I got a problem...
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Hi, my friend got a problem, hes in the middle of a relationship, but the gal is very cold to him, the gal is actually married, but her husband has left her, she doesnt know where her husband is now, and she has given up on her husband already. Before the gal knows my friend, she befriended another guy who she likes very much, this guy has left sg for studies, but the gal has been thinking of him since he left. My friend likes the gal very much, but at the same time is sad cause he feel so empty and lonely. The gal never calls him or msg him, unless he msg her.. Shes not very affectionate also and they just hold hands when they go out, but when my friend tries to kiss or hug her, she will back off.. My friend doesnt know why she is like dat, he thinks most probably is because the gal has juz come out of a failed marriage, and is not ready for a relationship..but this is only an assumption, which comes to wonder why the gal wans to go steady in the first place.. and the gal had confessed that sometimes she still thinks of the guy who left sg for studies, but say that she and that guy is impossible one.... so wat shld my friend do? break off and remain as friends? or hang on and let her be touched by his true love? Btw, my friend is a very caring and understanding guy, he sends the gal home everytime they go out, even though they both live from one side to the other side in singapore... and he even lets her go out wif other guys, because the gal's husband is very possesive.. and so the gal doesnt want to be tied down anymore..
my friend is lost and confused... guys & gals wat r your views on this?? -
Ok this case is a little different - because the girl is married. Even though the husband has disappear without a trace, she is still married.Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:Hi, my friend got a problem, hes in the middle of a relationship, but the gal is very cold to him, the gal is actually married, but her husband has left her, she doesnt know where her husband is now, and she has given up on her husband already. Before the gal knows my friend, she befriended another guy who she likes very much, this guy has left sg for studies, but the gal has been thinking of him since he left. My friend likes the gal very much, but at the same time is sad cause he feel so empty and lonely. The gal never calls him or msg him, unless he msg her.. Shes not very affectionate also and they just hold hands when they go out, but when my friend tries to kiss or hug her, she will back off.. My friend doesnt know why she is like dat, he thinks most probably is because the gal has juz come out of a failed marriage, and is not ready for a relationship..but this is only an assumption, which comes to wonder why the gal wans to go steady in the first place.. and the gal had confessed that sometimes she still thinks of the guy who left sg for studies, but say that she and that guy is impossible one.... so wat shld my friend do? break off and remain as friends? or hang on and let her be touched by his true love? Btw, my friend is a very caring and understanding guy, he sends the gal home everytime they go out, even though they both live from one side to the other side in singapore... and he even lets her go out wif other guys, because the gal's husband is very possesive.. and so the gal doesnt want to be tied down anymore..
my friend is lost and confused... guys & gals wat r your views on this??
Ok given up, but she fell for another guy who went overseas and study, but it seemed that she is quite certain nothing could bring them together as a couple. This is the flaw that your friend failed to see; he questioned why in the first place she wanted this relationship with him - the real issue actually lies within why did he accepted the relationship knowing that all these problems exist without seeing the whole picture and probably delay it until he can get a clearer picture?
Substitution is very likely here. This woman doesn't need him - although she lacked security, dependancy/option to fall back on and the feeling of being loved - He happened to be there and provided some of the above elements.
When a woman backs off from even hugging and kissing - this utterly shows how uncomfortable and uneasy in his presence. Body language says alot of things. Never msg/call unless he did - her dependancy doesn't even lies on him.
He can't go on this relationship thinking that his sincerity will eventually touch her - this is self delusion and top-ten mistake that man makes - He needs to talk to her. A heart-to-heart (HTH) talk is essential if he wants to see something coming out of this relationship, for good or for ill. It is useless going for a relationship like this: talk things out, sort and make things clear. Understand the things he didn't know and come to some kind of conclusion for this relationship.
P.S: If he fear to lose this relationship and avoid talking - he will definitely lose this relationship eventually. But if he did, its not guarantee that it will win a relationship for him, but at least, there is a fighting chance, though the longer he drags, the less likely he would succeed.
