Originally posted by i'm not responsible:
i have a female friend which i came to know about 3 months back. she became very good friend of mine and i started to have good feelings about her. luckly (or some bad omen) we share the same birthday and we decided to celebrate it together. during the birthday people passed some stupid remarks like, "you people share birthday why don't you become bf/gf" and other blah blah. she just kept quite during the birthday party and even refused to take an individual picture with me. after the birthday party she started to increase the distance. and it's very difficult for me to talk to her. prior to that i used to hang out with her alone and other things. and now ...
i don't want to lose becuase she is very good friend of mine and i have very good feelings about her. i don't know what to do? whether should i clear everything with her. like telling her that i just want to be your frined or nothing more. or she didn't like the idea of becoming my gf and just to avoid this she is avoiding me now.
even now when we hang out in a group i can see that she delibrately ignore me and try to keep a distance and i feel very bad. should i ask her about this or just keep quite.
please people help me.
Something must have took place that created that trigger. Either you subconsciously did something you didn't knew and it was misread from her point of view (probably reinforced by comments and statements) or the surrounding event add pressure onto her view about the friendship between you and her.
This can be anything fromn innocent 'hint hint' from friends about your intention and ideas to no-prove claims, disturbing cum suaning from them. Chances are, you ain't at the scene to witness or defend yourself.
Regardless of what your intention really are, it is obvious that she doesn't have BGR liking for you OR in some rare cases she has (reserve psychological acts). Unless more information is feed through your post, my stand is no for the latter possibility.
Advice?
To maintain the friendship, you have to recognise the 3 factors land mine, personal space and innocent jokes - which will affect the trigger, around your environment.
Land mine - Watch your own body language especially and avoid throwing extra care and concern, even if you feel that this is what you could do for a good friend (Key point: your preception of good friend to her doesn't mean she feel that same way as well). Once you across the land mine, you activate the trigger.
Innocent Jokes- Ask people around to stop disturbing as it is affecting her. Be serious to them and seek their understanding. I am sure they will understand (generally).
Personal space - depending on their personality, do not invade personal space. This is highly related to land mine. Personal space refers to the maximum behavior you can react in her presence. Probably a friendly arm around her, xianing talks can cease if it is within her PS.
Trigger - the result of her behavior according to the three factors above. Likelihood is negative is the above is negative.
The sum up - be yourself and don't feel that it is a problem because if you do create a scene or talks things out, firstly she will feel that there is nothing to talk about (there isn't a problem, its your thinking and feel that makes yourself comfortable, but doesn't mean she is the same). Secondly, you will be fuifilling her misconception about your relationship with her. Just treat it as normal and be generous about it. Smile and act normally. Laugh and talk as usual. Gradually, she will return to normal as long as the three factors above returns to positive.
Cheers
