Unsolvable Problem
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ask u guys something...
In a husband-wife situation, let's say the couple goes to work in a direct sales company..the wife came out of it after 1 month to look for a more stable job..the husband himself, because to hit the sales quota, used his own money and his sister's money to invest in the products. as a wife, she supported her husband's decision. after two to three months, the husband doesnt seem to get his pay yet, and his savings are nearly used up. his wife told him that the company seems fishy and told him to judge the situation and see if he wants to quit (the wife indicated to him that she wants him to quit as it is pretty stupid to continue,and his savings are finishing, but the decision was ultimately up to him). however, the husband didnt heed the advice and went on to work for another 2 months, thus using up all his savings. finally, he realised that he was going nowhere and he left the company..then he found another job earning a thousand plus per month, he doesnt have any savings left, and he hasn't got his first pay, then he approached his wife for allowance. the wife is very angry at him. she feels that as a husband, he should think of their future properly and not use up all the savings. she felt that she shouldnt support her husband financially and let him learn the hard way.
At work, the husband now takes a bit of money from the father and the wife gives him a bit of money as well, but not a lot as she is still angry at him. he eats only rice and 1 veg for lunch, curry puf for dinner..his colleagues asked him why he eat so little, he said no money, then his colleagues asked him doesnt the wife care, he said NO.
Guys, what do u think of this situation? -
sound really confusing
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is it?? not relli lar..Originally posted by kopiosatu:sound really confusing 
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i read thru again, i think its the husband's problem.
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why do u think so?Originally posted by kopiosatu:i read thru again, i think its the husband's problem. -
he doesn't know how to use his brains and think/plan for the future.Originally posted by shutthehellup:why do u think so? -
ok.....Originally posted by kopiosatu:he doesn't know how to use his brains and think/plan for the future.
then what do u think the wife should do? -
i tink the husband has acted impulsively and never think of the consequences.....
in a way, i agree to let him learn through the hard way.....
wife should help, but only to a certain limit.
n why didn't anyone think of doing something to the company to get the money or pay back?????? there's always MOL u noe?? -
it's an MLM...Originally posted by keisha:i tink the husband has acted impulsively and never think of the consequences.....
in a way, i agree to let him learn through the hard way.....
wife should help, but only to a certain limit.
n why didn't anyone think of doing something to the company to get the money or pay back?????? there's always MOL u noe?? -
Originally posted by shutthehellup:ask u guys something...
In a husband-wife situation, let's say the couple goes to work in a direct sales company..the wife came out of it after 1 month to look for a more stable job..the husband himself, because to hit the sales quota, used his own money and his sister's money to invest in the products. as a wife, she supported her husband's decision. after two to three months, the husband doesnt seem to get his pay yet, and his savings are nearly used up. his wife told him that the company seems fishy and told him to judge the situation and see if he wants to quit (the wife indicated to him that she wants him to quit as it is pretty stupid to continue,and his savings are finishing, but the decision was ultimately up to him). however, the husband didnt heed the advice and went on to work for another 2 months, thus using up all his savings. finally, he realised that he was going nowhere and he left the company..then he found another job earning a thousand plus per month, he doesnt have any savings left, and he hasn't got his first pay, then he approached his wife for allowance. the wife is very angry at him. she feels that as a husband, he should think of their future properly and not use up all the savings. she felt that she shouldnt support her husband financially and let him learn the hard way.
At work, the husband now takes a bit of money from the father and the wife gives him a bit of money as well, but not a lot as she is still angry at him. he eats only rice and 1 veg for lunch, curry puf for dinner..his colleagues asked him why he eat so little, he said no money, then his colleagues asked him doesnt the wife care, he said NO.
Guys, what do u think of this situation?
Firstly, its not really a matter of unsolvable crisis and this case isn't related to the matters of the heart.
The ultimate problem that lies within the guy is his lack the wisdom in life. There are three points I would like to mention here:
I) Once married, many a times, decision made is no longer autocratic/self; its mutual. Different point of view/preception must be considered because woman's intuition looked at the depth and short term, while man looked at the surface and long term.
II) His wife is right about something; once his married - when it comes to using the saving; he has to think thrice about his action. His wife has a share of the money - therefore she should have a right to see if he is making a sensible choice. As a wife - wouldn't she be gald and willing if her husband would make good financial/investment choice that would increase this wealth? Obviously, in this case, she felt otherwise and she is right about it.
III) Things that happened - learned and forgive. However, don't lose that lesson. His wife have to talk to him and explain the few points mentioned above and about the part of 'It's-we-now-not-you' theory to minimize future similiar reoccurring situations from happening.
P.S: He will learn the lesson the hard way - as a wife, of course, don't be too harsh. She would want him to learn, no doubt - but it shouldn't disrupt the stability of the marriage - instead it should build stronger bonds between the both of them, making it a blessing instead of a woe.