Cheers -
tell him b patient..Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:Hi, my friend got a problem, hes in the middle of a relationship, but the gal is very cold to him, the gal is actually married, but her husband has left her, she doesnt know where her husband is now, and she has given up on her husband already. Before the gal knows my friend, she befriended another guy who she likes very much, this guy has left sg for studies, but the gal has been thinking of him since he left. My friend likes the gal very much, but at the same time is sad cause he feel so empty and lonely. The gal never calls him or msg him, unless he msg her.. Shes not very affectionate also and they just hold hands when they go out, but when my friend tries to kiss or hug her, she will back off.. My friend doesnt know why she is like dat, he thinks most probably is because the gal has juz come out of a failed marriage, and is not ready for a relationship..but this is only an assumption, which comes to wonder why the gal wans to go steady in the first place.. and the gal had confessed that sometimes she still thinks of the guy who left sg for studies, but say that she and that guy is impossible one.... so wat shld my friend do? break off and remain as friends? or hang on and let her be touched by his true love? Btw, my friend is a very caring and understanding guy, he sends the gal home everytime they go out, even though they both live from one side to the other side in singapore... and he even lets her go out wif other guys, because the gal's husband is very possesive.. and so the gal doesnt want to be tied down anymore..
my friend is lost and confused... guys & gals wat r your views on this?? -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
My friend didnt know abt the guy she likes until when they are steady. Well, after seeing your comments, i feel very sad for my friend.. Not to mention the $$ and time spent with her.. hai.. he bought her lots of stuff and all the dining is paid by him since shes not working... sigh... Well he is scared of talking to her, just as you said, becuase he is scared it will be all over when he speaks to her...
Ok this case is a little different - because the girl is married. Even though the husband has disappear without a trace, she is still married.
Ok given up, but she fell for another guy who went overseas and study, but it seemed that she is quite certain nothing could bring them together as a couple. This is the flaw that your friend failed to see; he questioned why in the first place she wanted this relationship with him - the real issue actually lies within why did he accepted the relationship knowing that all these problems exist without seeing the whole picture and probably delay it until he can get a clearer picture?
[b]Substitution is very likely here. This woman doesn't need him - although she lacked security, dependancy/option to fall back on and the feeling of being loved - He happened to be there and provided some of the above elements.
When a woman backs off from even hugging and kissing - this utterly shows how uncomfortable and uneasy in his presence. Body language says alot of things. Never msg/call unless he did - her dependancy doesn't even lies on him.
He can't go on this relationship thinking that his sincerity will eventually touch her - this is self delusion and top-ten mistake that man makes - He needs to talk to her. A heart-to-heart (HTH) talk is essential if he wants to see something coming out of this relationship, for good or for ill. It is useless going for a relationship like this: talk things out, sort and make things clear. Understand the things he didn't know and come to some kind of conclusion for this relationship.
P.S: If he fear to lose this relationship and avoid talking - he will definitely lose this relationship eventually. But if he did, its not guarantee that it will win a relationship for him, but at least, there is a fighting chance, though the longer he drags, the less likely he would succeed.
Cheers[/b] -
hmmm but let me ask, when a gal is steady with a guy, normally hugging is normal right??? not to the extent that the gal will try to push the guy away right? so how is my friend going to continue on like this?? Not to say that it is a must for couples to hug, but something is amiss right?Originally posted by BrUtUs:tell him b patient.. -
Btw, they had been together for only 2 weeks.. think he shld wait a bit longer n see whether her actions towards him will change?
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since it is still 2 weeks, he should go slow, communicate wif her more, then can ask her wat problem she has wif him lor...Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:hmmm but let me ask, when a gal is steady with a guy, normally hugging is normal right??? not to the extent that the gal will try to push the guy away right? so how is my friend going to continue on like this?? Not to say that it is a must for couples to hug, but something is amiss right? -
or could it be the gal changed her view on relationships after her failed marriage? maybe it is hard for her to accept another r/s? maybe she doesnt wan to lose my friend, but at the same time go steady with him, but cannot adjust to those lovey dovey type, because she is so used to being alone when her husband left her... so many maybes... i think it is better for my friend to ask her
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Glad you've realised the point?Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:or could it be the gal changed her view on relationships after her failed marriage? maybe it is hard for her to accept another r/s? maybe she doesnt wan to lose my friend, but at the same time go steady with him, but cannot adjust to those lovey dovey type, because she is so used to being alone when her husband left her... so many maybes... i think it is better for my friend to ask her -
2 weeks only wor. And you mentioned that he spend much money and time on her - although every relationship is an investment financially and emotionally, it shouldn't be 'business-like,' for love is and should be rewarding even if your investment fails.Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:Btw, they had been together for only 2 weeks.. think he shld wait a bit longer n see whether her actions towards him will change?
I knew that he will fear to talk to her because its like so expected behavior - To fear is to lose ultimately.
P.S: A talk is essential. Enough said.
