Mooooo.
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Erm... well hmm how should I put this...
Being the poor youngest child alone with mom at home most of the time, her troubles sort of become mine too. The relationship between my mom and my dad isn't good, and in a way, I bear most, if not all, of all my mom's troubles.
The family's financial situation became rather poor after my dad's business flipped in 1998. He stopped giving my mom the family allowance, and my mom didn't ask either, and I think that was because my dad would either grumble or something.
My mom is a hawker and her stall hasn't been doing well. She actually told me that nowadays, she doesn't exactly bother to do the accounts properly or regularly, simply because business isn't good.
Hence, she doesn't even know if she's been making profits or losses.
Now, my mom's mom, who is my grandmother, has some money with my mom. Actually my grandmother gives my mom money for safekeeping once in a while.
Recently, I observed that my mom has been using that money from my grandmother, on the pretext of "I'll use it to pay off the money for the goods first."
And a few days ago, she asked me if there were any websites where we could observe the stock market ourselves because she was hoping to invest in stocks to gain some money for supplement of income.
She had actually consulted some of my aunts and uncles before, but all of them gave similar replies, saying that the stock market isn't anything she should be involved in, and that there are better ways of earning more money.
Now what I think is this:
1) She should NOT be using my grandmother's money to pay off the costs of the goods. It's like running away from the problem, perhaps thinking that the situation will turn for the better before the money's used up.
2) Instead of dabbling in stocks, again, a resolution must be found for the problem, and I had asked her to look around for a job before. She always claims that she has been looking for a job, and whenever I try to pop the issue, she'd snap back at me that it's not easy for people her age to find jobs nowadays. While this might hold some truth, I do not believe that she has been making an effort to look for a job, at least not enough, because I don't see my mom going anywhere other than to her stall and back home, where besides doing housework, she watches TV all day long and complains she's tired when she hasn't done much. Also, I'd tried asking her to apply for the school canteen stalls, but she always says that she wouldn't want to have a stall if the location is too far. In my opinion, the cost of travelling is not such a big problem if she DOES manage to get a stall in a school, given that there is a large number of potential customers there.
I'm totally at a loss now. I don't what to do, because whatever suggestions I try to give my mom, she gives me some stupid excuse and starts to sound very irritated. I understand that her mood isn't good either, given that her business isn't doing well and the family's financial situation hasn't got any better.
I always give my mom a listening ear... But she just doesn't want to listen to what suggestions I have for her. Neither is she willing to heed my/others advice.
Help.
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Continue to sound her. If not, let her burn her hands.Originally posted by MooKu:Erm... well hmm how should I put this...
Being the poor youngest child alone with mom at home most of the time, her troubles sort of become mine too. The relationship between my mom and my dad isn't good, and in a way, I bear most, if not all, of all my mom's troubles.
The family's financial situation became rather poor after my dad's business flipped in 1998. He stopped giving my mom the family allowance, and my mom didn't ask either, and I think that was because my dad would either grumble or something.
My mom is a hawker and her stall hasn't been doing well. She actually told me that nowadays, she doesn't exactly bother to do the accounts properly or regularly, simply because business isn't good.
Hence, she doesn't even know if she's been making profits or losses.
Now, my mom's mom, who is my grandmother, has some money with my mom. Actually my grandmother gives my mom money for safekeeping once in a while.
Recently, I observed that my mom has been using that money from my grandmother, on the pretext of "I'll use it to pay off the money for the goods first."
And a few days ago, she asked me if there were any websites where we could observe the stock market ourselves because she was hoping to invest in stocks to gain some money for supplement of income.
She had actually consulted some of my aunts and uncles before, but all of them gave similar replies, saying that the stock market isn't anything she should be involved in, and that there are better ways of earning more money.
Now what I think is this:
1) She should NOT be using my grandmother's money to pay off the costs of the goods. It's like running away from the problem, perhaps thinking that the situation will turn for the better before the money's used up.
