Urgent advice needed!!!! pls help
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i been chasing this ger for the past 6-7mths.. after knowing her for 2 mths i tell her that i like her and hope that we can start a relationship but then she rejected me.. she din even give a reason why (she just dun wan to say.. i asked her is there a possibility to be together, she say no but we can still be friend rite? of coz i say yes) ... for the next 2wk our conversation is very little.. even she online i chat with her she will just onli reply me 1 or 2 sentence n that the end.. when we go out as a grp (we often went out in a grp, i dun hv chance to go out her alone), we hardly talk to each other, if got grp outing she will ask other ppl to contract me instead of her... i tired to adjust myself and just treat her as friend infront of her (the feeling is soooo BAD when u like someone n u nd to treat her as friend).. As time goes by slowly we start to have abit of conversation but nt that much.. i show care & concern, help her whenever she need etc...
Since her bday is ard the corner at the time so i did a mtv flash to express my feeling toward her.. i put in my 2mth hard work to do that flash... so on her bday i passed it to her together with some presents.. she saw the flash n said well done but then she rejected again.. once again i was very very upset.. i dunno wat to say.. i cried... THE HISTORY REPEATED AGAIN.. (for the next 2-4wks our conversation is very little.. even she online i chat with her she will just onli reply me 1 or 2 sentence n that the end.. when we go out as a grp (we often went out in a grp, i dun hv chance to go out her alone), we hardly talk to each other, if got grp outing she will ask other ppl to contract me instead of her and if we play until midnight nd to share cab home.. she will request send her back first instead of last if i am at the sence or she will took seperate cab frm me)..although she treat me as friend but then in 1 way she like avoiding me..
Things start to turn out better after a few mths.... she start to talk to me..and willing to let me send her home if we nd to share cab. At this point of time i really treat her as a friend even down in my heart i really like her.. I really show her alot of concern & care n understand her.. since i haven give up on her so this christmas i brought her a gift n meet her up alone gave it to her personally.. she accepted it and say thanks to me.. that all...
I really want to know why she rejected me and u know i very scare of asking her as i afraid the HISTORY will repeat again.. NOW i am totally lost.. i dunno wat to do... SHLD I give up or shld i continue? what shld i do if continue? wat is the best way? i going MAD!!!
any kind soul pls advice me.. i really need help.. really really...
thank alot -
let's face it. she doesnt like u.
let accept that fact and move on.
the way i see it, the reason of her not liking you is not important. -
i agree with www.
even she has rejected you. life has to go on. decision is in your hand. whether to give up or not is just within a thin line of speech. yes or no!
think first are you willing take care of her for the rest of her life?
we are talking about true love over here -
It's nice having to see antoh making frequent contributions here. Hmm....experience of r/s?
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To iPower,
You know her for two months and confessed that you like her.
Verdict : Rejected
She didn't give you a reason for not liking you is because there's no reason to give when she don't want to have a relationship. Or should i say there's no need to.
It was clearly shown that she wants to keep as a friend and no further then that. Maybe when she's ready, she'll do the approach...
I tell you why she cut her conversation short from you.
It's called Hit and Run - You hit, she runs...very simply putting across to you >>> she doesn't want to lead you on. Note: Wrong Signals are very very dangerous
So her way in dealing with troubled spots will be cutting off conversation and let the other party feel(understand) that there's no chance between the both of them.
It's obvious that during outings and online chats. The message drove home - no chance.
Reasons?
Could be past hurts,
Simply no attraction towards the other party,
or no interest in r/s
or 'keeping a friend is better then losing one.'
Christmas Gift?
Thanks and that's all....?
Again she drove the message across.
Give some thought: Would it be better if she avoid you all the way and doesn't want to accept your presents or that she keeps to her stand and still wants to be your friend?
Advice,
After two months of knowing her, may i ask if you have known her enough? And for the rest of those months...all those that you did...maybe those are not what she wants.
My guess is, you're not the kind of guy she wants. And yes....she knows what she wants, it could be concluded when a girl makes the decision to draw herself away from you.
A decision-maker.
Very sincere of you, and i say it's very rare to come by....but i must say, if obviously she is not a least bit interested. Then it's suicidal and you play victim.
Understand that at this point of time...a friendship level is attained. And be thankful of that.
Developing a comfortable level of communication is the key to enter one person's personal life and injects true importance in the other party's life.
Instead of wanting her(wooing her)...which i don't think you should have a second thought about it. Please be a sincere friend towards her.
But if you have decided that you should give her up. Please do it like a gentleman and don't habour hurts to live by. Relationship started a friendship should end a friendship.