Cheers -
Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:Hi, my friend got a problem, hes in the middle of a relationship, but the gal is very cold to him, the gal is actually married, but her husband has left her, she doesnt know where her husband is now, and she has given up on her husband already. Before the gal knows my friend, she befriended another guy who she likes very much, this guy has left sg for studies, but the gal has been thinking of him since he left. My friend likes the gal very much, but at the same time is sad cause he feel so empty and lonely. The gal never calls him or msg him, unless he msg her.. Shes not very affectionate also and they just hold hands when they go out, but when my friend tries to kiss or hug her, she will back off.. My friend doesnt know why she is like dat, he thinks most probably is because the gal has juz come out of a failed marriage, and is not ready for a relationship..but this is only an assumption, which comes to wonder why the gal wans to go steady in the first place.. and the gal had confessed that sometimes she still thinks of the guy who left sg for studies, but say that she and that guy is impossible one.... so wat shld my friend do? break off and remain as friends? or hang on and let her be touched by his true love? Btw, my friend is a very caring and understanding guy, he sends the gal home everytime they go out, even though they both live from one side to the other side in singapore... and he even lets her go out wif other guys, because the gal's husband is very possesive.. and so the gal doesnt want to be tied down anymore..
my friend is lost and confused... guys & gals wat r your views on this??
OMG.... how come the story so familiar... is the girl 24 this year, and her name starts with the letter "S"...? if that's it, i think i know who you're talking about.... -
Heres wat my friend asked her that put an end to this story.....
Place: Frd and gal ard the gal's block where there r seats....
Frd: Do you think our relationship got any problems?
Gal: No, why?
Frd: Why r u so cold to me? Why u never sms me or call me??
Gal: Because i dont have the habit to do that, if u wan, i can call u everyday and ask u how r u, wat r u doing etc....
**My frd feel it is not her fault and can understand that she dun have the habit, thus can accept her answer, he also feels it is not necessary for her to do that, since itz like forcing her to do it anyway**
Frd: I feel our relationship is like "friends holding hands", wat do u think?
Gal: I hold hands with other friends too.....
**My frd is shocked... **
Frd: WHy? they r only FRIENDS u know
Gal: Why not, i only hold hands with them, and not sex, and it is with those im very close with....
**My frd is starting to doubt her character...**
Frd: So how many people do u hold hands with when u go out with them?
Gal: 3, 1 is overseas... blah blah blah
**So the truth is, she holds hands with the one in her heart b4 he left sg for studies too......
**My Frd is sad...**
Blah blah blah.... my friend talks about how vulnerable she is to those "holding hands" friends, talks abt wats the point of doing it, and tells her she is not young liao, 24 liao, shld get a stable guy, but gal says she got a stable guy friend, den declines to say any further and says... " aiya dun ask me this question la.." obviously, she doesnt wan to settle down....
**Frd thinks, even ang mos r not so open, holding hands with other friends??? hmmmm maybe real close... inside he still hopes for a chance to revive this relationship... so the last question he pops is..**
Frd: So wat am i to you?? Someone special??
Gal: You are juz a friend....
**Frd is heartbroken... it had ended.... but for better also.. he knows he cant be with her.... their relationship thinking is totally different...
Frd: Sorry love is selfish, i want someone who can accept me, and give me the feeling of love...
Gal: So we dun see each other liao loh......
** Frd thinks,is she threatening me? why is god so cruel to him, he cant bear to say he wans to end the relationship, but wat use isit to continue on like this?? **
*Silence for 10 secs*
*Frd thinks long n hard......*
Frd: LEts juz be friends............
Frd sends the gal to the lift, and tells her to take care......
Frd left her house and take a 1 hr mrt ride back home.....
Along the way, he called me, with sadness still lingering in his voice... -
shes 24 but her name doesnt start with S.....Originally posted by kurai: OMG.... how come the story so familiar... is the girl 24 this year, and her name starts with the letter "S"...? if that's it, i think i know who you're talking about.... -
Tell your friend to take it easy? There're all kinds of people in this world, you can't possibly get sad over ALL of them? Besides... This gf also he chose one what? What does it has to do with god anyway...?
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wha devil speaking in angelic tongues.Originally posted by Devil1976:Tell your friend to take it easy? There're all kinds of people in this world, you can't possibly get sad over ALL of them? Besides... This gf also he chose one what? What does it has to do with god anyway...? 
