love grave?
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i dunno how i shld put it...
i am feeling so lost, just need someone to 'listen' to me...
i have been in a relationship for nearly 7 years...
i went through thick & thin together with him...went through his NS days with him & now going through his stage of studies..
i had finished sch earlier than him...
last time he ever betrayed my trust for him. i found out his fling behind my back...though he claimed that there was nothing between them...
took me lots & lots of time for me to forgive...but i will never forget..
from then on, i have been feeling so insecure...
we are physically so far since he is living in the hall.....
we seldom meet up, except for wkends...worse, if it's during his exam period..
somehow i just feel that he does not treasure me..
when i was sick, he came & bought lunch for me but left after putting down the food...went ahead to meet his fren...
after his exams, i am not the first person he thought of wanting to meet. finally, he met up with me instead cos' his frens cancelled the outing...like i am his 'second' choice...
many other incidents showed that he has placed so many other things b4 me...
i understands & did not blame his choice...but somehow, it goes to show how much 'place' i have in his heart...
now that his exams are finally over, by right i shld be v happi cos i can spend more time with him after putting through the torment of not being able to meet him for weeks..
but the feeling now i have is "dun meet also can"...
when he tried to be intimate with me, i juz 'run away'...
i juz feel that my heart is 'closed'...
on phone, we have nothing to say...
& everytime, i am the one calling him...though sometimes he will msg me asking if i will call when the 'time' for me to call is already very late..
i juz dunno why is has become like this.........
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well, sad to hear what had been going on between you and your bf..
I'm not sure which part of the story you wanted us to look at, but I think much of the passion of this 7 year r/s has died down. It's does not mean you have to end the r/s.. It's just the interest in each other is not that novel anymore. One thing you can do, esp if both can share can do it together, is to pick up some new hobbies, like photography, etc etc... it will help develop your interest as well as his to be doing things together. Even if you're working on it alone, don't worry just go ahead.
In a relationship, it's both to stimulate each other's interest to keep the other party aroused. Remember at the beginning, you are just curious to find out more about each other?? So it basically a relationship need to both partners entertained by doing and sharing experience, so that the curiosity level is always maintained. -
hmmm... maybe the both of you can go on a holiday together?
try to find things to do together...
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its been awhile since my last post..... i replied to u cos i felt that i been in ur shoes b4. it seems like ur bf is ignoring u, just like wat my ex gf use to do..... if u read my topics u realised that i too made many sacrifices for my ex... but in the end, she still left me. today on the way back from work, i met her with her new bf.... she found another as soon as she left me.... i was devastated.... she said that he's more understanding than i am.... but in reality, i gave her wat no one could..... having said that, i went up to them and wish them the best..... with tears in my eyes, i i walked away..... i still love her but, shes forgotten all that i did..... my advice to u is read the signs..... if u feel that he's neglecting u, tel him.... don't wait tilll its too late... don't end up like me... i wish u the best...Originally posted by ohno:i dunno how i shld put it...
i am feeling so lost, just need someone to 'listen' to me...
i have been in a relationship for nearly 7 years...
i went through thick & thin together with him...went through his NS days with him & now going through his stage of studies..
i had finished sch earlier than him...
last time he ever betrayed my trust for him. i found out his fling behind my back...though he claimed that there was nothing between them...
took me lots & lots of time for me to forgive...but i will never forget..
from then on, i have been feeling so insecure...
we are physically so far since he is living in the hall.....
we seldom meet up, except for wkends...worse, if it's during his exam period..
somehow i just feel that he does not treasure me..
when i was sick, he came & bought lunch for me but left after putting down the food...went ahead to meet his fren...
after his exams, i am not the first person he thought of wanting to meet. finally, he met up with me instead cos' his frens cancelled the outing...like i am his 'second' choice...
many other incidents showed that he has placed so many other things b4 me...
i understands & did not blame his choice...but somehow, it goes to show how much 'place' i have in his heart...
now that his exams are finally over, by right i shld be v happi cos i can spend more time with him after putting through the torment of not being able to meet him for weeks..
but the feeling now i have is "dun meet also can"...
when he tried to be intimate with me, i juz 'run away'...
i juz feel that my heart is 'closed'...
on phone, we have nothing to say...
& everytime, i am the one calling him...though sometimes he will msg me asking if i will call when the 'time' for me to call is already very late..
i juz dunno why is has become like this......... -
Yo, sad to hear that. Things fade as time pass. Try to add some spices to your relationship, it may help. But your bf is a little too much. Maybe try sitting down together and discuss your thoughts with him. Find out whats wrong early rather to a stage of no return. All the best and Take Care
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tell him abt it, or plan a trip with him onli lor..