Lastly, do not rush time
Good wine was never meant to be produced in a day. It's The process that matters....
Cheers
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Originally posted by M©+square:
nowaday attached liao more mood to gossip ... whaha
It's nice having to see antoh making frequent contributions here. Hmm....experience of r/s?
_______________________
To iPower,
You know her for two months and confessed that you like her.
Verdict : [b]Rejected
She didn't give you a reason for not liking you is because there's no reason to give when she don't want to have a relationship. Or should i say there's no need to.
It was clearly shown that she wants to keep as a friend and no further then that. Maybe when she's ready, she'll do the approach...
I tell you why she cut her conversation short from you.
It's called Hit and Run - You hit, she runs...very simply putting across to you >>> she doesn't want to lead you on. Note: Wrong Signals are very very dangerous
So her way in dealing with troubled spots will be cutting off conversation and let the other party feel(understand) that there's no chance between the both of them.
It's obvious that during outings and online chats. The message drove home - no chance.
Reasons?
Could be past hurts,
Simply no attraction towards the other party,
or no interest in r/s
or 'keeping a friend is better then losing one.'
Christmas Gift?
Thanks and that's all....?
Again she drove the message across.
Give some thought: Would it be better if she avoid you all the way and doesn't want to accept your presents or that she keeps to her stand and still wants to be your friend?
Advice,
After two months of knowing her, may i ask if you have known her enough? And for the rest of those months...all those that you did...maybe those are not what she wants.
My guess is, you're not the kind of guy she wants. And yes....she knows what she wants, it could be concluded when a girl makes the decision to draw herself away from you.
A decision-maker.
Very sincere of you, and i say it's very rare to come by....but i must say, if obviously she is not a least bit interested. Then it's suicidal and you play victim.
Understand that at this point of time...a friendship level is attained. And be thankful of that.
Developing a comfortable level of communication is the key to enter one person's personal life and injects true importance in the other party's life.
Instead of wanting her(wooing her)...which i don't think you should have a second thought about it. Please be a sincere friend towards her.
But if you have decided that you should give her up. Please do it like a gentleman and don't habour hurts to live by. Relationship started a friendship should end a friendship.
Lastly, do not rush time
Good wine was never meant to be produced in a day. It's a process that matters....
Cheers [/b]
for me i rather keep her as a friend. i think this happen to me and one of my best friend now. if i have choose to persist, i think i m still thinking about her.
but now i m thinking bout my gf.
your time will come ar babe.
dont worry. we are still young. -
forget abt her bah, now mayb she jz wan to treat u as a fren... so to save u from any history lessons, better to let go, b jz a fren to her... theres lotsa gals out there...
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hi. u should let everything go by its own... Don't ever force her. Otherwise you will regret. Go slowly. BGR cannot be rushed. It is not like buying things. u like u buy. u don't like then leave.
if you really like her, just let her be on her own and slowly, maybe she will accept you. a few months is not long enough. sometimes it may take years. so no choice, go step by step. you cannot jump queue.
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It's already quite obvious. She's trying to distance herself away from you because she don't want u to entertain false hopes. It's quite common. I guess she just wanna stay as friends.
However...........it doesn't mean that bcos of the above, she will never accept u. Remember, perceptions of a person can change. Nothing is impossible in this world.
Before you decide whether to continue pursuing her, ask yourself:
# Do u really love her to the extent that even if being rejected many times, u still won't give up?
# How much do you know her and what's her ideal type of boyfriend?
# Do you think she is worth your love for her?
# Will you purposely change certain triaits of your character to accommodate her?
Personally, I feel that sincerity is the best way forward. Show her your sincerity. However, you do not need to purposely change your character to accomodate her as this will seem very 'artificial' (unless of cos, bad habits). Be your natural. Projects a sense of confidence and warmth. Most importantly, don't force her to make a decision.
The process will be long and often demoralising. It really depends how much you want her to be your gf and love her. However, there must also be a stage whereby you must give up if all things failed. Nothing is impossible...but it's always advantageous to know when to stop.. -
If she shown you its hopeless shouldn't u accept that fact and carry on with your life?
If it carrys on maybe you will even lose her friendship isn't tat worst? -
This is a good case for study and contribute good pointers for guys to avoid especially if you sense that the girl you are chasing belongs to this category.Originally posted by ipowersia:i been chasing this ger for the past 6-7mths.. after knowing her for 2 mths i tell her that i like her and hope that we can start a relationship but then she rejected me.. she din even give a reason why (she just dun wan to say.. i asked her is there a possibility to be together, she say no but we can still be friend rite? of coz i say yes) ... for the next 2wk our conversation is very little.. even she online i chat with her she will just onli reply me 1 or 2 sentence n that the end.. when we go out as a grp (we often went out in a grp, i dun hv chance to go out her alone), we hardly talk to each other, if got grp outing she will ask other ppl to contract me instead of her... i tired to adjust myself and just treat her as friend infront of her (the feeling is soooo BAD when u like someone n u nd to treat her as friend).. As time goes by slowly we start to have abit of conversation but nt that much.. i show care & concern, help her whenever she need etc...
