How to survive long distance r/ships
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My gf and I have been apart for close to 6 months. I'm working overseas and we have a very close r/ship. We hope this r/ship will lead to something more intimate, ie. marriage, in 5 years' time.
We get to see each other twice a year when we take our annual leave and we chat over the phone every night for at least an hour each time.
But we're both worried that our r/ship wouldn't last long enough to walk down the aisle together... although we have confidence and trust in each other.
Hope to make this wonderful r/ship last? -
Before I begin, you may like to type Long distance relationship in the box 'Search Forums' and probably you could find several topics related to this situation.Originally posted by ernestantan:My gf and I have been apart for close to 6 months. I'm working overseas and we have a very close r/ship. We hope this r/ship will lead to something more intimate, ie. marriage, in 5 years' time.
We get to see each other twice a year when we take our annual leave and we chat over the phone every night for at least an hour each time.
But we're both worried that our r/ship wouldn't last long enough to walk down the aisle together... although we have confidence and trust in each other.
Hope to make this wonderful r/ship last?
Long Distance Relationship (LDR) - are relationship on physical distance, yet trying to keep emotional distance close and knitted as possible. CloUdiSm Theory stated that without sufficient physical upkeep, it can only derive two effects.
I) Degeneration - Relation Life Cycle will slip into declining mode. This is especially true if the foundation of the relationship isn't very stable in the first place. Next depends on personality of partners and how they view their own relationship and the core definition of love. (NS for guys could also bring about this possible effect).
II) Absence-makes-the-heart-grows-founder - Generally, LDR should bring about this effect because both party wants to make things work out. They attempt to dump in efforts to remain emotionally close. But this will bring about one main issue: Allow me to suggest that if you both could keep this on going for two years, its really a feat. There are tons of other potential walking into and out of yours and hers lives. This psychological pull will easily make either one of you give up LDR.
Why? Would you rather pursue a relationship that has clearer future, stable and with more security? Or a relationship that is very risky, very virtual and requires at least two-to-three times more effort to maintain and upkeep?
A warning here: Do not attempt to picture in marriage when you are leading an LDR. She is not here physically around to enable you to understand and realise that IF she is really suitable for you. You can effort to take risk in BGR - but do not do that in marriage sense. You just never know if she has a fling/bf/ONS/etc there as well. (I know you will defend, but you can't rule out possibilities and I am here to analysis for you)
How to last? It's real difficult to say because 92.3% depends on the discipline and personality of the other party. But let me tell you, even the most disciplined guy/girl has their needs, temptation and desire. Trying to make things work is only part of the solution - the best suggestion would be to attempt to minimize physical distance gap when the iron is still hot. The key is to go to where she is (or she to you) before either one of you loses that patience/discipline.
P.S: Don't stall too long in LDR mode - because if it drags too long and no positive result occurs, that would be a great time lost for both you and her. LDR is mentally and emotionally exhausting because it's a blind faith. We hold on because we believe.
Cheers -
Mine failedOriginally posted by ernestantan:My gf and I have been apart for close to 6 months. I'm working overseas and we have a very close r/ship. We hope this r/ship will lead to something more intimate, ie. marriage, in 5 years' time.
We get to see each other twice a year when we take our annual leave and we chat over the phone every night for at least an hour each time.
But we're both worried that our r/ship wouldn't last long enough to walk down the aisle together... although we have confidence and trust in each other.
Hope to make this wonderful r/ship last?
Putting aside factors that both of you cannot control [e.g. personality], trust, believe, commitment and lots of sharing + communications.........
Why don't you and her apply broadband and attach web cam so both of you can talk and even see each other? I suggested this to my friend and hers worked out well
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communication lor, use web cam, tok in fone, keep her informed of ur well being..
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Originally posted by Yunhaier:
GOOD ONE....
Before I begin, you may like to type Long distance relationship in the box 'Search Forums' and probably you could find several topics related to this situation.
Long Distance Relationship (LDR) - are relationship on physical distance, yet trying to keep emotional distance close and knitted as possible. CloUdiSm Theory stated that without sufficient physical upkeep, it can only derive two effects.