Cheers -
MLM so?? i mean go to ministry of labour and tell them about it.Originally posted by shutthehellup:it's an MLM...
i'm not clear about what happen, but the hubby got his own savings out to hit his quota, but then again, i read somewhere regarding him not getting his pay?? izzit some basic pay, or the commision? -
it's the commission.Originally posted by keisha:MLM so?? i mean go to ministry of labour and tell them about it.
i'm not clear about what happen, but the hubby got his own savings out to hit his quota, but then again, i read somewhere regarding him not getting his pay?? izzit some basic pay, or the commision?
MLM means u r self employed..MOL cant help, i think. -
the wife has spoken to him on several occasions. being lower-qualified than the wife, he always thinks that he is the victim. also, he is pampered by his own family, so whatever he thinks must be 'correct'. so the talks didnt relli work out as the husband thinks that the wife is trying to prove to him that she is better..Originally posted by Yunhaier: Firstly, its not really a matter of unsolvable crisis and this case isn't related to the matters of the heart.
The ultimate problem that lies within the guy is his lack the wisdom in life. There are three points I would like to mention here:
I) Once married, many a times, decision made is no longer autocratic/self; its mutual. Different point of view/preception must be considered because woman's intuition looked at the depth and short term, while man looked at the surface and long term.
II) His wife is right about something; once his married - when it comes to using the saving; he has to think thrice about his action. His wife has a share of the money - therefore she should have a right to see if he is making a sensible choice. As a wife - wouldn't she be gald and willing if her husband would make good financial/investment choice that would increase this wealth? Obviously, in this case, she felt otherwise and she is right about it.
III) Things that happened - learned and forgive. However, don't lose that lesson. His wife have to talk to him and explain the few points mentioned above and about the part of 'It's-we-now-not-you' theory to minimize future similiar reoccurring situations from happening.
P.S: He will learn the lesson the hard way - as a wife, of course, don't be too harsh. She would want him to learn, no doubt - but it shouldn't disrupt the stability of the marriage - instead it should build stronger bonds between the both of them, making it a blessing instead of a woe.
Cheers -
Originally posted by shutthehellup:the wife has spoken to him on several occasions. being lower-qualified than the wife, he always thinks that he is the victim. also, he is pampered by his own family, so whatever he thinks must be 'correct'. so the talks didnt relli work out as the husband thinks that the wife is trying to prove to him that she is better.. Its all about the matter of how she goes about talking and doing it.
When the man's ego is bruised and now that you mentioned - he is lower qualified than the wife - this creates a drive for him to excel in any possible career he deemed as potential ones. The company he is working for is MLM - on a personal note: I feel that MLM company talk far too much (con, create illusion) to bring people in and the promise of making big bucks.
The husband is drawn to it BECAUSE he wants to prove to his wife he can make his own decision and have good result. Reality sinks in: He has failed and is now suffering from the consequence of tactless & irrational move he made.
The art of communication is bringing across your message, bury it deep into the other person's mind, while maintaining all other variables. Felt that his wife is trying to prove his worthless and probably his own character flaws (pampered, sheltered, etc)- this shows that the way she is bringing her message across isn't very effective.
Both have to learn:
I) He shouldn't be intimidated by her wife's qualification/career because if he does - why marry her in the first place? He has to release that ego of his and learn to be appreciative of the wife's positive quality/points.
II) Wife has to learn to watch that ego of his - learn to influence him in a way that he doesn't find it offensive yet he is willing to accept your way/idea/preception of doing things. She cannot use degrading terms even when quarreling with him and must, at all times, put him as equal (nothing more, nothing less.)
P.S (Interesting note): Men with better qualified wife would normally (psychological effect) win their wife in bed, since they can't fight with them in their career.
Cheers -
NO LAH, its MOM = Ministry of Manpower...Originally posted by shutthehellup:it's an MLM... -
no, even if its commission, there has to be some kind of paper that proves that he should get the commission rite???Originally posted by shutthehellup:it's the commission.
MLM means u r self employed..MOL cant help, i think.
then go to MOL or MOM, or whatever u call it, and tell them about it, even if they really can't help to get back the money, letting the government know about this company is good also wat......
if u have the papers to prove that he deserve the commission, i tink can even go to small claim tribunal court. -
serve the husband right.....actually when come to money, its a decision made by both husband & wife although the money is not the wife 1. its better to hear what the other party has to say about this matter.....if make wrong decision both party also suffer mar
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
i believe the wife has been very careful of her words. it's just that he husband has already formed the thinking that whatever the wife said is rubbish..as long as the wife touches upon this subject, automatically he will shut off. Its all about the matter of how she goes about talking and doing it.
When the man's ego is bruised and now that you mentioned - he is lower qualified than the wife - this creates a drive for him to excel in any possible career he deemed as potential ones. The company he is working for is MLM - on a personal note: I feel that MLM company talk far too much (con, create illusion) to bring people in and the promise of making big bucks.
