Screwed-up Love Life
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Confused over my social and love life now. 24 years old and so far, like any other people, worked their way through schools, polytechnic, National Service and eventually now in university. Thought I'm as "normal" as anyone but no, at least in relationship.
Had met up with some secondary school friends and found almost everyone attached, including those considered "plain Janes" (u know, bespectacled, demure, flat-chested). This is not to be derogatory or am I egoistic person, just some stereotypes as examples. They got attached while back in poly, 'A' level or NS.
And me, a lone ranger as always. And I feel that something is terribly wrong with the way I approach life maybe. Not exactly just "my" problem, lots of my NS buddies are like me, lone rangers, unattached.
Problem 1: I guess the problem is that I'm a person who sees things, including relationship, as black-and-white. A colleague is a colleague, a classmate is a classmate and a friend is well, a friend. I wouldn't think of trying to cross that limit or border or trying to upgrade their relationship with me to another higher level. I respect them and keeps within the limit. And obviously I don't assume they're keen or game for anything more. I discuss only work with colleagues and schoolwork with classmates. And this leads to a problem that I don't make any moves to find a girlfriend. And no action equals no result.
Well, should I be a "super buaya" or predator who considers any females that enters my radar as game for flirtation or courtship? I seriously don't know.
Problem 2: A previous badly-bungled love relationship 3 years ago that still come back to haunt me till today. Got to know a girl 3 years ago and she is my first love actually. At that time, I just like being with her and we communicated quite well, talking about 3 hours at time and she invited me out for a simple drink at a fastfood restaurant near our house twice which I had to turn down because I had to book in during NS. During that time, I kept thinking that it wasn't love and I just happen to enjoy her company that's all. We were together bcos of some work-related project, and when that project ended after 2 months, we stopped seeing each other and lost contact. Found her again 3 months later and in the meantime she found herself a boyfriend and I refrained from trying to muscle in and sabotage their relationship and being a third party. I never had the chance to tell her I love her and I blame no-one but myself today. But still can't forget her.
Problem 3: I believe I can't promise anyone anything now and that a woman's youth is precious. I don't want to court a girl and be a failure in life by 30 and tell her I can't marry her and give her a good life and happiness. And what's she's going to do at late twenties or early thirties? Find a new soulmate? Perhaps they can find someone much better than me if they're not to stick with me. Not to be mistaken that I hate kids or anti-family kind of person, in fact I love it. But even graduates aren't assured of any financial or career security, I hate to break someone's heart and screws up another person's life. So without anything to promise, I chose not to be so active in finding love. Sink and die, that's my own choice and I don't want to drag any innocent people down with me.
Perhaps I really need a psychiatries or counseller to sort out my messy life now. Maybe my thinking and beliefs are nutty anyway. Maybe everything sounds contradictory and confused but that's the way it is. I don't know what to do now. Join the condemned? -
Action equals reaction, cause and effect =). Have you ever tried asking a girl out ? I know it may not sound easy but of course you have to try. I remeber trying to ask a girl out took me some guts but in the end she was taken
. But the bright side of things was she brought a friend along that day. Thats how I got to know my First Girlfriend... -
ur life isn't that screwed up...
ground zero is better than six foot underneath...
get on with life as per normal and love will strike u when u least expect it... girls will definately have an eye for u one... just make a move when time's right... dun need to worry, the more u worry, the least confidence u have, u'll end up in depression and tada!!! another 3-4 years and u're still stuck at the same place... make more friends for now... u wun regret... u can still be happie with a bunch of crazy buddies... trust me for that... -
whatever you wanna be, just be whoever you are.
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i agree with joeOriginally posted by joe82:ur life isn't that screwed up...
ground zero is better than six foot underneath...
get on with life as per normal and love will strike u when u least expect it... girls will definately have an eye for u one... just make a move when time's right... dun need to worry, the more u worry, the least confidence u have, u'll end up in depression and tada!!! another 3-4 years and u're still stuck at the same place... make more friends for now... u wun regret... u can still be happie with a bunch of crazy buddies... trust me for that...
cheer up mc dude
there's no saying that goes, " Thou shalt only be happy with a gf"
My own brother is upset with his break up, but i keep telling him the same thing.
Everything happens for a reason dude
You'll live -
Dear m.c.king,Originally posted by m.c.king:Confused over my social and love life now. 24 years old and so far, like any other people, worked their way through schools, polytechnic, National Service and eventually now in university. Thought I'm as "normal" as anyone but no, at least in relationship.
