Neglected
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recently, i felt that i'm neglected by my boyfriend... what shd i do? sometimes depression strikes mi when i can't find him or when his out with his friends... i'll feel lonely and neglected..
i tried to occupy myself by finding things to do and chatting on phone.. but it only helps a little... how? -
how often is he with you?
are you the "needy" type?
do you give him the space he needs?
does he pay you reasonable attention?
do you have a life outside of him?
what are you doing now? job? school?
these things all factor into your relationship with your guy.. do think about it a bit? -
Originally posted by yi xun:recently, i felt that i'm neglected by my boyfriend... what shd i do? sometimes depression strikes mi when i can't find him or when his out with his friends... i'll feel lonely and neglected.. i tried to occupy myself by finding things to do and chatting on phone.. but it only helps a little... how?
There are two form of neglection.
I) Pure bo chup. Your bf don't bother you at all, leaving you to do anything, everything and he cannot be contacted unless he is willing to. Having a gf to him like same like having none - not much of a difference.
II) This form of neglection comes from self and not from your bf. Your overwhelming desire for attention and love is far greatly than average woman. (Just chatted with my best friend today and she falls under the category). Your neglection is NOT your bf's fault - rather inferior complex together with insecurity builds up and burns like fire within you. Which one are you?
P.S: Are you Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces?
Cheers -
well, we do meet up abt twice a week... we talk on the phone abt one or two times a day... we sms each other abt two or three times a day... i think i belong to the sec category... he used to give mi a lot of attention... but now, it's lessen... sometimes i can feel that i'm a bit crazy... i just don't know what is wrong with me... sometimes i wanted to talk to my friends about these, but i'm afraid that they will be annoyed if i always call them to talk about the same things... because i can't possibly kept calling them whenever i'm depressed, bored or lonely... i don't wish to call my bf as i don't want to let him feel that i'm "tying" him...Originally posted by Yunhaier: There are two form of neglection.
I) Pure bo chup. Your bf don't bother you at all, leaving you to do anything, everything and he cannot be contacted unless he is willing to. Having a gf to him like same like having none - not much of a difference.
II) This form of neglection comes from self and not from your bf. Your overwhelming desire for attention and love is far greatly than average woman. (Just chatted with my best friend today and she falls under the category). Your neglection is NOT your bf's fault - rather inferior complex together with insecurity builds up and burns like fire within you. Which one are you?
P.S: Are you Cancer, Scorpio or Pisces?
Cheers
P.S: im a saggitarius and i'm helping out in my dad's company... coz i'm retaking my 'O' level... -
call up your friends and ask them out instead..Originally posted by yi xun:well, we do meet up abt twice a week... we talk on the phone abt one or two times a day... we sms each other abt two or three times a day... i think i belong to the sec category... he used to give mi a lot of attention... but now, it's lessen... sometimes i can feel that i'm a bit crazy... i just don't know what is wrong with me... sometimes i wanted to talk to my friends about these, but i'm afraid that they will be annoyed if i always call them to talk about the same things... because i can't possibly kept calling them whenever i'm depressed, bored or lonely... i don't wish to call my bf as i don't want to let him feel that i'm "tying" him...
P.S: im a saggitarius and i'm helping out in my dad's company... coz i'm retaking my 'O' level...
your bf can't always be there physically for you, you have to learn how to occupy your time when he's not with you.. -
Your saggitarius needs focus on attention. Let me tell you your scenario happens to virtually almost all relationship (90%). All relationship will walk out of honeymood period eventually, regardless of how much attempt is to hold it. Under Love Life Cycle, good relationship generally stay within the growth stage.Originally posted by yi xun:well, we do meet up abt twice a week... we talk on the phone abt one or two times a day... we sms each other abt two or three times a day... i think i belong to the sec category... he used to give mi a lot of attention... but now, it's lessen... sometimes i can feel that i'm a bit crazy... i just don't know what is wrong with me... sometimes i wanted to talk to my friends about these, but i'm afraid that they will be annoyed if i always call them to talk about the same things... because i can't possibly kept calling them whenever i'm depressed, bored or lonely... i don't wish to call my bf as i don't want to let him feel that i'm "tying" him...
P.S: im a saggitarius and i'm helping out in my dad's company... coz i'm retaking my 'O' level... Its NORMAL for people to 'slack' gradually as their relationship advance - because motivation isn't as strong as previously when he has to chase you.