The husband is drawn to it BECAUSE he wants to prove to his wife he can make his own decision and have good result. Reality sinks in: He has failed and is now suffering from the consequence of tactless & irrational move he made.
The art of communication is bringing across your message, bury it deep into the other person's mind, while maintaining all other variables. Felt that his wife is trying to prove his worthless and probably his own character flaws (pampered, sheltered, etc)- this shows that the way she is bringing her message across isn't very effective.
Both have to learn:
I) He shouldn't be intimidated by her wife's qualification/career because if he does - why marry her in the first place? He has to [b]release that ego of his and learn to be appreciative of the wife's positive quality/points.
II) Wife has to learn to watch that ego of his - learn to influence him in a way that he doesn't find it offensive yet he is willing to accept your way/idea/preception of doing things. She cannot use degrading terms even when quarreling with him and must, at all times, put him as equal (nothing more, nothing less.)
P.S (Interesting note): Men with better qualified wife would normally (psychological effect) win their wife in bed, since they can't fight with them in their career.
Cheers [/b] -
MLM= multi level marketing,,....Originally posted by Eiizumi:NO LAH, its MOM = Ministry of Manpower...
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ya small claims is one of the options..Originally posted by keisha:no, even if its commission, there has to be some kind of paper that proves that he should get the commission rite???
then go to MOL or MOM, or whatever u call it, and tell them about it, even if they really can't help to get back the money, letting the government know about this company is good also wat......
if u have the papers to prove that he deserve the commission, i tink can even go to small claim tribunal court. -
Then mainly the problem lies within him. One good way if she can talk to his good buddy and collaborate to influence and change his preception.Originally posted by shutthehellup:i believe the wife has been very careful of her words. it's just that he husband has already formed the thinking that whatever the wife said is rubbish..as long as the wife touches upon this subject, automatically he will shut off.
Aim of the collaboration is link to the point in my prior post - He has to release that ego of his and learn to be appreciative of the wife's positive quality/points. How long is their courtship prior before marriage and how long is their marriage? Their age? Astrological sign?
Cheers -
he doesnt has a good buddy..more of a loner..always with his family if he is free..Originally posted by Yunhaier:Then mainly the problem lies within him. One good way if she can talk to his good buddy and collaborate to influence and change his preception.
Aim of the collaboration is link to the point in my prior post - He has to release that ego of his and learn to be appreciative of the wife's positive quality/points. How long is their courtship prior before marriage and how long is their marriage? Their age? Astrological sign?
Cheers
their courtship was for around 7 years. and their marriage is nearing a year. the guy is 24, the girl 23. guy is aquarius, girl is scorpio. -
The refusal to support husband monetarily, it looks to me, serves the purpose of part teaching, & part punishment. The wife is upset about what the husband did, and resentful at the way he turned out to be. So she takes it out on him by being vengeful.
Revenge is sweet and she can indulge in it if it makes her feel better, but only until then, because it doesn't solve anything.
She should recognise that he is now working a regular job and give him credit for it. Habits need time to change. And that we all make mistakes, no one is infallible. Where to look for second chances but from our loved ones?
I believe that few changes can be made from external impetus, but in this case it seems necessary that the man learns and changes, so her intention is correct. However her tactic isn't working, and only makes the husband more bitter and defensive against any other influence.
When it comes to advice, especially from women, most men "eat soft, don't eat hard". To change him, she has to gain his trust first. If he feels judged critically by her & there's a barrier, nothing she does will move him. So she should adopt a sympathetic attitude towards him and not focus on money / work issues all the time.
Meanwhile she should decide how much is she willing to support him financially and emotionally, and stick to it. It is fair for her to set a limit to her contribution, there is nothing to apologise about.
Then sit down & agree on some realistic objectives and work together with him towards the goals. I do not agree that love is unconditional. There is only so much sh|t one person can put up with; any relationship works only with effort from both sides. Tell him plainly that this stress is ruining the marriage and that both of them should work on some changes before rifts are irreparable.
The first focus should be that he becomes self-sufficient and not need handouts. Hoping to build a nest egg together is too ambitious; take it calmly in baby steps. Make compromises on both sides, just to get things started. -
Hmm... Was guessing this one... Why people just never bother to see the ugly side of things before they choose 'in'? Instead, always blinded by the 'glamour' projected by people...? 1st point, LEARN WELL on this one....Originally posted by shutthehellup:it's an MLM...
2nd point. Veg + rice, curry puff.... Poor thing... But always better than starving to death? I can't see how much better he could be doing if he's not married and his wife is not helping him out now... Of course, many people would think it's only NATURAL that a wife should help out her husband and responsibility etc... But think of how much worse the situation could have been if the wife decided to stick in the MLM system too? Both of them probably eating S[/i]HIT now...?
3rd point. Things are already OVER. The thing is not to start JUDGING if she's really kind enough to him (she certainly can choose to be MORE UNKIND than that).... Learn from the mistakes and start life AFRESH.... Stop whinning on the past and be a BETTER man... -
Can l have a say in this?