was it all fake all along?
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before i ask you ppl to picture this scenario.. some introduction.
Guy A and Girl had a r/s for 1 year.
Guy B is Guy A's & Girl's good fren.
Guy A and Girl ended that r/s.
Girl still loves Guy A.
Guy A is angry that Girl still bothers abt who he's out with, where he is, or wad he is doing.
Guy A tells Girl that she does things that makes him dislike her more and more.
Girl stubbornly refuses to stop loving Guy A.
But the ironic thing is, Guy A does msg Girl from time to time, asking her where she is and who she was out with.
Girl feels very confused by his actions.
one day, Guy B and Girl went out.
They started tokin about Guy A.
Girl started crying.
Guy B told her he found out something that could make her give up but it would in turn hurt her.
Guy B didn't want to tell at first, but he still decided to.
this is the conversation between Guy A & Guy B....
Guy A: Why does Girl still bother about who i go out with? It's no longer her business anymore lor. We've broken up already!
Guy B: Becoz she still loves you, and you still msg her which she tinks that you still care.
Guy A: WAD? if you could play around with me last time, now i cannot play around with her ar?!
Guy B: *speechless*
now ppl.. it's obvious i'm 'Girl'..
i just needed to hear ur views on this situation.
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it's gone already, the relationship...
just like mine..
and both of us have to move on...
it's hard..
he is being mean.. so to stop this, you stop to...
then try to move on? -
one thing i would like to add... is that Guy B doesn't noe whether Guy A said it in a moment of anger then.. as Guy A and Girl had a heated argument before their conversation.Originally posted by the Bear:it's gone already, the relationship...
just like mine..
and both of us have to move on...
it's hard..
he is being mean.. so to stop this, you stop to...
then try to move on?
Guy A still msgs Girl. when Girl is out late, he tells her it's late, y still don wan to go home. Girl even got invited to Guy A's relatives wedding dinner, becoz the place was already booked. Why would Guy A stil ask Girl to attend the dinner, when he could maybe get his buddy to take Girl's place..
right? -
try to ask him outright what his intentions are?
this "game" will only end in tears..
if he wasn't serious, then he's being mean...
i hope you will find happiness
Originally posted by damsel_in_distress:one thing i would like to add... is that Guy B doesn't noe whether Guy A said it in a moment of anger then.. as Guy A and Girl had a heated argument before their conversation.
Guy A still msgs Girl. when Girl is out late, he tells her it's late, y still don wan to go home. Girl even got invited to Guy A's relatives wedding dinner, becoz the place was already booked. Why would Guy A stil ask Girl to attend the dinner, when he could maybe get his buddy to take Girl's place..
right? -
Guy A refuses to tok to Girl properly.Originally posted by the Bear:try to ask him outright what his intentions are?
this "game" will only end in tears..
if he wasn't serious, then he's being mean...
i hope you will find happiness
Girl has been trying to start a conversation, but his are one-word replies.
Guy A seem to be acting sud sud liddat.. as though he wantst to show Girl who's boss...
Guy A was too angry with her..
Girl is still scared that anything she did, or said, would trigger his anger once again.
it's hard to tok to him when he doesn't wan to. -
it's ended right?
if possible, ignore him from now on?
you need not worry about his anger or anything, you are not his anymore to fuss over.. and similarly, he is not yours to fuss over either..
let him do whatever.. just ignore his messages.. and after a while, he'll know -
no doubt, i noe what i shld do with my life now that i'm without him. yes.. i noe i shld move on. his life is no longer mine to bother. but if u care for someone, and love that someone so much, u just have this need to know how he is doing, where he is and stuff.. and you just can't help it to tink that there's hope when he still msgs me...Originally posted by the Bear:it's ended right?
if possible, ignore him from now on?
you need not worry about his anger or anything, you are not his anymore to fuss over.. and similarly, he is not yours to fuss over either..
let him do whatever.. just ignore his messages.. and after a while, he'll know
i'm living in the present and the past. i do not dare to live for the future just yet.. coz i'm still recovering. i'm still slowly picking myself up. u said urs ended too... how have u coped? was it easy? i don tink so right? -
it wasn't...