Try to find life outside your boyfriend. One of the top few rules to maintain a good overall relationship is to have life outside your partner, for who wants a mate to be dull and so dependant on him/her? With decent social circle outside him, he has to constantly prove and motivate himself to work towards this relationship, which is doing good for you love.
In theory explanation, the Law of Diminishing Effort state that partner will do minimal to upkeep a relationship, while maintaining security. If upkeeping a relationship and still feeling secured in your relationship means sms thrice a day against once in three days, if both still bring about similiar effect - he will do the latter.
Being in a BGR doesn't signify anything. More effort must be work through to see it blossom. Have a good talk with him and let him realise this point of you. Communicating your thoughts effectively is one of the first step you have to do, at least allow him time to get to know the real you, instead of exploding one fine day without him knowing what's wrong.
P.S: sillyme's advice is exactly what I wanted to say as well. Check it out - its a good way to spend your time.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:Try to find life outside your boyfriend. One of the top few rules to maintain a good overall relationship is to have life outside your partner, for who wants a mate to be dull and so dependant on him/her? With decent social circle outside him, he has to constantly prove and motivate himself to work towards this relationship, which is doing good for you love.
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Sad to say, it seems that you are in the next stage of your relationship.
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whenever i want to find him, he's out of reach... he either went out with his friends or he didn't pick up my call... i felt lonely & neglected... somehow i feel that when i needed him, he's not around... i may sound a bit too serious, but this is how i feel...
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Tell us no use. Have you let him know how you feel?Originally posted by yi xun:whenever i want to find him, he's out of reach... he either went out with his friends or he didn't pick up my call... i felt lonely & neglected... somehow i feel that when i needed him, he's not around... i may sound a bit too serious, but this is how i feel... -
ya must tell him how u feel.....
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im afraid that we'll end up quarreling again...
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Or hint him? Be tactful about it. Shows him how much you APPRECIATE the TIME you can spend with you?Originally posted by yi xun:im afraid that we'll end up quarreling again... -
I guess in the beginning of the relationsip, both of u are paying the fullest attention to each other. Tts y the 2 of u tend to be tog more often. (This is the so called honey-moon period.) But as some of the advisors mentioned, things do change as time move on.Originally posted by yi xun:recently, i felt that i'm neglected by my boyfriend... what shd i do? sometimes depression strikes mi when i can't find him or when his out with his friends... i'll feel lonely and neglected.. i tried to occupy myself by finding things to do and chatting on phone.. but it only helps a little... how?
I dun mean tt ur bf dun love u as much as b4. I mean tt mayb he has got his own things to do and catch up after spending much of his previous times with u. =) I understand the fact how come u feel tt way as u are a person tt needs his presence to assure u of things, rite? =)
Dun worri abt it, as the others haf said, try to get some frens and spend time with them. Then u will haf ur own things to do. And i believe tt ur frens will not be angry with u for telling them ur problems. Tts wat a fren is supposed to be: listening to ur problems! =)
So do jia you wor! If u really feel the need to let ur bf noe, try to talk to him. Dun be afraid tt unhappy things will happen. U haf our support! =) Dun worri, things will be fine. Gambatte!!! -
thanx a lot guys! well... actually i did hint him... and i think he roughly got the idea... that's why he kept saying sweet things to me(which he has not said those things since abt 6 mths ago).. well, sometimes i do felt happy, but on the other hand, i am sad... cos after that, he'll be out again... and me... will be alone again.... haiz... actually i've a best friend... i usually confide in her... but recently, her bf and father said that she's been talking on phone very often nowadays.. and they feel that her results dropped a bit b cos of this... i felt a bit guilty lah... that's y i tried not to call her that often liao... i do have quite a lot of friends.. but most of them are not so close.. only a few of them know my prob... but... i'll bear in mind all the advice given by u all n my friends... try to keep myself occupied... actually the reason i dun wan to tell him is that im afraid we'll end up quarreling... and also i scared that he might feel tied down...
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Wow, there're still ppl believe in horoscopes. What does a horoscope say for a Piscean male (me) as far romance is concerned?