Since her bday is ard the corner at the time so i did a mtv flash to express my feeling toward her.. i put in my 2mth hard work to do that flash... so on her bday i passed it to her together with some presents.. she saw the flash n said well done but then she rejected again.. once again i was very very upset.. i dunno wat to say.. i cried... THE HISTORY REPEATED AGAIN.. (for the next 2-4wks our conversation is very little.. even she online i chat with her she will just onli reply me 1 or 2 sentence n that the end.. when we go out as a grp (we often went out in a grp, i dun hv chance to go out her alone), we hardly talk to each other, if got grp outing she will ask other ppl to contract me instead of her and if we play until midnight nd to share cab home.. she will request send her back first instead of last if i am at the sence or she will took seperate cab frm me)..although she treat me as friend but then in 1 way she like avoiding me..
Things start to turn out better after a few mths.... she start to talk to me..and willing to let me send her home if we nd to share cab. At this point of time i really treat her as a friend even down in my heart i really like her.. I really show her alot of concern & care n understand her.. since i haven give up on her so this christmas i brought her a gift n meet her up alone gave it to her personally.. she accepted it and say thanks to me.. that all...
I really want to know why she rejected me and u know i very scare of asking her as i afraid the HISTORY will repeat again.. NOW i am totally lost.. i dunno wat to do... SHLD I give up or shld i continue? what shld i do if continue? wat is the best way? i going MAD!!!
any kind soul pls advice me.. i really need help.. really really...
thank alot
What do I mean by this catergory?
Under game of seduction, we have 18 Victims and 9 types of Seducer. Everyone should belong to either one of these - either you are hunting or you are being hunted. Before you go into details with any of these, you have to recongise the Theory of Personal Space.
Everyone has their own personal space. Different people requires different distance. Personal space distance (PSD) in physical form refers to the distance she could allow for others in reality. E.g. when you enter the MRT train, your automatic thoughts would be to chose a seat with a considerable distance with the next passager (if its pretty empty) and you wouldn't chose a seat directly next to a passenger when the seats opposite you is totally empty. If someone does that: you will feel 'invaded & intruded'. However, it would be different if you see a good friend, he/she will be 'invaded & intruded' at first instinct, but when he/she recongise you as a good friend, he/she lowers her PSD and you are accepted together in her comfort zone.
Its important to realise why things are happening BEFORE you come to a conclusion that you have to abandon the chase. Of course, in every chase, there is a risk - nobody says you will definitely succeed knowing why, but certainly it raise your chance of getting.
To handle your case, I would suggest the Progressive Line Extension (PLE). In simple: you have to recongise the Land Mines where you shouldn't reach and touch yet. In war, there are battle plans. In love, there are plans as well. People say 'Take it slow,' but seriously: HOW SLOW IS SLOW?
This is the crucial part where guys never knew. I suggest go down to the nearest bookstore and zoom in for a book on Body Language. Your objective for (Lets give it a name) Phrase A, is to lower her PSD and to be accepted in her comfort zone. SHE HAS TO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU and NOT just you with her. Reading body language is your only way of realising if you have reach Phrase A. (Difficult for me to explain here ler, anyway, you should be able to learn with time and experience).
Even if she is comfortable with you doesn't mean anything as well. Especially if she is a Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. PLE has to go then. Imagine your objective in Phrase A is reached, hang around there until the next obvious signal is given and the Line Mine is moved further from its original position. Then move again and stop before you hit the mines. Hang around until the next obvious signal is given and the Mines are shifted again before you advance again. You know you have reached the end when:
I) She is comfortable to go on a 1v1 date with you
II) She talks to you totally without stress and tension. She doesn't hold back what she wanna say to you. Can talk about anything at all.
III) She is totally herself when she is with you.
IV) Body language is positive and suggested positive intimancy.
This is the Theory of PLE.
P.S: I don't believe in doing things (solo) romantically to ensure a success in chase. In fact, generally, it doesn't work all the time. In the Marketing Theory of Love - it is but another useful tool. To ensure effectiveness, you have to combine and make use of all forms of tools to your advantage. Once you have achieve PLE's objective, you could post again. I would enlighten you about the next move.
