Can you all help me out ?? I need advice from u all ...
-
Hi all,
I just joined this forum and i found it very helpful esp in regard to matters of the heart. So i wish to seek advice from all experts in here, like Yunhaier, etc ... ( I like your love story, Yunhaier ! )
I'll give a backgrd story of my problem. I had know this girl who was my friend's ex-gf. We actually knew each other for quite long, but no contact since she was still my fren's gf. From march, i had been having contact with her as we are taking a course together and we exchanged contact numbers
Thru all this contact, i started to have some feelings for her, n thus i started to ask her out. I bought her to ECP for cycling, went to stadium cove waterfront for a walk cum dinner. I really enjoyed her company.
And now, I felt that I wanted to tell her my feelings that I liked her. But do u think I should ? Or should I delay my timing till later ? We can talk alot during phone or when we met outside. We can talk abt anything and she can tell me that she got some1 who's chasing her (rejected) and she got a crush on some1(she knew that it's only a crush) But, the thing is that all the dates, SMS, phone calls are inititated by me. Is that normal ? How can I tell I have chance ?
I really can't bear to hold on, but I hoped to get a better timing and way to tell her my feelings. Is there any good way ? I know such things can be only 2 results; Success or Failure. Thus, I wanna get it over with and if Failure, i can adjust myself ASAP. But believe me, even if she reject me, I'll still treat her as well.
So all experts, plse help me out and a million thanx !!
-
How much do you really love her?Originally posted by PeaceToAll:Hi all,
I just joined this forum and i found it very helpful esp in regard to matters of the heart. So i wish to seek advice from all experts in here, like Yunhaier, etc ... ( I like your love story, Yunhaier ! )
I'll give a backgrd story of my problem. I had know this girl who was my friend's ex-gf. We actually knew each other for quite long, but no contact since she was still my fren's gf. From march, i had been having contact with her as we are taking a course together and we exchanged contact numbers
Thru all this contact, i started to have some feelings for her, n thus i started to ask her out. I bought her to ECP for cycling, went to stadium cove waterfront for a walk cum dinner. I really enjoyed her company.
And now, I felt that I wanted to tell her my feelings that I liked her. But do u think I should ? Or should I delay my timing till later ? We can talk alot during phone or when we met outside. We can talk abt anything and she can tell me that she got some1 who's chasing her (rejected) and she got a crush on some1(she knew that it's only a crush) But, the thing is that all the dates, SMS, phone calls are inititated by me. Is that normal ? How can I tell I have chance ?
I really can't bear to hold on, but I hoped to get a better timing and way to tell her my feelings. Is there any good way ? I know such things can be only 2 results; Success or Failure. Thus, I wanna get it over with and if Failure, i can adjust myself ASAP. But believe me, even if she reject me, I'll still treat her as well.
So all experts, plse help me out and a million thanx !!
-
I am flattered PeaceToAll - thank you for such kind words.Originally posted by PeaceToAll:Hi all,
I just joined this forum and i found it very helpful esp in regard to matters of the heart. So i wish to seek advice from all experts in here, like Yunhaier, etc ... ( I like your love story, Yunhaier ! )
I'll give a backgrd story of my problem. I had know this girl who was my friend's ex-gf. We actually knew each other for quite long, but no contact since she was still my fren's gf. From march, i had been having contact with her as we are taking a course together and we exchanged contact numbers
Thru all this contact, i started to have some feelings for her, n thus i started to ask her out. I bought her to ECP for cycling, went to stadium cove waterfront for a walk cum dinner. I really enjoyed her company.
And now, I felt that I wanted to tell her my feelings that I liked her. But do u think I should ? Or should I delay my timing till later ? We can talk alot during phone or when we met outside. We can talk abt anything and she can tell me that she got some1 who's chasing her (rejected) and she got a crush on some1(she knew that it's only a crush) But, the thing is that all the dates, SMS, phone calls are inititated by me. Is that normal ? How can I tell I have chance ?
I really can't bear to hold on, but I hoped to get a better timing and way to tell her my feelings. Is there any good way ? I know such things can be only 2 results; Success or Failure. Thus, I wanna get it over with and if Failure, i can adjust myself ASAP. But believe me, even if she reject me, I'll still treat her as well.
So all experts, plse help me out and a million thanx !!
Ok, before anything - let me asked you: are you close to your friend by the way? If it is, it would prove to be a minor barrier there. It could affect friendship and maybe because of this, she may feel the barrier too.