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well. it really sad to hear that.. i feel very sorry for u. u spend so much time and effort to make this relatioonship going but in the end ur bf not really appreciated with what u did. anyway, cheer up ger, if possible, try to tok to him and telll him how u feel. say that u don feel apprecaited. i tik u both need some communcation. if really no help, then better let it go liao no point wasting time for someone who don apprecaite you. i sure u can find other better guys. cheer up!!Originally posted by ohno:i dunno how i shld put it...
i am feeling so lost, just need someone to 'listen' to me...
i have been in a relationship for nearly 7 years...
i went through thick & thin together with him...went through his NS days with him & now going through his stage of studies..
i had finished sch earlier than him...
last time he ever betrayed my trust for him. i found out his fling behind my back...though he claimed that there was nothing between them...
took me lots & lots of time for me to forgive...but i will never forget..
from then on, i have been feeling so insecure...
we are physically so far since he is living in the hall.....
we seldom meet up, except for wkends...worse, if it's during his exam period..
somehow i just feel that he does not treasure me..
when i was sick, he came & bought lunch for me but left after putting down the food...went ahead to meet his fren...
after his exams, i am not the first person he thought of wanting to meet. finally, he met up with me instead cos' his frens cancelled the outing...like i am his 'second' choice...
many other incidents showed that he has placed so many other things b4 me...
i understands & did not blame his choice...but somehow, it goes to show how much 'place' i have in his heart...
now that his exams are finally over, by right i shld be v happi cos i can spend more time with him after putting through the torment of not being able to meet him for weeks..
but the feeling now i have is "dun meet also can"...
when he tried to be intimate with me, i juz 'run away'...
i juz feel that my heart is 'closed'...
on phone, we have nothing to say...
& everytime, i am the one calling him...though sometimes he will msg me asking if i will call when the 'time' for me to call is already very late..
i juz dunno why is has become like this......... -
Originally posted by ohno:i dunno how i shld put it...
i am feeling so lost, just need someone to 'listen' to me...
i have been in a relationship for nearly 7 years...
i went through thick & thin together with him...went through his NS days with him & now going through his stage of studies..
i had finished sch earlier than him...
last time he ever betrayed my trust for him. i found out his fling behind my back...though he claimed that there was nothing between them...
took me lots & lots of time for me to forgive...but i will never forget..
from then on, i have been feeling so insecure...
we are physically so far since he is living in the hall.....
we seldom meet up, except for wkends...worse, if it's during his exam period..
somehow i just feel that he does not treasure me..
when i was sick, he came & bought lunch for me but left after putting down the food...went ahead to meet his fren...
after his exams, i am not the first person he thought of wanting to meet. finally, he met up with me instead cos' his frens cancelled the outing...like i am his 'second' choice...
many other incidents showed that he has placed so many other things b4 me...
i understands & did not blame his choice...but somehow, it goes to show how much 'place' i have in his heart...
now that his exams are finally over, by right i shld be v happi cos i can spend more time with him after putting through the torment of not being able to meet him for weeks..
but the feeling now i have is "dun meet also can"...
when he tried to be intimate with me, i juz 'run away'...
i juz feel that my heart is 'closed'...
on phone, we have nothing to say...
& everytime, i am the one calling him...though sometimes he will msg me asking if i will call when the 'time' for me to call is already very late..
i juz dunno why is has become like this......... 
You are just delaying the inevitable - when situations has descended into such ruins, we should always take a step back and preview the past.
You mention that your relationship is 7 years, I presume that no-breaking/patching whatsoever had occured. Regardless, your relationship has long fell into a routine mode - HIs ways of leading his 'don't bother' relationship is 50% sign of self-absorbed complacency and other 50% because the passion has burned out.
You are right in saying that your place in his heart is always 2nd place and in respond to such behavior, your womanly respond is to avoid intimancy with him when he advances. This is natural - if you can't feel comfortable, you won't react to physical advances regardless if has status or not. (Boyfriend/husband/etc).
You need to talk to him - You have been adopting a continuous self-reassuring, although is a good thing, but he should be part of the effort in rebuilding the trust that you once lost:
A man who did wrong, show no sign of effort to rebuild what was destroy, will have no intention to retain what he originally has. - CloUdiSm
P.S: Pick a good day to communicate with him. Its not a normal conversation - its about what you both wish to do with this relationship. If this tootpidly continues, both should have certain mutual conclusions and decisions. Its foolish to pin on false hope that things will change - you already acknowledge that this relationship has problems, so do something about it.
