Any methods?
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I was told that if a gal suffered bad past experiences in love, she will most likely stay single and will not dare to try to fall in love again even if she meets the right one.
Is there any good methods to help her to regain her confidence in guys as well as faith in love?? -
how to teach u...???
try to "gan dong" her...???
tats wat i did...
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Oops...
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She don't trust guys that easily after her failed relationships many years back. It turns out that in all cases, it is the guys that are unfaithful and left her.
I had no idea on how to do it. Well, I can associate well with her and did express my feeling for her after only 2 months of knowing her but she told me to be friends
when I sound like leaving her, she quickly stopped me from doing it. Now we are keeping contact with her again and frankly speaking, I wished to win her over one fine day but I knew it is an uphill task and TIME, PATIENCE, DETERMINATION are essential
I am opening up myself for more opportunity if things do not work out eventually. -
hmmm...maybe she wants to know you better b4 committing to anything? since like u say both of u only know 4 ard 2mths...give it some time lah...dun rush too much...somethings such things cannot be rushed 1Originally posted by bus:She don't trust guys that easily after her failed relationships many years back. It turns out that in all cases, it is the guys that are unfaithful and left her.
I had no idea on how to do it. Well, I can associate well with her and did express my feeling for her after only 2 months of knowing her but she told me to be friends
when I sound like leaving her, she quickly stopped me from doing it. Now we are keeping contact with her again and frankly speaking, I wished to win her over one fine day but I knew it is an uphill task and TIME, PATIENCE, DETERMINATION are essential
I am opening up myself for more opportunity if things do not work out eventually.
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Basically there are two possibility to this scenario:Originally posted by bus:She don't trust guys that easily after her failed relationships many years back. It turns out that in all cases, it is the guys that are unfaithful and left her.
I had no idea on how to do it. Well, I can associate well with her and did express my feeling for her after only 2 months of knowing her but she told me to be friends
when I sound like leaving her, she quickly stopped me from doing it. Now we are keeping contact with her again and frankly speaking, I wished to win her over one fine day but I knew it is an uphill task and TIME, PATIENCE, DETERMINATION are essential
I am opening up myself for more opportunity if things do not work out eventually.
(I) She was hurt, no doubt, but actually, deep within her subconscious, she had already moved on and recovered. Memories retain no doubt, and when guys approach her and initiate the chase, the easiest way to reject them without hurting their pride, is to employ this excuse. Easier for her to express and the effect on the guys.
II) She was truely hurt and felt difficult to recover completely from her past trama. (Especially if she was a Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn). She feared the dark water and would rather attempt the long-winding river that wouldn't get her anywhere, then to risk another attempt for a rapid venture again. Or at least until she is sure that the boat is 90% safe, before she would consider.
Regardless of the possibilities, it is obvious that your appearance isn't good enough to create am impact for her to give up that security she is having (being single without risk of being hurt) for a relationship. However, if it is (I), I suggest you to consider other options for a mate. Generally, even if have what it takes - TIME, PATIENCE & DETERMINATION - chances are, you would fail. If it is (II) - then like what you said TIME, PATIENCE, DETERMINATION are essential and with them, you may succeed.
P.S: From all these, I can't decide for you if she is (I) or (II), you have to discover it yourself.
Cheers -
all you can do now is patiently talks to her, be a close friend of hers. Then slowly, she will trust you and you get to know her better....
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Yes, she is a Virgo. Those die hard and traditional type. I can see she valued relationship very seriously (from my conversation with her) and since she is hurt, she will not fall for another relationship regardless who the guy is unless she can get over herself 1st before anything is possible.Originally posted by Yunhaier:Basically there are two possibility to this scenario:
(I) She was hurt, no doubt, but actually, deep within her subconscious, she had already moved on and recovered. Memories retain no doubt, and when guys approach her and initiate the chase, the easiest way to reject them without hurting their pride, is to employ this excuse. Easier for her to express and the effect on the guys.
II) She was truely hurt and felt difficult to recover completely from her past trama. (Especially if she was a Taurus, Virgo or Capricorn). She feared the dark water and would rather attempt the long-winding river that wouldn't get her anywhere, then to risk another attempt for a rapid venture again. Or at least until she is sure that the boat is 90% safe, before she would consider.
