wat to do if you and your buddy like the same gal....
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I got this friend i know since poly yr 1, well, i admire her from the start.. but dun dare to tell her my feelings.. happen that a lot of guys in my class like her too, so i keep quiet lor.. since then 5 yrs have passed, and we both have found bf/gf during the 5 yrs, but broken up.. now shes busy working cum studying, while im working.. both of us r currently single..
we sometimes go out together 1 on 1, and i really got no idea she got any feeling for me or not.. sometimes im scared of letting her noe, scared of rejection..im also in a dilemma, coz i got a buddy who is in my class last time in poly, last time got rejected by her, but so far still like my friend very much.. im afraid if he noes im wooing her, we may not be buddies anymore.. 
so i dare not say anything.. wat shld i do? smtimes i feel i shld look for other gals to avoid all this trouble, but wat if i cant find someone else like her? wat if i keep thinking of her? wat if she also likes me and is waiting for me? wat if i tell her my feelings, n she reject me, making me a complete fool of myself, and i noe i will isolate away from her.. tat means we will never go back to be the friends like now.. Her ex bf wants to patch back wif her, but when i ask her, she say she wouldnt want to.. really dunno whats she thinking.. shld i try to hint her n lose my buddy? 
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Love is selfish n self-centered.
U shouldn't bother about ur buddy's feelings. In the game of love, there is no such thing as giving way to ur way to preserve ur friendship with him. Love is cruel in certain aspects. U have to fight for urself. If ur buddy can't handle the fact u got her, he ain't a gentleman by resorting to breaking up both of ur friendships or whatever, dun worry about that. If u really wanna take the plunge n dare to, go ahead, it's a matter of betw u n the girl now, ur buddy isn't in the pic.
Anyway, ur buddy liking this girl too doesn't mean he has any rite or control over her rite? So what is there to discuss about betrayal? It's every man for himself! So what u waiting for... go ahead n execute it!
Regarding facing rejection, u have to... actually facing rejection now in chasing girls was a very good way of teaching me how to handle rejection better in the future at work places, biz rejections etc. It's a good training ground, that's how i see love, a good way to train your people skills. To understand how pple think n improve urself to cope with what ever situation u have. Actually if u are so tensed, try n see confessing ur feelings to her as a biz proposal, it would make u less stressful but some pple feel that is an ugly way. One last thing, fate.... if u were meant to get her, u will... But that doesn't mean u dun have to do the work on ur own part.
Good luck -
you're Jeff Hardy.. a Swanton Bomb should settle this...
but seriously... if she's not attached, fair game isn't she? -
Well, thanks for the advice.. biz rejections? hmm ok, sounds logical. So if i got a biz rejection, i lose a biz. If she rejects me, i lose a friend. Sound bad now right... i noe i can still be friends with her, but the feeling wouldnt be the same anymore.. it would be somewhat awkward..Originally posted by MetalGear:Love is selfish n self-centered.
U shouldn't bother about ur buddy's feelings. In the game of love, there is no such thing as giving way to ur way to preserve ur friendship with him. Love is cruel in certain aspects. U have to fight for urself. If ur buddy can't handle the fact u got her, he ain't a gentleman by resorting to breaking up both of ur friendships or whatever, dun worry about that. If u really wanna take the plunge n dare to, go ahead, it's a matter of betw u n the girl now, ur buddy isn't in the pic.
Anyway, ur buddy liking this girl too doesn't mean he has any rite or control over her rite? So what is there to discuss about betrayal? It's every man for himself! So what u waiting for... go ahead n execute it!
Regarding facing rejection, u have to... actually facing rejection now in chasing girls was a very good way of teaching me how to handle rejection better in the future at work places, biz rejections etc. It's a good training ground, that's how i see love, a good way to train your people skills. To understand how pple think n improve urself to cope with what ever situation u have. Actually if u are so tensed, try n see confessing ur feelings to her as a biz proposal, it would make u less stressful but some pple feel that is an ugly way. One last thing, fate.... if u were meant to get her, u will... But that doesn't mean u dun have to do the work on ur own part.