Cheers -
sad to hear that.............it's her lost for not treasuring you.....Originally posted by echandra:its been awhile since my last post..... i replied to u cos i felt that i been in ur shoes b4. it seems like ur bf is ignoring u, just like wat my ex gf use to do..... if u read my topics u realised that i too made many sacrifices for my ex... but in the end, she still left me. today on the way back from work, i met her with her new bf.... she found another as soon as she left me.... i was devastated.... she said that he's more understanding than i am.... but in reality, i gave her wat no one could..... having said that, i went up to them and wish them the best..... with tears in my eyes, i i walked away..... i still love her but, shes forgotten all that i did..... my advice to u is read the signs..... if u feel that he's neglecting u, tel him.... don't wait tilll its too late... don't end up like me... i wish u the best...
cheer up...someday i believe u will find someone who will appreciate you...juz a matter of time.........
meanwhile, be strong...move on...
sometimes, when i feel sad over him, i will juz tell myself...what for be sad when he may not be even thinking of me...when i am of so little significance to him..........i will juz 'smile' to myself & continue with my stuff..if not, i'll juz go & have a nice sleep.....
tell him? i ever tried telling him...in the end, he threw back the problem at me...making it seemed as though i am very petty.........that why i just cun be more tolerant...... -
DUMP HIM!!!...sorie tat was out of impulsive...
well if i were u,...i'll ask him out..voice out wad u feel is not right...since u guys been together fot so long i'm sure he should know u very well...
don wait...act fast if u wanna secure this relationship...
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
A man who did wrong, show no sign of effort to rebuild what was destroy, will have no intention to retain what he originally has. - CloUdiSm -
i feel like speaking to him once more...but i juz dunno how...
cos' these small small incidents have already past...& at the pt when these incidents happened, he knew i was not happy already...
by bringing them up now again will make me seem as though i am very petty...will make everything worse?
and one more thing...the other time when i found out his fling, he deleted her icq no & tel no away in front of me..
but few days back, when i took his hp to play, i saw her no. stored inside..
i did not confront him... is he cheating on me again? -
Originally posted by ohno:i feel like speaking to him once more...but i juz dunno how...
cos' these small small incidents have already past...& at the pt when these incidents happened, he knew i was not happy already...
by bringing them up now again will make me seem as though i am very petty...will make everything worse?
and one more thing...the other time when i found out his fling, he deleted her icq no & tel no away in front of me..
but few days back, when i took his hp to play, i saw her no. stored inside..
i did not confront him... is he cheating on me again? Ah, there is a difference between petty jealousy cum annoyance to stir up past issue with a bad attitude to bring this message across to him. The way you talk and stuff determines whether is this childish OR a highly mature way of handling your own relationship.
You caught them red-handed with all this little things - you should have confront him. The reason why you didn't because you fear - you fear that this conflict could inflict millions of damage into your already shaky love: I have a very good suggestion for you: do is the Law way. This talk is a must and during the talk, keep you tone calm, facts strong and all that little things in mind, listen to what he has to say but causally tell him something before the conversation begans:
"We are having problems in our relationship and its tiring to move on without discussing the issues concerning the both of us. This is not a quarreling session, rather this is an important talk. If you feel that this is totally unneccessary OR you hate to explain yourself, at the end of the day, we are finished. I will make claims to things and I want to hear what you have to say: keeping quiet or having nothing to say indirectly means that you are admitting. There is a difference here in the talk however: Unless you prove yourself without deception and all-but-the-`fringing-truth and if you did wrong, just `fringing admit AND STATE WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO ABOUT IT. You can defend yourself if you are innocent, but beware because you are being watched and your lies can't escape your gf of 7 years. The minute you employ lies to cover up other lies and were exposed, we are finished as well."
Then begin your main talk. Keep your body language firm and serious and he will know that you ain't joking and will take it serious.
This method always work (that is to get an answer you wish to seek or forget about this whole thing) - but its just you whether you will be able to execute this whole thingy without changing plans at the last minute.
P.S: Quit telling me that you are soft hearted and wouldn't be able to do it because all your previous method fails - The fear of losing your relationship is there. This is a gamble because trust me, the more you drag it, the more I can confirm this relationship is doom to failure. Without communication and exploring possibility to a win-win solution as a couple, its difficult to function.
Cheers -
ohno,
You & your bf's horoscope and blood group please? Age of both parties? -
I'm glad that youre able to see the truth and found the strength to do so. He's not good enough for U. Just like me, u deserve better. Wish U the best & take careOriginally posted by ohno:sad to hear that.............it's her lost for not treasuring you.....
cheer up...someday i believe u will find someone who will appreciate you...juz a matter of time.........
meanwhile, be strong...move on...
sometimes, when i feel sad over him, i will juz tell myself...what for be sad when he may not be even thinking of me...when i am of so little significance to him..........i will juz 'smile' to myself & continue with my stuff..if not, i'll juz go & have a nice sleep.....
tell him? i ever tried telling him...in the end, he threw back the problem at me...making it seemed as though i am very petty.........that why i just cun be more tolerant......