Pls give me some advice..
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I would like my boyfriend to inform me about where he is going and who he is going out with.. But he always failed to do so.. When i called his cell phone, then i'll know that he went out.. We quarelled over this matter a lot of times... Only recently then he began to tell me about his whereabouts... A few days ago, we had a small argument, then before he hang up, he told me these... "Ya lah ya lah, i'll REPORT to you one lah.." I felt hurt about it....
He thinks that telling me where he is going is actually like reporting to me.. But i felt its a responsibility...
I don't know what should i do...
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Personally, I think guys would like more freedom.
For me, personally, I don't really like people asking me where I go, and with who everytime. If for your case it's not everytime, maybe still not that serious a problem.
It's all about trust actually, what would the world be like without it. -
When you are in a relationship, you have to trust the other party... even though you might hear rumours about him/her. He will inform you by himself and if he doesn't you should just trust him. What is a relationship without trust... if you doubt him so much then there is no point being together. But if you really want him to what is going on with his life then you could try to tell him why and make him undertsand. Besides that do you do the same or is it a one sided thing? Sometimes, you won't find out where is he or what is he doing... you will never know unless you catch him red handed or see it with your own eyes. Don't believe in rumours, if you doubt him that much then you can trail him yourself. If not, just talk it out with him and hope for the best!Originally posted by yi xun:I would like my boyfriend to inform me about where he is going and who he is going out with.. But he always failed to do so.. When i called his cell phone, then i'll know that he went out.. We quarelled over this matter a lot of times... Only recently then he began to tell me about his whereabouts... A few days ago, we had a small argument, then before he hang up, he told me these... "Ya lah ya lah, i'll REPORT to you one lah.." I felt hurt about it....
He thinks that telling me where he is going is actually like reporting to me.. But i felt its a responsibility...
I don't know what should i do... -
hmmm maybe you should try putting yourself in his shoes... think of how it'll be like if you had to report every single movement to your other half.. it's quite tiring leh.Originally posted by yi xun:I would like my boyfriend to inform me about where he is going and who he is going out with.. But he always failed to do so.. When i called his cell phone, then i'll know that he went out.. We quarelled over this matter a lot of times... Only recently then he began to tell me about his whereabouts... A few days ago, we had a small argument, then before he hang up, he told me these... "Ya lah ya lah, i'll REPORT to you one lah.." I felt hurt about it....
He thinks that telling me where he is going is actually like reporting to me.. But i felt its a responsibility...
I don't know what should i do... 
it adds stress to the already-stressful singaporean lifestyle and can probably only serve to strain the relationship. yep marmalade is right... you have to trust him. when you don't trust him and expect him to tell u about his whereabouts, it's quite tiring on your part too, to have to worry when he doesn't call, i believe.
erm actually i think it's not so much of a responsibility for a boyfriend to tell his girlfriend where he's going and who he's going out with... unless it's a married couple.
relac ah sister. maybe you 2 should talk it out.. like let him know why you expect this of him... then come to a compromise or something. good luck ah. cheer up! 
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Two different preceptions will eventually bring about such conflicts in your relationship. Don't worry too much - this isn't a rare problem, although it can complicate relationship fatallyOriginally posted by yi xun:I would like my boyfriend to inform me about where he is going and who he is going out with.. But he always failed to do so.. When i called his cell phone, then i'll know that he went out.. We quarelled over this matter a lot of times... Only recently then he began to tell me about his whereabouts... A few days ago, we had a small argument, then before he hang up, he told me these... "Ya lah ya lah, i'll REPORT to you one lah.." I felt hurt about it....
He thinks that telling me where he is going is actually like reporting to me.. But i felt its a responsibility...
I don't know what should i do... 
Boyfriend stands:
My girlfriend lacks trust in me. She believe that if I don't message means i am fooling around outside, or at least, that could be what she is thinking. And oh yah, many a times, when I am playing game/talking/enjoying/etc, its quite troublesome to msg halfway, as well, to tell her that I am fine and well - No accidents, death nor disappearence into thin air without you knowing lar.
Girlfriend stand:
I want my boyfriend to kindly message me where he is going and who he is with for if it was me, that's what I would do. I just want to know where and who because I like to feel secure and safe at least the place he is going or people he is with I can feel safe with them as well. I am not asking him to message every hour - its only one SMS only. I think its reasonable.
Two different conflicting stand - the only solution to this is compromising. Basically, an SMS to inform your whereabouts, to me, its reasonable. There are 3 possible reasons why he behavior in such a way:
I) Is not used to the lifestyle of a relationship - once in a relationship, your lifestyle is now two, not one. Has to consider the other party as well.
II) Probably his ex don't do that or demand him to 'report' - therefore he doesn't see a need to be so 'special' to you.
III) His feelings for you on the declining side.
What to do?
Compromise, compromise and compromise. You have to let him know about your stand about this issue and hear from his position as well. Come to a compromise where you and him will agree and make this problem vanish forever. Afterall, its really a small issue - however if its not handled properly, it could create a huge dent in your relationship.