i LOVED Her utterly...
however, it was not to be...
i received a message from Her once.. saying that She missed me pampering and looking after Her and would like to keep this open...
i held on to that, but gave Her the space She said She wanted.. i never even messaged Her, even tho' every cell in my wanted to call Her.. every day...
then one day, i received a phone call with Her telling me that She's leaving to the US for good...
so i cried and wrote an incoherent email to Her, confessing my thoughts...
and after that, i realised that we were never meant to be, no matter how much i love Her, it does not conquer all, and that She would feel stiflied...
then just today, She said She was with someone else... and questioned my "not letting go" when i have learnt to live without Her...
i see that She has not learnt not to analyse the crap out of emotions and feelings of love..
for Her sake, i started to ignore Her messages as She was whipping Herself up into a frenzy, unwilling or maybe unable to accept that She may be wrong...
so i ignore Her, letting Her think otherwise coz it'll be easier for Her..
i'll never see Her again, even tho' She promised She'd call, that we'd hang out and all that, She never kept that promise... i never even thought about blaming Her... strangely, if i did that, i think i would be...
that point is moot..
i love Her enough to let Her go without any emotional baggage, but She seems to want to carry imaginary baggage...
here's a bit of advice to you? don't carry any emotional baggage? at least those you have nothing to do with, and those imaginary ones? they are heavy and unnecessary..
i wish you happiness, serenity and peaceOriginally posted by damsel_in_distress:no doubt, i noe what i shld do with my life now that i'm without him. yes.. i noe i shld move on. his life is no longer mine to bother. but if u care for someone, and love that someone so much, u just have this need to know how he is doing, where he is and stuff.. and you just can't help it to tink that there's hope when he still msgs me...
i'm living in the present and the past. i do not dare to live for the future just yet.. coz i'm still recovering. i'm still slowly picking myself up. u said urs ended too... how have u coped? was it easy? i don tink so right? -
no use being with him,he still want to toy with your feeling.if a guy who love u,he will make u happy and wont make u sad all the time.he doing all this to irrate u to get ur attention.maybe asking u to patch up with him again in other way.i think u can find a better one and carry on in the future.or else it will make u more miserable if u are with him.Originally posted by damsel_in_distress:no doubt, i noe what i shld do with my life now that i'm without him. yes.. i noe i shld move on. his life is no longer mine to bother. but if u care for someone, and love that someone so much, u just have this need to know how he is doing, where he is and stuff.. and you just can't help it to tink that there's hope when he still msgs me...
i'm living in the present and the past. i do not dare to live for the future just yet.. coz i'm still recovering. i'm still slowly picking myself up. u said urs ended too... how have u coped? was it easy? i don tink so right? -
forget abt him, he playing u all along... pick urself n move on..
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just wanna share... guess my case is really similar...Originally posted by the Bear:it wasn't...
i LOVED Her utterly...
however, it was not to be...
i received a message from Her once.. saying that She missed me pampering and looking after Her and would like to keep this open...
i held on to that, but gave Her the space She said She wanted.. i never even messaged Her, even tho' every cell in my wanted to call Her.. every day...
then one day, i received a phone call with Her telling me that She's leaving to the US for good...
so i cried and wrote an incoherent email to Her, confessing my thoughts...
and after that, i realised that we were never meant to be, no matter how much i love Her, it does not conquer all, and that She would feel stiflied...
then just today, She said She was with someone else... and questioned my "not letting go" when i have learnt to live without Her...
i see that She has not learnt not to analyse the crap out of emotions and feelings of love..
for Her sake, i started to ignore Her messages as She was whipping Herself up into a frenzy, unwilling or maybe unable to accept that She may be wrong...
so i ignore Her, letting Her think otherwise coz it'll be easier for Her..
i'll never see Her again, even tho' She promised She'd call, that we'd hang out and all that, She never kept that promise... i never even thought about blaming Her... strangely, if i did that, i think i would be...
that point is moot..
