In love with a gay
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Originally posted by Againstmadness:
i have said that he is not very handsome. i am not the materialistic girl. we have similar interest and he is a humourous guy.ohh good for u.but u certain he is gay n not bi?if bi u maybe still got chance....
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Originally posted by Sandy17sandy17:
Judging from how you wrote this post,I think you are 14-18
o gosh! did i sounded like an immature brat to you?? you can add another 10 years to it... -
Haha..maybe because it's on the Internet.it's quite informal hahaha.sorry for the wrong interpretation man.
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i know i will not get to know whether is he gay or bi or does he even like me back unless i confesses to him. but it will not happen for now.
its such an emotional struggle to contemplate confession and whether will it harm our friendship and having to cope with rejection which will most likely happen and maybe that minimal chances of him liking me too. who knows if he is really into girls and if one day he cheats outside with a guy... it will be hard times for me once i take the leap into confession...
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welll.... it might go into real love... thats if u are lucky loh... u can try if u want to. But success rate is onli if he is a bi?
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Ts, The fact that he is gay is not the problem, the problem is u not willing to accept what he is not (u have needs/expectations that another must fulfil u). If one loves one simply loves. Of course, it presupposes one has it within onself. Beggarly love is not love and where it is - only misery and pain is bound to be the mainstay
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Ts,
The fact that he is gay is not the problem, the problem is u not willing to accept what he is not (u have needs/expectations that another must fulfil u). If one loves one simply loves. Of course, it presupposes one has it within onself.
Beggarly love is not love and where it is – only misery and pain is bound to be the mainstay
i understood what u meant. its quite true that i could not accept that he is a gay. the root of the agony is because i myself also don't understand why i fell for a gay guy.the only solution is for me to confess and see how he reacts. but i am not ready to do that.
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TS, Love is a subjective phemonenon - it is like the breeze that one expereines in a room when the windows/doors are open - it is an expereince that may just evaporate. Hence, the fear of being loved and being in love for many. Sadly, many shut the windows/doors to keep that 'expereince'' and imagine the suffocation when all is shut.Love cannot be made certain. It is the uncertainty of love that has many fearing .... That is the impermaneny of love - what to do? Being fulfilled in onself and one is always abundant and overflowing - the need to possess another vanishes. One is simply loving. Of course, what I m saying may seem out of the ordinary - but when one looks at the many past expereinces when love is concnered - one may have experienced it. Love never hurts, it is expecttions/needs that is always misinterpreted as love and of course, no human being (a thing can)can fulfil another.... and hence the frustrations. No expectations, no frustrations!
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Originally posted by Fugazzi:
TS,
Love is a subjective phemonenon – it is like the breeze that one expereines in a room when the windows/doors are open – it is an expereince that may just evaporate. Hence, the fear of being loved and being in love for many. Sadly, many shut the windows/doors to keep that ‘expereince’’ and imagine the suffocation when all is shut.Love cannot be made certain. It is the uncertainty of love that has many fearing ….That is the impermaneny of love – what to do? Being fulfilled in onself and one is always abundant and overflowing – the need to possess another vanishes. One is simply loving.
Of course, what I m saying may seem out of the ordinary – but when one looks at the many past expereinces when love is concnered – one may have experienced it.Love never hurts, it is expecttions/needs that is always misinterpreted as love and of course, no human being (a thing can)can fulfil another…. and hence the frustrations.
No expectations, no frustrations!what i understood from your point is that you want me to let go of whatever expectations i have of him so that i can determine whether is it real love.
once i have done so, i go confess to him because confession allows me to know if he likes me back. whereas keeping silent about it will not get me out of the agony.
am i right to interprete it like this?
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Originally posted by Againstmadness:
what i understood from your point is that you want me to let go of whatever expectations i have of him so that i can determine whether is it real love.
once i have done so, i go confess to him because confession allows me to know if he likes me back. whereas keeping silent about it will not get me out of the agony.
am i right to interprete it like this?
