married wife vs his mum
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Is it difficult to love a married gal since he respects his mum more?
the reasons for his doing are that he is practising filial piety for his parents and feels that his mum bought him up into that world for more than 25 yrs... thus, he finds wife not important... he sort of traditional man...
at least, he is grateful that his parents know his wife is taking care of him the rest of life... -
that's bullcrap!
when a couple is married, their first commitment is to each other!
and if a parent refuses to let go, the couple should know that they have to have a life of their own... filial piety aside...
by insisting, the mother loses all... there is no such thing as forced filial piety.. it's just arm-twisting and the use of guilt as a weapon
by letting go, the mother gains the respect of the couple... and the filial piety has meaning
there can be no ifs and buts about this... this is where "customs" and "traditions" fail utterly... and create so much misery, it should be a crime!
is it not a parent's duty to the child to bring up a child THEY BROUGHT to earth?
if the parents bore a child just to "look after them" in old age, what kind of monsters are they? this is just enslaving the next generation, perpetrating misery... -
Originally posted by the Bear:that's bullcrap!
when a couple is married, their first commitment is to each other!
and if a parent refuses to let go, the couple should know that they have to have a life of their own... filial piety aside...
by insisting, the mother loses all... there is no such thing as forced filial piety.. it's just arm-twisting and the use of guilt as a weapon
by letting go, the mother gains the respect of the couple... and the filial piety has meaning
there can be no ifs and buts about this... this is where "customs" and "traditions" fail utterly... and create so much misery, it should be a crime!
is it not a parent's duty to the child to bring up a child THEY BROUGHT to earth?
if the parents bore a child just to "look after them" in old age, what kind of monsters are they? this is just enslaving the next generation, perpetrating misery...
can't helped that there are a lof of problems with their parents who think that way.... anyway, the rate of divorce goes up as the parents dunno how to help young couples more effectively... all their parents only know is tolerance , no matter what. 
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unless invited, parents and everyone else have NO PLACE in the relationship between a couple...Originally posted by millienium_bear: can't helped that there are a lof of problems with their parents who think that way.... anyway, the rate of divorce goes up as the parents dunno how to help young couples more effectively... all their parents only know is tolerance , no matter what.
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Such issues occurs when love conflicts with morals/social ethnics. It probably the same level as wife unable to concieve and husband leaves her for another woman kind of scenario. Is kids THAT ESSENTIAL in a marriage? In the same way as parents do?Originally posted by the Bear:that's bullcrap!
when a couple is married, their first commitment is to each other!
and if a parent refuses to let go, the couple should know that they have to have a life of their own... filial piety aside...
by insisting, the mother loses all... there is no such thing as forced filial piety.. it's just arm-twisting and the use of guilt as a weapon
by letting go, the mother gains the respect of the couple... and the filial piety has meaning
there can be no ifs and buts about this... this is where "customs" and "traditions" fail utterly... and create so much misery, it should be a crime!
is it not a parent's duty to the child to bring up a child THEY BROUGHT to earth?
if the parents bore a child just to "look after them" in old age, what kind of monsters are they? this is just enslaving the next generation, perpetrating misery...
Bear's post has its own stand - however, I feel that sometimes its impossible to achieve the best of both world. In such scenario, my first priority would be the stability of the relationship. If going through A alternative would causes a drastic effect on the relationship then B alternative - probably I would choose B.
Its not that extreme like enslaving; everyone would love their parents (generally) and would take care of them during their old age. I feel the issue doesn't revolves with you millienium_bear - its more about your hubby and what he thinks he should do/compromise/work out.
Cheers -
i would ask the parents this question:
Would they like their folks interfering?
Would they like their folks making them take sides?
Would they like their folks force them into making a decision?
this has also a lot to do with respect... there is too much said about children's respect for parents, but no where near enough about parents' respect for their children... they may have bore the children but their children were not put on earth to be on their beck and call... to be at their beck and call IS slaveryOriginally posted by Yunhaier:Such issues occurs when love conflicts with morals/social ethnics. It probably the same level as wife unable to concieve and husband leaves her for another woman kind of scenario. Is kids THAT ESSENTIAL in a marriage? In the same way as parents do?