Regardless of the possibilities, it is obvious that your appearance isn't good enough to create am impact for her to give up that security she is having (being single without risk of being hurt) for a relationship. However, if it is (I), I suggest you to consider other options for a mate. Generally, even if have what it takes - TIME, PATIENCE & DETERMINATION - chances are, you would fail. If it is (II) - then like what you said TIME, PATIENCE, DETERMINATION are essential and with them, you may succeed.
P.S: From all these, I can't decide for you if she is (I) or (II), you have to discover it yourself.
Cheers
When the 2 of us meet, she will tell me about the bad things about guys like
1. guys are unfaithful
2. guys are to be blamed for failed marriage
3. guys cannot keep promises
After so many years, she still think of the past and cannot get past herself to abandon all these unnecessary burden
She told me before she met me, she was introduced/knew a few guys but none of them are suitable for her and when I asked her the reasons, she cannot mention a SINGLE word in front of me.
My guess: She is protecting herself whenever a guy expressed interests in her as she will not want to be hurt again and by doing so she is basically getting to NOWHERE as all guys are bad in her minds, cannot be trusted etc.
In short, the REAL PROBLEMS lies with her and NOT those guys. Agree?
Any comments? -
Something to add on:
She told me she DON"T LIKE romance (what the hell, where got gals in the world don;t like romance by the way??) but she told me whenevre she saw her younger brother's GF cooks for him, She will feel very romantic!!!!!
She also like to read romantic novels...
What she said does not match how she feel/do?
In short, she still long wanted for a relationship but because of her past that she PULL BACK PUNCHES. Agree with me? -
She likes to tell you how bad guy is; this is a psychological deterrence to remind herself consciously about the hurt she has went through and to avoid making the 'same' mistakes again - which is by falling in love again. However, deep within her psyche, her desire and inferiority nature actually crave for security.Originally posted by bikinis:Yes, she is a Virgo. Those die hard and traditional type. I can see she valued relationship very seriously (from my conversation with her) and since she is hurt, she will not fall for another relationship regardless who the guy is unless she can get over herself 1st before anything is possible.
When the 2 of us meet, she will tell me about the bad things about guys like
1. guys are unfaithful
2. guys are to be blamed for failed marriage
3. guys cannot keep promises
After so many years, she still think of the past and cannot get past herself to abandon all these unnecessary burden
She told me before she met me, she was introduced/knew a few guys but none of them are suitable for her and when I asked her the reasons, she cannot mention a SINGLE word in front of me.
My guess: She is protecting herself whenever a guy expressed interests in her as she will not want to be hurt again and by doing so she is basically getting to NOWHERE as all guys are bad in her minds, cannot be trusted etc.
In short, the REAL PROBLEMS lies with her and NOT those guys. Agree?
Any comments?
I mentioned before in my previous post that the previous guys (sad to say) didn't deliver enough impact to impress and shake off her negative reinforcing into the mind. A huge clue comes from the fact that she cannot state a single reason why he ain't suitable.
She is the problem, however the solution to succeed lies within 2 factors: The kind of guy and the methods he employ to get her.Something to add on:
What she meant by not liking romance is related to the link of romance with deception. A big however, she would appreciate down-to-earth pratical, simple and sweet gesture like cooking for partner. BTW, romantic novels contributes certain percentage to the above points as well.
She told me she DON"T LIKE romance (what the hell, where got gals in the world don;t like romance by the way??) but she told me whenevre she saw her younger brother's GF cooks for him, She will feel very romantic!!!!!
She also like to read romantic novels...
What she said does not match how she feel/do?
In short, she still long wanted for a relationship but because of her past that she PULL BACK PUNCHES. Agree with me?
P.S: As mentioned, the solution lies with the guy and his way to chase her. (2nd emphasis)
Cheers -
Originally posted by bikinis:Yes, she is a Virgo. Those die hard and traditional type. I can see she valued relationship very seriously (from my conversation with her) and since she is hurt, she will not fall for another relationship regardless who the guy is unless she can get over herself 1st before anything is possible.
