Advice? Mature Question ...
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bravo!Originally posted by Bobbyboyrule:you are not ready for marriage and you are not thinking straight. being with some one for life is not a test where you have to get as many correct answer as possible. if you are serious with your girlfriend you truely love her it will be an easy decision. becos you are now in such a fix you have proven to yourself that you are not ready and perhaps its time for you to evaluate your relationship with her whether you decide to go wif the stewardess or not thats beside the point. temptation will always be there forever. its you yourself and the feelings and respect and responsibilities you have towards your partner that will keep you on track. its time to be honest, at least to yourself. -
its time to stop giving yourself excuses and move on. you cannot expect to double time and not get caught. if marriage is what's on your mind, then evaluate your existing relationship with your gf. as for ms S, i hope she dumped you, just like the other chinese men she has had.
btw, if she knows you've a gf and yet does all the lovie dovie things with you, then she might be double timing you too.
think abt that dude. -
Do you really get it or thinking tt you've got it?Originally posted by cunfused2000:From today's Straits Times: "Even if the relationship was still alive, seeing your partner every day for so many hours might be too stifling. The lovers might also be so used to each other that they take each other for granted."
Ooops
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alright... dun worry, get the nasty stuff out of the way. what i'm doing now is wrong; i know that. stopping it of course the right way to go. being honest is also right.
but let me plonk you some numbers: if the truth is that everyone is so *sure* abt their relationships, making it work, etc etc... can someone please explain the steadily climbing rates of divorce... now it's climbing to 30 percent. and that's 1 in 3 couples in the first 10 years of their marriage.
explain all the very popular attendance at Geylang, many many hostess bars... oh wait a second, women cheat on their spouses too. It's a two way thing; let's just take it that both genders are cheating.
I'm not trying to justify cheating. I'm trying to find out how to make that big committment to get married! I'm trying to understand how to be faithful. Is it that unrealistic to like/care/ and even love more than one person ... (I'll amend that as at different times). There is no one person out there for you to "love".
If that's the case, "love" is "duty and responsibility" and then what? We grow stale with that.
I want to know how to be happy with that "staleness". Working the spice into the relationship is perhaps, at best, wishful thinking. What will hold down a marriage eventually is the fact that two people are now tied by a housing loan, a car loan, a renovation loan, three kids, education insurance policies, bonds, a sad wistful desire to get out of these chains...
there is no coca-cola romance, full of fizz ... there is only flat coke.
anyway, I'm spending a weekend away with my gf ... so let's hope this spice thing works. -
Oh... a little background noise : what do you know? my ex suddenly started sms-ing me after two years, with overtures. i swear i didn't even go there. *sigh*
this is soooooo not right.
also... dunno how many people here are actually married, but just a little insight to the expenditure of a just married couple with no kids:
2 bedroom apt in suburbs, and a family man car like the Corolla.
$1000 for house loan (provided combined CPF is ard $1500)
$1000 for car loan, petrol, road tax and insurance.
$300-400 for renovation loan
$500 food bills
$100 electricity and water bill (minimun air con usage)
The reality: most companies in SG has no increments for the past 3 years. Retrenchments/Downsizing/Rightsizing/whatever. Show me the money!? -
It DOESN'T matter what the world has become... It's just WHO you are.... If you wanna do something, just DO IT.... Don't have to find TONNES of EXCUSES to CONVINCE yourself.... We barely even know you... It DOESN'T really matter what you do... Like I've said, END OF THE DAY.. You'll be the one FACING IT....Originally posted by cunfused2000:alright... dun worry, get the nasty stuff out of the way. what i'm doing now is wrong; i know that. stopping it of course the right way to go. being honest is also right.
but let me plonk you some numbers: if the truth is that everyone is so *sure* abt their relationships, making it work, etc etc... can someone please explain the steadily climbing rates of divorce... now it's climbing to 30 percent. and that's 1 in 3 couples in the first 10 years of their marriage.
explain all the very popular attendance at Geylang, many many hostess bars... oh wait a second, women cheat on their spouses too. It's a two way thing; let's just take it that both genders are cheating.
