I feel more like an extra than a partner...
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This is quite a complicated thing.
Firstly, i like this girl and so does she as we confessed to each other recently, she liked me for 2 years already and i only got to know that during the confession. we are not attached though. Yesterday we went out together together with her other 5 couple friends so altogether there are 6 couples including us. But the problem is that i feel treated more like an extra rather than her partner. She doesnt talk to me much, or company me, instead, i seems to be "tagging" her.
Sometimes i sense that she cares, like often taking glances to see where i am, what i'm doing, am i still there and stuffs. Its complicated to say... i just feel like i'm an extra. I don't feel the loving thingy between us, rather more like caring for friends that kinda of feeling.
She doesn't call me also, its always me that take the first move. On conversation, we talk so less but she can talk lots with her friends. We known each other for like 7 years already... furthermore.. she waited for me for 2 years...
Because of this, i having the feeling that both of us wont last or have a lovely relationship.. the reason being... i quite a sensitive guy and the situation now is rather not what i expected... What should i do? Please help me out!! I'm feeling very puzzled.. i cant seems to read her mind... -
have a heart to heart talk and find out what she really need ... and want ... you will know what she want when you ask .. rite?
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relaz...all these things take time....Originally posted by brian:This is quite a complicated thing.
Firstly, i like this girl and so does she as we confessed to each other recently, she liked me for 2 years already and i only got to know that during the confession. we are not attached though. Yesterday we went out together together with her other 5 couple friends so altogether there are 6 couples including us. But the problem is that i feel treated more like an extra rather than her partner. She doesnt talk to me much, or company me, instead, i seems to be "tagging" her.
Sometimes i sense that she cares, like often taking glances to see where i am, what i'm doing, am i still there and stuffs. Its complicated to say... i just feel like i'm an extra. I don't feel the loving thingy between us, rather more like caring for friends that kinda of feeling.
She doesn't call me also, its always me that take the first move. On conversation, we talk so less but she can talk lots with her friends. We known each other for like 7 years already... furthermore.. she waited for me for 2 years...
Because of this, i having the feeling that both of us wont last or have a lovely relationship.. the reason being... i quite a sensitive guy and the situation now is rather not what i expected... What should i do? Please help me out!! I'm feeling very puzzled.. i cant seems to read her mind...
have a feeling that the ger doesnt wan to let u know or rather controlling herself not to love u more than u do for her.. that's y she talk lesser to you or doesnt make the first move... which is normal for couple who are just starting out.. because as a ger, she feels that she needs to protect herself from being hurt... so she needs to 'test water' first to see if u are suitable for her, if not suitable, she can sound a break-off first before she commits or loves you too much...
is this the first time u go out with her friends as couple? of coz it be expected that u be quiet coz its the first time and prior to that u do not have any interaction with the rest before.. go out with them more often, so that u can have common topic to talk abt.. -
Without wind, the dried leaves won't rise.
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maybe she is the quieter kind...?
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Since this is the FIRST outing u have with her as a couple...it could be that she is alittle uncomfortable....as u know...sometimes frenz may tease her about it......give her some time to warm up...or she could just be observing your reactions....Originally posted by brian:This is quite a complicated thing.
Firstly, i like this girl and so does she as we confessed to each other recently, she liked me for 2 years already and i only got to know that during the confession. we are not attached though. Yesterday we went out together together with her other 5 couple friends so altogether there are 6 couples including us. But the problem is that i feel treated more like an extra rather than her partner. She doesnt talk to me much, or company me, instead, i seems to be "tagging" her.
Sometimes i sense that she cares, like often taking glances to see where i am, what i'm doing, am i still there and stuffs. Its complicated to say... i just feel like i'm an extra. I don't feel the loving thingy between us, rather more like caring for friends that kinda of feeling.
She doesn't call me also, its always me that take the first move. On conversation, we talk so less but she can talk lots with her friends. We known each other for like 7 years already... furthermore.. she waited for me for 2 years...
Because of this, i having the feeling that both of us wont last or have a lovely relationship.. the reason being... i quite a sensitive guy and the situation now is rather not what i expected... What should i do? Please help me out!! I'm feeling very puzzled.. i cant seems to read her mind...
Some girls generally have lesser to say to their partner in comparison to their frenz....esp if its the INITIAL stage of the relationship....as the relationship proceeds....things will change for the better as you get more farmiliar with one another...