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It's a FACT? Sometimes people just would rather push the faults all where else... Last time they blame it on Evil & Devils... Now they even blame it on God...? ~Sigh...~ What has this world becomes...?Originally posted by NeonTetra:wha devil speaking in angelic tongues. -
ok....i see halo beaming over ur head and horns diminishingOriginally posted by Devil1976:It's a FACT? Sometimes people just would rather push the faults all where else... Last time they blame it on Evil & Devils... Now they even blame it on God...? ~Sigh...~ What has this world becomes...? -
Its better to lose a girl that doesn't love him, then to keep a relationship, thinking that his gf loves him. Its purely one-sided and zero committment and feelings input from her side. Your friend learn one lesson: before you leap into a relationship, understand what you are getting before anything else. I doubt he even know much about her prior beforeOriginally posted by Jeff Hardy:Heres wat my friend asked her that put an end to this story.....
Place: Frd and gal ard the gal's block where there r seats....
Frd: Do you think our relationship got any problems?
Gal: No, why?
Frd: Why r u so cold to me? Why u never sms me or call me??
Gal: Because i dont have the habit to do that, if u wan, i can call u everyday and ask u how r u, wat r u doing etc....
**My frd feel it is not her fault and can understand that she dun have the habit, thus can accept her answer, he also feels it is not necessary for her to do that, since itz like forcing her to do it anyway**
Frd: I feel our relationship is like "friends holding hands", wat do u think?
Gal: I hold hands with other friends too.....
**My frd is shocked... **
Frd: WHy? they r only FRIENDS u know
Gal: Why not, i only hold hands with them, and not sex, and it is with those im very close with....
**My frd is starting to doubt her character...**
Frd: So how many people do u hold hands with when u go out with them?
Gal: 3, 1 is overseas... blah blah blah
**So the truth is, she holds hands with the one in her heart b4 he left sg for studies too......
**My Frd is sad...**
Blah blah blah.... my friend talks about how vulnerable she is to those "holding hands" friends, talks abt wats the point of doing it, and tells her she is not young liao, 24 liao, shld get a stable guy, but gal says she got a stable guy friend, den declines to say any further and says... " aiya dun ask me this question la.." obviously, she doesnt wan to settle down....
**Frd thinks, even ang mos r not so open, holding hands with other friends??? hmmmm maybe real close... inside he still hopes for a chance to revive this relationship... so the last question he pops is..**
Frd: So wat am i to you?? Someone special??
Gal: You are juz a friend....
**Frd is heartbroken... it had ended.... but for better also.. he knows he cant be with her.... their relationship thinking is totally different...
Frd: Sorry love is selfish, i want someone who can accept me, and give me the feeling of love...
Gal: So we dun see each other liao loh......
** Frd thinks,is she threatening me? why is god so cruel to him, he cant bear to say he wans to end the relationship, but wat use isit to continue on like this?? **
*Silence for 10 secs*
*Frd thinks long n hard......*
Frd: LEts juz be friends............
Frd sends the gal to the lift, and tells her to take care......
Frd left her house and take a 1 hr mrt ride back home.....
Along the way, he called me, with sadness still lingering in his voice...
Cheers -
bReak.. remain as fRens.. den slowly touch her heart.. and then patch.. that should be the way..Originally posted by Jeff Hardy:Hi, my friend got a problem, hes in the middle of a relationship, but the gal is very cold to him, the gal is actually married, but her husband has left her, she doesnt know where her husband is now, and she has given up on her husband already. Before the gal knows my friend, she befriended another guy who she likes very much, this guy has left sg for studies, but the gal has been thinking of him since he left. My friend likes the gal very much, but at the same time is sad cause he feel so empty and lonely. The gal never calls him or msg him, unless he msg her.. Shes not very affectionate also and they just hold hands when they go out, but when my friend tries to kiss or hug her, she will back off.. My friend doesnt know why she is like dat, he thinks most probably is because the gal has juz come out of a failed marriage, and is not ready for a relationship..but this is only an assumption, which comes to wonder why the gal wans to go steady in the first place.. and the gal had confessed that sometimes she still thinks of the guy who left sg for studies, but say that she and that guy is impossible one.... so wat shld my friend do? break off and remain as friends? or hang on and let her be touched by his true love? Btw, my friend is a very caring and understanding guy, he sends the gal home everytime they go out, even though they both live from one side to the other side in singapore... and he even lets her go out wif other guys, because the gal's husband is very possesive.. and so the gal doesnt want to be tied down anymore..
my friend is lost and confused... guys & gals wat r your views on this?? -
like what was said, no point in trying to hold on to a 'relationship' which doesn't even exists in the first place.
the truth hurts. but it's better now when it's only been a while as compared to maybe 2 yrs later.
if she doen't like you, she won't. don't be mislead by her cues and have false hopes that one day you'll be able to win her heart. -
Whatever you say? I'm still me?Originally posted by NeonTetra:ok....i see halo beaming over ur head and horns diminishing