We're pushing kids too far to boost our ego
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Here is an article from "STREATS". Thursday, 11 December 2003.
I WAS approached by a friend last week asking if I had "connections" to help her daughter secure a place in a particular secondary school.
Her daughter, who had just received her Primary School Leaving Examination results, did reasonably well, but did not qualify to enter a school of the parents' choice.
She missed the maximum entry cut-off by just a few points.
The concerned parent, understandably, wants her daughter to enter a highly ranked school. Both parents want to provide the best education for their only child.
They would be happy with her enrolment in a top school, whatever her chances of doing well there.
This is not an isolated case.
I was told that this happens at all levels once the exam results are out, whether it's for entry into primary or secondary school or junior college.
While the parents have good intentions, I wonder if they realise that they could be doing their child an injustice.
Their noble objective of giving their child the "best" could well be thwarted and their actions could actually end up creating problems for the kid, nstead of smoothening the child's way through school and on to the path to future success.
Our education standards are very high. The difference of a few points on entry can actually be a big gap in terms of the academic performance of two children.
Unless and until it is proven that the gap is not reflective of the child's abilities, my friend should accept that pushing her daughter into a top school could result in burdening her with the enormous responsibility of trying to catch up with peers who are academically superior.
When this happens, they should not accuse a teacher of "rushing" through a particular syllabus when 90% of his students become conversant with the topic being taught.
They must be ready for the possiblilty that their child could end up in that 10% of those who become frustrated and suffer low morale.
The gap between the two groups could widen as the year progresses, unless parents of the weaker students have the financial resources to seek external help such as after-school tution teachers.
Often, the children of less-heeled parents suffer in silence.
Their plight becomes even more agonising when they are blamed for not applying themselves "like so and so".
A once-studious child can start dreading going to school, pretending to be ill and playing truant. An otherwise good intention by her parents backfires.
An otherwise average-grade child, who could have earned better results in a normal stream competing with students on equal ground, can be demoralised to the point of giving up.
Over the years, we have seen parents give up dreams of big families in order to be able to give the best they can afford to their children.
In return, they expect the best from their children, often ignoring the pressure this puts on the kids.
We know of parents buying houses just to be near good schools so that their child will have priority during the allocation of places.
We know of parents volunteering for community work just to improve their chances further.
The pressure on our youngsters is unrelenting.
It is not uncommon today to see parents insisting their children take ballet, music, art and language classes.
However you describe it, "imbibing culture" or "gaining status" little regard appears to be paid to whether the child has the interest or the flair for sich extra-curricular activities.
I feel strongly that such activities are better undertaken by children with at least a glimmer of passion for them.
Without this, parents' efforts, with the best will in the world, will come to mought.
If you send me to an art class, my sketches of human form will still look like the stick figures representing "the Saint".
With all the pressure now being put on children to excel beyond their limits, there is little wonder why there are growing numbers running away from home, suffering mental breakdown or committing suicide after examination results are released.
It appears to me that the root cause of today's problems is that our children have become the ultimate status symbol.
We are who our children have become.
Their success is proof of our superiority.
We say that we want more for our children because our society is a meritocracy when what we really mean is that we are scared that their failure would highlight our mediocrity.
Listen carefully when parents talk. When they they say their child has topped his class, what they mean is that they, the parents, have beaten the other parents.
This "competition" among parents is not really new. But the symbols of superiority are: a place in a top ranked school, a Grade 8 piano pass, a scholarship.
Nevermind that not every child can win a scholarship. Nevermind that not every child even wants to win a scholarship.
Our ego blinds us to the fact that, hey, we came through all right without those things.
So the next time you get the urge to ask someone to pull strings to get your child into a big pond, remember: you could be drowning her with your egoism.
By Ronnie Poon -
The concerned parent, understandably, wants her daughter to enter a highly ranked school. Both parents want to provide the best education for their only child.
The best does not necessarily mean a high ranking school? Why do you judge a school based on previous batches' results? There is no wisdom or logic in that. A school should be chosen based on how you feel in the school, and its equipment.This "competition" among parents is not really new. But the symbols of superiority are: a place in a top ranked school, a Grade 8 piano pass, a scholarship.
