to aunty agony:
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not really new here. been reading up a lot before this first post.
here goes.. it's been 4 mths since i broke up with my ex gf. reason being i flare up cos of small small things. sometimes asked for break up either when something happen or using it to test her feeling for me.. she couldn't take it in the end and really ask for break up. initial was a miserable. thought of ending my life. till one of my friends committed suicide for the same case as mine. he is no longer ard for your info.
[quote from her mail to me:
cos even b4 we even had e big quarrel u already treated as if u need me then u will msg me ask me go out then if u not happy lazy to go out then u jus leave me alone n cant be bother to do anything..... u always say u r e one giving in but actually everytime when we quarrel i'm always e one hanging on otherwise we would have break up long time ago.... starting of our relationship u really treat very gd but as e time goes on... maybe u know tat i have put myself totally in e relationship tat's y no matter how treat me i wont do anything ..... i change e way u want me to..... i'm always so happy to go out with u but everytime i end up with a sad face home..... i also want to have someone to teng me to love me but........ there have been so many chances tat i have give u......]
been treating her very nice now and changed my temper. bought her a nk 6100. pay for her clothes etc. call her up and check that she is alright once a while. waited for her after her class to send her back. basically what i did was how a normal guy treat his gf. i ever asked her am i a nuisance to her for calling her up every now and then she said nope. basically she knows i'm changing for the better cos i still love her. she doesn't show any sign of resisting me. at times i really can't help but think do i really stand a second chance? now i changed myself and treat her nicely cos i only want her happy. -
If you think it's worth it, go and do it...
Fugue ge ge zi ci ni...
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i know i'm a bastard who used to let her down each time. i'm wiling to change.i treat her like queen now. i give her whatever i can give. i'm not afraid she is the type of girl making use of me to buy her thing cos she isn't one. but i ask for a return.... happy in her face...
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Make things short and sweet... sometimes people NEVER appreciate the things they have until they lost it. Many people in here belongs to the category of 'Been there, Done that'.
Off hand from your post, I can't tell exactly the reason for flaring over small issues were becoz you indeed wanted to test her.. but what I can tell you is temper is self contained and controlled. Anger is one word short of Danger. if you realise
More likely you're unable to contain your anger with her not becoz you wanna test her, it's more of you knowing she'll be there for you, hence subconsciously you're trying to push the limit. It's the case of taking her for granted.
Well, every action results in equal and opposite reaction. The opposite reaction is that her bubble burst, she no longer wants to be treated the way you did to her previously hence the break up.
If you think by showering her with gifts can make her return to you, you're giving her 'assurance' through the gifts, wanting to buy some form of love back via this method, then I think chances are sooner or later she'll treat you as a 'carrot head'. Of coz nothing is absolute. You mentioned you know she's not the sort to make use of you to buy gifts, still I won't suggest you take chances. Personally speaking, probably your ex is not the sort to do that, but always remember that another form of influence exists in friends. What if her close friend/buddy suggested to her on having sweet revenge.. and one of that will mean asking you to buy things for her, knowing that now both you and her takes on opposite roles compared to that before the breakoff?
If you indeed want to win her back, it'll be through sincerity, patience and hard work.. not merely gifts. You don't own a mountain full of gold where you can send miners to exvacate the gold everytime you run out of money..
I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you...
Cheerz.. -
you're right i used to take her for granted. and that's why each time i disappointed her.
now, i only want to give her the best i can give and show her that i still care for her and love her deeply. not because i want her back. but cos i want her happy. if one day she become a materialistic sort of girl, she will no longer be the girl i love. and i will never regret giving her whatever i gave, cos at the time i gave, she is worth it. -
i think its not too late yet.. try ur best to convince her, and hopefully u've really learnt ur lesson.
if only i still have tat chance to convince her. siGh. -
aalvinn, i read your story.
i have no right to give any comment cos i'm not fit to. -
Once bitten twice shy
People may even think twice before commiting to another r/s with another guy, needless to say with the same guy that hurt her in the first place... U definitely have to show her that you are worth her commitment once again... material needs are not what the girl wants you to be able to fulfil... most of the time they want you to be there when they needed you, emotional support in other words. Be patient since she dont find your calls being a nuisance, means there is still chances. Do really change for her, and not change just to get her back and revert to the old self once she is back...
Good luck pal...
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~good luck.Originally posted by ahworm:i know i'm a bastard who used to let her down each time. i'm wiling to change.i treat her like queen now. i give her whatever i can give. i'm not afraid she is the type of girl making use of me to buy her thing cos she isn't one. but i ask for a return.... happy in her face... -
When you flare up over insignificiant issues and worst still - threaten breaking as a method you called 'testing her feelings', it only goes to show your insecured you are actually deep inside.Originally posted by ahworm:not really new here. been reading up a lot before this first post.
here goes.. it's been 4 mths since i broke up with my ex gf. reason being i flare up cos of small small things. sometimes asked for break up either when something happen or using it to test her feeling for me.. she couldn't take it in the end and really ask for break up. initial was a miserable. thought of ending my life. till one of my friends committed suicide for the same case as mine. he is no longer ard for your info.
[quote from her mail to me:
cos even b4 we even had e big quarrel u already treated as if u need me then u will msg me ask me go out then if u not happy lazy to go out then u jus leave me alone n cant be bother to do anything..... u always say u r e one giving in but actually everytime when we quarrel i'm always e one hanging on otherwise we would have break up long time ago.... starting of our relationship u really treat very gd but as e time goes on... maybe u know tat i have put myself totally in e relationship tat's y no matter how treat me i wont do anything ..... i change e way u want me to..... i'm always so happy to go out with u but everytime i end up with a sad face home..... i also want to have someone to teng me to love me but........ there have been so many chances tat i have give u......]
been treating her very nice now and changed my temper. bought her a nk 6100. pay for her clothes etc. call her up and check that she is alright once a while. waited for her after her class to send her back. basically what i did was how a normal guy treat his gf. i ever asked her am i a nuisance to her for calling her up every now and then she said nope. basically she knows i'm changing for the better cos i still love her. she doesn't show any sign of resisting me. at times i really can't help but think do i really stand a second chance? now i changed myself and treat her nicely cos i only want her happy.
What the hell is testing feelings over the issue of breaking?
You know realise that what you are doing isn't building the relationship - you initiated a change in behavior and treated her like a princess. UNLESS she is willing to give you another chance - she wouldn't be moved at all. You mentioned that the both of you broke up already....
Do you actually think that buying 6100, paying for clothes all that does really help? Acting like a bf to her without any emotional attachment involve - she would likely to think that you treat her better as a friend and probably its would be better for the both of you this way.
If you want to win her back - do not show change because you fear of losing her. This has form but lack substance - date her out one day and talk things out. Trust me, its useless having to do such things unless you enlighten yourself from within and the changes you made becomes a norm. If not, such changes will only be an illusion - things will revert back to the original state when you both patched again.
Nothing can escape talking things out - you have to date her out and reveal your thoughts and feelings to her. Don't ask her to see the changes you have made - seek for chance and see if its possible.
P:S: Update me if things happen. I wish you well.
Cheers -
i dare to say i have made the changes and i made it a norm, now and in the future. i expressed my feelings for her once a while. to make sure she knows i'm still having my stand, to change for her, to care for her.
i did told her that whether or not the both of us will be together in the future is not as important as i want her happy now. i dunno am i right in telling her this, but i really just want her happy. i'm afraid that i can't give her happiness and what she wants if we're together, due to the nature of my job(quite irregular working time)...