Cheers -
i would think the above points do not mean much since a platonic r/s between a guy and a gal would also display such behaviours..isnt it so?Originally posted by Yunhaier:You know you have reached the end when:
I) She is comfortable to go on a 1v1 date with you
II) She talks to you totally without stress and tension. She doesn't hold back what she wanna say to you. Can talk about anything at all.
III) She is totally herself when she is with you.
IV) Body language is positive and suggested positive intimancy. -
i agreed with what simulacrum had said.... normal ger which i do not like i cant click with them quite well, even go out 1vs 1 with themOriginally posted by simulacrum:i would think the above points do not mean much since a platonic r/s between a guy and a gal would also display such behaviours..isnt it so? -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Thank for giving me a such detail enlightenment.. i believe that is what i shld be doing now if i not going to give up on the ger. Its like flying a kite..know when you shld let go, when you shld pull. when it come to an extent where the string cant hold the kite anymore and it needs to break off then you really have to let it go.
This is a good case for study and contribute good pointers for guys to avoid especially if you sense that the girl you are chasing belongs to this category.
What do I mean by this catergory?
Under game of seduction, we have 18 Victims and 9 types of Seducer. Everyone should belong to either one of these - either you are hunting or you are being hunted. Before you go into details with any of these, you have to recongise the Theory of Personal Space.
Everyone has their own personal space. Different people requires different distance. Personal space distance (PSD) in physical form refers to the distance she could allow for others in reality. E.g. when you enter the MRT train, your automatic thoughts would be to chose a seat with a considerable distance with the next passager (if its pretty empty) and you wouldn't chose a seat directly next to a passenger when the seats opposite you is totally empty. If someone does that: you will feel 'invaded & intruded'. However, it would be different if you see a good friend, he/she will be 'invaded & intruded' at first instinct, but when he/she recongise you as a good friend, he/she lowers her PSD and you are accepted together in her comfort zone.
Its important to realise why things are happening BEFORE you come to a conclusion that you have to abandon the chase. Of course, [b]in every chase, there is a risk - nobody says you will definitely succeed knowing why, but certainly it raise your chance of getting.
To handle your case, I would suggest the Progressive Line Extension (PLE). In simple: you have to recongise the Land Mines where you shouldn't reach and touch yet. In war, there are battle plans. In love, there are plans as well. People say 'Take it slow,' but seriously: HOW SLOW IS SLOW?
This is the crucial part where guys never knew. I suggest go down to the nearest bookstore and zoom in for a book on Body Language. Your objective for (Lets give it a name) Phrase A, is to lower her PSD and to be accepted in her comfort zone. SHE HAS TO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU and NOT just you with her. Reading body language is your only way of realising if you have reach Phrase A. (Difficult for me to explain here ler, anyway, you should be able to learn with time and experience). Even if she is comfortable with you doesn't mean anything as well. Especially if she is a Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn. PLE has to go then. Imagine your objective in Phrase A is reached, hang around there until the next obvious signal is given and the Line Mine is moved further from its original position. Then move again and stop before you hit the mines. Hang around until the next obvious signal is given and the Mines are shifted again before you advance again. You know you have reached the end when:
I) She is comfortable to go on a 1v1 date with you
II) She talks to you totally without stress and tension. She doesn't hold back what she wanna say to you. Can talk about anything at all.
III) She is totally herself when she is with you.
IV) Body language is positive and suggested positive intimancy.
This is the Theory of PLE.
P.S: I don't believe in doing things (solo) romantically to ensure a success in chase. In fact, generally, it doesn't work all the time. In the Marketing Theory of Love - it is but another useful tool. To ensure effectiveness, you have to combine and make use of all forms of tools to your advantage. Once you have achieve PLE's objective, you could post again. I would enlighten you about the next move.
Cheers [/b]
for the meant time i think she really treat me as a friend ba.. my friend ard me ask me to take it slowly too.. maybe 1 day i will have chance but then i wonder when i will have the chance...i got thought of giving up on her but then i didnt. not because it is a waste as i put in alot of effort but is that i am sincerely love her alot no matter what.. -
Originally posted by simulacrum:i would think the above points do not mean much since a platonic r/s between a guy and a gal would also display such behaviours..isnt it so? Progressive Relationship passed through good friendship during its process.
These parts don't say everything - it simply means, you have completed one phrase and another one must begin. I didn't say that's all he had to do. Read again:Even if she is comfortable with you doesn't mean anything as well.