i love Her enough to let Her go without any emotional baggage, but She seems to want to carry imaginary baggage...
here's a bit of advice to you? don't carry any emotional baggage? at least those you have nothing to do with, and those imaginary ones? they are heavy and unnecessary..
i wish you happiness, serenity and peace
I love my ex gf very much too.. never knew how much I love her till she told me she wants to break up. that's when I know that I will probably love her for the rest of my life. I was really devastated when we broke up.
she says after we break up, she wants us to remain friends, well it has been almost 2 months since we broke up... she never called, she never mailed, not even a single sms. I called her asking her to reconsider, she was very confused... It hurts me to see her this way, I forced myself to let go... I wrote her an email telling her that I will let go and never turn back anymore. She never replied, just like all the other emails that I sent.
I have tried, I wanted to move on. I still miss her very much. thinking about all the things we did together... it is really hard for me to forget her... when I go to the movies, and I see some sad moments, I remembered how I would wipe the tears from her eyes, and ended up crying myself thinking that I can't do that anymore.
I have to try very hard not to call her, and I didn't call for the last 2 weeks, I finally called her just today... she was having dinner with her new guy, she sounded happy, well guess it is going to be like that. I am worried I might give her the feeling I am intruding her life, therefore I just tell her that I will call her next time, and hung up. But I guess I felt better too hearing her voice, and knowing that she is happy, hoping that the other guy out there is treating her better than I did... not that I treated her badly, but I must have done something wrong if she were to leave me...
I tell myself, I will learn to be better, I will wait for her, just in case she wants to come back... I will always welcome her back into my life. I don't want her to come back to a loser, I want to proof to her that I am worthy of her. If she don't come back, well she has found happiness anyway, so I should be happy too.
I love her very much... always will... and like Bear, I never blamed her for anything, I tried, but I cant, I can only blame myself, Why there is so much I wanted to tell her now, but I never told her before we broke up.
but I guess what's happened has happened, maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. I'll still hope she does, but in the meantime just get on with life, move on... and let the future unravels itself... -
Originally posted by damsel_in_distress:
before i ask you ppl to picture this scenario.. some introduction.
Guy A and Girl had a r/s for 1 year.
Guy B is Guy A's & Girl's good fren.
Guy A and Girl ended that r/s.
Girl still loves Guy A.
Guy A is angry that Girl still bothers abt who he's out with, where he is, or wad he is doing.
Guy A tells Girl that she does things that makes him dislike her more and more.
Girl stubbornly refuses to stop loving Guy A.
But the ironic thing is, Guy A does msg Girl from time to time, asking her where she is and who she was out with.
Girl feels very confused by his actions.
one day, Guy B and Girl went out.
They started tokin about Guy A.
Girl started crying.
Guy B told her he found out something that could make her give up but it would in turn hurt her.
Guy B didn't want to tell at first, but he still decided to.
this is the conversation between Guy A & Guy B....
[b]Guy A: Why does Girl still bother about who i go out with? It's no longer her business anymore lor. We've broken up already!
Guy B: Becoz she still loves you, and you still msg her which she tinks that you still care.
Guy A: WAD? if you could play around with me last time, now i cannot play around with her ar?!
Guy B: *speechless*
now ppl.. it's obvious i'm 'Girl'..
i just needed to hear ur views on this situation.
[/b]
When you holding on not for love sake - but for fearing to move on alone. You choose to push the reality somewhere at the back of your subconscious, therefore unconsciously & consciously, you acted and felt that you have never broken up with your ex-gf. (He go out with who you bother. What he do, you bother) Recongise that you have already finish this chapter of your life. Acknowledge it and reflect why have it gone such a state.
His msg to you meant nothing. He is trying to attempt to a game of seduction; the Coquette seducer, tactics #3 sending mixed message and the Feeding Theory. Even if he meant something - your relationship with him has already been fused and gone. What you chose to believe is your selected preception than to face the reality. You are trying to delay the inevitable - you can't turn back. And trust me, turning back will result in the same consequences.
