Originally posted by smoke:
Hi, just need some advice and opinion. Thanks a lot if you can help me out.

I have a girlfriend who is now currently back in China. We met while she was "visiting relatives" in Singapore (she's working in a karaoke lounge to sideline for her family problems back home). Initially, I was quite hesitant about such relationships due to the bad image these girls get in Singapore. Actually, I know that she's not with me because of money due to the fact that she doesn't want me to visit her at the karaoke but meet her when she's free instead. Also, she did not take any tips from me or in any other ways. When I go out with her, she rather that I save the money on taxis and is willing to take public transport with me instead because she knows that I'm not a rich kid or anything like that. I can feel that she's truly happy whenever she's with me.
In the meantime, our relationship continues in such a way that even if I didn't meet up with her, she will call me up using her handphone which costs a bomb for her. We would talk for long hours on end everytime. I did mention to her that I liked her at the start and she told me she has also liked me the time she saw me. Her only apprehension is also because she was told that most Singapore guys are only looking for fun at such outlets. It was only when she was about to return home that we confessed our true feelings for each other, that we actually do love each other. We have told each other it is near impossible for us to be together because of different family background and also different culture.
Now that she's gone, I miss her a lot. She has called me twice since even though she's gone less than a week and our conversations were very long each time because she misses me very much. My thinking is that if she's not true to me or serious about me, she probably won't give a damn when she's gone, or even if she's around. There's no need for her to waste money because I'd probably just call her if I am serious anyway. Now I'm stuck because of my inexperience with foreign girls, especially from China because of their bad review. Anyone experienced enough to give me some tips or help? Is she putting on an act because of money, for PR / Citizenship or because she truly loves me? By the way, I'm 24 this year and she's 22.
Thanks a lot.

I read through this a couple of times before coming down to this conclusion - don't get overly emotional and make irrational decision that you may regret in the future.


I am not bothered over the fact that she is from China, more importantly, I want to you think over these few points I am going to pin point here:
I) The place she is working is no simple society - she doesn't want you to go there, probably there are things best you shouldn't know. Loving someone is accepting about him/her - don't ever regret one day when you discovered something really unpleasent and affect the relationship with her (presuming you and her are together).

II) When you do enter into a relationship with her - it would probably be a long distance relationship (LDR). Like all other LDR, my advice would be the same: ITS NOT EASY to maintain and therefore unless two parties and I mean BOTH PARTIES are able to throw in effort (tons of them) and have little expectation/desire/dependancy kind - probably LDR can work.

III) You don't even know her well - don't talk about relationship in the first place. You don't even know her life, her work, her family and other very personal details about her. You depended purely on feelings - very high risk indeed. True love are equiped with risk, however you can minimize it though, so don't be foolish and heed emotions blindly.

Pondering over Yunhaier's 3 points could be rather discouraging. In the big picture (Gestalt), these are factors you must understand well enough before you even start the card game because once it begin - you can't stop the game.

I can't tell you whether she is in for money or for PR because I am not you nor involved in your life. Whenever you are in doubt about this: maintain the friendship and stay that way. True character will be revealed eventually when time of knowing her is lengthened. So take your time and CARE in trying to know her as a person, her lifestyle and culture.

P.S: Consideration should only take place when the rules are understood and the cards are clear. Stall consideration and hold it when ambigious aspects/elements are suspected.

Cheers