Good luck -
itz a fair game, but i do not wan to hurt the feelings of my buddy too.. all the while i have been encouraging him to woo her, telling him to take initiative.... but now, it seems like im the one who shld be encouraged... well at least he tried and failed, better than i dun even dare to try... scared of rejections.. rejected once last time by another gal and the feeling is so painful.. until now i cant forget the feeling of being rejected by the person i like so much....Originally posted by the Bear:you're Jeff Hardy.. a Swanton Bomb should settle this...
but seriously... if she's not attached, fair game isn't she? -
he tried and failed... your turn?
why would he be angry with you?
as for rejections, it comes with the territory... nothing ventured, nothing gained...
good luck
Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:itz a fair game, but i do not wan to hurt the feelings of my buddy too.. all the while i have been encouraging him to woo her, telling him to take initiative.... but now, it seems like im the one who shld be encouraged... well at least he tried and failed, better than i dun even dare to try... scared of rejections.. rejected once last time by another gal and the feeling is so painful.. until now i cant forget the feeling of being rejected by the person i like so much.... -
coz my buddy still like her.. i lost a very gd friend due to relationships problems too.. i dun wan to lose another friend..
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Since u and ur buddy both like the ger, be frank with ur buddy u like her. DUn keep things fr him. If u do, he will hate u more. Though being frank tt u like the ger may cause u to lose ur buddy, it may also save u fr losing him. He may understand how u feel and since u be frank with him, i think if he understands he shld not be angry. So be frank.
As for the ger, if u like her, go after her. Let no one stop u fr doing it! I am sure u want to be with her and give her happiness. So prove tt u can do tt.
Dun gif up! -
What is the maturity level of your buddy and how close is he to you? Like MetalGear had said... If your buddy can't get her, doesn't mean other guys can't go for her... It could either be you or someone else... If your buddy is ok enough, you might let him know how you feel about the girl 1st before you take action...?Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:coz my buddy still like her.. i lost a very gd friend due to relationships problems too.. i dun wan to lose another friend..
As for the risk you have to take between the chance of gaining a gf and the chance of losing a friend.... Nothing ventured, nothing gain... Ultimately the decision is still UP TO YOU.... -
i reply on the gal's point of view k?
cos i got 2 guys who are friends, who happen to be liking me at the same time...
they are not close friends, but they hang out together at times...have common friends..
but one of them like me first, n i said no, rejected him liao..but we have been friends for many years, i i would still wanna hang out as friends...we are still close, but i made it very clear that its not possible, cos i dun like to lead anyone on..
then his friend, not knowing about this, came into the picture..same thing happens..but tis one i'm considering...so we are hanging out quite often, or u call that dating...
then now the first one kind of drift away from me..although i still try to msg him daily and see how is he doing...but at times i get pretty cold response...but he is still very nice to me, u know wat i mean??
the only fear i have is him not being able to accept IF me n guy 2 every get together, then all friendship will be spoil...but then again, its not anyone's fault wat, cos i oredi make myself so clear from day 1...so there's no misleading and i should be free to choose who i wan...i might not want both in the end......but on my part as the gal, i really dun wanna spoil any friendship...
but if any of them were to turn sour cos i didn't end up wth him then seriously, dun think its my fault liao...
wat u all tink??
i might be getting out of topic, but i wanna tell how i feel from the gal's point of view.. -
if a guy cannot be mature enough to accept that a girl he likes does not like him back the same way, and is still free to go out with others, it's not the fault of the girl that he's immature, is it?
unfortunately, even if he feels uneasy, he should suck it up and bear with it...
if roles were reversed and it was 2 girls and a guy, situation the same, the result would still be the same...
mature people suck it up, bear with it...
immature and selfish people look for everyone to blame...Originally posted by keisha:i reply on the gal's point of view k?
cos i got 2 guys who are friends, who happen to be liking me at the same time...
they are not close friends, but they hang out together at times...have common friends..
but one of them like me first, n i said no, rejected him liao..but we have been friends for many years, i i would still wanna hang out as friends...we are still close, but i made it very clear that its not possible, cos i dun like to lead anyone on..
then his friend, not knowing about this, came into the picture..same thing happens..but tis one i'm considering...so we are hanging out quite often, or u call that dating...
then now the first one kind of drift away from me..although i still try to msg him daily and see how is he doing...but at times i get pretty cold response...but he is still very nice to me, u know wat i mean??
the only fear i have is him not being able to accept IF me n guy 2 every get together, then all friendship will be spoil...but then again, its not anyone's fault wat, cos i oredi make myself so clear from day 1...so there's no misleading and i should be free to choose who i wan...i might not want both in the end......but on my part as the gal, i really dun wanna spoil any friendship...
but if any of them were to turn sour cos i didn't end up wth him then seriously, dun think its my fault liao...
wat u all tink??
i might be getting out of topic, but i wanna tell how i feel from the gal's point of view.. -
yah, lucky now he is still treating me the same, but can see he trying not to be that close to me...its like at times he wanna meet me, but its all the way in town, so i end up meeting the 2nd guy instead, cos he stay much nearer to me...so can meet in our estate..Originally posted by the Bear:if a guy cannot be mature enough to accept that a girl he likes does not like him back the same way, and is still free to go out with others, it's not the fault of the girl that he's immature, is it?