When the 2 of us meet, she will tell me about the bad things about guys like
1. guys are unfaithful
2. guys are to be blamed for failed marriage
3. guys cannot keep promises
After so many years, she still think of the past and cannot get past herself to abandon all these unnecessary burden
She told me before she met me, she was introduced/knew a few guys but none of them are suitable for her and when I asked her the reasons, she cannot mention a SINGLE word in front of me.
My guess: She is protecting herself whenever a guy expressed interests in her as she will not want to be hurt again and by doing so she is basically getting to NOWHERE as all guys are bad in her minds, cannot be trusted etc.
In short, the REAL PROBLEMS lies with her and NOT those guys. Agree?
Any comments? -
slowly lor.. she is the one afraid of r/s.. u slowly touched her in every sense making her feel comfortable in a r/s again.. it may take long but the reward later is great..
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I personally feel that what she need is TIME to help herself (no one can really help her by the way) to cure her Psuchological problems before she can accept a guy.
Given the current situation, no matter who the guy is, she will reject all guys who are nice to her due to her FEAR to FALL IN LOVE (mentioned by Yunhaier). I agree with U totally.
My friend suggested that no rushing/pushing of her as this will worsen the situation and she will like a hermit, keep hiding in her shell and will not come out again. My friend also suggested that since I get along well with her in such a short time and what she need is someone who is understanding and can talk to and Some suggested things that can be done currently.
1. Keep in contact with her - maintain it.
2. Show more concern about her, let her know someone out there is sincere about her and NOT CHEATING her.
3. In the long run, she will more or less appreciate and well, she is human beings after all and sure have feeling by the way.
I did ask her what type of movie she last watched, she told me about romance!!!!!!!!!!!
U see, her heart tells her that she actually desire to be loved but in actually fact, she is shutting love at the moment.... really sad to tell U all.
I know a gal will take a long time to heal her "wound" but it is sooo long liao and she seems cannot abandon the burden....maybe due to her characters... she is a Virgo by the way. (very serious in Relationship and those committed type, too bad those bad eggs did such things to her... more or less ruining her and don;t tell me I am given the task of "rescuing her in this life???" -
I personally feel that what she need is TIME to help herself (no one can really help her by the way) to cure her Psuchological problems before she can accept a guy.
Given the current situation, no matter who the guy is, she will reject all guys who are nice to her due to her FEAR to FALL IN LOVE (mentioned by Yunhaier). I agree with U totally.
My friend suggested that no rushing/pushing of her as this will worsen the situation and she will like a hermit, keep hiding in her shell and will not come out again. My friend also suggested that since I get along well with her in such a short time and what she need is someone who is understanding and can talk to and Some suggested things that can be done currently.
1. Keep in contact with her - maintain it.
2. Show more concern about her, let her know someone out there is sincere about her and NOT CHEATING her.
3. In the long run, she will more or less appreciate and well, she is human beings after all and sure have feeling by the way.
I did ask her what type of movie she last watched, she told me about romance!!!!!!!!!!!
U see, her heart tells her that she actually desire to be loved but in actually fact, she is shutting love at the moment.... really sad to tell U all.
I know a gal will take a long time to heal her "wound" but it is sooo long liao and she seems cannot abandon the burden....maybe due to her characters... she is a Virgo by the way. (very serious in Relationship and those committed type, too bad those bad eggs did such things to her... more or less ruining her and don;t tell me I am given the task of "rescuing her in this life???" -
Something to add:
I tested her before by saying I had few good ladies friends of mine which I keep SMS/email to them and they address me as " so and so"
she immediately say "Wow, they are so good to U". "U still in contact with them?" .............. sounds to me like a bit jealous?
General question:
Will a gal who does not have AT LEAST a little bit liking for the guy not feel jealous when she hear the guy she likes is associating with some other gals? The answer is NO right unless the gal don't like the guy then she will not feel anything about it. -
Originally posted by bus:Something to add:
I tested her before by saying I had few good ladies friends of mine which I keep SMS/email to them and they address me as " so and so"
she immediately say "Wow, they are so good to U". "U still in contact with them?" .............. sounds to me like a bit jealous?
General question:
Will a gal who does not have AT LEAST a little bit liking for the guy not feel jealous when she hear the guy she likes is associating with some other gals? The answer is NO right unless the gal don't like the guy then she will not feel anything about it. I believe I address this problem in your other thread before. What I wanna say, I have already said.
Cheers