As to whether he loves u or not is not important. What matters is whether u are being love, loving - that makes all the difference. As for expecttions - by that I meant many of us have these conditionings, eg, what love shouls be, what a guy should be, what a man is ,what a woman is, what successs is ..... one can go on. However, as long as we are dealing with a human being - we cannot make him/her a thing. When u can accept another as he or she comes, and not as u want it to be or should be, u are going to see the real person emerge. How to know if he loves u?- not how he treats u is important, how he TREATS OTHERS, EG AN OLD MAN, A BEGGAR, A STRANGER, ..... (add on what comes to ur mind) - if he is being kind to others (egs, i cited above), compassionate, emphathetic, considerate, then it is his nature. This is love that is inclusive, love that excludes others and points to only one person is not love - it is simply gravitating towards a ''contract" However, if he/she is different to others, know that his/her stance towards u though it may appear as love - is a bargain, in other words, i do this for u, i m nice to u, - u have to return it the same way. The same goes for u - are u indifferent to strangers, are u kind , are u considerate, or ..... Anything in life is this - when one accepts what is not, one is accepting! When u accept what u are not, u are accepting of what u are. U see, what we think of ourselves is not what we are, eg my holding a book cannot be assumed that I m reading it. Only when i m reading it does it become real. My talking about love, does not mean it is love, it is only real when i m loving ( the process of loving, the process of being kind .... -
TS, I overlooked this - when u let go of expectations of eg, what a guy should be, what success should be . or ....... not necessarily him - u are going to find out that it makes living easy. As for confesssing - what ur heart wants to say it will say - of course, he may accept/reject - it does not matter. What matters is that u are being true to urself - that is all important! Ps - When u compare urself to others, it is usually a case of comparing another (eg your lover) to others - this is very unhealthy! Each and everyone of us are unique, that makes all the difference. Trying to be special or think of onself as special - is nuerosis, is caught in a game of rite/wroing, competitive and of course, when matters of the heart is concerned, it never works. Love is not business!
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fugazzi, so you meant that i should notice how he treat others. if he is good to others, it means that he is good-natured and he would be even better to his lover.
if he is only good to his lover, it does not mean that he is a good-natured person. he is just showing affection because he likes his lover.
i understood the confession part, that is how i felt too.
what you meant at the "comparing myself to others" part?
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Ts, He will simply love N not necessarily better . As for comparison-I merely pointed out that comparing oneself to another is unwise cos there is always someone better/not better than oneself! Ps: I was not saying that u compare though u coulLd be without realizing that U are
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Ts, See n notice how u treat others lah- that is more than enough for now. He will reveal what he is in circumstances/situations cos the latter always shows the real person. Muse over this:can one put a lemon in a juIcer n expect orange juice? What is inside each of us will reveal itself in ...one cannot escape this!
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so is he gay or bisexual? good luck if he is gay lol.
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fugazzi, currently i don't think i am comparing to anyone because he doesn't have a partner who i can compare to, at least.
i think i would need more time for opportunities to see him in difficult circumstances. till now only see him got very angry but he did not lash out. he can control his anger well.
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Ts, Eg If I do compare myself to another person or others , i will certainly compare my friend, spouse or ... how can I appreciate this friend or spouse or .... as he or she is. I am in the habit of comparing. In other words, as long as I compare myself to others, i will compare.When i do not compare myself, i will not compare others. Emotions are meant to be expressed and when they are not expressed or understood, even reconciled, they are merely suppressed, they do not go away. They will arise in any situation or cirumstance. Controlling is suppression! It is unhealty, cos one never knows when it would explode or even implode!
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Originally posted by Againstmadness:
god knows he could even be wearing it underneath his clothes...
I am not asking God to wear for him, I am just saying that once you gave him, look at his reaction, if he smiles and feel good, then confirm gay. A gift does not mean you need to wear or put on, it is something to cherish, so if he cherished the G strings, at least you can rest your mind. -
Originally posted by Fugazzi:
Ts,
Eg If I do compare myself to another person or others , i will certainly compare my friend, spouse or … how can I appreciate this friend or spouse or …. as he or she is. I am in the habit of comparing. In other words, as long as I compare myself to others, i will compare.When i do not compare myself, i will not compare others.Emotions are meant to be expressed and when they are not expressed or understood, even reconciled, they are merely suppressed, they do not go away.
They will arise in any situation or cirumstance.
Controlling is suppression! It is unhealty, cos one never knows when it would explode or even implode!ok i haven't seen him for a week on, gradually don't miss him so much now. maybe i don't really like him???
about the suppressing part... i hope i don't see the day he explodes!
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If you heart is not stable, dun fall in love please.
Ah guas are not easy to please.
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yeah true... very difficult to please them...
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Ya, better go buy bak gua fast, later very expensive liao
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angel, merry christmas
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yo, new year liao lah, still christmas meh
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So happy new year