not happi at home...
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sigh.. dunno y ... i jus canot make myself happi at home.
feel that i canot do the things tt i shud be able to do in the privacy of my home... feel very restricted and feel a lack of freedom, altho i mus say my parents do not pose any restrictions on me at all... but the fact is i dun tok to my family at all.
dunno if its cos i jus ord and so still not used to going home everyday as i am doing now. whenever i go home, jus feel the hidden torrents inside me rise up and feel the unhappiness build up inside.
simply wish i can go out, find a hostel/flat to stay myself....den i can realli do watever i like there...
is there something wrong wif me? sigh... -
No... I guess I'm one like that too.
Take heart.. you're growing up.. your family has probably not learnt how to give you your own personal space.. something very important for anyone's development.
I do hope you and your folks work this out somehow.. if not, it can be very damaging to your life later on... I know.. I have first hand experience.
Cheers and good luck!
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it's not unusual to feel the way you are..
like what the Bear says.. needing more personal space is part of growing up..
but try to talk to your family.. sometimes it feels like that they'll never understand u.. but the truth is that they are your family.. and u'll be surprised how much they know u..
i don't talk much at home too.. and my family understands that.. as longs as they are ok with it, i'm ok with it too.. but they are still the most important people in my life.. -
-Few-liner mode-
I guess it's really a stage freedom and being want to be free reigns in your heart.
It's a passing phrase....yet got to live it out. Otherwise there'll be resentments.
The next phrase..should be that you have noticed how fortunate it is to still have your parents with you....Hope you get what i mean.
That's life, a paradox of man's mind.
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thanx for the responses...Originally posted by sillyme:it's not unusual to feel the way you are..
like what the Bear says.. needing more personal space is part of growing up..
but try to talk to your family.. sometimes it feels like that they'll never understand u.. but the truth is that they are your family.. and u'll be surprised how much they know u..
i don't talk much at home too.. and my family understands that.. as longs as they are ok with it, i'm ok with it too.. but they are still the most important people in my life..
but well.. i hardly can say i still growing up...
but wat u were right is ... this prob has been around for quite some time.. and mabbe i din solve it at tt time, so its now like.. cast in stone.
i dunno if it could be cos while outside i realli dun get angry wif ppl at all.. mabbe i m storing up all the grievances and i oni can let them out at home.. o cos i dun start throwing my temper at home.. but i realli am more impatient and more short tempered ...
dunno.. its been around for quite a while as i said.. jus suddenly felt quite sian abt it..
mabbe as i said i m jus too used to staying alone and going home like once a wk.
my parents as i said totally respect my independence and need for privacy and all... tts y i say i m the one wif the problem.
mabbe i shud jus self exile -
just be yourself at home..
trust me.. all parents LOVE their kids, no matter how much they don't express it -
Originally posted by wuming78:sigh.. dunno y ... i jus canot make myself happi at home.
feel that i canot do the things tt i shud be able to do in the privacy of my home... feel very restricted and feel a lack of freedom, altho i mus say my parents do not pose any restrictions on me at all... but the fact is i dun tok to my family at all.
dunno if its cos i jus ord and so still not used to going home everyday as i am doing now. whenever i go home, jus feel the hidden torrents inside me rise up and feel the unhappiness build up inside.
simply wish i can go out, find a hostel/flat to stay myself....den i can realli do watever i like there...
is there something wrong wif me? sigh...
All I can say is when you lived alone.... and when you step into this society, witness the real world, made both true and false friends, have work stress, relationship issues and tons of other minor to major stuff to worry or think about.....
.... There is nothing like home. You will grown to miss it.
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no lar.. nth wrg wid u... mayb ask u said u juz ord.. den not use to go home mah... b4 ord u spend most of ur time in camps... staying wid campmates of ard ur own age and after ord going back home is different...Originally posted by wuming78:sigh.. dunno y ... i jus canot make myself happi at home.
feel that i canot do the things tt i shud be able to do in the privacy of my home... feel very restricted and feel a lack of freedom, altho i mus say my parents do not pose any restrictions on me at all... but the fact is i dun tok to my family at all.
dunno if its cos i jus ord and so still not used to going home everyday as i am doing now. whenever i go home, jus feel the hidden torrents inside me rise up and feel the unhappiness build up inside.
simply wish i can go out, find a hostel/flat to stay myself....den i can realli do watever i like there...
is there something wrong wif me? sigh... -
Nothing's wrong with you... People do have such thoughts from time to time...Originally posted by wuming78:sigh.. dunno y ... i jus canot make myself happi at home.
feel that i canot do the things tt i shud be able to do in the privacy of my home... feel very restricted and feel a lack of freedom, altho i mus say my parents do not pose any restrictions on me at all... but the fact is i dun tok to my family at all.
dunno if its cos i jus ord and so still not used to going home everyday as i am doing now. whenever i go home, jus feel the hidden torrents inside me rise up and feel the unhappiness build up inside.
simply wish i can go out, find a hostel/flat to stay myself....den i can realli do watever i like there...
is there something wrong wif me? sigh...