I'm not trying to justify cheating. I'm trying to find out how to make that big committment to get married! I'm trying to understand how to be faithful. Is it that unrealistic to like/care/ and even love more than one person ... (I'll amend that as at different times). There is no one person out there for you to "love".
If that's the case, "love" is "duty and responsibility" and then what? We grow stale with that.
I want to know how to be happy with that "staleness". Working the spice into the relationship is perhaps, at best, wishful thinking. What will hold down a marriage eventually is the fact that two people are now tied by a housing loan, a car loan, a renovation loan, three kids, education insurance policies, bonds, a sad wistful desire to get out of these chains...
there is no coca-cola romance, full of fizz ... there is only flat coke.
anyway, I'm spending a weekend away with my gf ... so let's hope this spice thing works. -
i remembered when i first started knowing how to cycle. after that i wanted to cycle every other day. -> my first love for cycling. how i maintained this passion? i just remembered the good and bad times i've had and continued cycling....just like the relationship you've now. remember those good and bad times.
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confused .....confused......why muz u 'sound' intelligent but not acting intelligent? Pardon me for my intended sarcasmOriginally posted by cunfused2000:alright... dun worry, get the nasty stuff out of the way. what i'm doing now is wrong; i know that. stopping it of course the right way to go. being honest is also right.
but let me plonk you some numbers: if the truth is that everyone is so *sure* abt their relationships, making it work, etc etc... can someone please explain the steadily climbing rates of divorce... now it's climbing to 30 percent. and that's 1 in 3 couples in the first 10 years of their marriage.
explain all the very popular attendance at Geylang, many many hostess bars... oh wait a second, women cheat on their spouses too. It's a two way thing; let's just take it that both genders are cheating.
I'm not trying to justify cheating. I'm trying to find out how to make that big committment to get married! I'm trying to understand how to be faithful. Is it that unrealistic to like/care/ and even love more than one person ... (I'll amend that as at different times). There is no one person out there for you to "love".
If that's the case, "love" is "duty and responsibility" and then what? We grow stale with that.
I want to know how to be happy with that "staleness". Working the spice into the relationship is perhaps, at best, wishful thinking. What will hold down a marriage eventually is the fact that two people are now tied by a housing loan, a car loan, a renovation loan, three kids, education insurance policies, bonds, a sad wistful desire to get out of these chains...
there is no coca-cola romance, full of fizz ... there is only flat coke.
anyway, I'm spending a weekend away with my gf ... so let's hope this spice thing works.
I agree with devil, we hardly know you, many suggestions we offer can only serve as reference or extended knowledge based on our experiences? anyway watever. you know yourself better but wont you stop for awhile to look at your problems differently? *you r standing too CLOSE viewing your probs, step back abit to have a full view*
Seriously, I cant answer to your many qns why some marriages come to an end with divorces, neither am I able to tell you why geylang is still prospering with biz. Can I give you the closest ans I have? Human's heart has become weaker.
Why arent you bringing out the successful examples of the pple who can be married till old age n still b holding hands? Think abt it.
There's nothing to doubt abt marriages & b sticking with the same person for the rest of your life. You have your fair share of spiciness in life, try something different by leading a peaceful one instead (love life). If you already have someone who wanna appreciate you for a lifetime, wat more do you want?
To many readers here, they are probably finding you a person who is too chicken to admit tt you wanna cheat or starting a new adventure with your new love. Me? I have no objection, they r probably right?
At this point, if you still need more convincing reasons to back you up for your actions & doings, I'd encourage you to go for watz in your mind.
You deserve the life you want. Set your gf free. She deserves someone who will love her, & be able to supress the 'flirtatious nature' in him. You will also deserve someone who is a lover as undisciplined as like you. Good luck to meeting your challenge
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hi confused2000, i dun think i can offer much advice on your problem..coz i am facing a very similar problem to yours.
i am in the same position as the 'air stewardess' in your story. Yup..i am the third party. I knew he was attached when i got to know him. He's a good fren, knew him for about 7 mths by now...nothing really
happened between us... but emotionally we are close.
