannot read.
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Originally posted by MasterMoogle:
Solution: Don't pay if you cannot afford and don't feel bad about it. Don't take all the problems to be your own problem.
Must be you cannot read.
I can read but you cannot read. Did she say she felt bad about it? You blind? Are you the stevie wonder smartass of the forum?Don't take all the problems to be own? Now she already got problem - how to get back the 8k. Can you read onot?
Complain wat? I can defend my arguments unlike u, cannot even give one good idea.
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Dr Bad debts
Cr Kinship
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Originally posted by Cassey1215:
I can read but you cannot read. Did she say she felt bad about it? You blind? Are you the stevie wonder smartass of the forum?Don't take all the problems to be own? Now she already got problem - how to get back the 8k. Can you read onot?
Complain wat? I can defend my arguments unlike u, cannot even give one good idea.
Your idea is a shitty idea ok.
Forgiveness.. LOL... can you teach us how to pull that out of your ass ?
My very forgiving advise to you .. GROW UP LAH.
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Originally posted by Darkness_hacker99:
Dr Bad debts
Cr Kinship
Can I be your mother ? Can I borrow 20K from you first ?
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Originally posted by Cassey1215:
I can read but you cannot read. Did she say she felt bad about it? You blind? Are you the stevie wonder smartass of the forum?Don't take all the problems to be own? Now she already got problem - how to get back the 8k. Can you read onot?
Complain wat? I can defend my arguments unlike u, cannot even give one good idea.
You say you give her idea, but did you advice her how to get back 8k yourself?
I no advice her on that, since it is clear without evidence that money cannot be gotten back. Since I cannot give her advice on that, I might as well shut up on that.
You keep asking her to forgive, but did you advice her how to get money to help her dad?
I told her that she can ask her mom try using cpf, seek mp help.
The only one calling me smartass here in this thread is you, and there are plentiful of forummers like jojo jie and destiny here who are telling you the absurdness of your hot air ideas.
It seems like you are the only one who can't see what a smartass you are yourself.