Oh yes ofcourse, its the Asian mentality, so that Mrs Chong can tell Mrs Lee down the road that her daughter is in RAFFLES JUNIOR COLLEGE!! And Mrs Lee will nag her daughter to get into some other school with a fashionable Christian name to compete. Its bullshit.With all the pressure now being put on children to excel beyond their limits, there is little wonder why there are growing numbers running away from home, suffering mental breakdown or committing suicide after examination results are released.
ANd why there is so little creativity and shitty ads, don't forget that. And conformist generally unquestioning minds, which as adults, are sent to world conferences to sit down and shut up while other delegates have the courage to clear inqueries. Its the same in company meetings.If you send me to an art class, my sketches of human form will still look like the stick figures representing "the Saint".
Oh did you design the Saint's T-shirt? Great design. -
I saw kindergarten kids going to extra classes to learn things that they are going to learn in their primary school.
I saw Primary 1 kids going for tuition classes.
What has the world come to? Or what has Singapore come to?
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i remember an article in the papers about this mad woman who was so proud that her daughter, all of 2 1/2 years (!!!) is attending a truckload of classes like reading, ballet and God knows what other things!!
i kept thinking: this woman should be hung, drawn and quartered for depriving her daughter of a childhood!!Originally posted by sgboy2004:I saw kindergarten kids going to extra classes to learn things that they are going to learn in their primary school.
I saw Primary 1 kids going for tuition classes.
What has the world come to? Or what has Singapore come to? -
I agree that kids shouldn't be made to attend all these classes for the wrong reasons. However it is a good chance for them to mix around with other kids rather than be glued to the TV the whole day and not get an opportunity to mix around and learn. Personally I applaud the whole childcare idea.. Excellent way to rebuild the kampong spirit where kids learn from one anotherOriginally posted by the Bear:i remember an article in the papers about this mad woman who was so proud that her daughter, all of 2 1/2 years (!!!) is attending a truckload of classes like reading, ballet and God knows what other things!!
i kept thinking: this woman should be hung, drawn and quartered for depriving her daughter of a childhood!! -
it wasn't childcare or group thing.. she was proud that it was one-to-one tuition and all that..
and then went on to rant about each day, "no time was wasted" because got all these classesOriginally posted by questor:I agree that kids shouldn't be made to attend all these classes for the wrong reasons. However it is a good chance for them to mix around with other kids rather than be glued to the TV the whole day and not get an opportunity to mix around and learn. Personally I applaud the whole childcare idea.. Excellent way to rebuild the kampong spirit where kids learn from one another -
I seeOriginally posted by the Bear:it wasn't childcare or group thing.. she was proud that it was one-to-one tuition and all that..
and then went on to rant about each day, "no time was wasted" because got all these classes
Ah I guess the mum was a true-blue follower of the Singaporean trait kiasuism 
Sometimes I do wonder how much of kiasuism is a perverse result of Meritocracy.. -
i dunno..
i figure, if you love your child, you would not want your child to become a cog in the machine..Originally posted by questor:I see Ah I guess the mum was a true-blue follower of the Singaporean trait kiasuism
Sometimes I do wonder how much of kiasuism is a perverse result of Meritocracy.. -
ah but some parents will say that "I love you therefore I want you to get the best opportunities to be the best of your potential... blah blah blah.."
Not that I will raise my child to be like that but I'm just saying.. -
Relax... I can understand yr feelings... But I aint' dat RONNIE!Originally posted by men_@_arms:Oh did you design the Saint's T-shirt? Great design.
I only post it here for U peeps to read & noe wat our younger generation is facing. I DO NOT wan my brother to be liddat... but now his studies kinda CMI... need TWAINING! (wait till I do a body splash on him then he noe... muah ha ha ha ha)
Dis article oso serves as a warning to those who have kids, dat pressuring them at such a young age is not healthy... especially when they r NOT ready for it.
& I dun tink dis is wat we call "giving da BEST for out children"... to me, giving "best" is more of making them happy. Letting them noe they r in good care & their lives as happy & carefree as possible.
If any1 SERIOUSLY wanna do wats mentioned in da article, might as well suggest dis (especially for those who haven got 1 babe but planning to do b4 even born...) find a doc good at DNA analysation & structuring, then ask da doc to amend da DNA structure so da child can be born some wat of a "best" thing loh... (any1 watched Gundam Seed, U noe wat I mean...
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I think ur topic subject sums it all up...most parents indeed pushing their kids too hard to boost their ego..especially if their kids didnt quite make the cut....Originally posted by loneryu00:Here is an article from "STREATS". Thursday, 11 December 2003.