Had met up with some secondary school friends and found almost everyone attached, including those considered "plain Janes" (u know, bespectacled, demure, flat-chested). This is not to be derogatory or am I egoistic person, just some stereotypes as examples. They got attached while back in poly, 'A' level or NS.
And me, a lone ranger as always. And I feel that something is terribly wrong with the way I approach life maybe. Not exactly just "my" problem, lots of my NS buddies are like me, lone rangers, unattached.
Problem 1: I guess the problem is that I'm a person who sees things, including relationship, as black-and-white. A colleague is a colleague, a classmate is a classmate and a friend is well, a friend. I wouldn't think of trying to cross that limit or border or trying to upgrade their relationship with me to another higher level. I respect them and keeps within the limit. And obviously I don't assume they're keen or game for anything more. I discuss only work with colleagues and schoolwork with classmates. And this leads to a problem that I don't make any moves to find a girlfriend. And no action equals no result.
Well, should I be a "super buaya" or predator who considers any females that enters my radar as game for flirtation or courtship? I seriously don't know.
Problem 2: A previous badly-bungled love relationship 3 years ago that still come back to haunt me till today. Got to know a girl 3 years ago and she is my first love actually. At that time, I just like being with her and we communicated quite well, talking about 3 hours at time and she invited me out for a simple drink at a fastfood restaurant near our house twice which I had to turn down because I had to book in during NS. During that time, I kept thinking that it wasn't love and I just happen to enjoy her company that's all. We were together bcos of some work-related project, and when that project ended after 2 months, we stopped seeing each other and lost contact. Found her again 3 months later and in the meantime she found herself a boyfriend and I refrained from trying to muscle in and sabotage their relationship and being a third party. I never had the chance to tell her I love her and I blame no-one but myself today. But still can't forget her.
Problem 3: I believe I can't promise anyone anything now and that a woman's youth is precious. I don't want to court a girl and be a failure in life by 30 and tell her I can't marry her and give her a good life and happiness. And what's she's going to do at late twenties or early thirties? Find a new soulmate? Perhaps they can find someone much better than me if they're not to stick with me. Not to be mistaken that I hate kids or anti-family kind of person, in fact I love it. But even graduates aren't assured of any financial or career security, I hate to break someone's heart and screws up another person's life. So without anything to promise, I chose not to be so active in finding love. Sink and die, that's my own choice and I don't want to drag any innocent people down with me.
Perhaps I really need a psychiatries or counseller to sort out my messy life now. Maybe my thinking and beliefs are nutty anyway. Maybe everything sounds contradictory and confused but that's the way it is. I don't know what to do now. Join the condemned?
You are the kind of guy that makes good husband but relatively poor lover. Analysising your post, the kind of feelings and emotions when you speak about your personal definition of love is purely responsibility, while remaining passive.
Your problem lies within this: Responsibility must be there, and is already there. What you lack is: spontaneous, having a more positive good look, initiative, train social communication skill and the most important of all: confidence.
By the way: there is no such thing as the condemn and the forever-single club. Everyone longs for a partner - there must be strategy is how you going to get the girl you want. Like what you mentioned: No action equals no result and having action doesn't mean being a buaya. (Why does everyone thinks that way?)
Opening your social circle to more friends, including female friends. Train social speech and try talking something other than rountine mono work relating things. Before you can capture anyone's interest (not talking about heart), she will have to feel comfortable with you and that is the first step. Recall about your first love and how you spoke to her - very comfortable and natural? That's a good guideline and start.
Your 3rd problem is purely a responsible attitute towards your partner, who will be your wife. My take is that: change your preception into a more positive outlook. Why feel that adding on a relationship is like a exam? Can't make it = die? You should channel that stress into positive flow of energy like...
'I have a gf now and to let her have better life - I strive to work hard and the BIG OF COURSE, is that I don't neglect her as well.'
Working for something and having that motivation behind you will ensure that you will have the energy to continue and probably succeed. Your emotional and physical form is interconnected - the more balance is between the two, the more satisfaction and happiness you gain from life.
P.S: (Astrology outlook): Probably you have lots of negative energy in you, which made you so passive (Earth and Water, probably more Earth elements). Are you a Taurus, Capricorn or Virgo?
Cheers -
Hmm....I tink I am also the type who will make a gd husband but a poor bf....
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join here...common goal...suits U...Originally posted by m.c.king:I'm a person who sees things, including relationship, as black-and-white.
