Originally posted by Haze|:
let me tell you a story, but pls be patient with me.. it's rather long winded :
there was once a 20 yr old ger, she was young and pretty. one day, she met a man. well.. it was love at first sight... they went out together... and soon they were a couple... everything was so beautiful and fine. both did not have a job then.. the ger loves this guy so much.. so much so she was willing to give everything up for him. she moved in with the guy, deserting her family and friends. the guy was possessive, does not allow the ger to have any friends.. the ger being so naive... listened and obeyed. they stayed in rented room for the next 3 years. during those 3 yrs, sometimes there were quarrels.. sometimes the guy will hit the ger. he is very bad tempered at times... the ger has keep encouraging the guy to find a proper job, but it doesn't seem to get into the guy. he is just too lazy. he simply rather get by each day on the income from the ger's giving private tuition. the ger earns quite a bit from tuition each month, about 1200. So the days becomes years... no matter how the ger encourages, it just failed to make the guy work......
(Edited for space)
.....was she wrong in pursuing love that she desired? was she wrong in making the decision to leave her husband? was she wrong not to give her husband another chance?
can anyone comment?
Dear Haze|,

Oh gosh~ if this story was you - you have my sympathy. Don't worry about being long-winded because I am equally long-winded as well. Anyway, I am going to divide my analysis according to the different segment your scenario flows. I am doing this because I hope you could see what is really happening in everything in black and white.
In the beginingYou ought to realise by now that falling in love is no wrong. Even falling for the wrong person is no mistake - your complication emerge because you went with your own ways and co-habit with him AND dump everything. (I am referring to your family and friends). This is the foolish-iest thing you would do NOT because of the value you will lose, but rather by doing that - you completely lost all form of support because you should discovered by now - by love itself, it cannot survive alone without others factors in place. Yes, its true, love can survive without many factors, but it cannot survive without anything. (Not at least in our current world context)

When you have conflicts, the first person you seek comfort is your Love. However, if your love is the one you are having conflicts with - then who do you turn to? By co-habitation, you totally lose your grounds for support and by co-habitation BASED on irrational decision you will BOUND to have complication, quarrels and conflicts. We have many discussion of cohabitaion in sgforums - and my stand is: A relationship without marriage responsibilty, yet is able to revel in intimate sexual enjoyment - it does NOT benefit the relationship as a whole for long term. Ok, this would be another topic altogether though.

Your love is blind like you mentioned - your then-bf was possessive, don't bother to work for this relationship and worst - a lifeless, aimless man. In a way, he HAS to be possessive to keep you because if you have good friends and support - you will realise your foolishness and would be out of the relationship much sooner.
YOUR love isn't about true love - its because you feel that you have gone that far and its impossible to retrace your steps. Your ONLY form of dependancy and security is from him and you have no choice but to cling onto a sinking boat.

This issues you failed to see and the real reason that took place within your psyche and subconscious. You couldn't take it anymore, you attempt sucide.
In the middleYou spoke to a stranger and noticed how good your conversation flow. My guess is that your turmoils, your problems, your aches - you express them, word by word. The burden that is so heavy, gets lighter with each conversation you had with him.
Still, it doesn't break the karmic bonds you had with your now-husband. He comes back for cash, you gave him.


You spoke about the deception of your husband and how he fooled the world with his words. By now, another lesson is taught to you - a relationship built on lies will be destroyed by lies. Lies is like a house made of straws - when the wind blows, the house falls easily, like your relationship.
In the EndYou had a question in your mind and I would like to help you solve it - did you love your bf or was he a substitute for your husband? Ok read into my words carefully: I mentioned in above that your love between your husband wasn't love - about the clingy thingy. Therefore, since it wasn't love and under the Theory of Love, you could only have one in your heart..... your now-bf wasn't a substitute, or at least that phrase is over.


Congrats - in the midst of everything, you found someone who truely appreciate you for who you are. Please note: You DIDN'T fail him because your jerk-husband brought it upon himself. And please note that your feelings for him NOW is more of a sympathy heart. He's in such a sh|t mess and really - love has long disappeared with him when time passed and your mind is cleared.
And here, I would like to say something: Please learn those lessons you have gone through in the past. I would take to put it down:
I) Realise that without support - a relationship cannot feud for themselves. AT LEAST, not applicable in your case.
II) If you don't love yourself, you attract partners that will abuse you - This is the Law of Polarity and basic theory of karmic relationship. What has happen in the past simply mould you and didn't make you any less valuable. In love, everyone is equal and similiar. Do not allow your past to be an excuse for your future-husband to abuse/bring them out in anyways. I know he wouldn't - but still I
want you to learn to treasure, appreciate and love yourself because throughout the time when you were alone; if you didn't love yourself, who will? Only you are forever faithful to yourself and you know FOR SURE. Its not about being self-absorbed - its about self-love.

III) Realise this phrase: 'We always think that holding on is strong; sometimes, its about letting go.' You must learn to release your past, release your karmic connection with your now-husband and walk into your bright future. Expand good social circle and learn the importance of friendship as well as family support. Go back to your family and seek forgiveness. May not be easy, but its something you will have to do eventually.

P.S: You have my vote for better future. Really pray hope that things will be better for you. Anything, you could always post in Aunt Agony and there are scores of good souls who will get back to you. Read more, learn more, change your life.
BTW, are you a Pisces, Cancer or Scorpio?

Cheers