Is friend ONLY occur in ur mind when u had conflict wif bf?
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my friend onli think of my exist when she had problems with her bf. She go to her bf hse 7 days a wk. then i ask her out 4 dinner 4 onli 1 out of 7 days, is it too much? she said she wan acc bf n yet said she will acc me out when her bf go NS(in aug). well, what is this all about? is it she think of me onli her bf nt ard? I'm so angry with her. I told my other friends, they support her. they think that it rite to acc bf n abandon friends. i got bf too. but i'm always there 4 them when they need me.
anyone can tell me what sld i do? i cant stand it liao but i dun wan to quarrel with her cos she is my best friend.
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i think during the so called honey moon period, most couples will wanna see each other everyday lar..as a gd fren, u should be more reasonable lar......moreover, u got a bf, y not acc him everyday then??..
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diff people, different expectation.....
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they been steady for 3 yrs liao. furthermore always get quarrel everytime.... she will call me sob her tears each time and onli at this time she will think of my exist. I got acc bf too..but i'm nt those kind "got bf abandon friend"...Originally posted by Inzaghi:i think during the so called honey moon period, most couples will wanna see each other everyday lar..as a gd fren, u should be more reasonable lar......moreover, u got a bf, y not acc him everyday then??..
maybe reali different ppl different expectation like mention above. haiz... but jus felt that why is it so lo?
and is it ppl out there u can reali stand those kind of ppl need you when they r in trouble then forget you when they dun need u? -
Perhaps it's the quarrels that's making her work doubly hard at her relationship... As her best friend, don't you think you would wish all well for your best friend's relationship? I think it's not really true that she belittled you... It's just that things could be really getting way out of her for her and her bf, and she really wish to seize this opportunity before they drift even further apart after he leaves for NS... By the way, August is coming very near... There'll be so much more to pick up when the time comes...? Perhaps you could also express your opinion to her then? Till then, try to understand her position?Originally posted by lv_gal:they been steady for 3 yrs liao. furthermore always get quarrel everytime.... she will call me sob her tears each time and onli at this time she will think of my exist. I got acc bf too..but i'm nt those kind "got bf abandon friend"...
maybe reali different ppl different expectation like mention above. haiz... but jus felt that why is it so lo?
and is it ppl out there u can reali stand those kind of ppl need you when they r in trouble then forget you when they dun need u?
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It's irritating, but don't blame your friend lah. People need time to learn how to balance the different priorities in life.
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the problems are his bf always ill-treat her for yrs liao. but she still with him. maybe this is call love r blind lo. i dun bother her relationship cos i dislike her bf cos her bf reali treat her like my friend nt his gf like that. Its' long story.... aniway, i think i dun reali go bother liao. maybe when she wan to ask me out, i reject her date, let her have a taste of hw i feel....Originally posted by Devil1976:Perhaps it's the quarrels that's making her work doubly hard at her relationship... As her best friend, don't you think you would wish all well for your best friend's relationship? I think it's not really true that she belittled you... It's just that things could be really getting way out of her for her and her bf, and she really wish to seize this opportunity before they drift even further apart after he leaves for NS... By the way, August is coming very near... There'll be so much more to pick up when the time comes...? Perhaps you could also express your opinion to her then? Till then, try to understand her position? -
LOVE IS BLIND
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Originally posted by lv_gal:my friend onli think of my exist when she had problems with her bf. She go to her bf hse 7 days a wk. then i ask her out 4 dinner 4 onli 1 out of 7 days, is it too much? she said she wan acc bf n yet said she will acc me out when her bf go NS(in aug). well, what is this all about? is it she think of me onli her bf nt ard? I'm so angry with her. I told my other friends, they support her. they think that it rite to acc bf n abandon friends. i got bf too. but i'm always there 4 them when they need me.
anyone can tell me what sld i do? i cant stand it liao but i dun wan to quarrel with her cos she is my best friend. 
As friends, basically you cannot expect too much. My friends, some of them are like that - they come to me when they have problems. Different people, different expectation.
To me, as good friends, I will assist in anyway I could - even though we may not always keep in contact. And one important point: I don't expect them to be there for me when I am undergoing critical moments - its all about volunteering and willing to be there.
Cheers -
My friends also MIA most of the time.They dun bother much abt me.Most of the time is im the one going out to dig them out of the grave.
So wat to do??suan them until they long bia lor to vent my frustration at always organising outings. 
but anyway,its true that some will treat their friends as invisible men/women when they are attached.I can only say so be it lor.Go out n know new friends or spend ur time with ur partner or do other tings lor like joining a sport. As others hv mention,dun take it too personal.Its gd to be able to help/provide a ear when they r down. -
Don't be silly... What are best of friends for? Just like in a BGR, a good friendship means to care quite unreservingly for one (to a logical extent)... Everybody make mistakes, your friend is just an ordinary human... I guess it can be a confusion in her mind... A struggle to pull this relationship through despite how she's being treated? Perhaps you can be right that she have been blinded by the relationship... But you don't just throw away a friend because she goes blind now, do you? As best of her friends, I find it more of a reason for you to stay around with her and give her that encouragement and help... Just like you've mentioned how her bf is treating her unkind, where else can she get her consoles when she need one? Gve her some time to judge and think for herself.... People usually learn but it would take time... If there's a need, guide her along?Originally posted by lv_gal:the problems are his bf always ill-treat her for yrs liao. but she still with him. maybe this is call love r blind lo. i dun bother her relationship cos i dislike her bf cos her bf reali treat her like my friend nt his gf like that. Its' long story.... aniway, i think i dun reali go bother liao. maybe when she wan to ask me out, i reject her date, let her have a taste of hw i feel.... -
I find myself in the same view as you.