P.S: For a love one who say something so jerk-like has nothing to do with being angry. Being angry will sprout angry comments - this is NOT angry comments. Consciously, he know what he is saying. Don't be foolish to retrace your steps and drop your mirage-like hope.
Cheers -
There is something I learn from myself as well as from other people: there are many things that guys would rather show than to speak. The act of acting upon the greater good, if you know what I mean, comes as a from of self-responsibility to guys who evolved through love.Originally posted by the Bear:it wasn't...
i LOVED Her utterly...
however, it was not to be...
i received a message from Her once.. saying that She missed me pampering and looking after Her and would like to keep this open...
i held on to that, but gave Her the space She said She wanted.. i never even messaged Her, even tho' every cell in my wanted to call Her.. every day...
then one day, i received a phone call with Her telling me that She's leaving to the US for good...
so i cried and wrote an incoherent email to Her, confessing my thoughts...
and after that, i realised that we were never meant to be, no matter how much i love Her, it does not conquer all, and that She would feel stiflied...
then just today, She said She was with someone else... and questioned my "not letting go" when i have learnt to live without Her...
i see that She has not learnt not to analyse the crap out of emotions and feelings of love..
for Her sake, i started to ignore Her messages as She was whipping Herself up into a frenzy, unwilling or maybe unable to accept that She may be wrong...
so i ignore Her, letting Her think otherwise coz it'll be easier for Her..
i'll never see Her again, even tho' She promised She'd call, that we'd hang out and all that, She never kept that promise... i never even thought about blaming Her... strangely, if i did that, i think i would be...
that point is moot..
i love Her enough to let Her go without any emotional baggage, but She seems to want to carry imaginary baggage...
here's a bit of advice to you? don't carry any emotional baggage? at least those you have nothing to do with, and those imaginary ones? they are heavy and unnecessary..
i wish you happiness, serenity and peace
You have your thoughts, your meaning, the reason for your action and feel that as long as you know what you are doing (in the name of the greater good), that's enough. Result from spiritual love.
However, explaination and basic behavior affects, with or without. What you are doing, your objective and stuff may not be comprehanded easily by her. Imaginary baggage? This idea could be subconsciously implanted into her by you without you realising. Avoidance may not always work.
P.S: I wish you well ya~ Don't worry too much.
Cheers -
Care to explain more by wat you mean angry comments?Originally posted by Yunhaier:Being angry will sprout angry comments - this is NOT angry comments.
Cheers -
maybe... i promised i would never ever lie to Her, and i honour that promise...
if it was baggage that was not there, i told Her there wasn't.. however, She insisted on "burdening" Herself...
maybe it would have been better if i kept mum... and not told her a single thing?
but somehow, would that cause a different set of problems?
frankly, some people have a persecution complex.. they believe they have to suffer and all that... even when there is nothing in there..
oh well, whatever, i still wish Her well.. and hope She'll always be happy and fulfilledOriginally posted by Yunhaier:However, explaination and basic behavior affects, with or without. What you are doing, your objective and stuff may not be comprehanded easily by her. Imaginary baggage? This idea could be subconsciously implanted into her by you without you realising. -
Learn to LET GO of your PAST.... No point clinging onto your past or subjects which would drag you along the path of the past... If you don't learn to let go.... RECOVERY would be DIFFICULT...Originally posted by damsel_in_distress:no doubt, i noe what i shld do with my life now that i'm without him. yes.. i noe i shld move on. his life is no longer mine to bother. but if u care for someone, and love that someone so much, u just have this need to know how he is doing, where he is and stuff.. and you just can't help it to tink that there's hope when he still msgs me...
i'm living in the present and the past. i do not dare to live for the future just yet.. coz i'm still recovering. i'm still slowly picking myself up. u said urs ended too... how have u coped? was it easy? i don tink so right? -
Originally posted by Prec|ous:Care to explain more by wat you mean angry comments? Generally, angry comments classification are commonly vulgar, sharp, direct wounds on the other party.
