Should i confess to her or not?

ZChen

23 Sep 03, 21:58

Since my last relationship, i have get to know a fren... a gal... and as time goes by, i started to develop feelings for her and we are very close...We would call each other to talk abt our troubles, talk abt jokes and lame stuff, and even go out together. I haven confess my feelings for her yet though...

I'm tinking of confessing my feelings for her... but
PROBLEM: She already has a boyfriend...

Should i confess or not?? I'm troubled....

the Bear

23 Sep 03, 22:00

suck it up and keep quiet...

the one you love may not love you.. and love someone else.. and if you love her, telling her may upset her...

you or her?

~AiTaiYuan~

23 Sep 03, 22:06

bu yao hai ren hai ji..

wang le ta...

boy in blues

23 Sep 03, 22:08

who is more capable of bringing her happiness? you or him?

the Bear

23 Sep 03, 22:11

that, is not his to decide.. it is for HER to decide...

Forever84

23 Sep 03, 22:16

trust me
i think you should keep it to yourself Smile

wa|th3r

23 Sep 03, 22:20

You can always rant in this forum!!! I'm trying to be helpful, really. You may want to wait for more time to pass to see how things go. 1st you can see if you really like her that much, 2nd is to see if they really like each other that you stand no chance. If your friend and her bf are really happy in their company, then you should look elsewhere... Good luck Wink

yi xun

23 Sep 03, 22:45

i think it's better for you to remain as a gd/best fren of her... Neutral

unless she is not attached... then that will be a different case...

let's say if you confess your feelings for her, and she only treated you as her gd/best fren, that's it... both of you will not be as closed as before... and i feel that she will slowly keep a distance from you... Rolling Eyes

Wind

23 Sep 03, 23:35

This sorta happened to me once.
I was very confused and vexed.
But whenever I was about to send that letter of confession to her,
something held me back.

In the end, I didn't.
The letter is still with me.
Till now, I am very proud of myself for not sending it to her.
I didn't ruin our friendship, and her relationship with her boyfriend.

We are still the very best of friends. Wink

Nata|ie

23 Sep 03, 23:58

I know alot of ppl will not agree to what i'm goin to say. However I decided to tell you this, becoz it's ur happiness, u're talking abt. She's not married, you still stand a chance. By confessing, you can at least know, if she's interested. If she's not, then be a man, let her go. No harm done. Still can be friends. It may hurt the BF to know that you like her, but then again, if the girl is not of a certain standard, then the BF wldn't have a competitor rite? So, actually the BF shld be glad and honoured to haf a competitor. May the best man wins. Good luck. This is juz my opinion, you may not agree with me.

Yunhaier

24 Sep 03, 00:29

Like always, confession boils down to your eventual motives.

If you want to chase her, expressing will cause potential misery.

If your expression is purely to let her know, by all means do it. However, one word of warning is that this deal comes with the package of NOT expectation anything at all. If you expect anything (and I mean ANYTHING) in return, apart from simply letting her know, forget about it. Rolling Eyes

Cheers

wa|th3r

24 Sep 03, 12:43

Natalie isn't wrong, i don't disagree. on the other hand it's good. it's not a bad thing to let her know how you feel abt her. itz up to her to choose. Wink

HENG@

24 Sep 03, 12:48

would depend on how she is also... u can try letting her know u like her more than just as a friend, but also let her know that u hope it would not affect your friendship, not for the moment anyway.

SoonKeong

24 Sep 03, 13:28

Try to put urself in her boyfren shoe, your gf keep going out with another guy, and the guy is very passive towards her, how depress and disappointed could u get?

If you are gonna confess to her, think of the consequences that might be happening:
-> She like you, but also like her boyfren
result : 3party in fix position
-> She like you more then her boyfren
result : She broke off with her boyfren and be your galfren
->She only treat you as a GOOD fren
result : You and her return to "normal" fren status.

Well, what i trying to say is, do not only let your desire rule you. Think of the consequences and think of the people that will be hurt. Being a third party is very difficult, can you bare the result? Wink

Nata|ie

24 Sep 03, 13:45

I dun really agree. If you dun let the girl know abt ur feelings, you'll be hurt. Now if you tell the girl, the BF wld be hurt. Then, wld u want to be hurt or the BF? Whether we are sad, hurt or wateva, the world doesn't stop for you. Why make it difficult for yourself? Juz follow ur heart. Love is abt that. If you're concerned abt the other people's feeling, you are being nice to them, but then again, who will think abt your feelings?
If the bf is gonna be disappointed and depressed over his Gf having other suitors, isn't he being kinda shallow? He wld meet quite a lot in the future, but it all depends on how the GF reacts to them isn't it?

Conclusion: Follow ur heart. Dare to Love, Dare to hate, Dare to differ, Dare to be You. *winkz*

P.S: Juz my opinion.. no offence to anyone out there Wink

SoonKeong

24 Sep 03, 14:30

Let's put it in a cruel way ba. He is a third party afterall. Morally speaking, he is wrong.
I dunnoe if i am speaking logically anot. A relationship does not come easy.
If lets says the girl chose her bf more then Zchen, the possibilities is that they will become normal frens again, or perhaps even worst, not even frens anymore.
Okay, wad if the gal chose Zchen, well, good luck for Zchen, u got ur gal Smile

But you think the gal will forget her previous gf? I heard of cases like this be4, and gals tend to be unable to forget her ex, and eventually broke off with her present bf.

Didnt find it an offence la, anyone is free to view out their opinion in aa forum ya? Cool

boy in blues

24 Sep 03, 14:35

everyone deserves to know the truth!

BLIM

24 Sep 03, 16:56

Hi,

I think you should tell her. Honesty is the Best Policy!

browniebaobao

24 Sep 03, 17:57

Before you do anything, ask yourself, is your friendship with her very stable?

What if she reject you? Will she drift away from you? If she agree to be your gf, then will she break off with her current boyfren? Then can both of you face her boyfren? Will she be a two-timer?

I always feel that if you like somebody, let her know. You can't decide for her..It's up to her to decide. Be prepared for whatever consequences it might cause. My advice to you is, do not try to be a third-party.

Best of luck! Smile

raraninja

24 Sep 03, 18:40

Hi just my 2 cents worth... I think maybe ur unhappiness stems from the fact that in some ways u are expecting something more from her.... It will be miserable for if you are expecting something from her....in this case maybe u want her to be your gf...

If u treat her nice because u realli want 2 see her happi, then u can be happi 2 see her happi, whether she is with u or with her bf...

Love is when u want the other person to be happi.. whether or not you guys are together...If you can see it day way, your problems will definitely go away...

if u can treat someone nice not just because u want something in return..then you have loved the person the rite way....

m@Rki

24 Sep 03, 23:23

Confess to her to get it off ur chest but make it clear to her that you dont expect anything in return.. which u shouldn't...

Do|pHinE

24 Sep 03, 23:50

if u think u cannot leave wifout her and makes u feel better after confessin.. y not gif it a try?

Devil1976

25 Sep 03, 11:56

raraninja

25 Sep 03, 12:08

you may feel better but how about her?

fun_seeker24

25 Sep 03, 16:22

if u tell her....

U are putting the friendship to a test...
Its a get it or lose it kinda of thing.. (although sure got some exceptional cases)

If she rejects u....
Can she still accept u as a friend if she rejects u?
Will she feel funny to go out with u next time?
Will she try to keep something from u to prevent u getting wrong hints?

If she accepts u...Good for ya.. but...
Can she forget her boyfriend?