2) Instead of dabbling in stocks, again, a resolution must be found for the problem, and I had asked her to look around for a job before. She always claims that she has been looking for a job, and whenever I try to pop the issue, she'd snap back at me that it's not easy for people her age to find jobs nowadays. While this might hold some truth, I do not believe that she has been making an effort to look for a job, at least not enough, because I don't see my mom going anywhere other than to her stall and back home, where besides doing housework, she watches TV all day long and complains she's tired when she hasn't done much. Also, I'd tried asking her to apply for the school canteen stalls, but she always says that she wouldn't want to have a stall if the location is too far. In my opinion, the cost of travelling is not such a big problem if she DOES manage to get a stall in a school, given that there is a large number of potential customers there.
I'm totally at a loss now. I don't what to do, because whatever suggestions I try to give my mom, she gives me some stupid excuse and starts to sound very irritated. I understand that her mood isn't good either, given that her business isn't doing well and the family's financial situation hasn't got any better.
I always give my mom a listening ear... But she just doesn't want to listen to what suggestions I have for her. Neither is she willing to heed my/others advice.
Help.
Until then... keep telling her. Muz be persistant or else smth bad will happen... best is ask some1 who, she listens to help u too. -
I cannot let her lose the money in stocks. We can't afford to lose. I've been telling her to look for another job for more than a year already! Her business has been doing very badly since then.Originally posted by Bontakun:Continue to sound her. If not, let her burn her hands.
Until then... keep telling her. Muz be persistant or else smth bad will happen... best is ask some1 who, she listens to help u too. -
There r all kinds of ppl in da world... from wat u describe, yr mum is kinda stubborn. Suggest u find some1 to help u too. best show her living example of some1 who did wat she attempt to do & fail. once she see dat, she may tink thrice.Originally posted by MooKu:I cannot let her lose the money in stocks. We can't afford to lose. I've been telling her to look for another job for more than a year already! Her business has been doing very badly since then. -
speaking out of my own experience, u need a third party to convince her.
this 3rd party must be someone she likes a lot or respect a lot, e.g. ur gf, the pastor fom church (if u r a christian), the monk from a temple (if she's a buddhist and goes to temple often), etc...
if there's such a person, approach him or her for help... -
I agree she is stubborn... but I believe she has seen or read about such examples already... People who commit suicide after losing it all in the stock market.. It's all over the place, even in drama serials... She keeps saying that she wants to buy them so that she can supplement the family income.. I understand her concerns but this just isn't the right method. There are so many other better and safer alternatives.Originally posted by Bontakun:There r all kinds of ppl in da world... from wat u describe, yr mum is kinda stubborn. Suggest u find some1 to help u too. best show her living example of some1 who did wat she attempt to do & fail. once she see dat, she may tink thrice. -
I can't think of anyone.Originally posted by weeeeeee.....:speaking out of my own experience, u need a third party to convince her.
this 3rd party must be someone she likes a lot or respect a lot, e.g. ur gf, the pastor fom church (if u r a christian), the monk from a temple (if she's a buddhist and goes to temple often), etc...
if there's such a person, approach him or her for help...
My mom's friends.. nope. My family... nope. Ah maybe my brother. Makes sense. She always favors my brother alot. Hmmm. I'll wait till my bro comes home. -
Best is yr brother noes da situation & can control temper wor...Originally posted by MooKu:I can't think of anyone.
My mom's friends.. nope. My family... nope. Ah maybe my brother. Makes sense. She always favors my brother alot. Hmmm. I'll wait till my bro comes home.
No pt blowing things up like a stink bomb.
>___< -
straight to the point... this is what a stockbroker once told me:
we get the news first and fastest because this is our line of work... our bread and butter... we also have the whole stockbroking firm behind us in terms of resources and newsgathering...
whatever can be profitable, we have made it already...
we will know and have the opportunity before the general public has to buy into bargains and take profit.. or to run out when the going is bad...
the general public gets 2nd hand news.. and will invariably be the ones who will lose out and we will invariably profit from them because we have the information and analysis first... they general public is merely guessing...
this is why it is never advisable to go into stocks and shares unless you are sufficiently educated in it and know the stocks you are getting.. if not, almost always, you will lose...