If you feel that your anger management is not right, try channelling your anger in different ways and places...? -
Brudder... I get wat U mean... many things I oso dun chat wif my family much... furthermore since I was 17 then I started dat... but U shld noe there r frens, close ppl? these ppl maybe can offer help...Originally posted by wuming78:sigh.. dunno y ... i jus canot make myself happi at home.
feel that i canot do the things tt i shud be able to do in the privacy of my home... feel very restricted and feel a lack of freedom, altho i mus say my parents do not pose any restrictions on me at all... but the fact is i dun tok to my family at all.
dunno if its cos i jus ord and so still not used to going home everyday as i am doing now. whenever i go home, jus feel the hidden torrents inside me rise up and feel the unhappiness build up inside.
simply wish i can go out, find a hostel/flat to stay myself....den i can realli do watever i like there...
is there something wrong wif me? sigh...
BUT 1 thing U shld noe... nth is more important than family... It may be hard for U in da beginning... but as time goes by, U will slowly open up. Time, my fren... is da key... -
its common to feel tat way.. i oso feel like moving out.. but tink abt it.. when u moved out there's lots of things u need 2 do urself. Like keeping the apartment clean n tidy, doing e laundry and ironing ur clothes etc..
it might be tougher.. at least in ur family, some one can help one another
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thanx for all ur responses!
well... i think that my current unhappiness wif a certain aspect of my life has aggravated my view of my home... and the fact that i am sitl not used to going home daily is not helping.
i still find it difficult if not impossible to open up to my family... all the while in the past this has been so, and so to change tt, would almost be impossible too... i guess i jus haf to live wif tt.
i can oni hope tt as i get busier wif work and other distractions and my other unhappiness start to fade mabbe i can see this whole situation of mine in better light.
however, one thing will not change, and tt is my desire to live alone. the oni thing tt is stopping me to do tt is money, as well as the obligation to be around for my parents since they r quite old. i studied overseas for 4 yrs... the comfort of having someone do all the laundry and cook food and make bed at home canot be disputed but i can also take care of these myself too.. after all its a luxury tt my parents r taking care of them for me now.. i shud in fact be taking more responsibility in those day to day things.
oh well... meantime theres nothing much i can do.. except suppress my unhappiness and try to find peace wif my inner self... -
Hmm....it's always a moral struggle to stay home so to take care of our parents. Filial piety.
And breaking free from the bond and be 'truly free' of how we live our lives.
Thinking for others and thinking for self. Hmmm....
/me ponders. -
I once told my folks this... I wonder if they will ever understand.. the words were to this effect
My generation will probably go through a lot of changes... changes that make it one of the toughest to live through.
Some of us realise the selfish attitude Asian parents place on their children... they invoke "Filial Piety" and expect their children to look after them as if people made children as some kind of insurance that will be collected. Children are seen as investments instead of progeny who were created out of love.
Some of us, of this generation, come to see this. We will NEVER place such a heavy burden on our children. If they would like to look after us, then we're happy. If not, we will NOT gnash our teeth and be angry. This is what parents are supposed to be like. We will not place expectations on our children. We would want our children to go be all they can be, without being held back because they are expected to be "filial".
The burden on us, this generation, will be a heavy one. We will have to look after our past generation because it is something they have already placed on us. We will have to look after ourselves. And we will have to look after our children until they are able to be independent and NOT expect anything from them in return. This is the unconditional love we will give our next generation.
From there, the cycle of "expectation to stay and look after the past generation" will hopefully be broken.
Anyone out there in the forums think as some people and I did when we discussed this?Originally posted by M©+square:Hmm....it's always a moral struggle to stay home so to take care of our parents. Filial piety.
And breaking free from the bond and be 'truly free' of how we live our lives.
Thinking for others and thinking for self. Hmmm....
/me ponders. -
Though i agree with you. However not all of it.Originally posted by the Bear:I once told my folks this... I wonder if they will ever understand.. the words were to this effect
My generation will probably go through a lot of changes... changes that make it one of the toughest to live through.
Some of us realise the selfish attitude Asian parents place on their children... they invoke "Filial Piety" and expect their children to look after them as if people made children as some kind of insurance that will be collected. Children are seen as investments instead of progeny who were created out of love.
Some of us, of this generation, come to see this. We will NEVER place such a heavy burden on our children. If they would like to look after us, then we're happy. If not, we will NOT gnash our teeth and be angry. This is what parents are supposed to be like. We will not place expectations on our children. We would want our children to go be all they can be, without being held back because they are expected to be "filial".
The burden on us, this generation, will be a heavy one. We will have to look after our past generation because it is something they have already placed on us. We will have to look after ourselves. And we will have to look after our children until they are able to be independent and NOT expect anything from them in return. This is the unconditional love we will give our next generation.
From there, the cycle of "expectation to stay and look after the past generation" will hopefully be broken.
Anyone out there in the forums think as some people and I did when we discussed this?