Cheers -
nvr always expect ur boyfriend to report to u his whereabout lor..last time moi bF always ask mi where m i n who i m wif..i tin it is a nuisance...mayb sumtime u should ask him wad he feel abt u everytime asking his whereabout..thought guys haf girlfriend..dey oso need some freedom to go out wif friends..even he go out wif ger,u should show confidence in him
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it is... you are basically saying "I don't trust you!"
what if he keeps bugging you where you are?
what does it matter where he is if you trust him to not be unfaithful to you?
just like what does it matter where you are if you are having a lunch meeting with your friend?
in matters of the heart, there is a strange thing: expect nothing, gain everything... expect everything, gain nothing...
sounds mercenary... but let him be...
you know the cliche? SET HIM FREE... as in, let him do as he would...
whatever time he spends with you, it's because he wants to..
whatever he tells you, it's because he wants to..
whatever he gives to you, it's because he wants to..
isn't it precious?
now, you press him, pressure him..
whatever time he spends with you, it's because he's expected to
whatever he tells you, you have forced him to
whatever he gives to you, it's because he feels cornered into
now, isn't that pointless?
let him give to you... and accept his love...
he has a point.. love should be liberating not a ball and chain on him...Originally posted by yi xun:I would like my boyfriend to inform me about where he is going and who he is going out with.. But he always failed to do so.. When i called his cell phone, then i'll know that he went out.. We quarelled over this matter a lot of times... Only recently then he began to tell me about his whereabouts... A few days ago, we had a small argument, then before he hang up, he told me these... "Ya lah ya lah, i'll REPORT to you one lah.." I felt hurt about it....
He thinks that telling me where he is going is actually like reporting to me.. But i felt its a responsibility...
I don't know what should i do... -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Yupz.. That's what i think... I have 100% trust for him, but its just that i somehow feel that i'm not important to him when he don't tell me anything beforehand. He thinks that as long as he got tell me where he went to, what he did is good enough already. But i did try to tell him how i feel, we ended up quarrelling... Actually he did promise me that he will let me know beforehand that he is going out. But he broke the promise again and again.. With the excuses of either "i'm in a hurry", or "i forgotten"...
Two different preceptions will eventually bring about such conflicts in your relationship. Don't worry too much - this isn't a rare problem, although it can complicate relationship fatally
[b]Boyfriend stands:
My girlfriend lacks trust in me. She believe that if I don't message means i am fooling around outside, or at least, that could be what she is thinking. And oh yah, many a times, when I am playing game/talking/enjoying/etc, its quite troublesome to msg halfway, as well, to tell her that I am fine and well - No accidents, death nor disappearence into thin air without you knowing lar.
Girlfriend stand:
I want my boyfriend to kindly message me where he is going and who he is with for if it was me, that's what I would do. I just want to know where and who because I like to feel secure and safe at least the place he is going or people he is with I can feel safe with them as well. I am not asking him to message every hour - its only one SMS only. I think its reasonable.
Two different conflicting stand - the only solution to this is compromising. Basically, an SMS to inform your whereabouts, to me, its reasonable. There are 3 possible reasons why he behavior in such a way:
I) Is not used to the lifestyle of a relationship - once in a relationship, your lifestyle is now two, not one. Has to consider the other party as well.
II) Probably his ex don't do that or demand him to 'report' - therefore he doesn't see a need to be so 'special' to you.
III) His feelings for you on the declining side.
What to do?
Compromise, compromise and compromise. You have to let him know about your stand about this issue and hear from his position as well. Come to a compromise where you and him will agree and make this problem vanish forever. Afterall, its really a small issue - however if its not handled properly, it could create a huge dent in your relationship.
Cheers [/b] -
Well ppl, thanks for all the advice.. I'll take all of them into account..
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i wish you both all the happiness in the world
i hope both of you find the compromise and grow together as you grow individually... and grow closer
God blessOriginally posted by yi xun:Well ppl, thanks for all the advice.. I'll take all of them into account.. -
thanks!Originally posted by the Bear:i wish you both all the happiness in the world
i hope both of you find the compromise and grow together as you grow individually... and grow closer
God bless -
Originally posted by yi xun:Yupz.. That's what i think... I have 100% trust for him, but its just that i somehow feel that i'm not important to him when he don't tell me anything beforehand. He thinks that as long as he got tell me where he went to, what he did is good enough already. But i did try to tell him how i feel, we ended up quarrelling... Actually he did promise me that he will let me know beforehand that he is going out. But he broke the promise again and again.. With the excuses of either "i'm in a hurry", or "i forgotten"... There can only be two ways.
First way is to accept his 'I-told-you-where-I-went-anything-else-is-a-bonus' way of doing things, or he accept your 'I-will-truthfully-tell-you-everything' way of your doing.
These two are the extreme end of the string - the trick is to manoeuvre them around these two extreme by accepting and giving over the time.
And one thing before I end: Forget about promises man. What that will change - doesn't need any promise.
Cheers