i need help with my gf.......
-
something is not right.......but the situation is this.......
i noe she got a good guy friend, probably closer than me is to her. she seldom mention him to me maybe scared that i'll be jealous but i won't unless the guy wanna try something lar. i just found out yday that she went to console that guy on the phone due to that guy have prob with his gf....dunno exactly what happened but i noe that guy's ex-gf pattern same as my gf. maybe i'm been overly-suspicious but my gf keep mentioning him to me. she noe that i'm not the type to be easily jealous. i'm getting a bit dulan of that guy and not my gf. the guy might be probably trying to chase my gf on the brink of rebound or perhaps excuse bah and he is 1 desperate guy, cannot do without gf. my gf is giving him more time than me because he got a relationship problem now. should i become so un-myself and be jealous(potentially end up bad tempered and game over) or simply let nature takes its course and perhaps let the guy have a fair competition with me(i think he'll win because he damn fucking flirt)? or any1 noes of a better way to handle the situation?? -
send in the professional killer.
or alternatively, let your gf knows how u feel
-
Originally posted by Cerebral_Assassin:something is not right.......but the situation is this.......
i noe she got a good guy friend, probably closer than me is to her. she seldom mention him to me maybe scared that i'll be jealous but i won't unless the guy wanna try something lar. i just found out yday that she went to console that guy on the phone due to that guy have prob with his gf....dunno exactly what happened but i noe that guy's ex-gf pattern same as my gf. maybe i'm been overly-suspicious but my gf keep mentioning him to me. she noe that i'm not the type to be easily jealous. i'm getting a bit dulan of that guy and not my gf. the guy might be probably trying to chase my gf on the brink of rebound or perhaps excuse bah and he is 1 desperate guy, cannot do without gf. my gf is giving him more time than me because he got a relationship problem now. should i become so un-myself and be jealous(potentially end up bad tempered and game over) or simply let nature takes its course and perhaps let the guy have a fair competition with me(i think he'll win because he damn fucking flirt)? or any1 noes of a better way to handle the situation??
try your best to help that guy patch up with his girlfriend. your BGR will be more secured when his BGR has become more stable. -
How can you let that guy win your gf? -
let your gf know exactly how U feel and if she still ends up with the other guy...she is not worth your effort...Originally posted by Cerebral_Assassin:something is not right.......but the situation is this.......
-
I think u shld haf a gd tok with ur gf and find out more abt the situation. No point guessing ard. Rem to calm down and let her noe ur feelings but at the same time, u shld listen to her as well.Originally posted by Cerebral_Assassin:something is not right.......but the situation is this.......
i noe she got a good guy friend, probably closer than me is to her. she seldom mention him to me maybe scared that i'll be jealous but i won't unless the guy wanna try something lar. i just found out yday that she went to console that guy on the phone due to that guy have prob with his gf....dunno exactly what happened but i noe that guy's ex-gf pattern same as my gf. maybe i'm been overly-suspicious but my gf keep mentioning him to me. she noe that i'm not the type to be easily jealous. i'm getting a bit dulan of that guy and not my gf. the guy might be probably trying to chase my gf on the brink of rebound or perhaps excuse bah and he is 1 desperate guy, cannot do without gf. my gf is giving him more time than me because he got a relationship problem now. should i become so un-myself and be jealous(potentially end up bad tempered and game over) or simply let nature takes its course and perhaps let the guy have a fair competition with me(i think he'll win because he damn fucking flirt)? or any1 noes of a better way to handle the situation?? -
be frank with ur gf and say u r jealous. adv her to distance from the guy.
-
Communication is always the key to a relationship. The key to faith and trust. Let her know how you are feeling, and why. Probably, she is very sure of what she is doing. Her duty to help a friend. And, she is confident that you won't misunderstand.
Just talk to her, in a nice way. She will know that you care. It isn't wrong seeking assurance actually. Whether you are jealous, or not isn't actually an issue. We have emotions afterall. -
WindOriginally posted by Wind:Communication is always the key to a relationship. The key to faith and trust. Let her know how you are feeling, and why. Probably, she is very sure of what she is doing. Her duty to help a friend. And, she is confident that you won't misunderstand.
Just talk to her, in a nice way. She will know that you care. It isn't wrong seeking assurance actually. Whether you are jealous, or not isn't actually an issue. We have emotions afterall. You got see b4 the story about the Tree and the Leaf? -
my fren, a ger, was in the situation of ur gf.
she was veri close to a guy who was not her bf, consoling him cos his relationship had problems. she neglected her own bf, & now they break up liao. oso, she had felt something for the guy though she oledi has a bf.
juz sharing my fren's exp... -
definitely not my style man....Originally posted by Coco_Coco:adv her to distance from the guy. -
tell me more.......i also wanna noeOriginally posted by kurai:Wind You got see b4 the story about the Tree and the Leaf? -
Why jealous when in fact that it simply doesn't mean anything?Originally posted by Cerebral_Assassin:something is not right.......but the situation is this.......
i noe she got a good guy friend, probably closer than me is to her. she seldom mention him to me maybe scared that i'll be jealous but i won't unless the guy wanna try something lar. i just found out yday that she went to console that guy on the phone due to that guy have prob with his gf....dunno exactly what happened but i noe that guy's ex-gf pattern same as my gf. maybe i'm been overly-suspicious but my gf keep mentioning him to me. she noe that i'm not the type to be easily jealous. i'm getting a bit dulan of that guy and not my gf. the guy might be probably trying to chase my gf on the brink of rebound or perhaps excuse bah and he is 1 desperate guy, cannot do without gf. my gf is giving him more time than me because he got a relationship problem now. should i become so un-myself and be jealous(potentially end up bad tempered and game over) or simply let nature takes its course and perhaps let the guy have a fair competition with me(i think he'll win because he damn fucking flirt)? or any1 noes of a better way to handle the situation??