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Understand urself damn important, 1st know wat u r looking 4, must learn to "letting go" if things got worse. Remember *WORRYING or *thinking negatively will leads to further depression & it would solve any problem at all. So always remind urself to stay focus...Originally posted by yi xun:recently, i felt that i'm neglected by my boyfriend... what shd i do? sometimes depression strikes mi when i can't find him or when his out with his friends... i'll feel lonely and neglected.. i tried to occupy myself by finding things to do and chatting on phone.. but it only helps a little... how?
Read some Horoscope books, it does helps u 2 understand a little more abt relationship (but not 100% hor, never get addicted to anything - including love) good luck! -
i don't know what's happening to me... my emotions are really very unstable nowadays...
we'll always end up quarreling when we meet... *sigh*
even after we talk it out, the prob is solved, then, there comes another.......... i wonder if the prob lies with me... -
Yixun,
Just as it takes both hands to clap, both parties are equally responsible in a relationship. Most of the time, problems arise due to some miscommunication. I'm also saying that although u may hav contributed to the constant quarrelling, your bf is just as responsible to this contribution. Recognise the factors that lead to the quarrels, if not, having a good talk with your partner over the problems is definitely not a bad idea.
As a reminder: Running from problems only relieves suffering for a while, but they would come back only to cause more. Solving problems while they are small is best, and it helps to develop relationships.
All the best. -
CALM down on the relationship... Make it flow but with little waves... Don't speak much, but just enjoy the simple things... In that way, at least it'll steer your relationship a little before both of you try to work things out?Originally posted by yi xun:i don't know what's happening to me... my emotions are really very unstable nowadays...
we'll always end up quarreling when we meet... *sigh*
even after we talk it out, the prob is solved, then, there comes another.......... i wonder if the prob lies with me... -
can partly empathise with u.quite similar situation as u.1yr plus,seldom talk much each day(abt 5mins thru sms),few common things,meet only once per wk cos she's busy.i know the r/s is not healhy and stable,so try to spend watever free time to try to sort out our differences or spend time together.think its really a wrong move.end up she say i'm too demanding and not understanding,always want to spend more time n when i try to talk,most of the time always end up quarrel.
dun tink too much....as what the rest of ppl here say,expand ur circle of friends and occupy ur mind.things might just work out by itself slowly when both are more at ease.all the best....
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Originally posted by yi xun:i don't know what's happening to me... my emotions are really very unstable nowadays...
we'll always end up quarreling when we meet... *sigh*
even after we talk it out, the prob is solved, then, there comes another.......... i wonder if the prob lies with me... Sure the problem is thoroughly solved?
No relationship exisit without problems - you just have to cope with the pace and the effect of couple issues. Many a times, keeping things simple and easy could do your mind alot of good. High expectations brings about great disappointment. So it essential to understand what do you really seek - to avoid placing your bf or yourself into unreasonable demands.
Pause, preview and reflect. Don't keep advancing in your relationship and solve surface problems as it comes. Understand & seek the root and cleanse it once and for all.
Cheers -
wa|th3r I agree.Originally posted by yi xun:i don't know what's happening to me... my emotions are really very unstable nowadays...
we'll always end up quarreling when we meet... *sigh*
even after we talk it out, the prob is solved, then, there comes another.......... i wonder if the prob lies with me... 
Also I like 2 highlight... dun let EMOTION(feeling...mood.. & so on) take control, it give u confusion & difficuitly in thinking... without right reasoning u cannot understand a situation properly, quarreling will continute... do someting abt ur emotion. -
wa|th3r I agree.Originally posted by yi xun:i don't know what's happening to me... my emotions are really very unstable nowadays...
we'll always end up quarreling when we meet... *sigh*
even after we talk it out, the prob is solved, then, there comes another.......... i wonder if the prob lies with me...
Also I like 2 highlight... dun let EMOTION(feeling...mood.. & so on) take control, it give u confusion & difficuitly in thinking... without right reasoning u cannot understand a situation properly, quarreling will continute... so do someting abt ur emotion. -
hmmm... well... as for the time being, i think everything is all right...
i told myself not to think so much... hmmm , i think he noticed that i felt neglected or perhaps its that we don't meet that often, as compared to the past, that's why we spent "quality time" whenever we meet... a... actually im quite contented right now... at least we don't quarrel that often liao... but again, im afraid that as time goes by, he'll be feeling sian with this relationship... so right now, i can only act according to situations... hope everything will run smoothly...