Good company, love spending time with each other, etc - this doesn't really guarantee you love from her - liking company does not always equal to love. You mentioned about you expressing your feelings to her, my words is that - what's your motive behind it? If is just to reveal and feel better inside, regardless of consequences, then go ahead.
IF your motive is hoping that she would be your girlfriend - then your planning for this final move would be critical. I take is that hold your tongue first and advanced steadily. A spell well prepared, would be more devastating then a minor spell cast on haste. I suggest; leap deeper into understanding on good days like birthday, etc.
What do I mean by leaping deeper?
You understand her, etc, how far do you understand about her speakable past? Her attitute towards her own love? The case problem between her ex`es? The list goes on.
On good days like after a birthday dinner, a walk on the beach and star gazing - (the thing is not pressuring or appeared to be kapo and she may feel defensive). The key to this is to reveal about yourself - the kind of funny, strange weird or serious definition and attitude you have for love, while she act as your audience - a good way to keep conversation good as well.
Quote of the day: If you do not open your heart, other's heart will remain close to you.
From there, you can gauge better and understand how she thinks and feels on intimate level. Probably your answer and question would be solve from there?
Cheers -
One of e problem u might face is that she is your frienf's ex GF, even if she likes u...she might not even dare to be with u..afraid of e implications of u and your friend.
Maybe she just enjoyed your company...girls are somehow different from guys...they can be very nice and good to u but only treating u as a friend.
If u really cant control your feelings anymore...u might wanna try giving some hints.. to see if she gets it..if she doesnt then try in some situations just e 2 of u....have a heart to heart talk... let her know your feelings...let her express her feelings for u too..be it good or bad... but reassurance is a must so that she will not hide e truth...u hafta get her to be frank with u... it all depends on how comfortable she is with u to be frank to u -
Originally posted by PeaceToAll:Hi all,
I just joined this forum and i found it very helpful esp in regard to matters of the heart. So i wish to seek advice from all experts in here, like Yunhaier, etc ... ( I like your love story, Yunhaier ! )
I'll give a backgrd story of my problem. I had know this girl who was my friend's ex-gf. We actually knew each other for quite long, but no contact since she was still my fren's gf. From march, i had been having contact with her as we are taking a course together and we exchanged contact numbers
Thru all this contact, i started to have some feelings for her, n thus i started to ask her out. I bought her to ECP for cycling, went to stadium cove waterfront for a walk cum dinner. I really enjoyed her company.
And now, I felt that I wanted to tell her my feelings that I liked her. But do u think I should ? Or should I delay my timing till later ? We can talk alot during phone or when we met outside. We can talk abt anything and she can tell me that she got some1 who's chasing her (rejected) and she got a crush on some1(she knew that it's only a crush) But, the thing is that all the dates, SMS, phone calls are inititated by me. Is that normal ? How can I tell I have chance ?
I really can't bear to hold on, but I hoped to get a better timing and way to tell her my feelings. Is there any good way ? I know such things can be only 2 results; Success or Failure. Thus, I wanna get it over with and if Failure, i can adjust myself ASAP. But believe me, even if she reject me, I'll still treat her as well.
So all experts, plse help me out and a million thanx !!
let 'nature' take it's course and allow your friendship to blossom 'naturally'. so anxious to know the result? can you handle the truth? time is a factor. -
Thanx to all who replied my posting ... i'm really heartened ...
Well, I believe i do luv her thru all the moments i had been together. I had developed this luv for her that I felt that I need to tell her my feelings, and hopefully know what's her feeling are for me too.
I do belive the whole issue now is "Time" ... if i tell her now, I may be too hasty and may not produce the desired effect. I may also lose the time to open myself up to her and also know her better. But, if i do not say earlier, there could also be a possibility that some1 may beat me to it, and she may agree to "him" instead of me, due to my own procrastination ...
That's the dilemma i am in now ... to tell now, or later ? I know its a very subjective argument, but i hope to listen to all views before i decide my choice. And r there any nice way/method i can do/employ to make sure my "spell" is cast appropriately ?
Again, thanks to all who contribute to my posting, esp Yunhaier. -
Take a good time to tell her any time soon. Just be sincere about it. It's best you two can meet up and talk about it. Forget about SMS alright...that's not the way to go.
Remember, these relationship is between the two of you... nothing to do with hre ex who is your friend too. Honestly speaking, if your guy friend think rationally... he'll continue to be friends with you. Look it this way, they broke up not bcos of you but maybe by mutual grounds?
Tell her but leave her options open. It takes two hands to clap.