Do not assume that she should know you since you have been friends for 7 years....things have changed now...the status is no longer the same as it was 7 years ago...its the beginning of another chapter....
She maybe fearful of being hurt....since you all have known each other for 7 years and she has waited 2 years for you....wat took u so long to return her feelings...this could bring insecurity into play...that's y she is building an invisible wall ard her...she wants to find out if you really cared while having the protection within the walls...
In all relationships...i think what is important to the girl is a sense of security, care and concern....
Do not be pessimistic as yet as this could sub-consciously affect the relationship and prevent it from blossoming... -
Hi all, thanks for the advises and reply.
Qoo`~`
is this the first time u go out with her friends as couple?
Yeh.. this is actually the first time, usually its just one or two. Hmm... if you were to bring a partner along, should you be accompanying him/her for that day? Because him/her came because of you...
tibirg
maybe she is the quieter kind...?
Nope.. she isn't. She can talk alot with her friends.. but with me, its very little. I'll do most of the talking first.
Whistar
Everything was complicated. 2 years ago, we were actually together, but everything just lasted for a week. She broke off with me because my best friend came and mess things up for us. She felt guilty for liking both of us and she initiated the breakup because she thought it was unfair to me. Soon, another ger stepped into my life, i got attached but we broke off months ago. Because i was attached.. she kept it to herself, waiting sliently for me for 2 years. I was touched and i wished i can treat her even better this time. But i just feel that something is missing.
You all are right.. perhaps i should have shown more care to her and stuffs, building up the trust and security but I'm just afraid that i will be bothering her, in other words, holding on her too tight. Now, I keep the amount of sms and calls to a limit. There was once when i waitied at her house all night to surprise her but my plan failed. The next day she found out from her friends about what i did but she didnt have any reaction. Am i expecting too much from her?
This is the first time i experience this from a ger, really need the advises from you guys.. should i show even more care and concern now like to the extend of couples or keep it to the extend of friends?
How can i make her to take the initiative first? She's always afraid of troubling me even though i told her i will do anything as long as within my ability.
I'm really sorry to keep bothering. -
how abt u ask her out on 1on1 dates first... c if chemistry can happen anot lor, if cannot no point persist...
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don't worry...some girls are like that...just give her some more time.maybe she is used to the life being alone,i think u shld give her some time to let her change.
if she really love u,i think she will treat beta maybe in the future...
if she continue to be like this in future thn i think u have to reconsider this relationship already...
anyway best wishes for the both of u... -
Firstly, you both ain't officially a couple. Then of course, this feeling will definitely sink in BECAUSE its only friendship for now among the couples. You see, you both expressed feelings towards each other - yet you both ain't together in a relationship (for some reasons though).Originally posted by brian:This is quite a complicated thing.
Firstly, i like this girl and so does she as we confessed to each other recently, she liked me for 2 years already and i only got to know that during the confession. we are not attached though. Yesterday we went out together together with her other 5 couple friends so altogether there are 6 couples including us. But the problem is that i feel treated more like an extra rather than her partner. She doesnt talk to me much, or company me, instead, i seems to be "tagging" her.
Sometimes i sense that she cares, like often taking glances to see where i am, what i'm doing, am i still there and stuffs. Its complicated to say... i just feel like i'm an extra. I don't feel the loving thingy between us, rather more like caring for friends that kinda of feeling.
She doesn't call me also, its always me that take the first move. On conversation, we talk so less but she can talk lots with her friends. We known each other for like 7 years already... furthermore.. she waited for me for 2 years...
Because of this, i having the feeling that both of us wont last or have a lovely relationship.. the reason being... i quite a sensitive guy and the situation now is rather not what i expected... What should i do? Please help me out!! I'm feeling very puzzled.. i cant seems to read her mind...
Not only you - if I were to go out with couple friends only, plus me. I would somewhat feel extra.
She can talk alot with friends, yet she doesn't call you. There are two reasons:
I) You are someone she loves as a crush, not as a friend. This creates a psychological barrier of getting real easy with you BECAUSE there are bound to be stress when speaking with you.
II) She likes you and feel that maybe you suspected something as well. When you feel awkward on her side, you react awkwardly without knowing it. She, in turn, sense it, and will remain passive mode.