He's a SAF personal and is outstation now in East timor for 7
mths. HE was there since april and everyday we commuicate via emails..he does calls occasionally
He has been with the gf for 6 yrs. Me and the guy are both 28 and the gf is 24.
We didn't dare to see each other often as we dun wan things to get out of control. We are also physically attracted to each other...but hasn't gone beyond a kiss or hug so far. I think he should be facing the same issues as u rite now. The gf has gone thru all kinds of sh.i.t with him.... not much sparks ... has certain religion issues.. and then i came into the picture. Emotionally he has already betray the gf. He just came back from East timor for 2 weeks break..and everytime he spend time with gf.....he was thinking of me.We met up a few times those 2 weeks. Now that he is back to east timor.. i am not as stress as before. and hope he can sort his feelings out. That goes the same for u . If u think u cannot love your gf as before... u should think clearly and not waste her time. I wouldn't want a bf who is always thinking of someone else. Sorry i am not able to help much here.
i like my fren alot but i dun wan to get involve with him when he is attached. Either he breaks up with the gf.....or he choose her again.If he wants both ways.....i will just leave lor. Things like that can really get very very messy -
Thank you RealliRaw and Snowygal.
I've coped better these few days because you are right, I was standing too close to the issue.
Went on a weekend break with my gf. Yeah, we had the same issues but hell, I realised that basically, what's wrong with that? It may not be love ... yeah, no such thing as "romance"... but then it's ok isn't it?
She's just so much better to start a married life with. She's pleasant to live with, she's responsible, she can organise and not let me do all the work myself. Financially, we'll be alright. Not spectacular but she maintains she can live w the pittance we have. And I believe her.
Deep down though... scared to find I dun love her enough. Oh and snowygal, yeah, we have some religion problems too cos she's staunchly Christian and my family will b aghast at a Church-going ceremony.
Stewardess went on a long long flight. Found myself angry at her. Dug deeper and guess what, think I am angry cos I think I'm like a port waiting for her to come back to. Maybe it's not like that, but she certainly makes me feel that way this trip round.
Oh, financially, due to her fortunate experiences, she does expect the guy to be the breadwinner. She wants to marry well. -
hi cunfused 2000,
A few things that i'd like to offer... for a start, many guys (and gals alike) take a closer look at their relationship before they sign on the dotted line. It's especially frightening when relationships around you do not work out well or reports on divorce rates have been steadily climbing up. We start to question if this is what we are getting ourselves into.
I was told that love has 3 components: passion, intimacy & commitment.
We can quickly identify with passion, the racing heartbeat, the world slowing down when you are with your significant other and all seems bright as day. Perhaps that's what you are feeling with Ms S. I reckon you must have felt that when you first knew you gf. The thing about passion is it can quickly come and quickly go. Give yourself 6 months or a year and the heartbeat will go back to normal.
Intimacy is like the anchor. The more you know about your SO (sig other) and the more you complement her, the easier it is to sustain it. Common values and beliefs play a big part. The more you know about the other and agree with that, the greater the chances of sticking it through. For me, i started out talking to my husband on the phone. We would talk for hours. It's at those times that i found out about his values, which is family first. I was looking for a man like that and i knew that since he treasured his parents and siblings, he will take good care of ours.
the last and often mistaken as least is commitment. It almost sounds like a dirty or taboo word. After i got married, a friend enquired about our state of affairs. He's been married for years and have 2 children. So he told me something that i'm holding on to... we marry the one we love. after the wedding bells and all, we learn to love the one we married. It's not a chore, but realise that we have committed to the life or better or worse, in sickness or in health, till death do us part. Getting married may be the easy part, but keeping it together takes a lifetime
Perhaps it's for you to know what you really want in a spouse, not just the practicalities (i have a 5-room flat, no car but all the loans you've talked about), we're talking about personality, values, etc. It's important to know who you are too. It is a good time to take stock and make a decision, an informed one and one you'll hold on to. -
Thanks. Nice to hear from some one who's actually married and ... happy (?). Not too sure from your tone.