Then if In the end when it meant something - then why get affected when the person you are with didn't love you at all?
***
Jealousy is an invisible demon - you have to speak out to break it's spell. Notice that most people inflicted with this feeling only shows them (bad temper, possessiveness, etc), but usually don't really talks about them. Let your gf know about your thoughts. Please note that this is only letting her know, unless you have other plans, all she need to do is to reassure you AND to explain her preception/views on her side (she needs to defend herself as well) and you listen to them.
She needs to know this thing:
I) Its good to go the extra mile for a good friend, however, this cannot be an expense of something valuable (that's you).
And you need to know this thing:
II) If you degenerate into a guy totally controlled by your jealousy side and brew your negative side (temper, etc) - you are on the way to lose her. Maybe not to him, but could be someone else. The last thing you would ever want to lose a relationship in one manner is when there isn't anything but you feel something and a scene is created. Learn to talk and communicate for if you don't say - she wouldn't know.
Cheers -
Think I read before.Originally posted by kurai:Wind You got see b4 the story about the Tree and the Leaf?
Cause the Tree didn't let the Leaf know about wanting him to stay or something like that? -
not sure if this method has mentioned before, but I think it should work.. try to ask your gr to tell the scenario to you.. and probably ask her to have that guy out, I mean 3 heads are better than 2. it will also establish your position as a bf to that guy, but also let your gf know that you're interested in her matters and her friends' well-being too, and you get to know what's going on. It's something that I learn about mate retention in my psych classes.. Well the thing now is to how to tell your gf this idea. That one I leave it up to you, but I think this should work out, some girls don't like it if you do it directly.
BUT DON'T GO OVERBOARD BY BEING OVERLY POSSESSIVE!!! -
I dun think he's being OVERLY possessive. How can a guy be willing to let his gf spend more time on another guy than him & not feel anything abt it?Originally posted by Bear:BUT DON'T GO OVERBOARD BY BEING OVERLY POSSESSIVE!!! -
tell ur gf abt how u feel so she will hv her defence up n oso wont neglect u...Originally posted by Cerebral_Assassin:something is not right.......but the situation is this.......
i noe she got a good guy friend, probably closer than me is to her. she seldom mention him to me maybe scared that i'll be jealous but i won't unless the guy wanna try something lar. i just found out yday that she went to console that guy on the phone due to that guy have prob with his gf....dunno exactly what happened but i noe that guy's ex-gf pattern same as my gf. maybe i'm been overly-suspicious but my gf keep mentioning him to me. she noe that i'm not the type to be easily jealous. i'm getting a bit dulan of that guy and not my gf. the guy might be probably trying to chase my gf on the brink of rebound or perhaps excuse bah and he is 1 desperate guy, cannot do without gf. my gf is giving him more time than me because he got a relationship problem now. should i become so un-myself and be jealous(potentially end up bad tempered and game over) or simply let nature takes its course and perhaps let the guy have a fair competition with me(i think he'll win because he damn fucking flirt)? or any1 noes of a better way to handle the situation?? -
Have a good talk with your GF, let her know how you feel or think. take note that during the discussion, never flare up at her.
cheerz and good luck -
Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit......Originally posted by Cerebral_Assassin:tell me more.......i also wanna noe
Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?
Tree
The reason I'm called Tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I started to paint a tree in the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolor paintings. I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There's one girl whom I loved a lot but never dared go after. She didn't have a pretty face, nor a good figure, or outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocence, her frankness. Like her cuteness, her intelligence and her fragility. My reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary was not good enough for me. I was also afraid that if we got together all the special feelings I had would vanish. I feared that other people's gossiping would hurt her. I also felt that if she was meant to be my girl, she would be mine ultimately and I didn't have to give everything up just for her. The last reason made her stay with me for 3 years. She watched me chase after other girls for 3 years, and I made her heart cry for 3 years.
She wanted to be a good actress and I was a very demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled and said "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like walnuts. I purposely ignored what had caused her to cry and instead, laughed at her the whole day. When everyone else went back home, she sat alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I had returned from soccer training to get something. I watched her cry for an hour or so.
My fourth girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarrelled. I know that based on her character she was not the one who had started off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled with shock. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laughed and joked with me as though nothing happened. I know that she was very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ached as badly as hers.
When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I had something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she had something to tell me too. I told her about my breakup and she told me about her getting together with someone else. I know who the guy was. He had been going after her for quite a while. He was a very cute guy who was full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the school.