To both of us, we know that we have to balance ourselves between friends and bf/gf. We feel that it is equally important to contact our good friends regularly in order to maintain our friendships. It can be either going out together or chatting over the phone regularly.
This is our view of good friends.
But frankly speaking, most of the people doesn't feel the same way as we do. I feel that most of the people will have the opinion that good friends should be understanding enough to allow them to go out and stick together with their bf/gf all the time. I agree with that partially. It is logical that we should stick with our bf/gf most of the time but we should also spend some time together with good friends as well. It can be just a nice proper chat over the phone if there is really not enough time to meet up regularly.
But some of the friends does not even willing to spend once a week to chat with good friends. They go out with their bf/gf every weekends and during some of the weekdays and then chat over the phone with their bf/gf daily. This is not wrong but we should always maintain a balance.
This is not only to maintain a steady relationship with our good friends but also to protect ourselves if the bgr relationship doesn't goes well in the future. If we are together with our bf/gf everyday without some of our own personal time, we will feel that life is meaningless once the relationship is gone. This is because our bf/gf has becomes so natural in our life and we won't be able to find anything meaningful in life once they are no longer with us.
It is a fact that good friends will always stand by you no matter what the situation is as long as it is within the conscience. We should not take our good friends for granted. We must always remember to spend some time alone with good friends no matter how busy we are. This is regardless of whether the good friends are of the same sex or opposite sex.
Why is it that subconciously when we encounter problems and need help, and only then we remember our good friends. When we are happy, we only think of our bf/gf? This is a question that we have to think about to understand ourselves better. -
Diff people have diff needs. Your friend probably needs lotsa love and attention from her bf. She might not spend so much time with you, but that does not mean it's the end of your friendship.Originally posted by lv_gal:my friend onli think of my exist when she had problems with her bf. She go to her bf hse 7 days a wk. then i ask her out 4 dinner 4 onli 1 out of 7 days, is it too much? she said she wan acc bf n yet said she will acc me out when her bf go NS(in aug). well, what is this all about? is it she think of me onli her bf nt ard? I'm so angry with her. I told my other friends, they support her. they think that it rite to acc bf n abandon friends. i got bf too. but i'm always there 4 them when they need me.
anyone can tell me what sld i do? i cant stand it liao but i dun wan to quarrel with her cos she is my best friend.
You see, as time goes by, both of you grow mature and develop different thinking. Both of you will pursue different things. Both of you will have your own life. You should learn to spend more time with your bf. After all, this will be the priority for anyone who is reaching a young adult's age and is attached.
Slowly, one by one will get married and start own family. Then, you will be able to appreciate the need of having your own time with your loved ones and not so much with your friends. Both you and your friend will only meet once in a while.
In conclusion, no matter how things change, the friendship is still there. Just that you all live a different life from before. -
oh aren't we all in the same boat? ehhe
i'm 27, most of my guy friends are either married, attached, kids, divorced even! (divorced is out of point but anyways)...
so seeing them can sometimes be very difficult and i'm not surprised that there could be a span of 2-3 months b4 i actually get to see some of my really good buddies. of course we catch up on phone, sms, icq etc, but meeting up and having dinner like u want to is almost impossible. it sounds sad, and i guess it is, but it's true.
so how do i react? i just let it go lor. i mean it's DINNER, it's not that ah long come and hang pig's head and sit three ah bengs outside my house. THAT's the diff.
i believe that when i NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED them, they'll drop everything (except the baby their carrying i spose?) and fly over to my side. of course this is reciprocated.
so i guess my point is that a real friend doesn't have to be seen. and well, maybe i'm the kind that is also zhong se qing you, becos if/when i'm attached, i'll be or want to be spending as much time as i can with my gf. of course i was blessed with my previous gfs getting on well with my friends so going out as a group occurred frequently (ESP during uni days!)
u can confront your fren and "scold" her as u say, if u feel that she won't be the type that will fly to ur side when u're in NEED. then again, if a "friend" has to be told this, wat kind of friendship is it? these things are understood. i mean how comical would i sound if i went "eh brudder, we don't see each other nvm, but i just feel that when i really need u to help, u won't lor..." it's just gonna make both parties uncomfortable. it's like indirectly telling him, u suck as a friend. now. that's not how REAL friends talk to each other.
recently i was in need, and i approached a friend whom i thot would "fly to me". he disappointed me. but i took it in my stride and said to myself that TECHNICALLY he doesn't owe me anything. i complained to another fren and he said, how can he (the first friend) do this to you? he's your FRIEND leh. he should help u lor.
yes.. he "should". but if he doesn't then how? like that lor!! basically it's like that, friends got different level one. i'm not gonna ignore that friend that failed to help, but i know next time that if i ever need help, i won't approach him. likewise, i'm sure he knows if there's a certain thing he needs, he won't approach me. unless he buay paiseh, but this fella i know quite well.. he won't one.
damn long grandmother story leh.. dunno u get my point anot.
think if i have to sum it up, this would be it: you just have to "kan4 kai1 yi4 dian3"!!!