I would prefer to see it in the point of value.
Sometimes life is not all about yourself.
It's who's around you that makes your life. -
That's true....
However, it is my personal philosophy that if I do not want people to mess with my life, I should not mess with theirs too...
But others don't think so and in the end, because I want to be left to my own devices, and they want to meddle and interfere, everyone's unhappyOriginally posted by M©+square:
Though i agree with you. However not all of it.
I would prefer to see it in the point of value.
[b]Sometimes life is not all about yourself.
It's who's around you that makes your life.
[/b] -
Anyway in this generation....
LOVE is missing and greatly deprived. That's makes what people think - it's better to be on their own.
Home is the greatest institution of LOVE.
However sadly....it's no more.....
This generation??? It's in your hands and mine.
Cheers -
That's what makes the world round!Originally posted by the Bear:That's true....
However, it is my personal philosophy that if I do not want people to mess with my life, I should not mess with theirs too...
But others don't think so and in the end, because I want to be left to my own devices, and they want to meddle and interfere, everyone's unhappy
This world is colorful because of this people....
A different point of view 4 U
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That's a generalisation... it may be true for many, most even.. but not all...
Sometimes, it's best to be on our own.
We can't choose our folks, but what gives them the right to choose how we live our lives?
Many say it's because of "concern" but what damage is done!
Love comes in many manifestations... one is to let your grown child make their own mistakes, while being unconditionally supportive...
How many folks can say that they have done that?Originally posted by M©+square:Anyway in this generation....
LOVE is missing and greatly deprived. That's makes what people think - it's better to be on their own.
Home is the greatest institution of LOVE.
However sadly....it's no more.....
This generation??? It's in your hands and mine.
Cheers -
I'll still stand on my statement that Family as the greatest institution of LOVE is deterioting rapidly.Originally posted by the Bear:That's a generalisation... it may be true for many, most even.. but not all...
Sometimes, it's best to be on our own.
We can't choose our folks, but what gives them the right to choose how we live our lives?
Many say it's because of "concern" but what damage is done!
Love comes in many manifestations... one is to let your grown child make their own mistakes, while being unconditionally supportive...
How many folks can say that they have done that?
I shall take America and Japan as my general reference. You remind me of the the adult eagle teaching the eaglet how to fly.
I agree that we can truly 'be free' when we're on our own.
I'm also grateful for all those 'concerns' my great-grandma(Super duper 'concerned' and naggy) and from my mom of cos...others!
When i think back....i truly thank heaven for them. -
well... i haf to say not all parents expect and demand tt their children look after them. in all our hearts o cos we hope this will be the case. for me my parents never explicitly made tt .. request.Originally posted by the Bear:I once told my folks this... I wonder if they will ever understand.. the words were to this effect
My generation will probably go through a lot of changes... changes that make it one of the toughest to live through.
Some of us realise the selfish attitude Asian parents place on their children... they invoke "Filial Piety" and expect their children to look after them as if people made children as some kind of insurance that will be collected. Children are seen as investments instead of progeny who were created out of love.
Some of us, of this generation, come to see this. We will NEVER place such a heavy burden on our children. If they would like to look after us, then we're happy. If not, we will NOT gnash our teeth and be angry. This is what parents are supposed to be like. We will not place expectations on our children. We would want our children to go be all they can be, without being held back because they are expected to be "filial".
The burden on us, this generation, will be a heavy one. We will have to look after our past generation because it is something they have already placed on us. We will have to look after ourselves. And we will have to look after our children until they are able to be independent and NOT expect anything from them in return. This is the unconditional love we will give our next generation.
From there, the cycle of "expectation to stay and look after the past generation" will hopefully be broken.
Anyone out there in the forums think as some people and I did when we discussed this?
however isnt it oni fair for us to do tt considering how much they haf done for us already? its almost a moral obligation.
tts how i feel... if i start to haf thoughts abt not taking them of them i would b horrified wif myself!
but at the same time i know veri well the kind of burden such a cycle places on the nex generation.. so in order to satisfy both ends, perhaps i would choose not to haf kids? or even if i do haf kids, i prob wud like to ensure tt my life ends when its time to... for the better of myself (less all the suffering and such of old age) and for my kids.
and how true tt our lives r abt the sum of everything ourselves and around us.
as for the notion of home, perhaps it has been too much taken for granted nowadays... especially when singapore is so small and for singaporeans at least home is never realli far away. -
i agree.. the society/world now is lacking of love. Without love, people feel insercure etc..Originally posted by M©+square:Anyway in this generation....
LOVE is missing and greatly deprived. That's makes what people think - it's better to be on their own.
Home is the greatest institution of LOVE.
However sadly....it's no more.....
This generation??? It's in your hands and mine.
Cheers
sad thing is that most people just don't have love or enough love -
probably u jus completed ur NS, suddenly got so many free time, dunno wat to do. so used to army life...need some time to adjust back to civilian life. dun worry, u will get used to it...i hv been thru it b4