
1978 - If it was your age, you should be 25 this year.
You spoke about a girl whom have affected your life very much. (Gut feeling told me this happened very long ago - you mentioned ECA; btw its called CCA now, therefore my deduction would be that it all happened in your Secondary school, which could be around 9 -12 years ago.)

Deduction thrown aside - in part I you were rejected outrageously while trying your means to capture her heart. Rejection is nothing, but avoidance took place. Deep inside you were hurt, but the avoidance part worsen those wounds.
In part II - it simply talks how violent and aggressive person you became and part III (IV is the same as III) speaks how envy you became when you witness friends having fulfilling relationship while you still the same-old self.
AnalysisYour ego is seriously bruised - To such an extend that you demostrate your man-li-ness through fighting and being aggressive. Your mind needs to protect itself from harm because of your fatal love setback & it channels your restless energy into your limbs and fiery temper.

On surface, (you too mentioned you don't smile much as well), you will appear calm, cool, apathic, but deep inside - you suffer from inferiority complex.

You know why you have landed in such a state? You realise that it is because you created that mental and emotional prison and sealed yourself in. Nobody can enter & nobody would want to attempt.


This is half the story.
Realised that your rejection took place years ago? And you are still pinning that kind of hatred for the girl?


Let me ask you personally - why do you hate her?
Does it ever come across your mind that she has her own right to choose the kind of partner she desire and wish to have?
Its not about hating the decision she made - its about
YOU unable to accept rejection.

The power of Venus is to rule over people through the mystical strength of love, while Mars commands the aggressive and lust in you. You want to earn respect of the one you love - you will FAIL through the use of Mars energy. Love is femaine energy and only if you learn to release yourself from your narrowness and openness to other (including friends, family and lovers) - then you can fully walk out of the pathetic cycle you are strolling, in circles.

Its ironic when you spoke about how you wish for a simple girl to appear when you yourself do not show any quality of a simple man in return. Your yearning for a companion is heavily due to peer influence and self reflection. You want to get out, but do not know for sure how to.


Observe any successful relationship and you will discover that both party are not only very ease with themselves, but also as well as one another.
You ain't yourself and can't open to others. How can you expect a relationship to form externally when seeds of love can't be sown internally?

You have so much Mars (restless) energy in you - why not you use it to make a substantial change to improve your own life? Its easy to talk about or just to imagine your outcome - but it certainly require more than just brute strength to change and improve yourself.

Learn to use more of your mind and heart.
Acknowledge your weakness and improve yourself - Self-pity will bring you nowhere OR trying to deny your flaws will eventually bring you down.

P.S: Are you an Aries, Leo or Scorpio?
Cheers