I WAS approached by a friend last week asking if I had "connections" to help her daughter secure a place in a particular secondary school.
Her daughter, who had just received her Primary School Leaving Examination results, did reasonably well, but did not qualify to enter a school of the parents' choice.
She missed the maximum entry cut-off by just a few points.
The concerned parent, understandably, wants her daughter to enter a highly ranked school. Both parents want to provide the best education for their only child.
They would be happy with her enrolment in a top school, whatever her chances of doing well there.
This is not an isolated case.
I was told that this happens at all levels once the exam results are out, whether it's for entry into primary or secondary school or junior college.
While the parents have good intentions, I wonder if they realise that they could be doing their child an injustice.
Their noble objective of giving their child the "best" could well be thwarted and their actions could actually end up creating problems for the kid, nstead of smoothening the child's way through school and on to the path to future success.
Our education standards are very high. The difference of a few points on entry can actually be a big gap in terms of the academic performance of two children.
Unless and until it is proven that the gap is not reflective of the child's abilities, my friend should accept that pushing her daughter into a top school could result in burdening her with the enormous responsibility of trying to catch up with peers who are academically superior.
When this happens, they should not accuse a teacher of "rushing" through a particular syllabus when 90% of his students become conversant with the topic being taught.
They must be ready for the possiblilty that their child could end up in that 10% of those who become frustrated and suffer low morale.
The gap between the two groups could widen as the year progresses, unless parents of the weaker students have the financial resources to seek external help such as after-school tution teachers.
Often, the children of less-heeled parents suffer in silence.
Their plight becomes even more agonising when they are blamed for not applying themselves "like so and so".
A once-studious child can start dreading going to school, pretending to be ill and playing truant. An otherwise good intention by her parents backfires.
An otherwise average-grade child, who could have earned better results in a normal stream competing with students on equal ground, can be demoralised to the point of giving up.
Over the years, we have seen parents give up dreams of big families in order to be able to give the best they can afford to their children.
In return, they expect the best from their children, often ignoring the pressure this puts on the kids.
We know of parents buying houses just to be near good schools so that their child will have priority during the allocation of places.
We know of parents volunteering for community work just to improve their chances further.
The pressure on our youngsters is unrelenting.
It is not uncommon today to see parents insisting their children take ballet, music, art and language classes.
However you describe it, "imbibing culture" or "gaining status" little regard appears to be paid to whether the child has the interest or the flair for sich extra-curricular activities.
I feel strongly that such activities are better undertaken by children with at least a glimmer of passion for them.
Without this, parents' efforts, with the best will in the world, will come to mought.
If you send me to an art class, my sketches of human form will still look like the stick figures representing "the Saint".
With all the pressure now being put on children to excel beyond their limits, there is little wonder why there are growing numbers running away from home, suffering mental breakdown or committing suicide after examination results are released.
It appears to me that the root cause of today's problems is that our children have become the ultimate status symbol.
We are who our children have become.
Their success is proof of our superiority.
We say that we want more for our children because our society is a meritocracy when what we really mean is that we are scared that their failure would highlight our mediocrity.
Listen carefully when parents talk. When they they say their child has topped his class, what they mean is that they, the parents, have beaten the other parents.
This "competition" among parents is not really new. But the symbols of superiority are: a place in a top ranked school, a Grade 8 piano pass, a scholarship.
Nevermind that not every child can win a scholarship. Nevermind that not every child even wants to win a scholarship.
Our ego blinds us to the fact that, hey, we came through all right without those things.
So the next time you get the urge to ask someone to pull strings to get your child into a big pond, remember: you could be drowning her with your egoism.
By Ronnie Poon -
Oh well... At least there r some response regarding dis topic he wrote. Its in da Streats too. Friday, 12 Dec.Originally posted by sgforums.com:I think ur topic subject sums it all up...most parents indeed pushing their kids too hard to boost their ego..especially if their kids didnt quite make the cut....
BTW... nice nick. -
I dun tink dis is wat we call "giving da BEST for out children"... to me, giving "best" is more of making them happy. Letting them noe they r in good care & their lives as happy & carefree as possible.
Here here! -
Eh?Originally posted by men_@_arms:Here here!
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hmm.. it is true.. some parents want their kids to do well, just to show them off as throphy.. but some are genuine wan ba