(words not verbatim but this is the long and short of it)Originally posted by MooKu:I agree she is stubborn... but I believe she has seen or read about such examples already... People who commit suicide after losing it all in the stock market.. It's all over the place, even in drama serials... She keeps saying that she wants to buy them so that she can supplement the family income.. I understand her concerns but this just isn't the right method. There are so many other better and safer alternatives. -
great! discuss wif ur brother, work out the best approach. i wish u the best.Originally posted by MooKu:I can't think of anyone.
My mom's friends.. nope. My family... nope. Ah maybe my brother. Makes sense. She always favors my brother alot. Hmmm. I'll wait till my bro comes home. -
hmmm but then again... maybe your mum wants to invest and not dabble in the shares market...
there's a diff you know.
but watever the case, all the best in persuading your mum out of it.
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She wants to buy stocks, and keeps having the view in mind that she will definitely earn from it...Originally posted by s|nNeD:hmmm but then again... maybe your mum wants to invest and not dabble in the shares market...
there's a diff you know.
but watever the case, all the best in persuading your mum out of it.
I'll talk to my brother later..
Thanks folks -
i think Bear hit the jackpot. never ever go into the stock market thinking you can make a quick buck. more often than not, you'll end up losing many many bucks.
it's no different from gambling if you go in blindly -
in exactly the same sitation except that some roles are reversed. my dad is a stockbroker. there is something alot of ppl dont know is that many stockbrokers have committed suicide when the financial crisis started.
yes they do get first hand data, but whether u can use it to make millions or not depends up to you. here i am not arguing aganist bear or anyone. but my dad didnt make money from it. period.
it isnt easy to even get back yr money at these times, the firm my dad is working in has lost many staff due to bad times and massive losses. they resigned although some commited suicide. there are only a few ( Read: a FEW) who makes killings, even in the past.
now my dad's office is so quiet i can call him up almost anything of the day and hear in the background so little noise and they often discuss where to go for lunch well before lunch time.
now we want my dad to get out of the business before it gets too bad. be anything else.
so my mum has to pay for anything that has a price tag in the hse. from bills to allowances. stretching thin her. she has to work OT to get extra cash. we arent in a desperate situation yet.
first hand account -
Ya, rally your siblings to face this issue
I have friends working in the food industry. Let me check if they need help. -
I really canÂ’t help much, but your mum is really blessed to have a filial son like you.
As for job, have you ask her to try your local CDC? I think they do job-matching right? -
sounds like yr mum is in the initial stages of depression. its hard being a parent n bearing the burden of resopsibility when there's no 1 to turn to to solve your problems.
instead if jus advising her on wat to do. a listening ear i guess wld b greatly appreciated, tok to her n try to find out wats going on in her mind. perhaps u cld go the extra mile like going with her to find a new stall location or a new job n stuf. -
Originally posted by MooKu:Erm... well hmm how should I put this...
Being the poor youngest child alone with mom at home most of the time, her troubles sort of become mine too. The relationship between my mom and my dad isn't good, and in a way, I bear most, if not all, of all my mom's troubles.
The family's financial situation became rather poor after my dad's business flipped in 1998. He stopped giving my mom the family allowance, and my mom didn't ask either, and I think that was because my dad would either grumble or something.
My mom is a hawker and her stall hasn't been doing well. She actually told me that nowadays, she doesn't exactly bother to do the accounts properly or regularly, simply because business isn't good.
Hence, she doesn't even know if she's been making profits or losses.
Now, my mom's mom, who is my grandmother, has some money with my mom. Actually my grandmother gives my mom money for safekeeping once in a while.
Recently, I observed that my mom has been using that money from my grandmother, on the pretext of "I'll use it to pay off the money for the goods first."
And a few days ago, she asked me if there were any websites where we could observe the stock market ourselves because she was hoping to invest in stocks to gain some money for supplement of income.
She had actually consulted some of my aunts and uncles before, but all of them gave similar replies, saying that the stock market isn't anything she should be involved in, and that there are better ways of earning more money.