Bear's post has its own stand - however, I feel that sometimes its impossible to achieve the best of both world. In such scenario, my first priority would be the stability of the relationship. If going through A alternative would causes a drastic effect on the relationship then B alternative - probably I would choose B.
Its not that extreme like enslaving; everyone would love their parents (generally) and would take care of them during their old age. I feel the issue doesn't revolves with you millienium_bear - its more about your hubby and what he thinks he should do/compromise/work out.
Cheers -
parental support and encouragement is important
but nothing gets between me and my GF -
Its true - however, when you make things difficult, it would only cause further distress and instability to your relationship. Affecting your relationship as a whole.Originally posted by the Bear:i would ask the parents this question:
Would they like their folks interfering?
Would they like their folks making them take sides?
Would they like their folks force them into making a decision?
this has also a lot to do with respect... there is too much said about children's respect for parents, but no where near enough about parents' respect for their children... they may have bore the children but their children were not put on earth to be on their beck and call... to be at their beck and call IS slavery
I agree with AzRaeL - parental support and encouragement is important but nothing gets between me and my GF. This will work provided if both parties has the same preception in the problem, but the issue is that millienium_bear's hubby is the one having the thoughts, she probably has little say too.
Cheers -
i hope millienium bear finds happiness... sometimes, there are no winners in such a fight... the selfishness and refusal to let go will inflict damage to the psyches of those around them... and worse, some parents still feel that they have been wronged!
why i am so adamant about this is that there is a battle being fought... and it has cost me and others i care about dear..
some folks think that just because they bore you, they have the right to run your life...
some grew up and continue to think their folks have that right...
i would hate to see others suffer the same misery i have seen...Originally posted by Yunhaier:Its true - however, when you make things difficult, it would only cause further distress and instability to your relationship. Affecting your relationship as a whole.
I agree with AzRaeL - parental support and encouragement is important but nothing gets between me and my GF. This will work provided if both parties has the same preception in the problem, but the issue is that millienium_bear's hubby is the one having the thoughts, she probably has little say too.
Cheers -
There's noting sadder then something that does not mature.
A paren't calling is to bring up their children to maturity and to let them suceed in life.
Hence if they want to hold them down after marriage, it's kinda self defeating...
Though the children should be zhi tong a bit and know what is the right thing to do. -
what is right?
most know what is right... and if properly brought up (as is the parents' duty) their love will ensure that the child will do the "right" thing...
forced "filial piety" is just a guilt-trip... and all guilt-trips are destructive in the end...Originally posted by SingaporeTyrannosaur:Though the children should be zhi tong a bit and know what is the right thing to do. -
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I still think that it is very impt for your partner's parents to accept you.
love alone will not last with endless of quarrels.
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Parental support and encouragements comes from the parents whose thinking is the mixture of traditional practices and modern thinking depending on the social changes.... Not application to the 100% traditional-oriental parents ( cuz they know nothing else and $$ on their mind)Originally posted by Yunhaier:Its true - however, when you make things difficult, it would only cause further distress and instability to your relationship. Affecting your relationship as a whole.
I agree with AzRaeL - parental support and encouragement is important but nothing gets between me and my GF. This will work provided if both parties has the same preception in the problem, but the issue is that millienium_bear's hubby is the one having the thoughts, she probably has little say too.
Cheers
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Thanks for your hope.Originally posted by the Bear:i hope millienium bear finds happiness... sometimes, there are no winners in such a fight... the selfishness and refusal to let go will inflict damage to the psyches of those around them... and worse, some parents still feel that they have been wronged!
why i am so adamant about this is that there is a battle being fought... and it has cost me and others i care about dear..
some folks think that just because they bore you, they have the right to run your life...
some grew up and continue to think their folks have that right...
i would hate to see others suffer the same misery i have seen...
Well, my hubby is really not that sort of traditional guy... i can see he is just being sandwiched between his mum and myself... the best solution is to leave him alone when comes to making decision and provide him comfort much as i can... simply, fall on my deaf ears if anything serious
true with that line "some folks think that just because they bore you, they have the right to run your life..." ... i have seen a few friends of mine so far ...