Anyway, yeah, "love the one you marry" or "marry the one you love"... seems tough isn't it?
I think I'm becoming a girl.
Hahah.
In the sense that we always bitch abt girls who chose the guy with the most assets, most valuable/stable career, not exciting nevermind, nice and 'husbandly', responsible and will help with the kids ---> best sort of husband rite? sow your wild oats first and marry this dork who will loves you more than you do him.
So, I think I'm approaching that kind of thinking ... is it bad?
Anyway, S is coming back this weekend. It's going to be a tough weekend as I'm going to thrash some stuff out with her. The reason I had this dilemma in the first place was because, suddenly, she needed me more and was willing to give more. Now, this trip, she didn't keep me in her radar.
Will see how it goes. -
Hi confused2000.. you're on your way.. good luck..
out of topic.. the hormones in male and female balances out towards late thirties and early forties.. that's when mid-crisis happens.. after that, male and females are very much the same but then humans are more than a bunch of hormones.. we have soul and spirit..
my sincere wishes for you to work all this out.. -
Great comments fromn ppl here!Originally posted by cunfused2000:Thank you RealliRaw and Snowygal.
I've coped better these few days because you are right, I was standing too close to the issue.
Went on a weekend break with my gf. Yeah, we had the same issues but hell, I realised that basically, what's wrong with that? It may not be love ... yeah, no such thing as "romance"... but then it's ok isn't it?
She's just so much better to start a married life with. She's pleasant to live with, she's responsible, she can organise and not let me do all the work myself. Financially, we'll be alright. Not spectacular but she maintains she can live w the pittance we have. And I believe her.
Deep down though... scared to find I dun love her enough. Oh and snowygal, yeah, we have some religion problems too cos she's staunchly Christian and my family will b aghast at a Church-going ceremony.
Stewardess went on a long long flight. Found myself angry at her. Dug deeper and guess what, think I am angry cos I think I'm like a port waiting for her to come back to. Maybe it's not like that, but she certainly makes me feel that way this trip round.
Oh, financially, due to her fortunate experiences, she does expect the guy to be the breadwinner. She wants to marry well.
Now you are getting some where!
Good luck!
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I am happily married. There are times i will tell you that it gets rather challenging, fights and all. But it's through it that we get to know more about each other and enjoy the sunshine after the rain. It's fair that there is balance, no overdose of sugar (from this honeymoon year) but we know we love each other so much that we want to make things work.Originally posted by cunfused2000:Thanks. Nice to hear from some one who's actually married and ... happy (?). Anyway, yeah, "love the one you marry" or "marry the one you love"... seems tough isn't it?
Anyway, S is coming back this weekend. It's going to be a tough weekend as I'm going to thrash some stuff out with her. The reason I had this dilemma in the first place was because, suddenly, she needed me more and was willing to give more. Now, this trip, she didn't keep me in her radar.
As you were talking about marrying the one you love, i can't help but recall the life of a friend. She had been attached to a guy for many years. Bystanders would think that he is a great guy and would be a great husband. To that, she agreed. She also added that when she marries him, it's because she knows that he loves her dearly and he will make a good husband. At my young age then, i did not question her motives. Years down, both of them got married. It should have been their 3rd or 4th anniversary this year. But i spotted her with some other person. Later i found out that she had actually divorced him, the guy she has been for years.
Responsibility will be just that , responsibility. Something you might not want to do but have to do. If you are content with living that life for the rest of your life, it's your call. I'm not justifying a decision to leave your gf. There was a spark somewhere and if you really want to, you can rediscover that and love her for who she is, not less. It's not fair to be loved and withhold it. Sooner or later, the other person will know.