Now what I think is this:
1) She should NOT be using my grandmother's money to pay off the costs of the goods. It's like running away from the problem, perhaps thinking that the situation will turn for the better before the money's used up.
2) Instead of dabbling in stocks, again, a resolution must be found for the problem, and I had asked her to look around for a job before. She always claims that she has been looking for a job, and whenever I try to pop the issue, she'd snap back at me that it's not easy for people her age to find jobs nowadays. While this might hold some truth, I do not believe that she has been making an effort to look for a job, at least not enough, because I don't see my mom going anywhere other than to her stall and back home, where besides doing housework, she watches TV all day long and complains she's tired when she hasn't done much. Also, I'd tried asking her to apply for the school canteen stalls, but she always says that she wouldn't want to have a stall if the location is too far. In my opinion, the cost of travelling is not such a big problem if she DOES manage to get a stall in a school, given that there is a large number of potential customers there.
I'm totally at a loss now. I don't what to do, because whatever suggestions I try to give my mom, she gives me some stupid excuse and starts to sound very irritated. I understand that her mood isn't good either, given that her business isn't doing well and the family's financial situation hasn't got any better.
I always give my mom a listening ear... But she just doesn't want to listen to what suggestions I have for her. Neither is she willing to heed my/others advice.
Help.
how about everyone in the family chip in a bit? like do part time tuition, domestic helpers, waiter, sales, marketing (not mlm) etc etc. i last time holidays also temp like siao. that's my allowance for the school term. my parents don't sponsor me a single cent. but if you are still in school, studies are your top priority. no compromise. by the way, i have a feeling your mom loves you the most among her children, but doesn't want to discuss such issues with you because she doesn't want you to worry. -
Personally, this is what I think.Originally posted by MooKu:She wants to buy stocks, and keeps having the view in mind that she will definitely earn from it...
I'll talk to my brother later..
Thanks folks
You're making much of the right choices (or more practical choices) for your mum as you're out of situation. Good work. You know that you've got to do something about them in order for them to work. You tried to convince your mum...
Your mum's getting a little desperate. Perhaps alot of not getting used to. As time goes... Your dad's fallen business, her fallen business... It's kinda like DOWNSLOPE all the way... And believe me, no matter how CALM a person can appears to be... It usually can be pretty SCARY, even for someone who's relatively experienced of such in life....
Your 1st CONTRADICTION point comes from your wanting to put REALITY SENSES into your mum and her STRUGGLE. My advice would be you'll really need to CALM her down 1st. COOL HEADED mind is IMPORTANT amid CRISIS. Listening to her is a good way for her to 'relief' herself (perhaps only temporarily..), but probably not enough.
The FACT that she's your MUM doesn't necessarily make you inferior to her in all senses. You SHOULD CONVINCE her of that. The matter is your CAPABILITY to do so. My personal belief for you, you have a 'cut' for that. You've got to know HOW to USE it. You're her DAUGHTER, one of her CLOSEST. If you can't show that CARE and CONCERN to bring your family UPRIGHT... Seriously, it won't be easy getting a 2nd person in place for that JOB. What's your mum's horoscope and yours? How's your dad's current situation?
Like MANY have ADVISED. STOCK MARKET is a 'NO NO' for now. Time is BAD now. Experienced players are risking their penny and AMATEURS like your MUM are just finding a more convenient way of selling paper at NOTHING. Don't let your mum be FOOLED by what she sees and hears around her. CONVINCE her. How it has ALWAYS been that people LOST money in STOCKS during BAD TIMES... And NO... She's not gonna perform a MIRACLE. It's not even CLOSE to GAMBLING... She don't even stand a 50-50 chance....
Is that stall your mum's holding HERS? If it is she can consider to RENT it out instead? Or if her business's really that bad, consider a CHANGE? Let people in and try something NEW? Like a franchise thing?
Be DILIGENT in her ACCOUNTS and AIM for a TARGET? HELP her if you can? Or bring in more 'advisors' for her in her business... You'll be surprised what some brainstormings can do sometimes?
The IMPORTANT thing now is to KEEP her and your family's morale HIGH and emotions CALM....