unfortunately, even if he feels uneasy, he should suck it up and bear with it...
if roles were reversed and it was 2 girls and a guy, situation the same, the result would still be the same...
mature people suck it up, bear with it...
immature and selfish people look for everyone to blame...
i dun tink and i hope he wun turn sour, cos i really treasure the friendship man
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Yup... Make some sense....Originally posted by keisha:i reply on the gal's point of view k?
cos i got 2 guys who are friends, who happen to be liking me at the same time...
they are not close friends, but they hang out together at times...have common friends..
but one of them like me first, n i said no, rejected him liao..but we have been friends for many years, i i would still wanna hang out as friends...we are still close, but i made it very clear that its not possible, cos i dun like to lead anyone on..
then his friend, not knowing about this, came into the picture..same thing happens..but tis one i'm considering...so we are hanging out quite often, or u call that dating...
then now the first one kind of drift away from me..although i still try to msg him daily and see how is he doing...but at times i get pretty cold response...but he is still very nice to me, u know wat i mean??
the only fear i have is him not being able to accept IF me n guy 2 every get together, then all friendship will be spoil...but then again, its not anyone's fault wat, cos i oredi make myself so clear from day 1...so there's no misleading and i should be free to choose who i wan...i might not want both in the end......but on my part as the gal, i really dun wanna spoil any friendship...
but if any of them were to turn sour cos i didn't end up wth him then seriously, dun think its my fault liao...
wat u all tink??
i might be getting out of topic, but i wanna tell how i feel from the gal's point of view.. -
ahh..its been a while since i am in AA..
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My advice : To put it bluntly, dun give a sh[/i]it about ur friend. In the end, it doesn't matter coz she will play the both of u out and thus juxtaposing ur friendship and her -
Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:I got this friend i know since poly yr 1, well, i admire her from the start.. but dun dare to tell her my feelings.. happen that a lot of guys in my class like her too, so i keep quiet lor.. since then 5 yrs have passed, and we both have found bf/gf during the 5 yrs, but broken up.. now shes busy working cum studying, while im working.. both of us r currently single.. we sometimes go out together 1 on 1, and i really got no idea she got any feeling for me or not.. sometimes im scared of letting her noe, scared of rejection..im also in a dilemma, coz i got a buddy who is in my class last time in poly, last time got rejected by her, but so far still like my friend very much.. im afraid if he noes im wooing her, we may not be buddies anymore.. so i dare not say anything.. wat shld i do? smtimes i feel i shld look for other gals to avoid all this trouble, but wat if i cant find someone else like her? wat if i keep thinking of her? wat if she also likes me and is waiting for me? wat if i tell her my feelings, n she reject me, making me a complete fool of myself, and i noe i will isolate away from her.. tat means we will never go back to be the friends like now.. Her ex bf wants to patch back wif her, but when i ask her, she say she wouldnt want to.. really dunno whats she thinking.. shld i try to hint her n lose my buddy?
Lose a buddy? This is a scenario that could have happen, but not neccessary always.
5 years and still kept within your heart? Gosh, it must have felt really terrible deep inside you. The thing about expressing yourself is not about expressing for the sake of expressing - more importantly is what is your overall motive behind the declaring.
If getting it off your chest is the main thing - wait no further. You wouldn't wait until you die this lifetime and bring this regret with you to your grave. However, if your aim is to get her - stop hesitating and attempt. By remaining passive, yes - you wouldn't fail, however, you will never succeed either. By trying, you risk yourself to disapointment, but at least when you think back, you wouldn't regret not doing anything in the first place.
OF COURSE, you attempt with plans and such - not hasty, anyhow, anti seductive chase. You move on steadily, hiding under cover as a friend to reach your goal - the capture of her heart.
P.S: Nobody says its easy. Nobody says its risk free. There is no best of both world many times in matters of the heart. You choose the best option and had to forego the rest - by calulating every single aspect and risk, you end up nothing.