All I wanna say is that: Caring for friends? Isn't it the first step before love? Your sensitivity ain't intuition-based because if you are - you would have already discovered that she liked you long ago. You are just thinking far too much and your sensitivity comes from focusing too much on what had took place (she likes you, etc) and the fear about it.
P.S: Without being in the actual relationship itself, you will never know what is it like with her. Try this: Go on a 1 v 1 date instead of a group date. Make her feel comfortable with you and you with her as well. Then extend this to another few more private dates. See how this goes.
Cheers -
Originally posted by brian:
She is just unsure of what ot expect this time around...since you all got together 2 years ago but broke up shortly....give her more time to open up to you....
Hi all, thanks for the advises and reply.
Qoo`~`
[b]is this the first time u go out with her friends as couple?
Yeh.. this is actually the first time, usually its just one or two. Hmm... if you were to bring a partner along, should you be accompanying him/her for that day? Because him/her came because of you...
tibirg
maybe she is the quieter kind...?
Nope.. she isn't. She can talk alot with her friends.. but with me, its very little. I'll do most of the talking first.
Whistar
Everything was complicated. 2 years ago, we were actually together, but everything just lasted for a week. She broke off with me because my best friend came and mess things up for us. She felt guilty for liking both of us and she initiated the breakup because she thought it was unfair to me. Soon, another ger stepped into my life, i got attached but we broke off months ago. Because i was attached.. she kept it to herself, waiting sliently for me for 2 years. I was touched and i wished i can treat her even better this time. But i just feel that something is missing.
You all are right.. perhaps i should have shown more care to her and stuffs, building up the trust and security but I'm just afraid that i will be bothering her, in other words, holding on her too tight. Now, I keep the amount of sms and calls to a limit. There was once when i waitied at her house all night to surprise her but my plan failed. The next day she found out from her friends about what i did but she didnt have any reaction. Am i expecting too much from her?
This is the first time i experience this from a ger, really need the advises from you guys.. should i show even more care and concern now like to the extend of couples or keep it to the extend of friends?
How can i make her to take the initiative first? She's always afraid of troubling me even though i told her i will do anything as long as within my ability.
I'm really sorry to keep bothering. [/b]
Dun expect things to happen as fast as you want it to happen...hurrying wont take you anywhere....instead it might cause undue pressure in the relationship which will convert to disasterous results....
Sweet little gestures sometimes are worth alot more than u can imagine..(e.g. calling her up to find out how she is when she is sick, buying lunch for her when she is really busy with work and has no time to buy her own meal)
Little gestures are less "threathening"....wait til she is more comfortable and opens up more to u before you do anything more drastic....
U can try asking her out on dates doing things u both love...(e.g. cycling, playing games)....just try and keep the atmosphere light...
Dun always harbour the thought that something is missing in the relationship...this wont do u any good at all....just be yourself...
Well....All the best of luck
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Thanks for all the advises guys! I think i'm enlighten. I have to admit that after the confession, pressure has been on me because i'm too scare to lose her. I'm afraid of not making the first move fast and she get sick of waiting and leave one day.
I understand what i am suppose to do now. To everyone that posted here, thank you very much! Esp. whistar, your advises really woke me up, i know what i have been missing already. All my little gestures, i seems to be lacking of this and thus taking things for granted. Thanks alot!
Wish me luck!
Lastly, thanks to all again! -
glad u work yr thoughts out yrself...Originally posted by brian:Thanks for all the advises guys! I think i'm enlighten. I have to admit that after the confession, pressure has been on me because i'm too scare to lose her. I'm afraid of not making the first move fast and she get sick of waiting and leave one day.
I understand what i am suppose to do now. To everyone that posted here, thank you very much! Esp. whistar, your advises really woke me up, i know what i have been missing already. All my little gestures, i seems to be lacking of this and thus taking things for granted. Thanks alot!
Wish me luck!
Lastly, thanks to all again!
cheers~ me wish u a blissful relationship ahead.... -
You are welcomed.....All the bestOriginally posted by brian:Thanks for all the advises guys! I think i'm enlighten. I have to admit that after the confession, pressure has been on me because i'm too scare to lose her. I'm afraid of not making the first move fast and she get sick of waiting and leave one day.
I understand what i am suppose to do now. To everyone that posted here, thank you very much! Esp. whistar, your advises really woke me up, i know what i have been missing already. All my little gestures, i seems to be lacking of this and thus taking things for granted. Thanks alot!
Wish me luck!
Lastly, thanks to all again!