All the best to you. -
Hi,
My thoughts. Try hinting to her. if she draws back...then stop the hinting, If you get favourable answer, pop the question in the near future.
It is most likely the friendship will be affected if she rejects you. Its not a matter of how you treat her after that...coz she might just want to avoid you. So be prepared.
Of course you stand some chances if not she would not have gone out with you so many times. But then she might just treat you as a bro..this is the worse excuse gals like to use when it comes to rejection
No Offence to ladies out there. -
Well, the girl probably knows that you are interested in her because you initiated every encounters and she kinda enjoy them. She probably waiting for you to show your true feelings to her. She may or may not reject you, but give yourself sometime and give yourself a chance to show her that you really care for her.
Since she allow you to initiate activities, you might as well take this opportunity to impress her with your charm. It is not too late to express your feelings later. Seize the moments and who knows you might just turn her heart towards you. Good Luck and stay sane! -
Thanx guys for your posting.
I think thru n i also realised that I shouldn't be too haste. So i will plan my schedule n the day that i am gonna reveal to her. My idea is to meet up at Mt Faber's Altivo and we watch sunset together. After hving our dinner, i'll take out the flowers (brought n given to them for safe keeping earlier) and then tell her that I;m giving flowers to her, as i am going to tell her abt SOMETHING... how's that ??? I need ideas for improve my proposal further.
And something abt our relationship. We can talk abt anything, n sometimes, we can talk like pure frens, sometimes we can talk abt matters of the heart ... so do u think its normal ? I can't prevent myself from talking "cork" with her ... do u think i shld constraint my talking and talk more "charming" stuff to her ??
Thank you once again. -
What you want to do: just be yourself would be the best - the more you want to be something that is not naturally from you, the weirder you will appear and she may switch defensive mode on.Originally posted by PeaceToAll:Thanx guys for your posting.
I think thru n i also realised that I shouldn't be too haste. So i will plan my schedule n the day that i am gonna reveal to her. My idea is to meet up at Mt Faber's Altivo and we watch sunset together. After hving our dinner, i'll take out the flowers (brought n given to them for safe keeping earlier) and then tell her that I;m giving flowers to her, as i am going to tell her abt SOMETHING... how's that ??? I need ideas for improve my proposal further.
And something abt our relationship. We can talk abt anything, n sometimes, we can talk like pure frens, sometimes we can talk abt matters of the heart ... so do u think its normal ? I can't prevent myself from talking "cork" with her ... do u think i shld constraint my talking and talk more "charming" stuff to her ??
Thank you once again.
Being yourself is a kind of natural strategy that she may not detect behind your 'motive'. Advance in a continuous manner and never retreat until your battle is lost. March steadily towards your goal and spend your time understanding, communicating, and planning before reaching your goal.
I wish you well mate.
Cheers -
Suggest not to use the flower. if she is not prepared, it might be too shocking for her.Originally posted by PeaceToAll:Thanx guys for your posting.
I think thru n i also realised that I shouldn't be too haste. So i will plan my schedule n the day that i am gonna reveal to her. My idea is to meet up at Mt Faber's Altivo and we watch sunset together. After hving our dinner, i'll take out the flowers (brought n given to them for safe keeping earlier) and then tell her that I;m giving flowers to her, as i am going to tell her abt SOMETHING... how's that ??? I need ideas for improve my proposal further.
And something abt our relationship. We can talk abt anything, n sometimes, we can talk like pure frens, sometimes we can talk abt matters of the heart ... so do u think its normal ? I can't prevent myself from talking "cork" with her ... do u think i shld constraint my talking and talk more "charming" stuff to her ??
Thank you once again.
She will feel embarassed.
Why not use the flowers in the next date if she accepted you as her bf.
Just my thoughts...you might think differently. -
she has already sent out signals to u either to get u to speed up the process or the to get u to back off the gas... cause if she can tell u that she rejected some guy liao and has a crush on somone and bothers to explain that it's just a crush... she might be hinting u that she can accept u... just let her know how u feel about her, there's nothing wrong about revealing one's feelings...Originally posted by PeaceToAll:Hi all,
I just joined this forum and i found it very helpful esp in regard to matters of the heart. So i wish to seek advice from all experts in here, like Yunhaier, etc ... ( I like your love story, Yunhaier ! )
I'll give a backgrd story of my problem. I had know this girl who was my friend's ex-gf. We actually knew each other for quite long, but no contact since she was still my fren's gf. From march, i had been having contact with her as we are taking a course together and we exchanged contact numbers
Thru all this contact, i started to have some feelings for her, n thus i started to ask her out. I bought her to ECP for cycling, went to stadium cove waterfront for a walk cum dinner. I really enjoyed her company.