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Originally posted by m.c.king:
Confused over my social and love life now. 24 years old and so far, like any other people, worked their way through schools, polytechnic, National Service and eventually now in university. Thought I'm as "normal" as anyone but no, at least in relationship.
Relax, relationship is just a part of your life. Though it usually can mean quite alot to one. Depends on how ya handle it?
[b
Had met up with some secondary school friends and found almost everyone attached, including those considered "plain Janes" (u know, bespectacled, demure, flat-chested). This is not to be derogatory or am I egoistic person, just some stereotypes as examples. They got attached while back in poly, 'A' level or NS.[/b]
Hmm... Seems to be a TREND? No wonder so many BGR problems arising lately...?
And me, a lone ranger as always. And I feel that something is terribly wrong with the way I approach life maybe. Not exactly just "my" problem, lots of my NS buddies are like me, lone rangers, unattached.
Just because you're not in the 'TREND' doesn't necessarily means that you're not normal...
Problem 1: I guess the problem is that I'm a person who sees things, including relationship, as black-and-white. A colleague is a colleague, a classmate is a classmate and a friend is well, a friend. I wouldn't think of trying to cross that limit or border or trying to upgrade their relationship with me to another higher level. I respect them and keeps within the limit. And obviously I don't assume they're keen or game for anything more. I discuss only work with colleagues and schoolwork with classmates. And this leads to a problem that I don't make any moves to find a girlfriend. And no action equals no result.
Hmm... Not really a wrong thing in your handling of life-style? Though very much agree with you that no action PROBABLY means LOWER chance of 'result'. Your life-style handling is RESPECTABLE. If you want anything more like a BGR, you can always try knowing a person better or let yourself be known better by another person (provided that she's interested in the 1st place? No point pushing too hard as it'll usually make things worse..)....
Well, should I be a "super buaya" or predator who considers any females that enters my radar as game for flirtation or courtship? I seriously don't know.
Not everyone is fit for that. Trying to be someone which you isn't usually won't land you anywhere too far too?
Problem 2: A previous badly-bungled love relationship 3 years ago that still come back to haunt me till today. Got to know a girl 3 years ago and she is my first love actually. At that time, I just like being with her and we communicated quite well, talking about 3 hours at time and she invited me out for a simple drink at a fastfood restaurant near our house twice which I had to turn down because I had to book in during NS. During that time, I kept thinking that it wasn't love and I just happen to enjoy her company that's all. We were together bcos of some work-related project, and when that project ended after 2 months, we stopped seeing each other and lost contact. Found her again 3 months later and in the meantime she found herself a boyfriend and I refrained from trying to muscle in and sabotage their relationship and being a third party. I never had the chance to tell her I love her and I blame no-one but myself today. But still can't forget her.
It's OVER. Get a LIFE. What you THINK and DO now probably won't change much in the past anyway? Besides, you actually ain't in a relationship with her back then? If you INSIST on BURYING yourself in your ROTTEN THOUGHTS and TINY PAST, you'll just grow physically... And that certainly ain't what LIVING is all about....
Problem 3: I believe I can't promise anyone anything now and that a woman's youth is precious. I don't want to court a girl and be a failure in life by 30 and tell her I can't marry her and give her a good life and happiness. And what's she's going to do at late twenties or early thirties? Find a new soulmate? Perhaps they can find someone much better than me if they're not to stick with me. Not to be mistaken that I hate kids or anti-family kind of person, in fact I love it. But even graduates aren't assured of any financial or career security, I hate to break someone's heart and screws up another person's life. So without anything to promise, I chose not to be so active in finding love. Sink and die, that's my own choice and I don't want to drag any innocent people down with me.
Perhaps YES, perhaps NO.... I guess you just THINK TOO MUCH? How would you know if that girl you like won't find a guy who's much WORSE than you are...?
If you're afraid to hurt someone? FINE... Don't fall in love... And oh yeah... In case you might bump into a girl on the streets and cause certain misunderstandings between she and her bf, I suggest you might as well stay at house for the rest of your life...? And....
Perhaps I really need a psychiatries or counseller to sort out my messy life now. Maybe my thinking and beliefs are nutty anyway. Maybe everything sounds contradictory and confused but that's the way it is. I don't know what to do now. Join the condemned?
RELAX... From the sound of it you're FAR from being condemned... Which is probably too strong a word to use in your case? Just SKIP the 'funny thoughts' and concentrate on how to make certain worthwhile DIFFERENCE to the structure of your life...?