I couldn't let her know how my heart ached but could only smile and congratulate her. When I reached home, my heart ached so bad that I can't stand it. There was like a heavy weight upon my chest. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to shout but couldn't. Tears rolled down and I broke down and cried. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that didn't even acknowledge her presence?
During graduation, I read a sms in my handphone. It was sent 10 days ago when I broke down and cried, but I hadn't read it since then. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay."
Leaf
During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has relied on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not the BGR kind but the buddy kind. But when he had his first girlfriend, I learned a feeling I never should have learnt - jealousy. The sourness in the heart couldn't be described using a lemon. It's Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.
I like him and I know he likes me. But why wouldn't he pursue me? Since he loved me why didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would ache. Time after time, my heart was hurt again and again. I began to suspect this was a one sided love. But if he didn't like he, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you would do for a normal friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I may know his likes, his dislikes, his habits, etc. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me, a girl, to ask him right?
Despite all this, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him, hoping that one day, he will love me too. I waited for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he was, he would make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through and I really wanted to give up. At times, I wondered whether I should continue waiting. The pain, the hurt, and the dilemma accompanied me for 3 long years.
Towards the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior began to go after me. Everyday he pursued me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I was willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm and gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realised that I didn't want to give this wind just a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away to a better land. Finally I left Tree. But Tree only smiled and didn't ask me to stay. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.
Wind
I like a girl called Leaf. Because she's so dependent on Tree, I have to be a gust of Wind, a wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was one month after I transferred to the new school. I saw a petite girl looking at my seniors and I playing soccer. During CCA time, she would always be sitting there looking at him, be it alone or with her friends. When he talked with other girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's happiness in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit, the way she liked to look at him.
One day, she wasn't there. I felt something was amiss. I can't explain the feeling except that it's a sense of uneasiness. The senior was also not there. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scold her. Tears were in her eyes when he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place looking at him. I walked over and smiled at her, took out a note and gave it to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled and accepted the note. The next day, she passed me a note and left.
Leaf's heart is too heavy and Wind couldn't blow her away.
It's not that Leaf's heart is too heavy. It is because Leaf never wanted to leave Tree.
I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me and accepted my presents and phone calls. I know that the person she loved wasn't me. But I had the perseverance that one day, I could make her like me. Within 4 months, I had declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she would divert away from the topic. But I never gave up. If I decided I wanted her to be mine, I would definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I had declared my love for her. Although I knew she would try to divert, I still had a small glimmer of hope, hoping that she would agree to be my girlfriend.
I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone, so I asked "What are you doing? Why didn't you reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head." "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head," she replied loudly. I hanged up the phone, changed quickly, took a taxi, rushed to her place and pressed her door bell. When she opened the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay. -
Story is as above. You Wind?Originally posted by Wind:Think I read before.
Cause the Tree didn't let the Leaf know about wanting him to stay or something like that? -
I do agree with you, I don't like it too. And not doing anything in the first place may imply you don't care about the girl too.. However, it's us nor our poor friend who will judge what is overly possessive, it's the girl, it's how she perceives the sincerity of the concern.Originally posted by Nothingie:I dun think he's being OVERLY possessive. How can a guy be willing to let his gf spend more time on another guy than him & not feel anything abt it?
-
Do NOT even see this as a competition? She IS your gf? Though your worries are not groundless, it would be nice if you could limit her 'contact' with him to avoid undesirable effects... But be TACTFUL in your approach, this is usually the TRICKY part...Originally posted by Cerebral_Assassin:something is not right.......but the situation is this.......
i noe she got a good guy friend, probably closer than me is to her. she seldom mention him to me maybe scared that i'll be jealous but i won't unless the guy wanna try something lar. i just found out yday that she went to console that guy on the phone due to that guy have prob with his gf....dunno exactly what happened but i noe that guy's ex-gf pattern same as my gf. maybe i'm been overly-suspicious but my gf keep mentioning him to me. she noe that i'm not the type to be easily jealous. i'm getting a bit dulan of that guy and not my gf. the guy might be probably trying to chase my gf on the brink of rebound or perhaps excuse bah and he is 1 desperate guy, cannot do without gf. my gf is giving him more time than me because he got a relationship problem now. should i become so un-myself and be jealous(potentially end up bad tempered and game over) or simply let nature takes its course and perhaps let the guy have a fair competition with me(i think he'll win because he damn fucking flirt)? or any1 noes of a better way to handle the situation??
If your gf is really for you and this relationship with her, mild adequate 'intervention' shall do....
2 POINTS to note here?
1. That guy's probably shouldn't be too long lasting. If it is, HINT to your gf that he's actually CREATING alot of unnecessary 'troubles'.
2. Your gf can't possibly babysits him for the rest of his life? 'Mild intervention' for now... And if this thing prolongs a bit? Ask your gf... If she's more willing to spend time to babysit this guy or spend quality time with you? -
......Originally posted by kurai:Story is as above. You Wind?
I thought what.
My nick has got nothing to do with the story. -
TRUST
-
TRUST her & have Faith in yourself!
Gd Luck