And now, I felt that I wanted to tell her my feelings that I liked her. But do u think I should ? Or should I delay my timing till later ? We can talk alot during phone or when we met outside. We can talk abt anything and she can tell me that she got some1 who's chasing her (rejected) and she got a crush on some1(she knew that it's only a crush) But, the thing is that all the dates, SMS, phone calls are inititated by me. Is that normal ? How can I tell I have chance ?
I really can't bear to hold on, but I hoped to get a better timing and way to tell her my feelings. Is there any good way ? I know such things can be only 2 results; Success or Failure. Thus, I wanna get it over with and if Failure, i can adjust myself ASAP. But believe me, even if she reject me, I'll still treat her as well.
So all experts, plse help me out and a million thanx !! -
Don't rush... Do the appropriate things and just let nature take its course...Originally posted by PeaceToAll:Thanx to all who replied my posting ... i'm really heartened ...
Well, I believe i do luv her thru all the moments i had been together. I had developed this luv for her that I felt that I need to tell her my feelings, and hopefully know what's her feeling are for me too.
I do belive the whole issue now is "Time" ... if i tell her now, I may be too hasty and may not produce the desired effect. I may also lose the time to open myself up to her and also know her better. But, if i do not say earlier, there could also be a possibility that some1 may beat me to it, and she may agree to "him" instead of me, due to my own procrastination ...
That's the dilemma i am in now ... to tell now, or later ? I know its a very subjective argument, but i hope to listen to all views before i decide my choice. And r there any nice way/method i can do/employ to make sure my "spell" is cast appropriately ?
Again, thanks to all who contribute to my posting, esp Yunhaier. -
Thanks guys, I'm really grateful to all who helped me out.
I think I perhaps may be trying and thinking too much ... I also believe I should just be myself and know her better in the process.
We met today, and she told me sth; she was deeper than what I thought and she may be different from what i perceived. How come all gers like to say someting like this ?? My ex said it and now she too ... issit gers are so complex in their character and thinking ? So does that meant we can't interpret their actions in our perceived rational/logical way ? I am confused no doubt ... but I'll steer my ship smoothly and try my best to understand her.
Hope experts out there could help me out. Thanks. -
Ah, understanding woman is a skill the acquire and its a new experience (though not exactly brand-new when you get the hang on it through a few relationships) with different woman. Everyone is unique - be it by character or physical appearance.Originally posted by PeaceToAll:Thanks guys, I'm really grateful to all who helped me out.
I think I perhaps may be trying and thinking too much ... I also believe I should just be myself and know her better in the process.
We met today, and she told me sth; she was deeper than what I thought and she may be different from what i perceived. How come all gers like to say someting like this ?? My ex said it and now she too ... issit gers are so complex in their character and thinking ? So does that meant we can't interpret their actions in our perceived rational/logical way ? I am confused no doubt ... but I'll steer my ship smoothly and try my best to understand her.
Hope experts out there could help me out. Thanks.
Yup - the start would be communicating on deeper level. It is pretty essential, not only a step closer to getting her, but rather a better foundation for good pals to form. Your gf has to be your best friend and the baby step to this would be talking on deeper levels. Keep communication on and stir interest in the talks. Spice things a little with hints of humor as well. In no time, she would be so comfortable with you that her possible barrier and resistance to you would be negated.
Cheers -
Understand that this girl whom you're going after could be like a shallow pond, yet also be as deep ocean.
Premature decision will reap undesired after effects.
Matured agreement will reap firm standings between two person.
______________________________________
Case Study.
I have this good friend who was with this girl(looks attractive....really), very bright and intelligent girl.
The both of them reveal to one another that they were ready to move into a intimate relationship.
However there were many constrains, my friend is going to get enlisted into NS and considering the uncertainties which both would go thru....
They had their relationship put on hold and remain as very close 'friends'. The two were still struggling and truly sharing with one another their heart's desire to be together and claims to have powerful mutual feelings towards one another.
It went on for Eight months and finally my guy friend decided not to go for the relationship, cos he felt that he didn't know her enough and that he's too unsure, too afraid.
So....my friend got enlisted and she studied her days away.
And after one month....she's with another friend of mine.
I would say it's neither one's fault. Just that the so called 'powerful mutual feelings' were not what it is, is it true?? I believe so....but people change too quickly.
The lady of deep waters displayed her powers....
__________________________________________________