I) Degeneration - Relation Life Cycle will slip into declining mode. This is especially true if the foundation of the relationship isn't very stable in the first place. Next depends on personality of partners and how they view their own relationship and the core definition of love. (NS for guys could also bring about this possible effect).
II) Absence-makes-the-heart-grows-founder - Generally, LDR should bring about this effect because both party wants to make things work out. They attempt to dump in efforts to remain emotionally close. But this will bring about one main issue: Allow me to suggest that if you both could keep this on going for two years, its really a feat. There are tons of other potential walking into and out of yours and hers lives. This psychological pull will easily make either one of you give up LDR.
Why? Would you rather pursue a relationship that has clearer future, stable and with more security? Or a relationship that is very risky, very virtual and requires at least two-to-three times more effort to maintain and upkeep?
A warning here: Do not attempt to picture in marriage when you are leading an LDR. She is not here physically around to enable you to understand and realise that IF she is really suitable for you. You can effort to take risk in BGR - but do not do that in marriage sense. You just never know if she has a fling/bf/ONS/etc there as well. (I know you will defend, but you can't rule out possibilities and I am here to analysis for you) How to last? It's real difficult to say because 92.3% depends on the discipline and personality of the other party. But let me tell you, even the most disciplined guy/girl has their needs, temptation and desire. Trying to make things work is only part of the solution - the best suggestion would be to attempt to minimize physical distance gap when the iron is still hot. The key is to go to where she is (or she to you) before either one of you loses that patience/discipline.
P.S: Don't stall too long in LDR mode - because if it drags too long and no positive result occurs, that would be a great time lost for both you and her. LDR is mentally and emotionally exhausting because it's a blind faith. [b]We hold on because we believe.
Cheers [/b]
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CAUTION:
Let me just say LDR is full of sorrows... when you're apart you miss the person, then when you're together you await the day you part again... a vicious cycle...
Let me give you this formula:
As long as the days spent together does not exceed the days spent away from each other by a ratio of more than 1:1, chances are still good. When ratio becomes 1:5, then chances are like 1 in a million.
Give you an example:
Before having the LDR, what is the time you were together? say 1 yr
Time to be apart: 3yrs - holidays(you see each other) = 2.5yrs
Thus, the ratio will be 1:2.5.
A ratio more than 1:2 is tough cause its 1 year of solid foundation but 2 yrs of ghost(anything can happen) foundation.
HOW TO SURVIVE LDR?
Lots of communication!!!
First, get boardband or DSL or CABLE and a headset...
Second, get game voice .
This is a voice program, very easy to use, its even connected to MSN program, so just click on the nick and you can talk for hours for free! Anywhere in the world! The most reliable as well!!!
Third, Perseverance and Trust... and most importantly LOVE!
Be sure to set 'dates', like lets meet tonight to talk... try to set aside a weekend a night to talk... during the weekdays maybe twice... and basically this is what you call, dating... without being physical...
Wish you all the best!!!
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Okay, my last post was for general public....
This post will be your you ernesttantan.... helping you out more since we share the same last name! =P
Well, its totally up to you... basically you need to give assurance to your gal that you will be able to provide for her. Tell her that you really see the two of you walking down the aisle... let me say this, but as a guy you should'nt lose confidence or show that you have no confidence...
Example, would you tell your men in war that we're going to die and that all of us might die? Or would you say, lets win this war!
Since you're working... maybe you can afford overseas calls on IDD... if you can, then try to look for cheaper plans as well.... I am sure your phone bill is quite scary!
Girls like surprise visits, well who does'nt... even if its just a day, so be it, for a special day... its the thought that counts...
5 years is bit hard to imagine and might be scary for the both of you being so young... Try to take it phrases... Dun think of the final picture yet... think of the both of you are happy and you should be happy to last 6 months and how grateful you are... you're the happiest person in the world to have her... such n such...
You have to give me more info in order for me to help you.... what I said is to sweet talk your girl and communicating more...