Cheers -
U never ever EVER tell a girl u like her. That is a basic rule. Or else it will fuck everything up
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I will remember what you said in this post.Originally posted by ipowersia:Thank for giving me a such detail enlightenment.. i believe that is what i shld be doing now if i not going to give up on the ger. Its like flying a kite..know when you shld let go, when you shld pull. when it come to an extent where the string cant hold the kite anymore and it needs to break off then you really have to let it go.
for the meant time i think she really treat me as a friend ba.. my friend ard me ask me to take it slowly too.. maybe 1 day i will have chance but then i wonder when i will have the chance...i got thought of giving up on her but then i didnt. not because it is a waste as i put in alot of effort but is that i am sincerely love her alot no matter what..
If one day another guy were to come into the picture and took was seemed to be yours and she is happy to go with him, would you respect that decision? I hold it to the statement you posted.
Don't worry though - seize whatever chance you have now. I am sure you learn something from it as well.
Cheers -
hey dude..so sorry to hear about what happened..well..sh1t happens..sometimes we just gotta accept stuff when reality sets in. it's no point thinking that everything stops here. bro, pick up and move on man..you can't stay here..there's plenty more..girls are such a drag (well not always)..
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Yr english POWER SIA!!!Originally posted by ipowersia:i been chasing this ger for the past 6-7mths.. after knowing her for 2 mths i tell her that i like her and hope that we can start a relationship but then she rejected me.. she din even give a reason why (she just dun wan to say.. i asked her is there a possibility to be together, she say no but we can still be friend rite? of coz i say yes) ... for the next 2wk our conversation is very little.. even she online i chat with her she will just onli reply me 1 or 2 sentence n that the end.. when we go out as a grp (we often went out in a grp, i dun hv chance to go out her alone), we hardly talk to each other, if got grp outing she will ask other ppl to contract me instead of her... i tired to adjust myself and just treat her as friend infront of her (the feeling is soooo BAD when u like someone n u nd to treat her as friend).. As time goes by slowly we start to have abit of conversation but nt that much.. i show care & concern, help her whenever she need etc...
Since her bday is ard the corner at the time so i did a mtv flash to express my feeling toward her.. i put in my 2mth hard work to do that flash... so on her bday i passed it to her together with some presents.. she saw the flash n said well done but then she rejected again.. once again i was very very upset.. i dunno wat to say.. i cried... THE HISTORY REPEATED AGAIN.. (for the next 2-4wks our conversation is very little.. even she online i chat with her she will just onli reply me 1 or 2 sentence n that the end.. when we go out as a grp (we often went out in a grp, i dun hv chance to go out her alone), we hardly talk to each other, if got grp outing she will ask other ppl to contract me instead of her and if we play until midnight nd to share cab home.. she will request send her back first instead of last if i am at the sence or she will took seperate cab frm me)..although she treat me as friend but then in 1 way she like avoiding me..
Things start to turn out better after a few mths.... she start to talk to me..and willing to let me send her home if we nd to share cab. At this point of time i really treat her as a friend even down in my heart i really like her.. I really show her alot of concern & care n understand her.. since i haven give up on her so this christmas i brought her a gift n meet her up alone gave it to her personally.. she accepted it and say thanks to me.. that all...
I really want to know why she rejected me and u know i very scare of asking her as i afraid the HISTORY will repeat again.. NOW i am totally lost.. i dunno wat to do... SHLD I give up or shld i continue? what shld i do if continue? wat is the best way? i going MAD!!!
any kind soul pls advice me.. i really need help.. really really...
thank alot
U wanna noe da ans? Go ask her. We cant ans for for U coz we r NOT her. She may encounter some prob dat allow her to refuse U. Watever it is, take it easy... dun rush. For U may even LOSE her.
If U ask her carefully & slowly WHEN she is ready to ans U oso, perhaps she will start to tell U y all da rejections. Remember, dun rush... da last thing any person wanna "open up to" is being rushed & forced to. -
It is most likely that u have not shown her enuff concern ...
she rejected u 'cos she just treat u as part of the gang who always go out ...
rejected u again as u have not impressed her much ...
even after your effort put in for her bd present.
Try to find out the reason either thru her directly or thru her "close" ger frens ... Of cos they definitely got say about this, sure one ..
If it turns out fruitless, then MOVE ON ...
One statement always stands true
Dun 'cos of one tree, give up all other trees in the forest !!! -
From the what i leanrt in the past u gotta let the girl do some of the chasing so u know where you stand... otherwise you will just be wasting ur time and hurting ur self... PEACE
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thanks....
wish everyone a happy new year! -
Just let go ba... its so clear tt she wont accept u...
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say is easier then do... btw this is a brand new year hope thing will be better...nothing is impossible, just hope mircale will appear 1 dayOriginally posted by KrU:Just let go ba... its so clear tt she wont accept u... -
chEerS~!