Non angry comments are indirect lasting wounds. Most of the time, when love has little effect on the giver, his words tends to fall under this category. The words, meaning and sentence structure are either:
(I) meaning from the heart
(II) recurring thoughts (whether to implement or not)
(III) A point consideration, moments ago/alternative
Notice that the people with possessiveness, MCP, etc flaws often use angry comments when trying to express their idea. Lower EQ and other factors contribute to that. Deep inside, of course, they love their partner. But when the mind wanders and the heart allows thinking comments to be made, this is something to be taken note of.
P.S: Of course, this is not foolproof and like everything in love - nothing is absolute.
Cheers -
Originally posted by the Bear:maybe... i promised i would never ever lie to Her, and i honour that promise...
if it was baggage that was not there, i told Her there wasn't.. however, She insisted on "burdening" Herself...
maybe it would have been better if i kept mum... and not told her a single thing?
but somehow, would that cause a different set of problems?
frankly, some people have a persecution complex.. they believe they have to suffer and all that... even when there is nothing in there..
oh well, whatever, i still wish Her well.. and hope She'll always be happy and fulfilled Self burden is a normal of psychological defense of the mind/heart There are many reasons why people do that, but of course, I do not know her personally to comment on that, however, if I were you, I would say and explain all the part on my side, though, I can't control the way she wants to put things and see them.
You can teach John to fish, but if he still wants to use the stick instead of the fishing rod, so be it.
P.S: Is she a pisces/cancer?
Cheers -
she believes in the horoscope things and she's piscean...
carries everything on her shoulders... even things which she need not carry or should not be carried.. and sometimes things non-existent...
why do you ask?Originally posted by Yunhaier: Self burden is a normal of psychological defense of the mind/heart There are many reasons why people do that, but of course, I do not know her personally to comment on that, however, if I were you, I would say and explain all the part on my side, though, I can't control the way she wants to put things and see them.
You can teach John to fish, but if he still wants to use the stick instead of the fishing rod, so be it.
P.S: Is she a pisces/cancer?
Cheers -
Originally posted by the Bear:she believes in the horoscope things and she's piscean...
carries everything on her shoulders... even things which she need not carry or should not be carried.. and sometimes things non-existent...
why do you ask? I had a feel that she is a pisces. Love to a pisces is very different - they believe in love is to be self-sacrificial - in the blame game, they think that their action are the result of today's happening. They suffer from delusion of love and often be very blinded in the process. Neptune their ruling planet - when unevolved becomes deceptive, imaginary and phantasmal. They lived on romance and picture themselves into them. (See sad movies/drama/etc get quite emotional over them). One distinct PIscess traits is they often absorb environmental feelings - people not happy, they not happy.
Well, seriously, if you had said all is needed - just let it be. But the main thing is to say whatever possible and what you desire to express and if she wants to carry whatever burden there may/may not be, let her. Growth are the rewards of love.
Cheers -
whatever it is, it's behind me
i'm going to live my life.. but i'll probably still love her for the rest of my life... but i'll never see her again..
oh well.. such is life.. i tried my best to spare her harsh words that she will be unable to accept...
i wish her wellOriginally posted by Yunhaier: I had a feel that she is a pisces. Love to a pisces is very different - they believe in love is to be self-sacrificial - in the blame game, they think that their action are the result of today's happening. They suffer from delusion of love and often be very blinded in the process. Neptune their ruling planet - when unevolved becomes deceptive, imaginary and phantasmal. They lived on romance and picture themselves into them. (See sad movies/drama/etc get quite emotional over them). One distinct PIscess traits is they often absorb environmental feelings - people not happy, they not happy.
Well, seriously, if you had said all is needed - just let it be. But the main thing is to say whatever possible and what you desire to express and if she wants to carry whatever burden there may/may not be, let her. Growth are the rewards of love.
Cheers -
Originally posted by the Bear:whatever it is, it's behind me
i'm going to live my life.. but i'll probably still love her for the rest of my life... but i'll never see her again..
oh well.. such is life.. i tried my best to spare her harsh words that she will be unable to accept...
i wish her well
*The best reply I can think of*
Cheers