Cheers -
YOU ARE BACK1!!!!!Originally posted by Master -_-:ahh..its been a while since i am in AA..>
My advice : To put it bluntly, dun give a sh[/i]it about ur friend. In the end, it doesn't matter coz she will play the both of u out and thus juxtaposing ur friendship and her 
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Thanks for all ya advice shaun, devil, keisha, bear, master, yunhaier.. maybe i shld have confessed to her a long time ago.. maybe i shldnt.. ive seen so many of my classmates being rejected by her that i feel a bit paranoid... but shes somewhat close to my heart sometimes, and i could feel a little bit at times that she cares for me.. we doesnt share everything together, as she likes to keep her privacy.... i wish i can noe her more but shes those type of gals that like to keep things to herself.. maybe y shld she tell me since im juz a friend? sometimes i would ask her if anybody is chasing her, pretending to be kaypoh, but in fact keeping track of her.. but she wouldnt tell me.. when i probe more, she would be annoyed.. ever since she is studying for her degree right now, we drifted apart.. sometimes when i see her online, i dun even have anything to say to her anymore.... i got the so near yet so far feeling abt her.. i guess we shld hang out more n see her reaction.. i leaving it all to fate... maybe u guys r thinking, why am i so cold towards relationships? after 4 failed relationships, i guess i needed a break.. sometimes i feel im juz feelin lonely, want to find someone to fill up the gap. but now got this thinking nothing is forever..still quite sadden by last 2 breakups, dun think someone so unstable shld go into relationships rite now.. or shld i?
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Every relationship we went through has a learning issue that is attached to it. Everyone loves the pleasure and positive aspect of a relationship, remembers and even bear resentment over the negative areas, but hardly anyone bothers about this small, but critical point of a relationship.Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:Thanks for all ya advice shaun, devil, keisha, bear, master, yunhaier.. maybe i shld have confessed to her a long time ago.. maybe i shldnt.. ive seen so many of my classmates being rejected by her that i feel a bit paranoid... but shes somewhat close to my heart sometimes, and i could feel a little bit at times that she cares for me.. we doesnt share everything together, as she likes to keep her privacy.... i wish i can noe her more but shes those type of gals that like to keep things to herself.. maybe y shld she tell me since im juz a friend? sometimes i would ask her if anybody is chasing her, pretending to be kaypoh, but in fact keeping track of her.. but she wouldnt tell me.. when i probe more, she would be annoyed.. ever since she is studying for her degree right now, we drifted apart.. sometimes when i see her online, i dun even have anything to say to her anymore.... i got the so near yet so far feeling abt her.. i guess we shld hang out more n see her reaction.. i leaving it all to fate... maybe u guys r thinking, why am i so cold towards relationships? after 4 failed relationships, i guess i needed a break.. sometimes i feel im juz feelin lonely, want to find someone to fill up the gap. but now got this thinking nothing is forever..still quite sadden by last 2 breakups, dun think someone so unstable shld go into relationships rite now.. or shld i?
Ok, lets come back to the basis of a aftermath relation. You figured out that one of your reasons of entering into a relationship was mainly due to the fact that you were afraid of being alone. The feeling of dependancy was the main attraction that lure you into one.
You mentioned that the last TWO were heart-breaking. If I were to say that the SECOND (Heart-breaking) one is just a relationship in trying to bring back the good-old stuff from the FIRST (heart-breaking) one - how well would you agree with me?
You are obsolutely right - Unstability is the one of the top few factor that one shouldn't even enter into a relationship even a potential draws near. For a fling, ONS, etc - it doesn't matter. If you long for a long fulfilling relationship - consider and ponder about your own love definition, expectations, experience, etc before making a decision. It helps you to gauge whether the girl is suitable for the YOU now, or it is just a repeat pattern of the past.
Cheers -
Just give yourself some time to cool down your thoughts... You don't have to rush through things, you're not in an examination hall....Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:Thanks for all ya advice shaun, devil, keisha, bear, master, yunhaier.. maybe i shld have confessed to her a long time ago.. maybe i shldnt.. ive seen so many of my classmates being rejected by her that i feel a bit paranoid... but shes somewhat close to my heart sometimes, and i could feel a little bit at times that she cares for me.. we doesnt share everything together, as she likes to keep her privacy.... i wish i can noe her more but shes those type of gals that like to keep things to herself.. maybe y shld she tell me since im juz a friend? sometimes i would ask her if anybody is chasing her, pretending to be kaypoh, but in fact keeping track of her.. but she wouldnt tell me.. when i probe more, she would be annoyed.. ever since she is studying for her degree right now, we drifted apart.. sometimes when i see her online, i dun even have anything to say to her anymore.... i got the so near yet so far feeling abt her.. i guess we shld hang out more n see her reaction.. i leaving it all to fate... maybe u guys r thinking, why am i so cold towards relationships? after 4 failed relationships, i guess i needed a break.. sometimes i feel im juz feelin lonely, want to find someone to fill up the gap. but now got this thinking nothing is forever..still quite sadden by last 2 breakups, dun think someone so unstable shld go into relationships rite now.. or shld i?