All the best to you... -
confused2000... u mentioned that the stewardess wishes to marry well and u were lamenting abt ur own financial status.. hmm.. from a practical viewpoint, dun u think that there would not be a very optimistic ending between u and the stewardess?
sorry if i sound harsh or wat.. eventually if u 2 were to be married, after many many yrs, the "passion" and feeling of romance or love between u two may die off too, jus like between u and ur long-term gf. rite? thatz when u will feel even more demoralised and degraded by the then-wife of urs (the stewardess) who will grumble abt why she chose u and not some other rich man, etc etc....
while reading all ur posts, hmm I kept putting myself in the shoes of ur long-term gf, whom i really pity wif.. seems to me that she loves u sincerely but a pity u find ur relationship wif her stagnant, without any romantic feelings... confused2000, have u ever suggested to her not to talk abt work? And, a lovelife without sparks may not necessarily by boring.. it could be peaceful, blissful...
I do hope u can sort things out on ur own and make some decision quick.. at least that is being fair to the girls.. afterall, u are getting older each day... *grins* -
Hi, another week, another story.
I admit there's always the possibility of being degraded after marrying 'S'. I have the confidence in myself earning enough not to starve my family. But I have a feeling I wouldn't make S happy material wise.
Anyway, I had my talk ... we sorted out some negativity. She's holding back her feelings for me, she claims. I dunno to believe her but she's been a bit up and down emotionally since she's back. Her marriage broke up I think, partly due to her unwillingness to compromise. Strangely, some stuff she does is still so cloying sweet to me.
My gf is, as usual, tied up this entire week. The day she's free (note the singular) is the day I'm not and the rest of the time, she had to either work late or have family engagements.
Not that I'm that free either since I end work usually at 8plus 9pm.
But timings like that doesn't suit her. She can't/unwilling to come out - even for dinner. So, it's an excuse ... but a very tempting one to go out with S.
On one hand, my gf is more marriagable (she would on her own initiative look out for me), while the other, S surprisingly provides company? How is that possible?
I just saw S off at the airport. She looked gorgeous. She seemed a little bright at the edges when she's on the job. When's she off it, she behaves a bit screwed up. But when she's at 'work', she makes you feel so good abt yourself.
This sucks.
I guess since I'm not looking for validation... and many many kind users had given me their good advice, i think this is becoming my online blog/diary.
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Sorry I'm this late. Like you mentioned you don't need validation and I'm sure you know what you have to do/must do.
Of late, I managed to find some time off to frequent sites which contributes good quotes and I have a couple of them for you.
"Since we cannot get what we like, let us like what we can get."
Of coz it can also be seen as a case of: "Never troubles trouble, till trouble troubles you."
If you're troubled now, probably you can ask yourself did trouble seek you out or did you seek for trouble itself? If it's the latter, why are you looking for trouble when you can have peaceful days??
Lose what you have now, everything starts from scratch and you risk the chance of failing. Hope all will be fine for you.
Cheerz...
/exits -
This is a mature question? Dun think so, because let me put it this way, not only pple ur age will succumb to temptation. A fairly young person can do that do. I think this events happens every now and then when a man cannot stand firm on his beliefs and take charge of his life. Mature questions will only seems quite childish if it is not handled appropriately I guess.
I think, if ur gf cannot compromise on the timing to go out, please have a gd talk to her. Well, I understand ur working stress, but surely u can make out time to have a talk with her? Not even on the phone? Let me tell you, it is the job of an air stewardess to be bright and jovial because she is considered in a customer service line. She must be gorgeous because it is also part of her job to look good in her job. U are attracted to something quite "plastic" in a sense? If you can have a talk to 'S', maybe u can have a talk to ur gf as well.
I just have a feeling that perhaps u are trying to push majority of the blames to ur gf. Maybe you shd not compare 'S' to ur gf. They are 2 totally diff person altogether. Although much different from one another, I can tell u, it is very painful to know that oneself is being compared like that. I am speaking from experience.
If u are not ready to get married, why worry about which gal is being more marrigeable? And getting away from problems like this with death is not a very gd idea. Just plain....ridiculous. I mean, I m not here to give advice. I just think that u need to wake up.
Either u love the air stewardess or ur gf. U cannot 2-time gals like that u noe. Talking about responsibilities. Part of the resposibilities of a bf is to be faithful n loving to his gf. The LOVE CAN DIE. It is up to both parties to make ways to rekindle it. If ur gf is not willing to do anything, talk to her. Just tell her u might feel neglected. But then, due to ur work, u also neglect her in some ways isnt it? 'S' is not always in SG, so one day she neglect u, u gonna look for another gal?
It is human's nature to go for good looking counterparts. It is also human's responsibility to understand the rights and wrongs to accept temptations, whether with reasons or not. Watever it is, you should know the outcome. Just that u are running away from it.
I am hardly 23 yet. Am I considered juvenile to answer ur questions? Well, I think age has got nothing to do with problems that comes in our life as and when. Physical age doesnt equal to mentality developments. -
well, all-of-23, is that u are right in asserting that mental development is not the purview of the old. *giggle* yar, either I'm an old fart or that I'm retarded. Oh yeah... the world is oyster for youth. strange... they never consider the pearl forms only after years.
no ... dun be defensive, not putting anyone down. You are absolutely right of course. Just that priorities at 30 plus are different when 20s. Been there ; done that.
I do need to consider the Big M. It's soon - I feel it in my bones. If not now, then I prob end up with a late marriage and the priorities will be different in my 40s.
When u get married in 20s, there's a lot of optimism and enthusiasm. Great fuel for a long term marriage. I feel that it's the best time. Not much taint, some savings ...
In the 30s, prob the only reason why you are still in the market is because you had been too caught up in work, been through one already, or you are tainted by too many cynical views... also, by then, you're imbued with a false but terrifyingly belief that "singlehood is ok". You *can* that spinster aunt who leads a really cool life.
*sigh*
As I maintained, not looking for validation. And the "mature" in the question is juvenile. I'm just looking for mature answers from people who had seen real shit. And btw, I respect and know some really younger friends who speaks with conviction because they've been through some shit.
To wit:
a) Marry the one you love ... or... Love the one you are with
b) How is that, increasingly, it's the work/children that sustains a marriage and no longer the other partner?
c) Scared to see divorce rates climbing
d) Money no enough??? *laugh* Ok, it's tough but's it's manageable. Just downsize expectations.
e) Why is the improbable happening? It's usually the stewardess that is unable to 'find' time. This is strange.
f) Err... yeah, I know it's their job to look groomed. When I wrote that, it's not say she's gorgeous. *laugh* Think you misinterpreted. Read more. The gist of the paragraph "she seemed a bit bright at the edges".. etc means that she's articifical and a little larger than reality. Like she metamorphsize into another ... "thing". She becomes a function of her job. And when she's off it, she's 'darker' - a bit overly-emotional, a bit too loud, a bit too sensitive/demanding. I
Have fun. And no ... wasn't looking for death either. *smile* When I called the SOS, I'm just remarking that if I was a suicidal victim, I would have been dead by the time they pick up the phone.
It's great hearing from you. Thanks for sharing ur thought. -
well, all-of-23, is that u are right in asserting that mental development is not the purview of the old. *giggle* yar, either I'm an old fart or that I'm retarded. Oh yeah... the world is oyster for youth. strange... they never consider the pearl forms only after years.
no ... dun be defensive, not putting anyone down. You are absolutely right of course. Just that priorities at 30 plus are different when 20s. Been there ; done that.
I do need to consider the Big M. It's soon - I feel it in my bones. If not now, then I prob end up with a late marriage and the priorities will be different in my 40s.
When u get married in 20s, there's a lot of optimism and enthusiasm. Great fuel for a long term marriage. I feel that it's the best time. Not much taint, some savings ...
In the 30s, prob the only reason why you are still in the market is because you had been too caught up in work, been through one already, or you are tainted by too many cynical views... also, by then, you're imbued with a false but terrifyingly belief that "singlehood is ok". You *can* that spinster aunt who leads a really cool life.
*sigh*
As I maintained, not looking for validation. And the "mature" in the question is juvenile. I'm just looking for mature answers from people who had seen real shit. And btw, I respect and know some really younger friends who speaks with conviction because they've been through some shit.
To wit:
a) Marry the one you love ... or... Love the one you are with
b) How is that, increasingly, it's the work/children that sustains a marriage and no longer the other partner?
c) Scared to see divorce rates climbing
d) Money no enough??? *laugh* Ok, it's tough but's it's manageable. Just downsize expectations.
e) Why is the improbable happening? It's usually the stewardess that is unable to 'find' time. This is strange.
f) Err... yeah, I know it's their job to look groomed. When I wrote that, it's not say she's gorgeous. *laugh* Think you misinterpreted. Read more. The gist of the paragraph "she seemed a bit bright at the edges".. etc means that she's articifical and a little larger than reality. Like she metamorphsize into another ... "thing". She becomes a function of her job. And when she's off it, she's 'darker' - a bit overly-emotional, a bit too loud, a bit too sensitive/demanding. I
Have fun. And no ... wasn't looking for death either. *smile* When I called the SOS, I'm just remarking that if I was a suicidal victim, I would have been dead by the time they pick up the phone.
It's great hearing from you. Thanks for sharing ur thought. -
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Once I see cunfused2000 post like that, I know wat kind of person u are already.
Same mentality as another user in another forum. Ok lah, I better dun comment any further. Because will be Mei wan Mei liao de neh.... -
u are fcking 2 timing.. make up ur choice.. think carefully as it concer ur marriage.. how long haf u n ur current gf been together? do u really love the stewardness? issit a crush or jus bcos she is pretty n sexy? PLS DUN LET TIS DRAG AS LONG AS POSSIBLE TILL 1 OF THEM FIND OUT U ARE 2 TIMING!
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My 2 cents worth,
If you love someone, you won't 2 time in the first place, being apart is not an excuse, for it takes 2 hands to clap to make a relationship work ... if there is a problem, both of you should talk it out.... and find a solution instead of letting it hang in the mid air..
Somehow I think you are taking relationships too lightly, deep down inside you are enjoying the thrill of it all that is why you chose not to move on.. to me, you want the best of both worlds, both girls are like main course and side dishes/desserts.. when you are tired of main course, you want to eat some side dishes and dessert to satisfy your satisfaction ... and vice versa....
It seems like some neverending story, well if you could use all the time spent here to sit down and think about the situation instead of dragging it on and on, I would think you could have solved it.
Apologies if it sounds too direct.... remember what goes around comes around... -
really, i have been following the post and it seems to me that u are just trying to find out what the general consensus is. the fact that u have strayed and trying to find excuses for it is simply disgusting...
not only are u trying to justify the reason to double time but you are completely irresponsible in your actions towards your long term gf and in a aspect with yourself and your 'fling'. you are 30 yrs old... u're behaving like a teen whos just found out that he is wanted by 2 different women and is relishing every moment of it... the trill and excitement AND the drama. SHAME ON U! really... i dont believe you would have made it in your professional life by being wishy washy. i have chosen not to mince my words because, this behaviour is just unacceptable... you donÂ’t need to have a flashy car, landed property or a surname such as shaw or lee to give a woman that loves you a stable family life. Get it?Although women are materialistic; but because men understand that fact of life so thatÂ’s why the greatest motivating force for men is his desire to please women! at the end of the day, all she wants is stability.... sure having more money to spend is a plus but remember, money
is just a convenience to get the things you desire, but as might already know, money cannot buy 'sparksÂ’ andand a multiple year relationship.she clearly has the patience to put up with all your bulls**t and the foresight to see u through i suggest that u rethink your non-commitment policy and shape up soon. i fear that if u hesitate any longer u might lose both and then u will be lamenting about the lost. act before she gets cold feet! and before some nice rich hunky guy with a surname of lee, maybe shaw? sees what u used to see
in your gf and whisks her away!
seriously, i would have asked her to be my spouse by now.....
have a think bout it.
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein_